Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE #Wrestlemania

my busy day

Alrighty, I’m actually starting on time after a busy day of making some great food. I got an assist from my woman who made dessert and from my neighbor who smoked some ribs and chicken. I hope everyone enjoyed the previews. I hope everyone had a perfect day like we did here in the fine city of Columbus. Enough about the day. It’s time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Sheamus hits the ring first so we know they are winning. You always need a crowd pleasing win to start the show. Randy Orton & the Big Show join him on stage before they saunter to the ring. The Shield makes their group entrance. Roman Reigns starts the match for them along with Sheamus. Seth Rollins gets in some offense for the Shield. Dean Ambrose gets to show off how to take a beating from Show. I’m surprised that Show takes a beating early on. Why are the baby faces unclothing the heels? I hope Rollins is still alive. Dear lord that looked bad. Orton is the one that pisses off Big Show. Maybe we don’t see a baby face win. Dean Ambrose with the pin after a spear. Big Show slacked on breaking up the pin. The crowd seemed to like the outcome. I still want for them to do something more than three man matches. Big Show knocks both of them out. They needed to keep him heel so that’s one way to do it.

Mark Henry is the next one out of the shoot. I’m glad they’re giving me plenty of time to beer myself and my neighbors. Ryback gets the big second entrance. Henry gets the first offense. Pictures of the beer will be coming later. The Meat Hook clothesline gets busted out pretty early in Ryback’s offense. Nice way for Henry to get out of Shell Shock. Holy crap, he pinned him. That’s a pretty weak victory. Ah, Ryback is going to get the mojo back after a post match beat down. Isn’t that the job of the heel? I’m confused.

My boy Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston & AJ Lee get thei first entrance. Kane & Daniel Bryan are the champs so they get the second entrance. Bryan almost gets the 18 second pin on Dolph who got a kiss from AJ. Langston shows off his strength against Kane. I’ll be surprised if Kaitlyn doesn’t make an appearance. Big E has some nice agility considering his background. Daniel Bryan wins with a flying head butt. My neighbors, woman & myself thought that the ref counted three on Kane earlier.

Stupid Lilian doesn’t know how to pronounce Fandango. When Chris Jericho was on Opie & Anthony on Thursday, you could tell he wasn’t very interested in this match. I haven’t looked that well at the set until now. We’ve got the Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State Building & Statue of Liberty. Of course a year I decide not to preview what the set might look like, they decide to go local on the set. JBL said he was surprised how long this match has gone. I’m not too surprised. The first hour moves pretty quick in most Wrestlemanias. Jericho kicks out of the top rope leg drop which I’m guessing is going to be his finisher. Jericho air balls the knees up. Good recovery by Jericho. Fandango wins with a small package. I’m better with that finish than I thought I’d be.

I find out that the Miz won the Intercontinental Championship with a figure four as Wade Barrett taps. I don’t care enough to turn into the preshow. Zeb Colter thinks people still speak Eyetalian in the US. Woof. Jack Swagger gets to pace. Alberto Del Rio gets the big entrance. The first thing I notice in the match is the giant brace that Del Rio is wearing. The match has been fine. I like Zeb denying the foot moving. Another interesting finish. Del Rio monkeys around with Colter. Swagger gets the drop on him. Del Rio locked in the cross arm breaker after Swagger got back into the ring. You’re still not Rey Mysterio.

Living Colour sounds much better than P Diddy/Sean Combs. CM Punk is sporting a Gracie Jiu Jitsu sweatshirt. I’ve got to think even more that Undertaker wins this one with it being this early on the card. Hard to believe this is the half way time of the show. I dig the people grabbing at Taker. My neighbor makes a good crack that hell is New Jersey. The wife part of the neighbors has noted that many wrestlers have gone purple for tonight’s outfit. Completely agree. Nice reversal of Old School. Even better of Punk to reverse it. Nothing happens until Punk gets crotched n his second Old School attempt. Heyman distracts Taker long enough so that Punk can nail a spring board clothes line. Macho Man elbow only gets two. Last Ride is reversed into a head kick. Punk isn’t heavy enough to break the table. Cool moment anyway. Taker beats the count. Hell’s Gate end sup leading to an Anaconda Vice. People go nuts for the Tombstone. People get a little deflated when Punk kicks out. People love Taker kicking out after the urn shot. 2nd Tombstone gets the win. People go bananas.

