Happy 60th birthday, @HulkHogan!

(Those were happier days, dude; look below for some hatred, brother!)

Hulk Hogan turned 60 today, and some of his friends have wonderful birthday wishes for the No. 1 Hulkamaniac. Here’s the late “Macho Man” Randy Savage with some birthday advice:

Booker T would normally leave a present for the Hulkster, but in this case, he wants to take something:

Shawn Michaels offers up his own interpretive dance:

And Hulk’s old nemesis Ultimate Warrior conjures up some fun memories:

Hulkster, allow your fans at Stunt Granny to pile on… er, continue the birthday wishes, and here’s to hoping you can keep milking that idiot Dixie Carter for her oil money until Papa Vince finally calls in his “Real Americans” blow-off angle. -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #201

Changes are afoot at Stunt Granny so Dusty & Kevin are here to talk about them. Who suggested this change? Who pushed to make the change immediately? Are the guys going to abandon wrestling? Of course not. Kevin’s girlfriend is ready to though after four months of watching WWE Raw. What did she diagnose that Kevin found so funny? Is it a familiar complaint? Why is the WWE oblivious the myriad of problems when a novice can spot them? Dusty & Kevin move on to talking about some of the positives of Raw. How did they rank the segments with CM Punk, Paul Heyman, Mick Foley and John Cena? Does Dusty still have contempt for Foley? Is the power couple of CM Punk and Paul Heyman working? What could John Cena do to help remedy some of the problems that novices can point out? They move into a lighting round and talk about Jim Cornette as a baby face commissioner. Is his gimmick as bad as a heel GM? Dusty & Kevin finish by talking about Austin Aries going heel to fight Jeff Hardy. Who gets a guest shout out for posting about this topic on the Stunt Granny Facebook page? Find that out and more when you click the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #201

In honor of @WWEDanielBryan and @WWEAJLee, WWF’s finest wedding moments…

This coming Monday’s “Raw 1,000” will feature the marriage of Daniel Bryan and AJ, and in their honor, we present to you the finest wedding moments in WWE history. Of course, a “fine wrestling wedding” is like being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s, but that hasn’t stopped WWE from booking cringe-inducing wedding angles for years. In fact, let’s skip the first actual ceremony (it’s split into two 11-minute parts on YouTube, and I will not do that to you fine people) and get right into the WWF’s first wedding reception, for Paul “Butcher” Vachon and Ophelia. Welcome to the slowest god damn food fight in history:

WWF learned so much from the atrocity of this segment that they… held the next one, between Uncle Elmer and Joyce on a high-cost episode of NBC’s “Saturday Night’s Main Event.” Good lord, Vince McMahon could have poached a bald eagle on TV back then and it would have drawn a 10-point-0.

Possibly the greatest marriage angle of all time featured Macho Man Randy Savage and his long-time love, Miss Elizabeth. Audiences fell in love with the demure Elizabeth at first sight, but for years, Savage abused her verbally and occasionally took advantage of her presence physically. After a two-year on-screen split, Elizabeth returned to Savage’s side in a moment of need, and there wasn’t a dry seat in the house.

What’s the matter, toots, your shoes too tight?

Mid-1991 brought a change of heart for the “Macho Man,” as he got down on one knee and proposed to the woman we all explored our bodies to:

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Top 15 Pro Wrestler Commercials for Non-Wrestling Stuff

In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?

Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!

Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:

Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?

Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:

Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:

I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:

John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!

And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:

Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:

And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):

More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:

And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!

Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:

And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:

And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:

Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:

Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!

Stunt Granny Audio #167: Nostalgia Special

(Click here to see Jim Duggan on the WHO-13 News in Des Moines! HOOOO!)

Inspired by the nostalgia of Hacksaw Jim Duggan coming to town and the litany of garbagosity that is the crop of champions in TNA, Eric and Dusty bring you a look back at wrestling history and ask the question that has plagued us for about 80 minutes: Could the King of the Ring work, if done right, in today’s WWE? Listen as the guys recount the days when Duggan, Randy Savage, Harley Race and Owen Hart wore the crown. (And then there was Mabel, and Billy Gunn, and William Regal, and…) Who wore it proudly? Who wore it stinkily? Who never really wore it at all? And who would benefit from the royal crown today? Well, listen and find out!

