Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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I’m trying to do too much these days. I’m thinking this review will be more half assed than normal. Time to speed thru this puppy.

Randy Orton is fighting Antonio Cesaro. I’m thinking Orton is the new main event guy who puts new talent over. CM Punk comes out irate as he should be. He’s ready to do some party crashing. I remember the days. I have no idea why Vince McMahon can fire Paul Heyman. I’m glad the Miz is the hook for the match. Ugh. Of course even after the commercial break, nothing happens before the commercial break that follows the “beginning” of the match. It wasn’t worth starting a new paragraph.

I’m not even paying attention to the match. Uh oh, ref touching. The Miz allows Orton to hit the RKO. They’re staying the predictable course. The Miz gets to rub it in. I’m “loving” that Mitchell Cool is still on the Miz band wagon. Ryback needs to make us laugh. Stupid.

Even better, Matt Striker is hosting. The Prime Time Players get to be in this show down. Ryback’s joke is appropriate. I still don’t like his finisher. People are loving him though. Matt Striker deserved it. JBL is awesome for laughing at him. That woman in the front row, corner of the entrance is something else.

Wade Barrett gets to choose his opponent. Boy, I wonder why Bo Dallas eliminated him last night? Bo Dallas wins. I’m surprised. That seems pretty weak man. I’m all for the surprise win but it needs to look more flukey than that. John Cena is Cody Rhodes next match.

Cena is on Fruity Pebbles. Thank you Rock. Lawler is still talking about Goldust from last night. Cody Rhodes is leaving. The match was the right length. Cena with an AA. He gets to gab after the match. Cena tries to play the underdog card. He’s coming with an answer though. Of course he’s choosing the Rock or CM Punk. The Shield shows up. JBL calling the stupid card as he should be. Sheamus finally gets off his lazy ass. Ryback makes the real save. Are they actually putting over the Shield? The good guys still look like a bunch of idiots.

Tensai vs Brodus Clay in a lingerie pillow fight match. Thank goodness they begged off. I won’t be watching the Dance Off.

Oh jimminy cricket, Tensai still wore the lingerie. Poor Tensai. I’m laughing at him though. I’d love to see Brodus do a split. My girl likes his top. Clay teaches him to dance. I need more alcohol. Ron Simmons is still awesome. I’m guessing without watching that Alberto Del Rio is in a body slam match with the Big Show.

This is predictable shit. Wow, Big Show freaking out is not predictable. Maybe it shouldn’t be. They’re trying to make Del Rio more of a babyface. Ricardo’s tattoos are all terrible. He needs to get that shit covered up. The crowd isn’t buying it either. I’m enjoying Big Show toying with him.

Kaitlyn is moved into a match with Tamina. This is stupid. Oh, it’s lumber jills with show girl outfits. I like Kaitlyn’s outfit better. Her fashion has been questionable. Cat fight. Woof. Kaitlyn and Tamina stare at each other, kind of. Woof.

The Rock gets his time. Last segment before I deliver the girl back to her abode. Car repairs are a bitch. Thank you CM Punk. The manhood question is always available. I love Punk granting Rock a rematch. Rock’s got no answer on the mic really. The crowd is crushing him though.

Sheamus and Damien Sandow are in some type of a match. I heard it before I left. I don’t care. Ahh, tables match. Thanks for solving that one quickly. I’m glad Sandow is getting in more offense than Rhodes. I like the White Noise thru the table for the win. Figured it’d be a Brogue Kick.

I’m going to FF thru the Great Khali doing karaoke. 3MB makes it interesting. I’m glad Mitchell Cool is apologizing to the WWE Universe as he should be. I feel bad for Zack Ryder. Not sure I can type that enough times. He comes up with a fun character and he gets shit on. He doesn’t even get Heath Slater level TV exposure.

