Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag

In our ongoing effort to provide you up to the minute Randy Savage news, we turn to our old friend Jason Powell:

There is an ad on Philadelphia’s version of Craigslist for a man who wants to dress up like Randy “Macho Man” Savage and perform a variety of his signature wrestling moves on a woman dressed up like Elizabeth. The man even claims to have purchased several Elizabeth style dresses.”The job is as follows,” reads the listing. “I will be dressed and acting as Macho Man Randy Savage and you will be acting as Miss Elizabeth. I come out to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ and once I’m done entering the ring we will improvise an argument. You will slap me across the face and then I will [perform various wrestling moves]…

“Don’t worry about getting hurt. I have been practicing on a dummy and I have made a ring in my basement with 4 mattresses and ropes. You are also allowed to bring any amount of people with you to watch the show so you feel safe. They are allowed to make signs and cheer along to add to the match’s atmosphere.” To read the listing, visit Philadelphia.Craigslist.org. [Thanks to the Dot Net reader who sent this item]

Powell’s POV: He’s been practicing on a dummy in his basement!!! The guy is willing to pay $500 in most cases, but up to $1,000 to women who look like Elizabeth. If any readers take him up on the offer, I would love to be one of the people who accompany you so that I can bring signs like “Depraved Horny Loser,” “Castration Candidate,” and “Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag.” Please let this air via online pay-per-view.

I used to wrestle the couch cushions at home when I was a kid. I never dressed like Randy Savage while doing it, though. I had a Ric Flair robe, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO! – Dusty

Macho Man Randy Savage dies in car accident

We love you too, Randy.

Wow. Just simply wow. According to Prowrestling.net, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, 58, died in a car accident Friday in Tampa, Fla. A report on TMZ.com says Savage had a heart attack while driving, causing the crash.

Jeremy said no jokes here, but I can’t help but to make a few observations. 1) Whatever issue Vince McMahon had with Savage that  kept Savage out of the WWE Hall of Fame ought to be wiped out now, but damn if that wouldn’t have been an awesome acceptance speech. And since Miss Elizabeth isn’t around to accept, either, I guess that leaves “Leaping” Lanny Poffo to recite a posthumous poem for us all. 2) Of all the people, of all the young deaths and of all the randomness when it comes to pro wrestling fatalities, how the hell is Jake “The Snake” Roberts still alive? I don’t think a nuclear holocaust, this Saturday’s judgment day or a nasty case of chicken pox could even affect this sweatpants-wearing freak of nature. 3) I guess this makes the “Where’s Randy Savage” blog irrelevant now. 4) Watch this match:

Jay Lethal Released By TNA

Fuckin figures.

UPDATE: The news of Jay Lethal’s release came on April 21. According to Wikipedia, Jay Lethal’s birthday is April 21. Burn in hell, TNA.

So Jay Lethal apparently wasn’t good enough for TNA any longer. According to PWInsider via ProWrestling.net, TNA has released the former X-Division champion. Of course he will be better remembered for his stint as a Macho Man tribute act.  So, what to make of this?

Really, it is TNA so who cares but Lethal is a young guy that has plenty of years ahead. He should have been valuable to TNA but he isn’t Eric Young, Rob Terry, Orlando Jordan, Abyss, Crimson or one of those easily confusable jackass security guys.

Releasing Lethal, regardless of if he asked for it or not, speaks to the bigger problem with TNA; they have no clue how to utilize their talent. Sure Lethal will never be a main event player but he is young and has the talent to make for a compelling mid-card act. He could have been a staple of their X-Divison but it is clear they don’t care about that. He could have been a player for the television title but there are no clearly defined rules for that belt anyway so it wouldn’t have mattered actually.

Here is the one idea no one will mention; WWE needs to get him on the next season of Tough Enough. No not developmental or NXT, they need to get him on television in a controlled environment and see if they can mold a personality for him. See if he sticks. If he wins it, great, if not, nothing lost and he can go to ROH or Japan.  -Jeremy

SG Poll: Which rumored WWE Hall of Famer would you have liked to see inducted?

As always, leave comments, but more importantly, don’t let this poll get in the way of some good audio; check below for the first three parts of Jeremy and Kevin’s WWE WrestleMania 27 previews, and stay tuned for the rest!

It’s Just A Macho Thang!

Peep this:

Does the Macho Man have an action figure?

OOOOOH YEAAAAHH! DIG IT! Just watch the damn video:

Now, watch the video again and then buy the action figure. Savage fucking rules. – Dusty

Nuptials turn to napalm: Randy Savage marries again!

savages

Meet the Poffos

Yes, I realize you all already know about this, but I had a busy day at work, Jeremy and Kevin are on vacation, and Dusty is catching up on the third season of “American Idol.” Anyway, according to everywhere (but specifically PWTorch.com), Macho Man Randy Savage, at age 57, was married to his girlfriend, Lynn, last weekend. Check out the photo gallery at MachoMan.com… good lord, he looks like he should be the dad on a reality show about manufacturing motorcycles. I just wonder when Ric Flair will come on TV with doctored photos of Lynn with “Macho Man Slick Ric.” -Eric

%d bloggers like this: