Stunt Granny Audio #255

The better half.

The better half.

If you were wondering why it is considerably more sexy in here, it is because Dusty and Kevin are back for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin starts things off by breaking things down in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs, and Dusty retaliates by regaling us with the lowdown on the NBA playoffs. They then move on to talking about the latest episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty is still disgusted by the overly long Gettysburg Address reading interviews that WWE seems to love. Does Paul Heyman get a pass for his work? Where does Rob Van Dam fit in to this current landscape? Is Stephanie McMahon the worst?

They then break down which promotion has the better looking women – WWE or WCW. Which TNA performer has that ass? Which ring announcer chick does Dusty prefer – Renee Young or Christy Hemme? If you have to ask, you’ll never know. Do they have any faith in Jeff Jarrett and Global Force Wrestling making a dent in TNA’s business? What kind of pizza do they prefer? Who was the better member of the Powers of Pain? All that and a whole lot more nonsense, and if you don’t listen, you’re going to get arrested for public stupidity.

Dusty’s Blog: In defense of Dwight Howard

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So I listened to the most recent Stunt Granny Sports Audio, as you all should. If you haven’t yet, scroll down a few posts and do it now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Okay, good. Now, I have liked Eric2 since day one, and not just because he sounds exactly like Mike Ryan. I have always seen him to be smart and his arguments steeped in reasoning and logic.

But his rant on Dwight Howard in this most recent audio sent me through the roof and I feel like it demands a rebuttal. Eric2 must have recorded this audio from Mars or something, because he was out of this world with his opinions here. So off on my soapbox I go.

So often, people fall into the trap of labeling a player a “loser” just because they haven’t won a championship. It takes no foresight to say a player is a loser. He is a loser all the way up until he wins a championship, and then all of a sudden he’s a winner. Well, of course, common sense would indicate that there is a lot more nuance to it than that.

LeBron James is the perfect example. People were banging the drum for years that he was a loser, that he would never be able to carry a team to a championship, he was soft, he had no low post game, etc etc. One by one he checked off all the boxes and has proven what I, and many other people who don’t have their heads buried in the sand, have known for a long time: he’s the best player to ever play the game. Even better than that Jordan guy, absolutely.

The only reason why Derrick Rose won that MVP award a couple seasons back is because he was the second best guy in the league. The voters didn’t want to acknowledge LeBron existed, so Rose was left holding the bag, no matter how flimsy a case he may have had. No matter how dominant LeBron was over him in their match-ups. LeBron was a loser, he had no post up game, he couldn’t win a championship on his own, and they just plain didn’t like him.

Of course, since then, he has carried the Heat to two straight championships, with Bosh and Wade taking a back seat to his leadership, he’s developed a low post game to make himself even more dominant as an inside-outside threat, and the critics have all shut their big fat yaps, because there’s really nothing negative to bring up about the guy right now other than his receding hairline.

And so the No Vision Brigade turns its brain dead attention to Dwight Howard. Reality is that he might be the second best player in the league right now, behind only LeBron. That absolutely does not matter to the No Cluers, he’s a loser to them, and will continue to be one all the way up until he wins a championship.

Which he absolutely will do in Houston, provided a couple things happen. For one, the Heat’s Big Three (and it is a big Three, don’t try to pretend to me that Bosh isn’t a top 15 player in the NBA) will have to break up after this next season. (A season in which they will win their third straight NBA championship, and that big loser LeBron will win another MVP award.) There is no way Mickey Arison is going to want to eat that much money again in luxury tax hits. At least one of them is going to be leaving. (And it’s a column for another time, but there is no way LeBron is going back to Cleveland. Or anywhere other than Miami. It will be Bosh or Wade who leave.)  The Heat doing a mini breakup will level the playing field for the other top contenders, and open the door to a team such as the Rockets possibly winning the championship two years from now.

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #9

Um, yes please.

Um, yes please.

