@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

– I’m a much bigger fan of Magnus when he doesn’t act like a coward which is when he isn’t around Dixie Carter. I liked how he talked down to Samoa Joe, who had no verbal come back. Joe decided to beat the tar out of Magnus which isn’t a good sign for his chances at winning the TNA Title at Lockdown. I think Joe needs that kind of win to help make his character relevant again. The only problem with giving him said victory is that Magnus isn’t in a position to lose either. His reign hasn’t been long enough yet for a freshly minted heel.

– I love sneaky wins by heels. Bromans let the American Wolves do the damage to Kazarian of Bad Influence and swooped in for the pin fall. The problem with this type of win is that Bobby Roode wants a winner between Bromans & Bad Influence to join his team at Lockdown. If you see a pin like that, it can’t fill you full of confidence. I wouldn’t want to choose them any more than I did before the match.

James Storm and Gunner had some good banter going back and forth. One expects it out of Storm but it was a nice surprise out of Gunner.

– I’m sad to see Austin Aries in TNA. He is excellent and has been so in his segments with Bobby Roode and MVP. It helps to be in good company but I really like his style. He has gotten pushed back some but isn’t as lost as Bully Ray is. Here’s to hoping that him being the “hot free agent” helps bring Aries back to prominence.

Kurt Angle had a nice speech for his Hall of Fame speech. The guy has been around for quite sometime and despite his white trashness, he’s been a good performer the majority of that time. EC3 came out and continued to show why he was stuck in NXT. He’s just not as good as even Xavier Woods as I discussed with Dusty last week. He’s being served up perfect spot after perfect spot but he’s just not cutting it.

– At least they finally covered Samuel Shaw being completely crazy. He has a pretty decent delivery. Ken Anderson didn’t feel like he was in the rut he was against Bully Ray. From time to time, Anderson still shows why he could be a difference maker. Hopefully they can find some way to move the Shaw character on after his feud with Anderson.

– I have liked the videos from Willow. I always say how stale TNA is. Jeff Hardy is definitely out of the box thinker so I can’t blame him for trying to freshen up his look. I was wondering two things during this vignette though: Is he going to wear his mask in the ring? Because if he doesn’t, won’t it be a dead give away that it’s Hardy? Second, if he is really selling this personal change, does he bring in a new move set? If he uses all of his old moves, isn’t that a give away that it’s Hardy?

Austin Aries handing the win to Bobby Roode over MVP still could leave enough air space that Aries is acting as a double agent which could effectively make it a 6 on 4 for MVP’s team at Lockdown. It could be well played. We’ll see if TNA is that smart. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Clint Dempsey is the best US soccer player. He is a midfielder and sometimes striker for the London based Fulham Football Club. I root for them in the English Premier League because they’ve had a nice stream of American players dating back to Brian McBride who played for the Columbus Crew. Dempsey broke McBride’s record earlier this year for most goals scored by an American in the EPL. He has tallied 16 goals in the EPL and 22 in all competitions for Fulham. I had to feature him with Raw being in London. Let’s roll.

CM Punk gets to defend his title against Mark Henry to start the show. Yep, if they’re going to change a title, it’s going to be a curtain jerker. It struck me as funny when Mitchell Cool told us to remember the Hall of Pain. That’s how much they respect our attention span. If he really meant it, he could have mentioned who Henry hurt. Punk ran entirely too far on the barricade wall for a bulldog. Both men are down at the commercial break. Nice of Henry to lift his arms up so that Punk could chair shot him in the stomach. Tell me who’s in the Hall of Pain! It’s an impressive list. Why are you not selling your own wrestler? I don’t care if he’s going to lose. All the more reason really. Got to love the London crowd already. Punk goes with the chair to the face off the top rope. Good call. The Jeritron comes on. He is at the fakest bar ever. Chicago Street Fight. Jericho shows Punk going into the Pilot Inn. Fish & Chips chant. Hilarious. The joint is 206 years old. How bad ass is that? I’d go there. I’d also drink. Jericho felt like he was taped and couldn’t react to Punk. He stunk for that reason. Brock Lesnar gets a video package too.

Sherlock Truth is going to find Teddy Long a job. Santino has on a number of jerseys but only one of the London based teams, Arsenal. They still got booed. Don’t know which team is in that area of London. David Otunga is taking him on for the US Title. Otunga loses his cool after Santino gets his foot on the ropes. Santino ends up winning the match. Jerry Lawler defending an obvious point. These days Cool would still win that argument. Lord Tensai is serious. Or something. They tease the Lesnar video package again.

It’s kiling me that they’re doing a UFC style video package with Brock Lesnar. Jeremy, the tiny one and myself are going to UFC 145 in Atlanta this week. You’re going to see something on the site about it. I’m no expert but have watched quite regularly since Brock debuted. I’m pumped to see Rashad Evans vs Jon “Bones” Jones. Should be a hell of a main event. We can definitely compare and contrast live experiences. We get a video package of Zack Ryder and Kane who are going to have a match. Of course it makes sense to settle a feud on no notice. Except for the commercial break.

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TNA Audio #5 – Swinging From The Barn Door

Yeah man, Direct Auto Insurance is awesome. Say, don't we have a title match coming up or something?

This is a very special edition of TNA Audio because not only do Dusty and Matt discuss the February 9 Impact episode, but they also go above and beyond the call of duty to talk about the February 12 Against All Odds pay-per-view as well! That means that your earbuds are in for a sweet, sweet serenade about things like:

-Why Dusty feels like Hulk Hogan is a human acid trip, and why he is responsible for that woman’s hideous attire.

-Why they both feel like TNA is really getting the hang of solid, episodic storytelling, and why they might have a leg up over WWE when it comes to this.

-Why Magnus might be on the cusp on something, if he can break free from the boys in the back and bullshit of the politics behind that curtain.

-Why the company would really be in business if only they could figure out how to properly end the main events of their pay-per-views.

And a whole lot more nonsense, including Dusty yelling loudly at his dog, Matt being lethargic because this was one of the most boring Impacts in a long time, Dusty hoping people notice he just got a new phone and that’s why he sounds like a whole lot better this week (fingers crossed), Dusty standing silently to Matt’s side with a towel around his neck making intimidating looking faces, Matt quietly binging on his free ice cream from last week while Dusty rants, and a whole lot more, so listen or death!

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #5

TNA Audio #4 – Smell The Greatness

Very good. Now find it on a map, chubs.

Dusty and Matt continue their journey to the center of TNA’s mind with this edition of Stunt Granny TNA Audio, this time focusing on the February 2 edition of Impact. Inside they explore:

-Why did Matt get hella free ice cream today? Hint: it had nothing to do with built up good karma over transcribing Hulk Hogan’s entire rambling five minute promo, although maybe it should have.

-Why did Mark Haskins almost die on national television? Hint: it had nothing to do with him being a good professional wrestler or Ref Hardy being an adequate referee.

-Why did Mike Tenay blow the entire Hulk Hogan as Garrett Bischoff’s trainer angle? Hint: it had nothing to do with Tenay having even a basic level of intelligence that would allow him to exist in this world.

-Just how hot *was* Christy Hemme this week? Hint: very.

There’s also this little matter:

And a whole lot more, and it’s only worth an hour of your time, so download this bad boy this very minute or there will be severe repercussions, jack!

Stunt Granny TNA Audio Show #4

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