Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

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You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Jeremy will take a letter into the bathroom with him if we are running low on toilet paper.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. Without any further ado, throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go:

1.) What are your thoughts on the Repo Man? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an interesting question, Dusty, I was just thinking about the Repo Man. Like, have you ever wondered who drives the Repo Man to the place where he is repoing the car? Because he always just hot wires the car and drives away with it, right? So, like, is a friend dropping him at the house so he can repo the car? Is he taking public transportation, like a bus or a taxi cab to get to the place to repo the car? Perhaps there is a never ending stream of repo’d cars that serve the purpose of leading him to the next house to repo the next car. Maybe he lives close by and just walked.

The point of the matter is that Repo was completely awesome and I always felt like if a bunch of the guys had teamed up to eliminate Yokozuna at the 1993 Royal Rumble, that match was Repo’s for the taking. See what I did there with that sentence? Why am I asking you the questions?

2.) What are your thoughts on the whole Jimmy Hart/Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters/Money Inc thing? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I was just thinking about this recently. See, it all goes back to Mr Fuji in 1990. In early ’90 Fuji managed the Powers of Pain. And then in like February, he debuted the Orient Express. Everyone put up a stink about what an obvious conflict of interest this was, and so Fuji ended up selling the Warlord to Slick and the Barbarian to Bobby Heenan, so he could concentrate all of his energies on managing his new, completely inferior team. It was tremendous booking.

So now Jimmy Hart in 1991. His Nasty Boys win the tag belts from the Hart Foundation at WrestleMania so that they can drop the belts to the Legion of Doom at SummerSlam and break up the Foundation so that Bret can finally get a big singles push. The problems start right before SummerSlam when Jimmy unveils his new tag team, the Natural Disasters. At SummerSlam, LOD should have beaten the Nastys, and the Disasters should have beaten the Bushwhackers. And then you *have* to turn the Nastys face. You cant really split them up since they’d be crap on their own, and you can’t keep them with Jimmy since he now has a new team. So that Survivor Series match (Rockers & Bushwhackers vs Beverly Brothers & Nastys) would have to be changed around, but I’m not trying to be a completist here. I’m talking about one specific line of booking.

So then you have LOD beat the Disasters at Royal Rumble 1992, shortly thereafter Jimmy unveils another new team, Money Inc. At this point, the Disasters have to turn face, since they would be clearly butt hurt about Jimmy favoring his new team over them. Maybe you wait until after WrestleMania 8, though, where you could have LOD over the Disasters and Money Inc over the Nasty Boys, if you so wanted.

There could be many different ways to achieve that same goal, but the point is they didn’t do any of them. They keep the Nastys with Jimmy all the way through SummerSlam 1992, which was logically ridiculous and clearly defied the hallmark they themselves had put into place a couple years prior. It just honks me off like a goose!

3.) Some idiot recently said that Ultimate Warrior was the worst main eventer in history. Your thoughts, please? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Very good question. Yes, he is an idiot, first of all. Second of all, it’s not really close to true. This subject was recently batted around on Facebook and a lot of people got lost in the tall grass, arguing that Warrior was a horrible worker. It might or might not be true, but it’s completely besides the main point.

See, Diesel was the worst drawing WWF Champion in history. So since he came *after* Warrior, that automatically makes him worse, no? He was no great shakes in the ring, either. Bret got a good match out of him, but Bret could get a good match out of the couch. Diesel was atrocious, didn’t draw a dime, and he was just really terrible.

Another matter is that Warrior was completely sabotaged by Hulk Hogan every step of the way. Follow me here on a history lesson. They debuted Earthquake by making him friends with Dino Bravo and having the two attack the Warrior. Before his Mania win over Hogan for the WWF Title, Warrior was beating Bravo at house shows. Therefore, all of that would lead perfectly, one would assume, towards Warrior feuding with Earthquake post WrestleMania. It should stand to reason that the number one face should be feuding with the number one heel in the company. (Please note that I’m not slagging Rick Rude at all by saying this. It’s just that he was a step or two below Quake on the totem pole at his point.)

Instead, Hogan got the A-match at SummerSlam and all of the hype leading up to it, with the injury angle, the get well letters campaign and the guys in the corner stuff. Warrior got the second most hyped match. And then, even more ridiculously, Warrior had no feud whatsoever going into the Survivor Series. He was pasted into a survivors match that he nothing to do with (Perfect vs. Tornado, Demolition vs. LOD). And then by Royal Rumble ’91, he was already losing the belt.  Hogan, meanwhile, carried the Earthquake feud through the end of the year, won the Rumble, and then beat Slaughter for the belt at Mania. There was never really a point during Warrior’s title reign that you couldn’t plausibly argue that Hogan was still the top star in the company.

