Headlines: CM Punk mentions new WWE Title, DeMott takes over FCW, Diana Hart Smith teaming with Linda Bollea??

According to PWTorch.com, CM Punk answered 90 minutes worth of questions at this weekend’s Wizard World Comic Con (where fantasies become fantasies and not exactly reality), and Punk revealed that a new WWE Title belt has been created. He said the belt is about 20 pounds heavier than the current spinner belt, which means the belt weighs approximately as much as CM Punk. SPOILER: The new belt will use its 20-pound weight advantage to pin Daniel Bryan at Money in the Bank.

According to Prowrestling.net, Bill DeMott will replace Dr. Tom Prichard as the head trainer of Florida Championship Wrestling. Younger fans will recognize DeMott as the head trainer of the wildly successful “Tough Enough” series, while older fans will recognize Prichard as the guy with the shitty Roddy Piper impression from Smoky Mountain Wrestling, and as Body Donna Zip.

L to R: Zip, Kloudy. Yep, this happened. Thanks for nothing, 1996.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Diana Hart Smith, widow of the late Davey Boy Smith, has a project in the works with Linda Bollea, ex-wife of Hulk Hogan:

“I look forward to doing a project with Linda Hogan. I’m awaiting news on that. She has some irons in the fire. She said if anything turn out, she wants me to be on board.”

Time to speculate: A scripted reality show where Linda chases Diana’s son 27-year-old son Harry, much to Diana’s disapproval… ummm, Linda and Diana co-host a podcast where they each take credit for the Pontiac Silverdome and Wembley Stadium attendance figures… an infomercial with Gary Spivey where newly minted spiritual mediums Linda and Diana speak to dead wrestlers on a 1-900 line for just $1.99 a minute… OK, I got nothin’. -Eric

Hey John Cena, I told ya so.

You know those times when you are absolutely correct in everything you say but yet no one listens? Well, check this out because someone said this was a bad idea to begin with.

Back yet?  Good, ha ha, I called it with absolute perfection.

John Cena is getting divorced and there is absolutely nothing shocking about how this is going to play out. There is no great joy to take from this but the fact that this is happening at all is just ridiculous.

Even more ridiculous is the fact that Cena had a prenup and in typical fashion the broad still thinks she is entitled to anything more than the initial agreement. Of course she went out and grabbed Linda Bollea’s attorney in the hopes to strong arming more than she actually deserves. Need evidence to this point? Her lawyer says as much.

Although it is indeed unfortunate that John Cena decided to divorce his high school sweetheart Liz Cena; particularly, after they have come so far in their lives and in his career together, Liz will and really has no choice but to pursue all of her rights and entitlements.

See, basically the attorney admits this chick hasn’t done shit while John goes out, works all the time and makes money.

Look, high priced lawyers are cunts. There is no way around it. We all know they do more harm than good and this is a classic case of that. This fucker knows she hasn’t done anything but will still try and get more than she deserves. If marriage is a partnership and only one person does the work. Well then it is perfectly acceptable to put her head through the Barbershop window and tear up the marriage license.

The chick is heartbroken and who wouldn’t be? But then how shocking was this when your husband brought you a pre-divorce financial settlement agreement?

All of this drama and all of the sure to be incredibly painful but entertaining drama could have been avoided if John Cenas dumbass would have never married this chick in the first place. Batista made a good living off of road ass after dumping his wife while she had cancer. -Jeremy

John Cena files for divorce, ex fights for custody of jean shorts

Na, I ain’t sayin’ she a golddigga…

According to Prowrestling.net, WWE superstar John Cena has filed for divorce from his wife of three years and acquaintance of 14, Liz something or other. Here’s the rest of the news before I cut to the chase:

  • Liz has hired Raymond Rafool, who represented Linda Bollea in her high-profile divorce case from Hulk Hogan.
  • It sounds like Cena made her sign a prenuptual, so good luck, toots.
  • Reports claim that this divorce will be “nasty.”

