Stunt Granny Audio #190

A three (and a half) hour tour…

Join Kevin and Dusty through a magical odyssey of life and pro wrestling in this latest edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Kevin is planted firmly in the middle of a domestic dispute between one of his roommates and their baby momma. In classic Howard Stern fashion, Dusty drags it out on the air to entertain people. And then they focus their attentions on pro wres and the happenings of this week’s Monday Night Raw. Vince McMahon is the strangest human being in the entire world and desperately wants you to think he’s a stud who is hip and with it. What is greater: Vader’s age or Vader’s weight? Poor Sin Cara didn’t get his trampoline entrance. Poor Curt Hawkins didn’t even get an entrance. Can CM Punk shape the future of pro wres? All that and a whole lot more and it’s only going to cost you about 5o minutes of your measley life, so listen now dammit!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #190

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The fact that children looked shocked at the turn of the Big Show tells you how stupid they are. Everyone else saw that coming as soon as Big Show was fired and they neglected to remove his bio from WWE.com. After the review of the most obvious thing ever, John Cena comes out for the opening segment. Jeremy and I were talking about this earlier today and it somehow didn’t get turned into a lunch conversation. Anyway, the Board was ready to fire Johnny Wooden GM, but Cena told them to wait. Then Johnny fires Big Show for no reason other than spite, at best. Johnny then skirts the rules by having that same person help him out in the match. Remember, the Board instituted these rules. So why wouldn’t they fire Johnny on the spot? Because any sort of logic in the WWE is thrown out the window week in and week out. Cena is doing a good job of covering his ass by saying Big Show would have saved Johnny if he hadn’t toyed with him. Eve Torres shows up. Glasses help on most women. It’s not working for Eve. Johnny comes out and I chuckle. The woman thinks it’s retarded. He possibly has lots of injuries. John Cena finally looks pissed. Yes, you should be fired for striking your boss. Hold on, Big Show got rehired on Saturday so that means Big Show should be fired per the rules set up before the fucking match. Holy logic gap Batman. Of course we get the silent treatment from Show about why he did it. He yells to sound evil with more drivel that I’ve heard countless times before. He’s not delivering it well. It’s OK. David Otunga shows up with a cape that is even fancier and still just as stupid.

Why couldn’t this match have started during the break? Hell, I’d take a replay of the pin fall that happened during the break. That match lasted the commercial break. A bunch of jobbers attack John Cena. Sheamus comes out to save him but bumps Johnny. Nice flip by Hawkins when he gets tossed out of the ring. Johnny didn’t give them permission. Two of the whitest guys on the planet team up against three people in a lumber jack match. Johnny laughs like they should be intimidated.

It’s the little gay man with the snake on his arm is my girlfriend’s description of Santino. Awesome. Of course he makes fun of Ricardo‘s accent. Poor Ricardo takes a Cobra so that Santino can do the freshest thing ever to Alberto Del Rio‘s gimmick. So they use this time to throw it to Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. They announce what will surely be the death of me, three hour Raws. I will not be starting those on time. They can kiss my hairy ass. I’ll start at 9 to condense this garbage down. I’m still laughing at Jer’s description of it.

Randy Orton is Del Rio’s opponent. So I guess the WWE really wanted Santino on the show and had nothing else for him. I suppose I should expect these matches to go no where before they hit commercial. Orton has been getting most of the offense as Cool contradicts me. Chris Jericho comes in and gives Orton a Code Breaker. Interesting. A bit surprised that Del Rio was used as a pawn for two segments on the show. Both of these guys are down on their luck in the WWE pecking order these days too. Jericho never struck me as a real threat to CM Punk. Orton hasn’t sniffed the title on Smackdown in quite a while.

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3 Hour Monday Night Raw idea keeps getting worse

Oh my god this is getting worse. Besides taking their horribly mundane show, Monday Night Raw, and stretching it to an unnecessary length of three hours, Vince McMahon and company are now changing the format? Yes, WWE Monday Night Raw is going to be interactive according to WWE.com; whatever that means.

Sorry about that. According to the press release this entails the following:

Starting with the historic 1,000th episode of Raw on July 23, The WWE  Universe will have new ways to get involved in the show through WWE.com and social media by deciding matches, stipulations, Superstar development and more.