I wolfed down my woman’s cookies & cream cheese cake. It was awesome. Great food day even if we had a small lunch at Taco  Bell. Shawn Michaels came out first. Brock Lesnar comes out second. Weird. Dear lord. HHH tries to come up with creative entrances but they all end up sucking. He’s so losing after the fireworks went off. Glad HHH is going with some chest hair. The Spanish announce table finally breaks. I didn’t expect that. BRock goes to work on him in the ring. Lesnar is tossing HHH around tonight. German suplex to follow it up. And another one. I’m going to guess that there won’t be too many tables or ladders in this match. Michaels takes an F5. HHH follows with a Pedigree. It didn’t work. Lesnar with an F5 on HHH. Still only two. The ladies are grossed out by Lesnar’s boogie. Lesnar whacks HHH with the stairs. A second set of stairs only gets two. Kimura by Lesnar. HHH rams him into a corner. Lesnar sits on the top rope and locks back in the kimura. Spinebuster by HHH. Holy shit, the feed just froze as Lesnar runs into the ring post. Mother fucking WOW. I’ve seriously got to consider changing cable companies. HHH has the kimura locked in when I get the feed back. Lesnar slams HHH on the steps.  Repeat the cycle. And again. Well, it was a DDT on replay. Sledge hammer time, right to the head. Pedigree on the steps. HHH wins. Boo. Good match from what I saw. Wrestlemania is not where wrestlers go to die.

John Cena is a bad man. I like the solo entrance. He didn’t do one of his over the top entrances. Too bad he duck waddles when he runs. That’s an extra long ramp at Wrestlemania. The Rock takes his grand old time to get to the ring. We’ve got thirty nine minutes left as the bell rings. The crowd has sounded weird tonight. Did the crowd sound awful when we were in Orlando? That’s the last outdoor one I can remember. Texas, Phoenix, Atlanta, shit where were they last year? Anyway, they look more animated than the sound I hear most of the time. Taker match was the most clear to me. The match has moved along in the first seven minutes. Nothing of consequence. The missed flying tackle looked really ridiculous. Sharp Shooter by Rock. My neighbors aren’t buying it. They’re quick learners. Missed Five Knuckle Shuffle. STF after the Rock had a bit of offense. The crowd isn’t buying the urgency either. Five Knuckle Shuffle is hit. Rock Bottom after Cena being dismayed. Attitude Adjustment. No one is still surprised. Too much time left in the broadcast. People’s Elbow only gets a two count. Cena kicks out of another Rock Bottom. The crowd is back into it. Attitude Adjustment after a Five Knuckle Shuffle attempt by the Rock. Would have been poetic justice but they pass on it. Cena gets two from a Rock Bottom. Cena goes back to the People’s Elbow. Cena stops at the ropes. Rock Bottom. Another kick out. DDT by the Rock but he waits for Cena. Rock drops another mother fucker. Attitude Adjustment for the win. Duh. We’ll wait for part III. They shake and hug after the match. The Rock looks unhappy. They aren’t foreshadowing a third match up at all. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Poll: What was your favorite pro wrestling moment at Super Bowl 47?

Lilian Garcia struck by car, sent to the glue factory

Not to interrupt Kevin’s WWE Hell in a Cell coverage, but is it bad that Prowrestling.net’s news that Lilian Garcia being hit by a car made me think of the picture above? Now back to your regularly scheduled HIAC. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio Show #179

As you may have noticed, Kevin attended WWE Smackdown this past Tuesday. You’re in luck because Eric was around to talk to him about the experience. What information did Kevin withhold about the crowd surrounding him? Was it the same motley crew or was there something different? Did Kevin unleash his bran filled stomach on these people? Eric wondered if anyone from NXT or Superstars so eye catching that they should be on TV. What are Kevin’s superficial reason to see Derrick Bateman and Kaitlyn on TV? They move on to talk about Lilian Garcia and a certain horse faced star in TNA. Did the Peep Show do a good job in helping to move along the storyline between John Laurinitis and Teddy Long? Is Daniel Bryan doing a good job of developing his character? Who didn’t see the match between Cody Rhodes and the Great Khali coming miles away? Hint, not either of your hosts. Did the WWE use their archive to make the feud with Randy Orton and Kane make more sense? Which segments to Eric & Kevin pretty much ignore? Did the final segment work? Did it help keep the Smackdown superstars as its’ main focus? Eric asks Kevin for some final thoughts when Kevin prods Eric into a nasty response. Find out what that and more when you click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #179

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Party in Miami!

