Dusty’s Blog: In defense of Dwight Howard

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So I listened to the most recent Stunt Granny Sports Audio, as you all should. If you haven’t yet, scroll down a few posts and do it now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Okay, good. Now, I have liked Eric2 since day one, and not just because he sounds exactly like Mike Ryan. I have always seen him to be smart and his arguments steeped in reasoning and logic.

But his rant on Dwight Howard in this most recent audio sent me through the roof and I feel like it demands a rebuttal. Eric2 must have recorded this audio from Mars or something, because he was out of this world with his opinions here. So off on my soapbox I go.

So often, people fall into the trap of labeling a player a “loser” just because they haven’t won a championship. It takes no foresight to say a player is a loser. He is a loser all the way up until he wins a championship, and then all of a sudden he’s a winner. Well, of course, common sense would indicate that there is a lot more nuance to it than that.

LeBron James is the perfect example. People were banging the drum for years that he was a loser, that he would never be able to carry a team to a championship, he was soft, he had no low post game, etc etc. One by one he checked off all the boxes and has proven what I, and many other people who don’t have their heads buried in the sand, have known for a long time: he’s the best player to ever play the game. Even better than that Jordan guy, absolutely.

The only reason why Derrick Rose won that MVP award a couple seasons back is because he was the second best guy in the league. The voters didn’t want to acknowledge LeBron existed, so Rose was left holding the bag, no matter how flimsy a case he may have had. No matter how dominant LeBron was over him in their match-ups. LeBron was a loser, he had no post up game, he couldn’t win a championship on his own, and they just plain didn’t like him.

Of course, since then, he has carried the Heat to two straight championships, with Bosh and Wade taking a back seat to his leadership, he’s developed a low post game to make himself even more dominant as an inside-outside threat, and the critics have all shut their big fat yaps, because there’s really nothing negative to bring up about the guy right now other than his receding hairline.

And so the No Vision Brigade turns its brain dead attention to Dwight Howard. Reality is that he might be the second best player in the league right now, behind only LeBron. That absolutely does not matter to the No Cluers, he’s a loser to them, and will continue to be one all the way up until he wins a championship.

Which he absolutely will do in Houston, provided a couple things happen. For one, the Heat’s Big Three (and it is a big Three, don’t try to pretend to me that Bosh isn’t a top 15 player in the NBA) will have to break up after this next season. (A season in which they will win their third straight NBA championship, and that big loser LeBron will win another MVP award.) There is no way Mickey Arison is going to want to eat that much money again in luxury tax hits. At least one of them is going to be leaving. (And it’s a column for another time, but there is no way LeBron is going back to Cleveland. Or anywhere other than Miami. It will be Bosh or Wade who leave.)  The Heat doing a mini breakup will level the playing field for the other top contenders, and open the door to a team such as the Rockets possibly winning the championship two years from now.

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #9

Um, yes please.

Um, yes please.

OK look you know we are going to talk about Sergio Garcia and his suggestions for Tiger Woods. What’s the big deal? It is golf isn’t it racist anyway? How could things get ay worse right? Well you let the CEO of the European Tour open his stupid mouth right? This ay be the only golf break that ever occurs on Stunt Granny in any capacity so it may as well be on the latest edition of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. Yes, Eric2 and Jeremy are back and among mocking golf and its competitors they also cover some serious topics like sexual assault and how women give up on looking good once they are married. Yup that’s right . Pete Rose gets married and his wife immediately decides to change her appearance for the worse. How is that fair for old Charlie Hustle? Hasn’t he given and then suffered enough already? Shouldn’t he be treated like a king? How stupid is Jose Canseco? Is it stupidity or a greater problem of being aloof and arrogant? What person wouldn’t be terrified and hiding in the face of sexual assault allegations? Why would any rational person go against his attorneys orders and blather on o the media? What kind of dummy taunts the accuser on Twitter? What exactly is Ozzie Canseco up to right now anyway? Is this a Lifetime movie in the works? They also break down how the media victimize itself in the face of athletes hiding things and hurting them. It really is quite funny how this always happens. There is some NHL playoff talk that somehow melds in to NBA playoff talk and then back to NHL talk and a nice dose of Henry The Hockey Hound being fed up taking matters in to his own hands when it comes to bacon. Oh yeah and Miguel Cabrera. So get to downloading the show and enjoy the randomness. It is funny, at least it should be. Really not sure since no one has listened to it again. In the moment it came across as funny. We could be wrong so download it already. OK?