So what I’m saying is, other than the workrate, you could conceivably blame every one of Warrior’s failings as top dog in the company on Hogan. After that he started flaking out and no showing stuff and trying to hold up Vince for more money and all of that, and I would argue that you could trace all of that back to Hogan sabotaging him in 1990.  But I mean, it’s not like Hogan has a history of doing that, or anything.

Also of note is that guys like Jack Swagger and the Miz are much worse main eventers as well. It is actually embarrassing that guys like that were allowed to hold the title. It’s a byproduct of today’s environment, where the name WWE sells the tickets and it doesn’t really matter who the champion is, and everyone gets a turn with every belt anyway, and there’s 5 million belts anyway, and nothing means anything, but man, do those guys suck. Especially Swagger.

Also of note is that workrate doesn’t mean shit in professional wrestling.

4.) Who are your top five SportsCenter anchors of all time? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Such a great question. I would have to go like this…

1 – Keith Olbermann

2 – Dan Patrick

3 – Kenny Mayne

4 – Scott Van Pelt

5 – Charley Steiner

Speaking of SportsCenter and ESPN, isn’t it weird that Chris Berman is, as Bob Ley once called Steiner, a “professional putz” when he went to Brown University and graduated with a degree in history? You would think he would be more serious, like Ley, instead of being Mr Sound Effects and guy-who-gives-everyone-a-crummy-nickname guy. Then again, him graduating college in the late 70s does explain his shitty taste in music.

5.) Who could it be now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

Willy The Worker Strikes Back

Who can it be now?

This was recently on the Observer front page, under the title “A former major wrestling star looks at where TNA stands today”:

By name withheld

I was thinking about this when I heard that Hulk Hogan & Eric Bischoff were not at the TNA PPV & the last TV taping. They are already setting up their exit strategy with 3 months left in their contracts. It’s no secret to even an idiot like Dixie that they conned her for a bunch of money & some initial press releases that made TNA seem bigger then they seemed. After 9 months they brought nothing to the table.

1. The Monday night war cost a ton of money with reduced TV viewership. The end result was that TNA spent the last 3-4 months rebuilding their lost audience from the move from Thursday to Monday to Thursday. TNA garnered roughly the same 1.2 rating prior to the Hogan faction a year ago.

1. PPV revenue to my knowledge had gone down with the Hogan faction. They hot shotted all of their main matches & angles on free TV to an audience that had no interest in paying to see anything on PPV. The initial PPV’s were chalked up as building blocks to a PPV that would be a bigger pay off. Thus far their PPV business had been worst off then a year ago.

1. House show business had been up in some markets & down in others. This is more indicative to advertising. In 8 years, TNA had never even built up any core cities that they can regularly return several times in a year with a steady fan base.

1. Booking is no better or worst, since Vince Russo is being retained for god knows what reasons. Either Hogan & Eric are keeping him in order to blame him for all of the booking problems. Either Dixie is just so clueless that she is not open to any changes in creative.

1. Eric Bischoff had probably spent the last 10 months pitching SPIKE one TV concept after another. SPIKE might already be tired of listening to his used car salesmen pitches about an additional midget wrestling show & additional TNA programming. Once Eric no longer got anybody from SPIKE to listen to his new TV ideas, his usage for TNA is no longer needed.

I see Hulk Hogan hot shotting some big angle in September in hopes that it could lead to a contract renewal. If that doesn’t occur, excuses ranging from back surgery, family issues, new TV reality show, etc will be his exit strategy. Eric probably had already packed his bag off of this sinking ship with nothing to gain by being aligned by TNA if he got nothing to sell to SPIKE.

Just Eric’s comment that there is no similarity between the MMA & wrestling fan base is either a combination of being oblivious & not having a pulse on the industry. The older wrestling fans have graduated from wrestling to MMA for the elements that wrestling is currently lacking in it’s over scripted & over booked environment. Wrestling is no longer creating the chase for the title in which wins & losses mean anything. The champion is overexposed by working on TV every week & being made to look like they don’t deserve the title.

The MMA promos seem more genuine & realistic in creating empathy or hatred based on the personalities. I don’t follow MMA, but a normal UFC countdown special is more likely to sell more buys to me by presenting the wrestlers as athletes VS. A immobile 57 year old man cleaning house on the main heel character.

Eric is a one trick pony that is still living off of his limited successes from WCW in 1996-1999. I still can’t believe a simpleton like Dixie after 8 years had never bothered to read a sheet to inquire about Eric & Hulk’s track records in creating stars.