Raw is still Chris Jericho. Dolph Ziggler gets to respond to Jericho who paraded thru his baby face catch phrases. Dog peeing joke. Where’s Steph when you need to poop it up? Vickie Guerrero is back to being a baby face since Dolph is involved. They get to team together against Team Hell No. Kane & Daniel Bryan make it down before a commercial. Kane choke slams Ziggler after a cheap Jericho trick. At least it wasn’t as tedious as most of them. Trish Stratus is a deserving Hall of Fame member. I remember thinking she wasn’t going to be more than arm candy. She showed me way wrong. Hey  Miz, look at her ascent and get out of your rut.

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Paul Heyman gets to answer to Vince McMahon for the main event. I’m not going to like this. The camera man is a snitch. The godfather moment is kind of funny. Brock Lesnar wakes me up from my coma. OK, good reason for this to be in the main event. I love him just pointing at Heyman. F5. HHH vs Brock is confirmed on TV. -Kevin

Eric’s Blog: What I love – and hate – about WWE Main Event

Tonight’s episode of WWE Main Event on the Ion television network marks Week Six of a newly produced, newly formatted program that gives WWE an extra revenue stream and, apparently, a sandbox in which to play.

To the point of the new format, right out of the box, WWE placed an active superstar in, what looked at the time to be, a permanent color commentator position. The announce team of Michael Cole and The Miz had potential, both in calling the action and in growing the stagnant “Miz” character, even preparing Miz for a future in broadcast should he choose to accept it.

My eyes were opened even wider to the new format when only two matches were announced, then recorded, then broadcast on each show: one headline match and one “undercard” bout. And the headline match lasted a good 20 minutes. And, week to week, the headline matches were set up by something that had happened on the previous episode. AAAAND, the wrestlers were still given promo time – not soliloquy time, but just enough time to get themselves and their match over.

So many thoughts went through my head as the weeks went on:

  • How great is it that WWE hypes one match for a whole week on one of their shows?
  • How great is it that WWE doesn’t try to cram 10 pounds of shit into a 5-pound bag?
  • How great is it that WWE is employing the pre- and post-match promos with Matt Striker, often in the ring or at ringside, fight-night style?

Furthermore, WWE appears to have learned from its previous thrust into the one-hour basic-cable limelight – WWE Superstars on WGN, which debuted in April 2009 – and didn’t overhype its new show as “the place to see all of the biggest WWE stars!!!” Three years ago, the opening match featured the Undertaker, WWE’s resident part-time legend. Two years and 51 weeks ago, Superstars became the Fit Finley Fiasco, with your occasional Big Show here and Jericho there.

With WWE Main Event, you’re probably going to get a Randy Orton or a Sheamus or an Alberto del Rio, you’re probably going to get them in a six-man tag team match, they’re probably going to have a really good, made-for-free-TV match, and they may even cut a nice promo.

Then in the undercard, you’re likely to see someone climbing the ranks like Dolph Ziggler or Cody Rhodes get a win over a floundering but memorable Brodus Clay, when it could be worse, like Jey Uso or Epico. And if you do see Jey Uso or Epico, it’s probably in a tag team effort with their respective partners, Jimmy and Primo, in a decent 10-minute match. The point here: WWE is also utilizing its talent base as best it can here. Rather than feeding Zack Ryder to Kane in a meaningless match, you might get Zack Ryder & Santino Marella – Team CoBro – in a fun, well-worked, 10-minute tag match against the super-over Kane & Daniel Bryan. And then everyone wins.

Everything I have typed above comprised the list of things I love about WWE Main Event, not to mention the fact that the name and, to an extent, the format are throwbacks to days of yore, when I would record the WWF’s sporadic network TV show, The Main Event, on VHS. So now, for the thing I hate about Main Event: None of these formatting positives will translate to the A-show, Monday Night Raw, or the B-show, Smackdown. These are the shows where my dreams go to die. I don’t want 20-minute promos by Brad “Show Your Teeth, Boy” Maddox. I want 90-second promos from Sheamus, something I can digest, not cram. I don’t want three hours of scattershot bullshit. I want 60 minutes of well-planned programming that strikes a balance between wrestling and talk, with getting yourself over as the fulcrum. I don’t want main events that were thrown together last hour by a crooked general manager. I want seven days of hype for a match between two men who have a score to settle.