Now, for the important part of this story:

The 12 Days of Jesus H. Christmas: Day 8 – So Jimmy Yang still hasn’t gotten paid


(For the 12 days leading up to Christmas, Stunt Granny will relive with you the 12 most head-slapping, dipshitty stories of 2011, the things that made us wonder why we still watch professional wrestling and support some of these dingbats. And it would have been so easy to pick on Matt Hardy here, either for his suicide video on YouTube or his DWI arrest in the foothills of Moonshine Country. Or, in a plea for more Web site hits, we could have reposted the story about Linda Bollea accusing Hulk Hogan of having gay sex with Brutus Beefcake. Instead, we chose to pick on TNA, who, despite what you might hear from Kurt Angle or Hulk Hogan or Dixie Carter or Jeff Jarrett, still can’t afford to pay its jobbers. Enter the Yang.)
(Originally posted Aug. 18, 2011) It was all downhill from here, folks.

Speaking of TNA being soaked in trailer park, they apparently have yet to pay Jimmy Yang. Here’s what I’ve been able to gather from various internet reports about this. Yang did a one-shot appearance in TNA on the June 27 Impact Wrestling taping, reviving his old Flying Elvis character. The Flying Elvises were the first thing that ever appeared in TNA, way back during the weekly pay-per-view era. I used to get all those shows, because I had a friend who was willing to go half-and-half with me, and I was so desperate at the time for an alternative to WWE. Naive young Dusty.

In any event, it’s been since then and Yang has yet to get a paycheck from TNA that doesn’t bounce like a Milwaukee Bucks basketball. So naturally, this led to an upset Yang taking the whole thing public. For some reason, that action caused TNA management to call him up and tell him he was acting unprofessionally. An enraged Yang fired back that not paying someone for their work is what is *really* unprofessional.

Look, I know I’m Anti-TNA Guy around here. My colleagues usually choose to handle TNA with more diplomacy, for reasons that are lost on me. But I don’t think there’s any way to sugar coat this. This is TNA failing on an epic, public scale. Stuff like this is only going to serve to encourage released WWE performers to ply their trade in Japan or elsewhere overseas. TNA is the Little Engine That Absolutely Can’t But Insists On Continuing Anyway. – Dusty

Day 1: Ric Flair still can’t keep his finances straight
Day 2: Bret Hart on Twitter, put the letter “S” in front of the wrong word 
Day 3: IWA-Mid South: Going Out Of Business Since 2002
Day 4: Triple H leading WWE new talent development
Day 5: Chyna to make more porn, eidvo43we.. oops, can’t see, gouged my eyes out
Day 6: Jeff Hardy tases a woman
Day 7: IWA-MS is bakk, Ric Flair is in debt, Sin Cara is suspended

Linda Bollea, young buck to appear on VH1 “Relationship Rehab,” totally not for gold-digging purposes

linda bollea

I bet she even *hates* money. Just the smell of it makes her want to vomit all over her bejeweled iPhone and mongolian horse-hair coat. (And, P.S., what the fuck is Charlie wearing? Tatanka is going to be pissed.)

According to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan’s ex-wife Linda Bollea and her boyfriend Charlie Hill are two of the cast members on VH1 “Relationship Rehab.” It’s a good thing Linda won all of that money from the poor Hulkster during their very public divorce and is totally taking part in this show to strengthen her relationship with her 29-years-her-junior boy toy, not because she’s a money-grubbing c-unit recently described by Eric Bischoff as “a pig in every sense.” Haha, wait, I just had an image of this poor bastard Charlie carting a pig around like Arnold from “Green Acres”! *That* I’d like to see! -Eric

linda bollea charlie hill

Next on VH1, "Relationship Rehab," followed by, "I Love the Pork."