Stunt Granny Audio #167

Stunt Granny Audio Show #144: Pro Wrestling Conspiracy Theories

Dusty and Eric team up for a special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, this one dedicated to conspiracies in the world of professional wrestling. No, not ones dreamt up by 1998 Chris Jericho or current-day R-Truth. These are the conspiracies put forth on a recent TruTV.com article, ranging from deaths to injuries to more deaths. The boys agree with a few, debunk way more, and even dip into their historical brains to come up with some added and legitimate conspiracies. What do they believe? Is the truth out there? Listen to find out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #144

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/28/11

1. Chyna – The girl is back at it again and backing it up with two gay porn guys. It may not be confirmed her co-stars are gay but have you ever watched porn? No way are those guys straight. No straight male looks at his rod pistoning some sweet vagina and looks disgusted. Sure we have all had our share of pigs but even that is no excuse. – Jeremy

2. Kharma – Sticking with the boot knocking, she is pregnant. It’s not like there is a good time to have a kid but this is a bad time to have a kid. She was getting a mega-push on a national television show. If she was in TNA this would be better news since no one cares about them anyway. – Jeremy

3. Ric Flair – Can he now add fugitive to his long list of accomplishments? He owes money and autographs to HighSpots and that sentence couldn’t be funnier. The man owes signatures, ink from a pen he is holding as payment. The justice system sucks a dick. Unless of course he has to sign with his mouth like he is pushing a wheelchair.-  Jeremy

4. Hulk Hogan – He took his “Hulk Hogan and Friends” tour back on the road, trotting out such Saturday Night’s Main Event-era cronies as Koko B. Ware, Greg Valentine and the Nasty Boys to share stories about how great Hogan, Andre the Giant, Hogan, Macho Man Randy Savage and Hogan are. Did you know Hulk tore up his entire back bodyslamming Andre while fearfully accepting the torch from the angry Giant? I think Pontiac Silverdome’s attendance is up to about seven hundred thousand now. – Eric

5. Eric Bischoff – He and Jason Hervey got a show concept starring Cee-Lo Green, um, green-lit; he was seen with Bill Goldberg, possibly courting him for TNA; and he spoke eloquently on why Ring of Honor’s sale to Sinclair Broadcast Group means next to nothing in the big scheme of things. Say what you will, but he’s a *busy* douchebag. – Eric

6. Carly – My girlfriend and I caught the end of Raw this week, and when she saw Rey Mysterio — black mask, black pants and dark tattoos — standing on the second rope, emotively encouraging the crowd to clap as John Cena crawled to the corner for the hot tag, she glared at the screen, paused for about half a second, then declared, “Fag.” I love her. – Eric

7. Tough Enough – We’re down to three contestants – Jeremiah, who is having problems not killing his opponent in the ring but has the best charisma; Luke, who is cockier than he should be because he’s not that special but his look definitely fits into the WWE; and Andy, who the WWE probably likes because he’s tall and they can probably give him some “vitamins” to become a monster. The finale is on Memorial Day. Too bad that the only star (re)made out of this show will be Steve Austin and possibly Bill DeMott. – Kevin

8. CM Punk – You’ve got to love this guy whether he’s performing in the ring or skewering someone on Twitter (@CMPunk, for us go to @StuntGranny). Though he proclaims to not want to get the cheers of the fans, he clearly does little and big things in the ring to get the cheers. This week, he wore pink trunks and yellow boots (a staple Macho Man color scheme) then went for the top rope elbow. If the WWE doesn’t resign him, I’m sure they’ll keep their same 3 point something rating. – Kevin

9. Jacques Rougeau – Rockin’ the newsreel lately. Peep this:

Jacques Rougeau Jr had his last match last night.

The match was the main event of the long scheduled last show of the Rougeau Gym winter/spring tour in Drummondville, saw 5000 people pack the Marcel Dionne Centre (150000$ gate). Rougeau worked a tag team match with his oldest son Jean-Jacques.

After the match, Rougeau removed his wrestling gear (Pads and boots) and threw them in the crowd. He then said that he still felt good but that at age 50, it was time to go. He said he felt that the Rougeau name would live on forever thanks to his 3 sons (more on that later) and the rest of the roster.

At a press conference after the show, he announced that he would graduate an unprecedented 20 students class in July which will double the roster size of his promotion. He also said he was considering running full-time rather than doing tours, and that he was in discussions with Quebecor about having a weekly TV show on the upcoming TVA Sports channel.

This show was marked by the return of Cedric Rougeau, the 2nd oldest son of Jacques’ who had dissapeared years ago due to “injury”. Cedric had been working matches under a mask with midgets as a kid but towards the end he had gotten too big for midget matches and too small / frail for full-sized matches. Many people had speculated that the “injury” was in fact puberty.

Well, the days of being too small for anything are OVER for Mr. Rougeau: He re-emerged, at 17 years old, as a hulking, muscular, Lesnar-sized 6’7″ behemoth. He will start working regular matches in July. If he can work, and there’s no indications showing me that he can’t, this guy will one day sell out the Bell Centre for Rougeau Gym.

Sunny days ahead for Montreal wrestling!

Here’s a family picture taken last night showing, from left to right: little Emile Rougeau (working midget matches until he gets “injured…” but the “midget” he works with seems to grow up too…they’re both larger than midgets now.), the hulking Cedric Rougeau, the smaller but talented J.J. Rougeau, and papa Jacques.