Pro wrestling is not that hard. I am not that hard to entertain. Maybe I’m in the minority by feeling this way, but WWE Main Event nails both of those things far more often than either Raw or Smackdown.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Well grandkids, I started doing some sketches on my way back from Des Moines for Stunt Granny logos. I have quite a few more but this was my favorite along with my gril’s. I took my sketch pad into work and they liked it the best too. This is the sign you will see at Raw in a couple of weeks. I’m quite sure my girl and I are in camera view. I may tweak it in the future to make it an official logo but it’ll work for Raw. Let me know what you think of it. If I get some more spare time, I’ll make up more signs with the other logos and test them out. In the meantime, Let’s roll.

It looks like Rey Mysterio is healthy again. AJ Lee is at an emergency meeting but will be back within the hour. She’s not the only one who is confused. I know they’re close by but why would they wait to have a meeting the night of the only show they care about? Cody Rhodes & Damien Sandow get a joint intro. Sin Cara starts against Rhodes. I’m glad the luchadores have decided to go back to their original masks. The half masks were not a good look. There was some solid action before the break. A real break from the regular format with a two segment match to start.

Rey connects with the Double 619. What a smart move by Sandow to prevent the count. Cross Rhodes for the win. Kane & Daniel Bryan both tell them that they won’t win the title. Kane continues to be funny but they’re getting into the forcing it territory.

What the hell is going on? Another match? Why is Kofi Kingston getting to kick someone in the face again? Miz is at ring side. Michael McGillicutty is the scarificial lamb. Trouble In Paradise for the win. What a throw away segment.

And the ponderous 15 minute talking segment finally comes into view. It looks like John Cena gets to sell Ryback. His elbow is looking fine but if he doesn’t get in a match, I’m not buying it’s health. CM Punk will provide some relief. Hopefully. I can dig Punk making fun of Cena as a cheerleader. Cena says he’s medically cleared. Punk is pretending, I’d imagine. He’s doing quite a sell job on this. Heyman is cracking me up too.

Justin Gabriel takes on Antonio Cesaro, who grabs the mic before the match starts. Gabriel takes advantage. It doesn’t last too long. While talking about the marathon, the WWE continues some head scratching decisions by having Justin Gabriel nail the 450 for the win. I’m all for moving some people up but not at the expense of someone who is finally doing something.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

So, my internet and cable was down from about 6 PM until 8 PM. I’m pretty sure Baby Momma Drama talked the entire time. I’m starting to think the guy can’t handle quiet. I really should have pulled a Darth Vader and said “Shut up, bitch”. I’m going to keep on typing and talking though. Probably on the audio show too unless Dusty & I can lure Eric out of retirement. Let’s roll.

I started recording a couple of minutes after 8 but I still got the full opening segment. Damn. Mitchell Cool is very punny to start the show. Big Show is in the ring and getting some good boos. Blocking one Brogue Kick means it can’t ever connect. The crowd buys it though. He makes some real sense by challenging Daniel Bryan. I think that was Aksana with Justin Gabriel. Sure, give all the tag teams a hot broad. They have lots of unused of those on the roster too. Give them TV time. AJ Lee orders Bryan into the match. Little kid cut out goat faces. The WWE will whore out anything. The match is over forty-five seconds so is Big Show really redeeming himself? I missed another chunk of TV time when the cable went out. Show is going to win as soon as I start my “second” recording of Raw. I got nothing on the quality of the match. The commercial took up more time than it did. Kane stops Big Show from going for the WMD.

Paul Heyman gets our first extended talking segment. He’s just shilling for CM Punk. We get the answer to how bad Cena’s elbow is. Cool is doing a good job of hyping HIAC. Him heading back to the baby face ledger is helping out. Being beside Jim Ross, JBL or both helps even more. I miss some of Punk’s promo explaining him back fisting a fan last week to the girl. Just when Punk asks for more patience, Vince McMahon shows up in another awful suit. Vince takes away Punk’s choice of opponent.