Stunt Granny Audio Show #149

It’s the Asshole Edition (or is it?) of Stunt Granny Audio: Jeremy and Eric are here to give their take on the CM Punk promo from this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw. What have others, including Dusty, Kevin, and Dave Lagana of I Want Wrestling, said about the promo? What made it effective? What made it shocking? What made it par for the course with other worked shoots of the past? The boys discuss those interviews of Brian Pillman, Jim Ross, Paul Heyman and Joey Styles – what worked, what didn’t, and whether or not they drew money. Also discussed are Randy Orton’s recent radio interview, Linda Bollea being a huge c-word, and Koko B. Ware revealing the brains behind him bringing his macaw, Frankie, to the ring. All this and not much more when you click to listen!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #149

Wrestling (and barely wrestling) marriages crumble: Hulk and Linda, Fairplay and Zorak

Grow a set!

Linda Bollea was recently interviewed by MiamiHerald.com about her new book, “Wrestling the Hulk: My Life Against the Ropes,” where she sounded off about her ex-husband Hulk Hogan’s alleged infidelity (well, when you’re with a washed-up hag like Linda and your hot daughter is trotting her hotter friends around the house, whatcha gonna do?) and how Hogan’s broken-down body couldn’t keep up with Linda’s… needs (shudder).

I was in a long, stale marriage for so long. Wrestlers have injuries. They’re not able to go and do. My husband had so many knee and hip problems. He couldn’t ride a Jet Ski, go skiing, ride horses. Now I’m with someone who can keep up with all my Italian energy!

Gross.

Filming actually kept our family together longer than it would have lasted. Terry and I were barely talking, and he didn’t look at me in the eye. I didn’t know at the time he was doing Christiane in our bedroom.

There ya go, brother!

Ever the expert, Linda also spends time in her book giving advice to women who may be similar situations (that is, being rode-hard leathery hags with gargantuan professional wrestlers for husbands):

If things are bad, don’t turn a blind eye. Don’t stay because it’s safe or scary out there. Don’t make excuses for your own unhappiness. Grow a set and move on!

Yeah, ya’ dumb fuckin’ bitch, grow a set! Slam a beer and bash him over the head with the bottle! (Wow, the white trash landfill doth overflow.)

In other white trash, V-level celebrity gossip, Jonny Fairplay and “America’s Next Below Average Model” Michelle Deighton have announced their split. (But they looked so happy on that beacon of great TV, “Dr. Phil”!) According to Prowrestling.net, Fairplay Tweeted this gem:

“Yes, I am separated,” Fairplay wrote on his Twitter page. “Michelle was served with separation papers on Friday. I wish her the best in her future endeavors.”

I would post more, but I’m so doubled over with laughter about this wrestling nobody’s inside joke about “future endeavors” that I might go vomit into a fucking toilet. Whatever, you troll, go find another stripper and woo her over the breakfast buffet. Make a baby and name it “Hot Rod.” Blecch. -Eric

CM Punk is “back,” Waltman and JBL love him, Hogan’s ex makes Warrior look like Ed Leslie

Ma'am, the difference between you and Nicole Simpson is people know who the hell she is. Was. Whatever.

(NOTE: Make sure you check out the Stunt Granny Audio below!)

According to Prowrestling.net, the “work-shoot” angle that has been CM Punk’s recent challenge for the WWE Title has taken various twists and turns thanks to WWE.com. First, Punk’s bio was removed from the Superstars roster page. Then, WWE.com noted that, despite Punk’s “suspension,” he’d made good on his promise to appear at various live events. I am very happy (maybe even proud) that we all got past the “whoa, is this real?” scuttlebutt (this ain’t 1996, folks) and moved onto liking this angle for what it is: A) Punk’s chance to shine and B) WWE allowing the curtain to be pulled back a little on that idiotic daughter and doofus son-in-law. (And C) a chance to mention Colt Cabana on national television again, which is probably good, since his new Web show ain’t gonna pay the bills.)