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 6/11/11

1. Ultimate Warrior- Let’s sum up this week’s Warrior antics by simply saying he called out Hulk Hogan, essentially slandered the Hulkster, and is abusing his social media privileges by wildly saying things about another person that could get him in serious hot water. It’s a good thing Warrior doesn’t own shit except tassles and empty, decorative file cabinets, or Hogan’s potential lawsuit could cost Warrior his ass. (Maybe Destrucity will allow him to regenerate and grow a new ass.) – Eric

2. Hulk Hogan – On the other hand, Hulk Hogan has responded to Warrior’s attacks and accusations like a Real American: He’s threatening to sue. But that’s like putting a Band-Aid on throat cancer; you’re never going to keep someone as mind-boggly as Warrior quiet, so revert to your NWO days and run him over with a Hummer, or ignore him and, like the petulant 5-year-old he is, he’ll go away. – Eric

3. Matt Hardy – Apparently he is allergic to good decisions as well as red meat. Stupido posted a video of his inebriated brother using a taser gun on his girlfriend. Normally who cares but with Jeff up on drug trafficking charges maybe he shouldn’t be doing those things for public consumption. – Jeremy

4. Mick Foley – Mick and TNA have parted ways opening up the way for Mick to get back to WWE and stop slumming it. I’ll let Eric make the jokes but Mick needs to go back and replace Booker T. Wow has that idea not worked out at all. – Jeremy

5. Audio Sweetener – Someone, anyone, please teach TNA production how to use this thing. It sucks in the first place but when you try using it on 145 people it is just grating. If you amp up the cheering make sure you frame it so the tubs in the front row aren’t clearly sitting on their hands. This shit is easy. – Jeremy

6. Booker T – I think he is really good on Smackdown, so Jeremy can suck it on this. Look, when I’m watching baseball or basketball, I don’t want empty calorie cliches anywhere near my commentary. I want former players to tell me about what they would do in certain situations, what they did during certain situations, anecdotes from their playing days, why so and so always strikes out such and such, etc. But pro wrestling is different. Pro wrestling color was built on a foundation of empty cliches and meaningless yelling outbursts. Booker is funny and entertaining. I don’t look for anything else from him. The other announcers need to paint the picture. Booker is just there to add the accompanying Maddenesque “BOOM! BANG! POW!” stuff. – Dusty

7. Mick Foley – While I’m beating up Jeremy, I’ll continue with Foley here. Do you remember how absolutely terrible he was on commentary last time they tried that in WWE? Especially that ECW pay-per-view, which he almost single handedly ruined? Listen, I don’t want this guy anywhere near my television set. He has a gigantic ego, a small penis and no remaining skill whatsoever. I have his “performance” at that one Royal Rumble permanently etched into my mind, where rolling around on the mat like a bloated beached whale is what substituted for effort. So I definitely don’t want “one last match” from him. Nevermind the hypocrisy of him climbing back in the ring anyway after making such a big deal of his first retirement 100 years ago. He needs to go the fuck away. – Dusty

8. 1.0 – That was apparently the rating of this past week’s TNA Impact show, which I should note was the go-home show for the upcoming Slammiversary PPV. Even Stevie Wonder can use his voice to tell you that’s not a good rating. It’s really only a matter of time at this point. – Dusty

9. ODB – Speaking of Impact, you could apparently see ODB’s shaved vag stubble on that show on at least two separate occasions. Impact is the stuff nightmares are made of. – Dusty

10. Jinder Mahal – What do they see in this guy? What am I missing here? – Dusty

11. NBA Championship – The Heat are going to win in 7, mothertruckers. All hail King James! – Dusty

Stunt Granny Big 11- Week Ending 2/12/11

1. Vince McMahon – So you are off television for nearly a year. You were mentioned as being in a coma. You wake up in a toss away bit for your wife’s election campaign. So the next logical step is to return to WWE programming. Of course you need to hype it. Somehow Vince returned with a whimper by returning and announcing he will have a big announcement next week about a guest host. Underwhelming to say the least. – Jeremy

2. CM Punk – Never has a bloody nose looked so good on television. Randy Orton breaking CM Punks nose was the best part of their blossoming program so far. Seeing blood on WWE programming is such a rare thing now that something so small can really help an angle. Even if it was accidental it definitely made the angle more personal. – Jeremy

3. Kurt Angle’s kids – You see Impact? What an idiotic angle they are playing with between The Jarrett’s and Kurt Angle. If you saw Impact then you saw the heels act perfect instead of acting like overbearing and mean parents. Then the actual father of some of the kids never gets a chance to retaliate or counter. Angle himself was notably upset taking to Twitter to rip on how it is processing so far. – Jeremy

4. Vince McMahon – The poor guy (and I definitely don’t mean monetarily poor) had to swallow his pride and tell investors that not only did WWE make less money in the fourth quarter of 2010 than the fourth quarter of 2009, but one of the few things they did right this year was fiscal “discipline.” A company that has to admit being smart with its money, has only really ever admitted that one time for a three-month block of its existence, and STILL has “Legendary” and “Knucklehead” on its books is one that would send Jim Cramer of “Mad Money” to a sealed garage with a car key and a rope. – Eric

5. WWE vs. TNASo the Green Bay Packers ended up winning the Super Bowl and it was a natural fit to have Aaron Rodgers, the MVP, receive title belts after the victory since showing off an imaginary title belt is his end zone celebration. Take a good look TNA, they were all WWE titles not your worthless pieces of trash. – Kevin