Brodus Clay and Alberto Del Rio don’t get their entrances. Brodus starts showing off nipple again. Who’s got the screen cap? The kick to the back of the head was so half assed. The arm break that followed wasn’t much better. Cross arm breaker for the win. Punk is talking to Heyman in the locker room. Punk wants to challenge Vince to another match. Santino & Zack Ryder get an entrance before the commercial break.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Sometimes, people have the habit of embellishing the truth. Some people though, take it to another level and pretty much lie or make something up to sound cool. When it’s someone close to you, it has a bad habit of tainting what you think of them. You wonder even when they’re right if they’re wrong. It makes life interesting. I hope you all had a fun weekend. Even with that craziness involved in the weekend, it was a good time. It’s nice just to relax because the rest of September is going to have lots of running around involved. Time to talk wrestling. Let’s roll.

After FF thru the review of the Jerry Lawler, we get a cold opening from Mitchell Cool. The Lawler/Punk storyline is continuing. Fabulous. Sheamus comes out first. Glad he gave us the Chicago heads up because the pop for CM Punk makes sense. He soaks up the chants. Why can’t they relate to Sheamus? They do have a giant St. Patrick’s Day party. Green River and all. Sheamus is putting together a solid promo without any tales rebutting Punk’s argument. AJ Lee interrupts after some arse talking. Alberto gets to face John Cena. Punk gets to fight Sheamus. I would have to imagine that the later will end with some shenanigans. Cena will win his match up.

Vickie Guerrero introduces my boy Dolph Ziggler who is in a rematch from “Friday” with Randy Orton. Why is this match happening again? Won’t Dolph have the title soon with Orton being a prime challenger? Mitchell calling the match by himself is awkward at best. Dolph is selling like a champ as the commercial hits. My girl is suggesting that we dress up as Dolph Ziggler & Vickie for Halloween. I can’t tell you the delight she’s getting out of this idea. Orton is loving the super-plex these days. She’s even promising to put the fly in the trunks. I’m starting to get worried. I just learned that Vickie always has some of her lip stick on her front two teeth. Chicago is going bonkers for the RKO. They get it taken away from them by Ziggler who holds the tights for the victory. Why is the Miz coming out? Isn’t it a big deal that Dolph just beat Orton even by cheating? Monday Night Miz. Um, again, why don’t do this at the top of the next segment?

I almost FF thru the new anger management segment since it said last week. There are so many replays, I figured it was one. Naturally, the wrestlers need to share their thoughts first. Kane can light pyro in the garbage can too. We do get our dose of replays right after the segment.  I’m digging Rey’s shirt.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

26th round draft pick of the, ahem first place, Pittsburgh Pirates Jimmy Rider sent my beloved Kent State Golden Flashes into the College World Series by blooping a double onto the left field line which allowed Derek Toadvine to score in the bottom of the ninth. Needless to say, I’m giddy. Let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM comes out but before he can utter a peep, Vincent Kennedy McMahon comes down. Johnny tries to suck up to the crowd. It doesn’t work. Vince runs down Johnny’s bad decisions. Before Vince can do anything, Sheamus interrupts. Ugh, it’s going to be a loooong segment. Vince gets to tease us with a warm up “You’re Fired.” Moron adult in the crowd with a goatee and bald head had it spelled “Your”. Brutal.

Tensai is Sheamus’s opponent. The crowd is chanting “Albert”. Yep, stop trying to sell him as the second coming of the Great Muta. And have fun losing again. This will be his second high class job which the announcers pointed out. Cool says it a second time. Tensai may as well buy a mining hat for how deep he’s getting buried. Wow, they’re giving Tensai more offense in the second half of this match. Sheamus barely kicked out of his finisher. Good sell on his part. The Brogue Kick is becoming like the RKO, it can hit at any time.Vince asks Johnny who can replace Alberto Del Rio at No Way Out. Vickie offers up Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. Teddy Long gets the big idea but fetches coffee. Johnny goes for the fist bump. Vince cracks his first dick joke. Did I miss some news on Del Rio? Yes I did. Del Rio got his bell rung. Tough. They made him look decent with the attack on Sheamus.