So everyone clear on just what Monday Night Raw will consist of going forward?  Does this mean the entire creative staff gets fired? If the WWE Universe is going to decide everything now then what are they there for now? Does “Superstar development” mean that the Universes input will make up their promos?  Will they be deciding feuds? What happens to Sin Cara and The Great Khali? (See cause no one gives a shit about them.)

This reeks of the porn industry introducing POV porn. They want you to think you are getting blown by some chick when in reality you are watching them suckle down on a stunt cock. Who believes that their comments on Facebook and Twitter are going to matter in the least? No rational adult is going to believe…..oh I get it. We aren’t the audience for WWE any longer.  So they are clearly depending on the children who are on Facebook and Twitter to give them ideas for who John Cena beats next.  I smell three year title reign a comin.

Just for the sake of argument that the input from social media will factor in to actual booking decisions, here is a small taste of what gets posted on WWEs Facebook page during Raw. I withheld the names for their own sake and no editing was used at all. No really, why bother changing perfection?  -Jeremy

firing big show was the worste thing johnny boy did he says he doesnt like bullys or people making fun of him yet he is a bully and has done nothing but bring wrestling to an all time low and next to be fired he has john cena in his mist and as foer eve she dresses and looks like michelle mccool used to look

jhon laurinaitis ,was WRONG!!! for firing big show , JHON YOU ARE A SELF CENTER PIG!!!!! AND WWE WILL NOT LET SHOW GO HHH WILL SEE TO THAT ! YOU SUCK!!!!

I am really getting tired of the way that piece of crap laurenitis is running the shows hes was a loser when he wrestled and he is a loser now if things dont start to change I might not be watching anymore!!!

John Laurinaitis is wrong for doing that he is just taking advantage of big show and he is to over powered as GM. I think when John Cena gets done with him he would have made a big mistake.

i wanted johnny to take charge after wrestlemania because i thought that a change was needed but now he is going too far

My God, who evn make John or what ever maybe ds devils name d GM? If wwe did not do something about ds evil man now, he will bring ds company down. Infact, John L, you are fired.

Mr. Larenasshole gets on my nerve ok tired of watching him. He disgraced Big Show dune with wrestling for now. Need teddy bac not gonna have Mr Larenasshole disgracing westlers.

WWE’s hilariously stupid new idea: Monday Night Raw going to three hours every week.

What do you do when your ratings are falling; no one on the roster outside of three people are over and the top part of your roster may be off for the summer? Well, you extend your flagship television show to three hours.

Yes that’s right, if two hours of mediocre to below mediocre television isn’t enough for you WWE has the remedy; an extra hour. Starting July 23rd, just in time for kids in the south to go back to school (No really, they send these poor bastards back at the beginning of august for some reason), WWE is adding an extra hour to every single episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.

Oh yeah, starting July 23rd you will virtually be guaranteed to see Lord Tensai, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Mason Ryan, Kane, the tag team champ people, the other tag team, that up and coming guy, the timekeeper, some fat kids in the stands, bored adults and Big show crying, still.

Really thought, the best part about this news is the fact Kevin reviews Monday Night Raw each and every week here on Stunt Granny. Check out his Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw every Monday night, or so. His descent in to madness will be totally worth the read. Have fun stupid. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I hope the good citizen’s that come to the site enjoyed the alternative posts with the Mick Foley comedy show and Colin Delaney interview. We can only hope that the later of the two leads to better interviews in the future. I’m also wrapping up ROH from two weeks ago before I start this review. Like a dope, I reviewed the more recent material. It was probably for the best since it was more hacked up matches from Showdown In The Sun. The Briscoes vs the World’s Greatest Tag Team wasn’t very good. ROH has fans and Charlie Haas flipping people off so often that I felt like half of the match was blurred over. Jay Lethal vs Roderick Strong was a good match but I don’t understand Tomasso Ciampa costing Jay Lethal the TV Title since they’re feuding. He screwed himself. No surprise that ROH is doing something dumb again. I’m sure the WWE will do something dumb tonight too. Let’s roll.

The WWE highlights their failures right off the bat. Johnny Wooden GM attacking John Cena because, you know, HHH got booted from the job for losing control. He’s a good character but the WWE’s logic is so fucked. Johnny comes out to no reaction what so ever. Johnny is playing straight up heel.  The crowd finally gets enough energy to boo. At least they cover their ass and say the Board of Director’s gave him a pass. I wish Roger Goodell had attacked one of the draftees. I’m sure he’d still be in his job. Johnny going all in on the heel aspect makes him a worse character. I’m bored. Why did I compliment him at the start? CM Punk comes out to, oh no, the crowd sucks. They barely react to him. It’s going to be a long night. I was going to say come out to wake everyone up. Greensboro blows. Punk tap dances around upsetting Johnny with good verbiage. Punk does get the crowd to react. Lord Tensai is Punk’s opponent tonight. I can’t wait for Punk to finally get a good match out of the big lug.