All of TNA’s big money acquisitions look bush league with the booking that is behind them. With all of Jeff Hardy’s baggage, he is no where over as he was a year ago on WWE TV. They took a legitimate WWE headliner that is fairly young and made him just another performer. Accept he got a high price tag with no real booking to emphasize his strengths & to hide his weaknesses [awful promos].

Rob Van Dam went from a guy with a cult like following to nothing but TV fodder for Hulk Hogan to save. I got no problems with TNA making money acquisitions for Jeff Hardy & RVD in order to attract some of the WWE audience. I just question their lack of long term planning to keep them special & how they should be PPV draws by headlining matches that weren’t possible a year ago against the TNA roster as if they were dream matches. RVD VS. Samoa Joe for example was a PPV quality match up that had already been given away for free.

In 8 years, the company had barely created one bonafide star on their own. A.J. Styles should have been their RVD long before they got the real one. A.J. had been turned so many times that nobody even cares about him.

Desmond Wolfe had the chance to get over. They rushed thru his program with Kurt Angle that could had been more beneficial if they stretched it out with an in ring rivalry as the main premise to the story line.

Don’t even get me started on Samoa Joe. Just a chase for the title & a MMA build up with Kurt Angle was enough to build up to one of TNA’s best PPV buy rates. If TNA didn’t learn from that scenario, then they are just beyond clueless. Too many jobs, repackaging, & stupid story lines made Samoa Joe from a killer/main eventer to just another guy on the roster.

I can’t believe Dixie now thinks the new recipe in turning the corner is by hiring Paul Heyman. In 8 years, Dixie hired almost every WWE main eventer that was no longer working for them. Instead of taking TNA to the next level with their already solid roster, the company continued their path to no where. Simple reason the company went from stagnant & in to the toilet, the booking sucks. Vince Russo had probably done more damage to the point Paul Heyman might not even be able to turn it around.

I don’t blame Heyman for making big demands. Nobody wants to risk their reputation & time in to a project that doesn’t have big rewards at the end of the tunnel. Nobody wants to waste their time in being blocked by the pecking order of trying to find out who got more stroke then the other. Plus the current booking will take a month or two in order to wrap them up before you have a clean sleight in order to restart the company.

I don’t blame Paul Heyman in wanting to revamp the entire brand marketing of TNA to the general public. After 8 years, TNA should have some sort of buzz to the general public, rather then be considered a bad WWE rip off. I got nothing bad to say about their roster, since it is on par & possibly better then WWE in many aspects. After 8 years, they had not created any larger then life superstars on their own.

TNA thus far had not created any merchandise that is being sold in any retail stores that is a top seller. Children don’t care enough about their wrestlers or even follow the product enough to have purchased their figure line that was sold 4 years ago. The video game was not a top seller. With the dwindling DVD market, most of their retail DVD’s are constantly being marked down. Obviously TNA had not reached out to whatever base line of fans that they have in order for them to further support their product by making additional purchases outside of PPV or house show tickets. I always gauge a successful wrestling character or company based on the amount of T shirts I spot in public or at a wrestling show.

I seen countless children with Rey Mysterio, John Cena, & Dave Batista shirts when I’m at the mall or anything wrestling related. When was the last time any of us seen any TNA shirts worn outside of a TNA event? Obviously TNA already missed their mark on the children demographic. I guess by having Ken Anderson encourage the audience to scream asshole will bring that missing children demographic, bring in major advertisers & licensing deals, & not have TV executives frown upon the wrestling & fan audience.

TNA should be appealing to the 25 & above male demographic that no longer finds WWE appealing to their tastes. Instead TNA had already handed that audience over to MMA by not learning from what works in MMA & incorporating it in to their product with sensible booking.

Hopefully my ranting & raving made sense. It was just various aspects of TNA that had really been annoying me for some time.

I love how everything is under number one. I guess that means it’s all equally important. As to who it was who wrote this, let the speculation begin! – Dusty

Who’s Deader Than Kanyon?

No one. From Dot Net:

Chris Kanyon (a/k/a Christopher Klucsaritis) was found dead of an apparent suicide on Friday night. Although details are still sketchy, it is believed that he was in New York at the time of his death. A longtime friend reports that a pill bottle and several notes were found close to the body.

Kanyon also worked as the Mortis character in WCW and also had a run with WWE starting with the Invasion angle. He made headlines after his WWE run concluded by going public with his homosexuality. He appeared on the Howard Stern radio show several times as a result of his admission. Although he retired from wresting at one point, he had returned to the ring again recently and worked a couple of matches this year.

I’m gonna go to hell when I die, I’m gonna go to hell… – Dusty

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