Also according to Prowrestling.net, both Sean Waltman and JBL have posted video blogs praising Punk’s promo on Monday Night Raw. Waltman has posted some fun, breezy videos on Facebook (check it out here), and over the years, JBL is proving himself to be less of a complete prick and more like Old Biff from “Back to the Future,” that uncle or family friend you love to hate and who probably really does know it all but doesn’t always need to give you a noogie to prove it (check out JBL’s Facebook page here).

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Linda Bollea accused ex-husband Hulk Hogan of abusing her throughout their marriage, saying she would ask him what was for dinner, and he would wag his finger at her, punch her three times, give her the big boot and legdrop her off the countertop. Hahaha, nooo, no, that’s not really what she said. Linda said Hulk was always on drugs and throwing chairs and that she feared for her life. Whoa. That’s harsh. I’d rather take the legdrop. This, of course, is all to promote her new book, “Wrestling With the Hulk,” which was released yesterday. Hopefully she also released the location of her hairdresser and tanning salon, because WOOF, you’ve got a cosmetic lawsuit on your hands, Big Bird! -Eric

More drama than yo mama: Hulk Hogan threatening to sue Ultimate Warrior

hulk hogan ultimate warrior

Happier times.

Wow, does the fun ever stop? According to Gerweck.net and TMZ.com, Hulk Hogan is now threatening to sue Ultimate Warrior for “spewing sewage” about him over the past few weeks and, in particular, during the 7-minute clip from the forthcoming 55-minute shoot video Warrior recorded ALL ABOUT Hulk Hogan. According to the article:

Hulk says he’s tried ignoring The Ultimate Warrior, to no avail. So now Hulk has gotten his lawyer involved and plans on dropping the hammer — in court.

I could go on and one about this situation for the rest of the afternoon, but I’d rather post this related article from TMZ.com where Hogan claimed ex-wife Linda took the toilets from their home. Not that this is a particularly good read, but it’s funny to imagine haggard old Linda carrying a toilet out of a mansion. -Eric

Ultimate Warrior’s crusade against Hulk Hogan turns into shoot interview

If you haven’t kept up, the Ultimate Warrior has been on a social media tear lately, posting videos remembering Macho Man Randy Savage as well as ones blasting Hulk Hogan for things like drawing more money than him and being 100 times more popular on his worst day than Warrior was on his best being a bad person and saying mean things. (This comes years after Warrior turned himself into a blogging machine, writing page after page of inscrutable, illegible, babbling garbage, and if that rings a bell, then keep in mind how legit and comprehensible this next gem is sure to be; example of a response to one of Warrior’s blogs here.)

Welp, Warrior is going great guns with his next venture: a 55-minute shoot interview where he does nothing but talk shit on expose Hulk Hogan for all the stuff we already know all sorts of stuff we never knew. Things like how Hogan never reconnected with Savage before Savage’s death (bastard!), how Hogan frequently lies (I think the Pontiac Silverdome now holds 17 hundred kaflillion people, brother) and Hogan’s “open relationship” with his now ex-wife, Linda. Warrior even says of the Hogans, “You were both whores and did slutty stuff on the side.” “Slutty stuff? SICK BURN! He also hops in his time-traveling phone booth to make fun of Hogan for shit we already took care of: “You ended up sleeping with one of your daughter’s friends.” Warrior, you so two-thousand-and-LATE. (He also said Linda has been “bedding” one of Nick’s high school friends; I haven’t heard the word “bedding” since Shep was a pup.) And of all the god damn things, Warrior spends nearly a minute talking about how Hulk Hogan is bald. Sorry, Vince Russo covered that in 2000. And was sued for it.

Anyway, the above video is a 7-minute sample of the 55-minute video to come June 17, where Warrior, as he’s done for the past 21 years, rides Hogan’s coattails to a modicum of success and a smidgen of delusional victory speaks the truth and makes complete and total sense. Get out your rocket fuel, kids! -Eric

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