Johnny bumps into the Big Show back stage and yells at him. Eve Torres shows up like “Vampire” Hortatio Caine. Cody Rhodes comes out first. Mitchell Cool tries to defend Rhodes tables match win as legitimate. I wish Jerry Lawler wouldn’t argue like a 6th grader. Rhodes gets counted out. Eve comes out and orders the Big Show to apologize. Her ass is fantastic. Mitchell Cool, not joking, claims that having to apologize for making fun of Johnny’s voice is a severe consequence. Shot me. The WWE may have topped ROH for stupidity already.

They show replay of R Truth & Kofi Kingston winning because they have lots in common. Aside from their skin color, of course. Vickie Guerrero introduces the free falling Dolph Ziggler. I’m not even sure I want to admit he’s my boy he’s dropping so fast. It’s just Kofi vs Dolph. AW got Rosa, Epico & Primo to dress up. Mason Ryan shows up backstage because matches don’t matter. Ziggler gets the win with some help from Jack Swagger.

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Stunt Granny Audio #183

Eric, Kevin and Dusty in action, recording this here audio.

Oh my god, it’s time for another audio! This time it’s a very very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio as Eric, Kevin and Dusty all join forces to navigate through an eventful weekend of wrestling festivities. The trio sets their sights on the Extreme Reunion show and just how sad it was and what an absolute clusterfuck it was. Is Sabu going to die? Is Axl Rotten going to beat him to the punch? Was anybody on the card in actual wrestling shape? Then our heroes turn their attention to WWE’s Extreme Rules PPV. Did the internet spontaneously combust after teh finish to the main event? What in the halibar hell was Ryback doing on that show? Was the show really called Extreme Rules or Over The Legal Blood Alcohol Limit or something else entirely? Then they talk about Raw, which mostly consists of them stalling while Kevin scrolls down the show review in desperate attempt to find something to talk about. Did he find something? You’ll need to listen to find out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #183

`Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Jeremy and I are both under the weather after going to UFC 145. We were hoping to do an audio about it today but because of the sickness, we’re holding off until tomorrow. Also because of the cold, I made myself some chicken noodle soup. I’m acting like there was ever a chance that I was going to start this on time since it’s three hours long. The dogs don’t pass out until a post eight o’clock walk. They don’t like me using my computer so I comply. Stupid spoiled dogs. Anyway, let’s roll.

Teddy Long introduces John Cena. Ah, it’s the contract signing. Teddy introduces Brock Lesnar. Johnny Wooden GM comes out to berate Teddy. Brock isn’t there yet. As Johnny does introduces the show, Edge interrupts him. Edge had to talk to Cena. Edge is giving him a hell of a pick yourself up speech. Always interesting having to explain wrestling to an outsider. I’m having to do that tonight too. She may become a regular. We’ll see. Good idea for that speech though.

Chris Jericho comes out. Kofi Kingston is the sacrificial lamb. Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler are doing a good job of bickering. Lawler stepping up is a nice change of pace. And we get a commercial with not much happening as usual. Cool & Lawler are selling a PPV. Kofi with a head scissors take over, that looked good. Which is strange. I don’t think he uses that much either. They are giving Kofi far more offense than I expected. The crowd roars for the attempted Walls of Jericho. Nice Code Breaker off the spring board. The crowd is eating up Jericho. Solid promo. Brock video package.

Johnny Wooden GM is on the phone of course. Eve Torres interrupts. She thinks the acting is bad porno level. Eve gets an executive post. Eve denies the hug. Good for her, sticks to her character. More Brock video package. Hmm, lots of filler on a three hour show, you don’t say? CM Punk gets the Josh Matthews questioning. Punk’s gift was a basket of alcohol. Josh gets a hell of a present.

Lord Tensai babbles in Japanese. He gets to squash R Truth. Looks like the Claw is going to be his finisher. Woof. Stick to the power bomb.