Sakamoto is getting assaulted by Tensai after the commercial. The crowd isn’t reacting. I’m tempted to hit FF. I don’t care about either of these guys. You haven’t given me a reason. I don’t care that Albert can speak Japanese. So blowing thru the memory lane shit. R Truth is interviewed by Matt Striker. Lil’ Jimmy was traumatized. He was much better as a crazy heel. Big Show attacks him again. Big meanies everywhere tonight.

And of course we follow up with a replay of what just happened. Santino Marella comes out for a mixed tag match. Starting off like a barn on fire. More replays. Layla comes out looking as hot as always. They’re battling Ricardo Rodriguez (in tux, stay classy) and Beth Phoenix. Ricardo hides so this match is a hidden women’s match. Beth with the Glam Slam for the win. Beth sells Ricardo who is sporting a Justin Beiber shirt. Isn’t that your audience? David Otunga sucks up to Vince. Before Vince can get off a good lawyer joke, Kofi demands a match with Big Show. Dummy. Johnny who was right beside them grants it. Why did Vince & Otunga act like he was somewhere else?

Daniel Bryan comes out to speak to us. In threes. He’s delivering. CM Punk comes out to a serious pop. He goes short and sweet but does a good job. I hate pimping his own segment. Punk did have an awesome moment. He brings the thunder after that. Kane brings pyro and hopefully not much of a promo. AJ makes an appearance. CM Punk & AJ take on Kane & Bryan. Why would you do this during your job evaluation? Then they replay Vince doing “You’re Fired.” Cue foreshadowing.

It’s FF thru the entrances time. That Kent game got me started at 10. It’s getting late, yo. It’s the four way match between the Great Khali, Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger & Christian. The other three eliminate the Great Khali. Smart move on their part. Except Christian who is in there against a tag team. So is it worse for Mr. KSU to lose tonight or at the PPV? We know the winner is not derailing Sheamus. Swagger is a terrible choice even for an obvious loss. Christian doesn’t make sense.

They’re doing just that after the break until Christian dumps Dolph outside. The new hairdo is not helping Swagger. Going shorter under the part makes you look like a cub scout. Killswitch on Swagger with Dolph getting the pin. Dolph drop kick #3 of the match only gets a two count. Dolph kicks out after a spear. They’re making him look good. Christian is my move them up the card guy. Good back and forth near the end. “Let’s Go Ziggler” chant breaks out. The crowd goes solid pop for Mr. KSU. Clean pin too. Sheamus comes out for a look. They do a stare down. Nice quick hype. Natalya is still crazy while talking to Vince. The Funkadactyls try to charm Mr. McMahon. Vince dances. So we’ve got young chicks, the Harts, lawyers & dick jokes covered for Vince. Zack Ryder gets an appearance. How’s that You Tube show doing?

Ryback squash. He dominates two more schmucks. He needs his Big Show beating him up moment. Or a real opponent. They replay almost the whole match right after it’s over. Dumb.

Hornswoggle is talking to Vince. For some reason, he can’t talk again. JR impersonation. John Cena arrives. Cena points out all of Vince’s losses at WM. Of course Regal had to make an appearance after an ass kissing segment. We have all of Vince’s bases covered now, I think.

Kofi Kingston is smart enough to attack Big Show as he climbs over the ropes. I’m sort of tuning out the bickering between Cool & Lawler. It’s a big commercial for No Way Out. Crowd popped for Trouble. Kofi doing the smart thing and act like a chicken shit heel. Kofi gets KOed anyway. Shouldn’t the ref call it? Armstrong finally calls it.

Curt Hawkins gets to lose to Sin Cara. The crowd is all over chants tonight. Not sure what this one was. Hawkins has more offense in the first minute than I expected for the whole match. I hate Sin Cara’s finisher.