So they start with the Patriot Opening. I’m a little surprised but not by much. Nice to see  Lilian Garcia. Good singer. Bad career choice still. No one can chant “USA” like a wrestling crowd. Poor Josh Matthews has to go from that tribute to the Rock’s Birthday party. Cole gets the easy sell with the Championship match. I’m having to explain too much to my friend Sean. He’s suffering by not watching the Bruins. He’s too lazy to leave and watch them elsewhere. Rock goes from tribute to regular promo. The GM loves to interrupt the Rock. Rock gets to play games with Michael Cole just like old times. Cole going for the cheap boos. How pathetic and obviously pre-planned. The GM is going to shut down the Party if the Rock doesn’t apologize. Cole wants an apology too. Rock goes for the hand shake. Does Cole fall for this? Why are there two big Sin Cara masks in the background? Cole gets Rock Bottomed and Elbowed. Pitbull comes out. He’s a rapper, right? I guess not. Dance music, huh? Interesting choice. What a long segment. They’re going to need to take 15 minutes of commercials.

I’m definitely going to half ass this show by flipping to the Bruins/Flyers. R Truth attacked Morrison before the match. Morrison is a good guy to pick on to get heat. R Truth gets a big cheap shot in on the ramp. Back to commercial.

It’s hard to flip away from the game. I love close games in the playoffs with overtime looming. So did Kharma chose Smackdown since she attacked McCool? Nope. Why is KK still in there? So Kharma is a face? I kind of like the intrigue. Miz explains why Riley can be on both shows.Miz is going to be champ again. Good for him.

Samuel is making himself look older just by wearing that outfit.I love the fake party. Nice way to pimp his movies. Ron Simmons rules! More commercials.

Continue reading

Lilian Garcia bids adieu

The winner will be the winner!

The winner will be the winner!

Peep this, from liliangarcia.com:

Hi Everyone,

I hope all of you are doing well! I am writing to address the situation in which WWE is looking for a Female Ring Announcer/Singer. The truth of the matter is that they are looking for someone new because I have given them my notice that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this year. It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision because WWE has been my family from day one and you, the WWE Universe have always been incredible to me. The fact is that I am getting married later this year and have decided to enter into a new phase of my life but I will truly miss all of you and the WWE tremendously.

Love you all & keep rockin!

Forever Rockin’,
Lilian 🙂

I’m sure Lilian Garcia is a very nice person (actually, no I’m not), but she was very bad at her job and I am glad to see her go. She was basically the female Michael Cole – a plastic, faux good looking person who doesn’t seem to care about the product, never strives to improve themselves, and basically is just cashing a paycheck because they don’t care and the people running the company have contempt for the fans.

WWE has two good ring announcers already under contract in Tony Chimel and Justin Roberts, and they could always bring back The Fink, too. This is a definite plus for WWE. – Dusty

Lilian Garcia feels the need to stick around longer…

This is about how many people were at her last concert, too.

This is about how many people were at her last concert, too.

… but thankfully not much longer. According to a post on Prowrestling.net about her Twitter account, Lilian Garcia will be on WWE programming for “a few more weeks.” Look, a paycheck is a paycheck, and a sweet girl is a sweet girl, but how she can continue to show her face after messing up at least once every week, including her horrible botches at Summerslam at the end of the Randy Orton vs. John Cena match, is beyond me. If I kept screwing up that much with my life, I’d be single, $10,000 in credit card debt and about to move in with my mom. Oh… -Eric

Lilian Garcia leaving, WWE looks for new bullseye

Mushmouth? Maybe. Smoke-dog? Shit yeah.

Mushmouth? Maybe. Smoke-dog? Shit yeah.

WWE’s company dartboard (TM my friend Scotto) Lilian Garcia announced on her website that she is leaving WWE when her contract expires.

The truth of the matter is that they are looking for someone new because I have given them my notice that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this year.  It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision because WWE has been my family from day one and you, the WWE Universe have always been incredible to me.  The fact is that I am getting married later this year and have decided to enter into a new phase of my life…

If nothing else, she is pretty attractive, and she made her on-air debut in Ames, Iowa, at a Monday Night Raw I attended (the infamous “Blonde Bitch Project” episode and the one where Triple H beat Mankind for the WWF Title). So she’s got the Iowa thing going for her. I keep telling you people this state is full of wrestling history. And although you can hear a vast improvement in her delivery since that August 1999 show, she’s still prone to mistakes, even calling Kofi Kingston the “Intercontinental Champion” a couple of weeks ago. Oh well, WWE will find some other bangable chick who can belt out passable renditions of “The Star Spangled Banner,” attribute the wrong belt to the wrong person and take 33 minutes to explain the rules of a 30-minute ironman match until her biological clock grinds to a stop. QUIERO VIVIR!!! -Eric

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