Kane marches to the ring. He has a mic. Uh oh. How the fuck did I not catch up at all? I’m blazing thru the commercials. I guess the distraction is slowing me down. She also chortling at this promo. Yep, this is what normal people think of wrestling. He looks like he’s holding his left arm funny. Randy Orton interrupts. Poor Paul Bearer only shows up to get kidnapped. Kane doesn’t care. Good for him. Orton comes out to brawl. I love how the lead pipe has a rubber handle on it. Is Orton losing from even steven booking? More reruns!

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Clint Dempsey is the best US soccer player. He is a midfielder and sometimes striker for the London based Fulham Football Club. I root for them in the English Premier League because they’ve had a nice stream of American players dating back to Brian McBride who played for the Columbus Crew. Dempsey broke McBride’s record earlier this year for most goals scored by an American in the EPL. He has tallied 16 goals in the EPL and 22 in all competitions for Fulham. I had to feature him with Raw being in London. Let’s roll.

CM Punk gets to defend his title against Mark Henry to start the show. Yep, if they’re going to change a title, it’s going to be a curtain jerker. It struck me as funny when Mitchell Cool told us to remember the Hall of Pain. That’s how much they respect our attention span. If he really meant it, he could have mentioned who Henry hurt. Punk ran entirely too far on the barricade wall for a bulldog. Both men are down at the commercial break. Nice of Henry to lift his arms up so that Punk could chair shot him in the stomach. Tell me who’s in the Hall of Pain! It’s an impressive list. Why are you not selling your own wrestler? I don’t care if he’s going to lose. All the more reason really. Got to love the London crowd already. Punk goes with the chair to the face off the top rope. Good call. The Jeritron comes on. He is at the fakest bar ever. Chicago Street Fight. Jericho shows Punk going into the Pilot Inn. Fish & Chips chant. Hilarious. The joint is 206 years old. How bad ass is that? I’d go there. I’d also drink. Jericho felt like he was taped and couldn’t react to Punk. He stunk for that reason. Brock Lesnar gets a video package too.

Sherlock Truth is going to find Teddy Long a job. Santino has on a number of jerseys but only one of the London based teams, Arsenal. They still got booed. Don’t know which team is in that area of London. David Otunga is taking him on for the US Title. Otunga loses his cool after Santino gets his foot on the ropes. Santino ends up winning the match. Jerry Lawler defending an obvious point. These days Cool would still win that argument. Lord Tensai is serious. Or something. They tease the Lesnar video package again.

It’s kiling me that they’re doing a UFC style video package with Brock Lesnar. Jeremy, the tiny one and myself are going to UFC 145 in Atlanta this week. You’re going to see something on the site about it. I’m no expert but have watched quite regularly since Brock debuted. I’m pumped to see Rashad Evans vs Jon “Bones” Jones. Should be a hell of a main event. We can definitely compare and contrast live experiences. We get a video package of Zack Ryder and Kane who are going to have a match. Of course it makes sense to settle a feud on no notice. Except for the commercial break.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

This pizza is a real product brought to you by Pizza Hut. Please don't buy from them any more.

I already want to toss my lap top thru the front window because of the Three Stooges hosting Raw tonight. Not a good start to the show. Then we got Johnny Wooden GM introducing a Brock Lesnar video package. I’m mildly amused that Johnny used the “legitimate” athlete line since the WWE is always trying to convince us that their wrestlers are “legitimate” athletes. I agree with the sentiment but shouldn’t you be less offended when people say that when you admit it? I also like that Brock has no catch phrases. Let’s see if they make chicken salad out of chicken shit with his first mic work. John Cena interrupts as Brock starts to talk. Nice, Cena just slaps him. Wow, the locker room empties. It gives it a better feel when it isn’t just refs. The WWE is more guilty of that than TNA. Less than fifteen minutes.

After seeing the replays, it looks like Lesnar popped him good that first shot then remembered he wasn’t in the UFC. We get our first yelling at of Teddy Long by Johnny. I’m so excited about this story line. Eve Torres wants to meet with Johnny. The Funkasaurus is up again. Santino tags along. Vickie introduces her clients Jack Swagger & Dolph Ziggler. Poor Dolph has pink sun glasses. I’m starting to worry about picking my boy Dolph as the Money In The Bank winner. I was hoping to see Brodus sell more but they go to commercial. Those evil dirt sheets said that Vince was worried about his in ring work. Selling is the harder part, to me. Just like playing defense in a “legitimate” sport is harder because it’s always more fun to play offense.