Daniel Bryan is stretching when Vince says hi. Another dick joke. Yep, we’re rounding the bases a second time until the end of the show.

I didn’t stop the FF even for my boy Dolph Ziggler. I said no memory lane and I meant it. Heath Slater is taking on Vader. He has seen better days. The crowd is giving him a warm enough reception. No way the majority of people actually remember him. Another chant. A “You’ve still got it” chant to add to their total. He has no agility any more people. Vader Bomb for the win. Cool does a Vader Time chant. Ugh. Pick your role. CM Punk talks to AJ Lee. He tells her not to worry. Punk’s facials after the kiss tell it all.

The Punk & AJ match against Kane & Daniel Bryan is up next. I taped Common Law but a three hour show shouldn’t over run. I know this segment will. I feel it in my being. Vince hasn’t been on nearly enough. AJ gets tagged into the match. She ends up kissing Kane. Does someone kissing Kane fall under specialty happening for Vince? Bryan jobs to the top rope elbow. Weak. She’s doing a good crazy person.

Vince comes out for the main event. The security are going to march Johnny out. The Big Show comes out to defend Johnny. He’s stinking it up worse than Sheamus. And of course they over ran. Because three hours and five minutes isn’t nearly enough time. John Cena shows up. I forgot he needed to be included in this segment. Damn it. He loses me but then grabs my attention when he does the reverse Cody Rhodes. Big Show getting the same treatment within a couple of months. The match now has the Johnny firing stakes for the second PPV in a row. Big Show doesn’t come close but “KOs” Vince. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: #Smackdown – For The Hell Of It

Just trying to get up as many review as possible since it’s the busiest time of the year. Since I’m so late on this show, I’m going speed demon style. If for some bizarre reason you don’t scroll down until you see an article you’ve read already, please do so now. Dan, Dusty & Eric did an audio about the Hall of Fame inductees. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan comes out with AJ. He wants to know how AJ feels to be in love with the World Champion. She tries to get out extra info but he shuts her down. Sometimes they spoon. Hilarious. She really enjoys cuddling. I can’t stop laughing. He’s a great lover too. I like that they’re shifting her character up a notch. She felt like a novelty. Sheamus shows up. He calls Bryan a coward. Nice of Bryan to make his own chant “Danny” by emphasizing Daniel. Slick little trick. Sheamus is the Irish version of John Cena with the wise cracking then serious tone.

R Truth is taking on Mark Henry. I hope this is a squash match. The crowd sweetener is on something fierce. They’re giving Truth some offense. Cross body into the World’s Strongest Slam.

Zack Ryder rally & a mascot isn’t big enough for Teddy Long. The Great Khali acts like Ryder. He looks more natural in the get up than Robbie T. Zack & Khali are added to Team Teddy.

The Bellas get an inset promo. Brie doesn’t need Nikki’s help against AJ. The announcers are trying to do something coherent about AJ but it’s failing. Her character is still being developed so it’s hard to argue. AJ had an arm bar locked in. Double distraction. Brie runs into Nikki. AJ gets the roll up. The Bellas disagree about a lot of things. They will be rooting for different teams at Wrestlemania. The sheep may actually be chanting Team Teddy. Weird.

Vickie Guererro intros Jack Swagger but I blow right by it. Zack Ryder is his opponent. Hornswoggle is at ringside with his Team Teddy flag. Mitchell Cool is running down Team Teddy. On paper, Cool is right. Swagger has been a waste of space for at least a year now. Dolph Ziggler hasn’t really accomplished anything yet. This crowd is sitting on it’s hands even as Ryder is on offense. Swagger kicks out of the Broski Boot. Powerbomb into a Swaggerbomb only gets a two count. Vickie’s distraction back fires. Ryder with the Rough Ryder for the win. The crowd is fist pumping. We get replay of Cody Rhodes and Big Show. Matt Striker talks to Rhodes. He talks about Show being a choke artist at Wrestlemania. Big Show is the WWE’s biggest fool. Rhodes is doing a good sell job.

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