6. Immortal – After watching Impact for some reason it has come to mind that this may possibly be the worst assembled collection of wrestlers of any stable in the history of wrestling. The Dungeon of Doom at least had a concept behind them. What does Immortal have? Let’s go over this sarcastically: Matt “please look at me play a wrestler” Hardy; Loopy Hardy; Gunner and Murphy (Gay porn names and looks. How I know is my secret); Rob “man with the exploding arms” Terry; Jeff “Yup I am still around” Jarrett; Eric “Farmer Jack” Bischoff and now “Hey didn’t you used to be” Hernandez. Wow. Strikes terror in the very soul. – Jeremy

7. WrestlemaniaI want to thank all three of the cities I had an opportunity to sit down with and hear what they had to say. This morning I woke up and had a great conversation with Vince. Once I had that conversation with him, I think I was set. Next spring, Wrestlemania is bringing it’s talents to South Beach and Sun Life Stadium. –  LeBron James

8. Curt Hennig – This week marked the eighth anniversary of Hennig’s untimely death, which was acknowledged by Jim Ross on his barbecue blog and by Scott Hall on his YouTube video blog, Last Call with Scott Hall. Mr. Perfect was one of my all-time favorite wrestlers and gimmicks, and to have met him would have been an honor. I did meet his widow, Leonice, and she is a sweetheart. I also tried to steal Amy Hennig’s WLW Women’s Championship away from her, but she spit her gum in my eye and neck-snapped me to the floor. Oops! – Eric

9. Kevin Nash & Blackmail – So here’s the story as I understand it. Nash signed a contract with TNA because he was basically planning on milking money out of them until either they went out of business or he died. But then WWE came a callin’ with a contract, so he asked Dixie for a release. When she said no, he threatened to reveal some secrets he knows about TNA so she immediately released him and next thing you know he’s a surprise entrant at the Royal Rumble. I see nothing in this story that hurts my “Kevin Nash is one of the smartest men in wrestling history” theory. Meanwhile, the secret *has* to be that Dixie and Russo are fucking, right? Because they totally are and I’m not even kidding. – Dusty

10. Booker T – I waited until I could see Smackdown to post this one because my feelings were confirmed and Booker was a million times better as an announcer this week than last week. I suspect he will continue to grow into this spot and make Smackdown a must see destination for wrestling fans. Meanwhile, Matt Striker on Raw means avoid avoid avoid at all costs. – Dusty

11. Vince McMahon – I got nothing, I just wanted to be the third person to have an entry this week entitled “Vince McMahon.” Uh, go check out didthecavswinlastnight.com. It’s the new best website ever. – Dusty

The Miz is Awesome

I normally don’t like to pimp interviews that aren’t ours but I’ve got to make an exception for this interview of the Miz by ESPN’s Sports Guy, Bill Simmons. I’ve interviewed Aaron Maguire twice and Jeremy & Eric have roped some ROH wrestlers, including Colt Cabana, into interviews for the Pro Wrestling Torch and here at Stunt Granny. We turn into a bunch of stammering assholes. I can’t imagine how bad we’d butcher an interview with the Miz. Simmons doesn’t kill this interview. You may have to put up with more reality TV talk than you’d like, but it’s worth your time.  – Kevin

The Miz speaks on Real World, WWE locker room, LeBron James

the miz

One of these guys is awesome.

According to Prowrestling.net (and Jeremy, who sent me the direct link to the interview while I was reading the Dot Net post), the Miz was interviewed by some freelancer who will probably never be paid by the Examiner about his reality TV background, his early WWE days, his current run and his thoughts on LeBron James (whose name ideally will get us more hits). Highlights (not including the “reporter” spelling “altar ego” wrong):

When you got the call from the WWE, you started as a host doing interviews. Was that a little disheartening?

I am a person who really loves a challenge. When they told me I was going to be a host, I said, okay, I am going to be the best host in the WWE. I did very well the first few times out but when I hosted the Diva Search, I forgot lines, phone numbers, you know, the important stuff. I allowed myself to fail because that’s when I learned the most.

Coming over from reality television, how were you received in the WWE locker room?

Everyone hated me. It felt like I had to walk on eggshells and everyone was waiting for me to do something wrong. It was a different locker room back then and it wasn’t very fun for me, but I wanted to stick with it.

Now you have some gold around your waist. Have you arrived?

Even right now, I think I am progressing. I honestly feel like the Rock going from the WWE to the movies. He had to make an incredible transition where he’s no longer known as The Rock, but Rock the movie star. Granted, I love the reality stuff I’ve done and had a blast doing it, but I don’t want to be known as that guy, I want to be known as a WWE superstar. I am not at the level I want to be at. I don’t think I have arrived yet. When I arrive, that’s when I am on every WWE poster and every time you turn it on Raw, you just want to see what The Miz is going to do. Winning the U.S. title puts you into a category with the likes of Bret Hart, John Cena, Curt Henning, Eddie Guerrero, Lex Luger, Ricky Steamboat, Dusty Rhodes and Stone Cold Steve Austin. For me to hold that title in the ring and get to say “I’m The Miz and I’m awesome’ in front of millions, it gives you goose bumps.

Oh, and he’s not happy about LeBron James’ decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat. Boy, that LeBron James sure is shifty. Gas mask mickie james naked italian flag alyssa milano -LeBron

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