And then there’s the little matter of this video:

Thanks to Miquelio for that. – Dusty

10. Averno – WWE is playing small ball! Read:

Super Luchas reported on their cover today that Averno will be signing with WWE and most likely dropping his mask to La Mascara at CMLL’s next big show on June 17th.The story claims that he had a tryout match with WWE last fall and did well, but WWE was concerned about his age. However, Sin Cara isn’t getting over like they thought he would feuding with guys like Chavo Guerrero Sr., and so the idea is they need to bring in someone who can work his style and showcase his strengths, which Averno can do. The story claims WWE is looking at two other young CMLL luchadors as well.  
 
I’m not sure in today’s wrestling environment this is the best way to get Sin Cara over. He just needs to fight American professional wrestlers that can actually wrestle, as opposed to Chavo Guerrero. In fact, he’d be better off facing Chavo Classic at this point than Chavo Jr. An extended feud with, say, Evan Bourne could potentially elevate both of them. Obviously that is not in the cards. – Dusty
 
11. Cats are awesome – They fucking are. – Dusty
 

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Today's word is passion.

Sometimes, it’s hard to know yourself. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to formulate the beginning of this column but this route seems the best to me right now. My younger brother, who barely watches wrestling, thought it was a good thing to make a weekly column out of the Raw review that I do. Jeremy had told me the same thing before Wrestlemania 27 when I about gave out for the month before hand. My buddy Sean who I refer to often in this blog, said to me as we left the bar (I’m three deep on Great Lakes Dopplerock which is 7.6% alcohol just in case you were wondering) “You’re going to do your review now?” Yes, Yes I am. I think that wrestling is at a low tide but I don’t give a shit. I have a passion for this site to make it the best (Not reviewing a PWO show this  past weekend makes me feel like a failure in this department which I hope to make up for in the evenings coming.) whether it’s my reviews of PWO, t-shirts or this blog. When I bitched that I wanted comments, I suppose I don’t really care about them. I want people to enjoy this feature on the site. Let’s roll.

“Macho” tribute which I hope contributed to our great numbers over the week. God rest his soul. I’m so incredibly pissed at this point. I had a secondary intro about Demitri Martin telling people to “know themselves” because he is similar in age to Jim Norton. Both completely different comics but they know who they are and are both really funny. Anyway, that had something to do with me knowing my column. Since I feel like I can’t replicate my first viewing of the Truth/Cena/Hart segment, lets say they “executed” that well. Truth isn’t in Cena’s league but because of their past, which they acknowledged, it could work.

Big Show & Kane take on the other half of Nexus. Punk is killing on the head sets. No surprise that Show is holding court into commercial break.

By the way, improving this column hinges on me upgrading this shitty ass computer that has lost parts of at least 2 blogs now. I’m sure it has eaten parts of PWO reviews that I can’t remember. Nexus gets a win that is too expensive if you call it cheap. Better champs if well, you thought the tag team ranks were worth it.

I’m not surprised that Luke, Andy & Jeremiah are the final three without watching the last episode of Tough Enough. Randy Orton rocks according to some people.

Show bitches, Del Rio interrupts but gets hit by Rich Rod. I’m confused. Ridiculous to see Kane with “concern” on his face. What a strange segment.

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Stunt Granny Poll: What was your favorite Macho Man moment at WrestleMania?

Macho Man Randy Savage frequently stole the show at the early WrestleManias and created plenty of memorable moments for us all. While this list is in no way a compendium of the greatness of Savage’s career, we thought it would be fun to remember Savage’s big moments on the grandest stage of them all. As always, please leave a comment below! (And stay tuned for this week’s Stunt Granny Big 11, a video look back at our personal favorite Randy Savage clips.)

Macho Man Randy Savage dies in car accident

We love you too, Randy.

Wow. Just simply wow. According to Prowrestling.net, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, 58, died in a car accident Friday in Tampa, Fla. A report on TMZ.com says Savage had a heart attack while driving, causing the crash.

Jeremy said no jokes here, but I can’t help but to make a few observations. 1) Whatever issue Vince McMahon had with Savage that  kept Savage out of the WWE Hall of Fame ought to be wiped out now, but damn if that wouldn’t have been an awesome acceptance speech. And since Miss Elizabeth isn’t around to accept, either, I guess that leaves “Leaping” Lanny Poffo to recite a posthumous poem for us all. 2) Of all the people, of all the young deaths and of all the randomness when it comes to pro wrestling fatalities, how the hell is Jake “The Snake” Roberts still alive? I don’t think a nuclear holocaust, this Saturday’s judgment day or a nasty case of chicken pox could even affect this sweatpants-wearing freak of nature. 3) I guess this makes the “Where’s Randy Savage” blog irrelevant now. 4) Watch this match:

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