After the break, Santino is selling. Damn it. Mitchell Cool selling Swagger’s new hairdo. Ugh. If his selling point is his hairdo, Swagger has much, much bigger problems. Brodus gets the hot tag and finishes off my boy in no time flat. I’ll be fine when his act gets cut down time wise. Johnny tells the Miz they can talk next week. Johnny yells at Teddy Long. Cena says he likes to hit and be hit. Cena asks to be put in a match. Johnny feeds Otunga to Cena. Santino asks Tyler Reks & Curt Hawkins where the Three Stogges are. Doesn’t any type of air time mean they’ll get ring time soon? Another tag team that’ll challenge for the belts in no time flat.

Santino is still looking for the Stooges when he runs into Kane. People love his prance out. The Stooges are on Raw tonight yet they haven’t been on TV in the first thirty eight minutes of a two hour show. R Truth takes on Cody Rhodes. Oh, Smackdown is live? I got the legend’s part taken care of. We get more repeat angle from Big Show who taunts Rhodes. R Truth wins. Santino apes a line from “A Christmas Story”. The Stooges are in the aped crate. They use all the same tricks that don’t pack half of the humor.

For some reason, Yoshi Tatsu challenged Lord Tensai. He is not getting much of a reaction. A squash, even thru TKO, shouldn’t take as long as it did last week. The crowd chants “Albert”. Just say his name on TV and get it over with. The announcers are doing their job. The match was faster but the crowd is still not caring.

CM Punk comes out to explain himself. Punk is mad because the first thought thru his head was “I smell like my father did.” The crowd chants “CM Punk”. Not exactly the reaction he wanted, I’d guess. Chris Jericho asks if he’s still hung over. He then asks if he’s drunk. I love it. They’ve talked me into this angle. The CM Drunk thing is so hack. Punk is going to take out his frustration on Jericho. Chris looks nonplussed. Mark Henry comes out. We get commercials.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Smackdown

Whippets are mini Greyhounds.

David Otunga starts the night off by introducing Johnny Wooden GM. They’re keeping the People Power idea going strong. They ask Teddy Long to come out. Teddy tells him to go to hell. The crowd reacts to Teddy so why keep him. The crowd doesn’t even use half the power to boo Johnny. Of course Teddy’s grandkids need an education. Johnny forces Teddy to take a job with him so the grandkids don’t lose their college fund. Dumb story line #1 starts for the evil GM. Ugh. Kill me. I knew this would happen. At least we got respite from these dumb stories on Raw because of the star power. Of course the board thinks this is a grand idea too. What a bunch of assholes for letting Johnny hang this over Teddy’s head. I can’t drink quick enough. I want to throw my lap top.

Mark Henry & David Otunga are taking on R Truth. Mitchell Cool gets to rub in Johnny win. An annoying Cool is going to help me enjoy this storyline even more. Why would Booker be summoned to the Board of Directors? He’s got to “work” for Johnny but he isn’t signing the pay checks. Abraham Washington is watching in the back. Otunga tags in after a World’s Strongest Slam. Henry rightly looks annoyed at Otunga’s posing. Kane shows up. Weird. Then they go to commercial. This show is on fire. Not in a good way.

He’s taking on Randy Orton in a No DQ rematch. Why does Orton keep wrestling the guy he feuds with? Orton was never in a tag match against Wade Barrett. I don’t feel ripped off for this match since it has been done so many times anyway. WM wasn’t anything special. Putting it on this lot on the show doesn’t give it much importance either. Nothing going on before the break. The other thing bout Randy’s matches, they’re TNA inspired. Why does he have a No DQ match on Smackdown against his foes instead of a PPV? RKO for the win. I was pretty bored. Fair enough brawl I suppose.

Review of Daniel Bryan vs Sheamus. Some jobber got mic time before Ryback comes out. They pull the same stunt with Skip Sheffield they did with Lord Tensai. They acknowledge their past without saying their old name which is more of a problem. Just say A Train and Sheffield, say they changed their names & we’re all happy.

Daniel Bryan & AJ Lee come to the ring. The Yes chants aren’t as strong already. Now the crowd is piping up. Bryan says the crowd is mocking him. Awesome. He says AJ cost him the belt. Nice. He tells her she has the kiss of death. If they would have saved this dick type move for this moment, instead of before Wrestlemania, it would have been more effective. It’s still working though so why am I bitching? Bryan kicks her to the curb. That’s a shame. I want to keep seeing me some AJ.

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