OK look you know we are going to talk about Sergio Garcia and his suggestions for Tiger Woods. What’s the big deal? It is golf isn’t it racist anyway? How could things get ay worse right? Well you let the CEO of the European Tour open his stupid mouth right? This ay be the only golf break that ever occurs on Stunt Granny in any capacity so it may as well be on the latest edition of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. Yes, Eric2 and Jeremy are back and among mocking golf and its competitors they also cover some serious topics like sexual assault and how women give up on looking good once they are married. Yup that’s right . Pete Rose gets married and his wife immediately decides to change her appearance for the worse. How is that fair for old Charlie Hustle? Hasn’t he given and then suffered enough already? Shouldn’t he be treated like a king? How stupid is Jose Canseco? Is it stupidity or a greater problem of being aloof and arrogant? What person wouldn’t be terrified and hiding in the face of sexual assault allegations? Why would any rational person go against his attorneys orders and blather on o the media? What kind of dummy taunts the accuser on Twitter? What exactly is Ozzie Canseco up to right now anyway? Is this a Lifetime movie in the works? They also break down how the media victimize itself in the face of athletes hiding things and hurting them. It really is quite funny how this always happens. There is some NHL playoff talk that somehow melds in to NBA playoff talk and then back to NHL talk and a nice dose of Henry The Hockey Hound being fed up taking matters in to his own hands when it comes to bacon. Oh yeah and Miguel Cabrera. So get to downloading the show and enjoy the randomness. It is funny, at least it should be. Really not sure since no one has listened to it again. In the moment it came across as funny. We could be wrong so download it already. OK?

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 6/11/11

1. Ultimate Warrior- Let’s sum up this week’s Warrior antics by simply saying he called out Hulk Hogan, essentially slandered the Hulkster, and is abusing his social media privileges by wildly saying things about another person that could get him in serious hot water. It’s a good thing Warrior doesn’t own shit except tassles and empty, decorative file cabinets, or Hogan’s potential lawsuit could cost Warrior his ass. (Maybe Destrucity will allow him to regenerate and grow a new ass.) – Eric

2. Hulk Hogan – On the other hand, Hulk Hogan has responded to Warrior’s attacks and accusations like a Real American: He’s threatening to sue. But that’s like putting a Band-Aid on throat cancer; you’re never going to keep someone as mind-boggly as Warrior quiet, so revert to your NWO days and run him over with a Hummer, or ignore him and, like the petulant 5-year-old he is, he’ll go away. – Eric

3. Matt Hardy – Apparently he is allergic to good decisions as well as red meat. Stupido posted a video of his inebriated brother using a taser gun on his girlfriend. Normally who cares but with Jeff up on drug trafficking charges maybe he shouldn’t be doing those things for public consumption. – Jeremy

4. Mick Foley – Mick and TNA have parted ways opening up the way for Mick to get back to WWE and stop slumming it. I’ll let Eric make the jokes but Mick needs to go back and replace Booker T. Wow has that idea not worked out at all. – Jeremy

5. Audio Sweetener – Someone, anyone, please teach TNA production how to use this thing. It sucks in the first place but when you try using it on 145 people it is just grating. If you amp up the cheering make sure you frame it so the tubs in the front row aren’t clearly sitting on their hands. This shit is easy. – Jeremy

6. Booker T – I think he is really good on Smackdown, so Jeremy can suck it on this. Look, when I’m watching baseball or basketball, I don’t want empty calorie cliches anywhere near my commentary. I want former players to tell me about what they would do in certain situations, what they did during certain situations, anecdotes from their playing days, why so and so always strikes out such and such, etc. But pro wrestling is different. Pro wrestling color was built on a foundation of empty cliches and meaningless yelling outbursts. Booker is funny and entertaining. I don’t look for anything else from him. The other announcers need to paint the picture. Booker is just there to add the accompanying Maddenesque “BOOM! BANG! POW!” stuff. – Dusty

7. Mick Foley – While I’m beating up Jeremy, I’ll continue with Foley here. Do you remember how absolutely terrible he was on commentary last time they tried that in WWE? Especially that ECW pay-per-view, which he almost single handedly ruined? Listen, I don’t want this guy anywhere near my television set. He has a gigantic ego, a small penis and no remaining skill whatsoever. I have his “performance” at that one Royal Rumble permanently etched into my mind, where rolling around on the mat like a bloated beached whale is what substituted for effort. So I definitely don’t want “one last match” from him. Nevermind the hypocrisy of him climbing back in the ring anyway after making such a big deal of his first retirement 100 years ago. He needs to go the fuck away. – Dusty

8. 1.0 – That was apparently the rating of this past week’s TNA Impact show, which I should note was the go-home show for the upcoming Slammiversary PPV. Even Stevie Wonder can use his voice to tell you that’s not a good rating. It’s really only a matter of time at this point. – Dusty

9. ODB – Speaking of Impact, you could apparently see ODB’s shaved vag stubble on that show on at least two separate occasions. Impact is the stuff nightmares are made of. – Dusty

10. Jinder Mahal – What do they see in this guy? What am I missing here? – Dusty

11. NBA Championship – The Heat are going to win in 7, mothertruckers. All hail King James! – Dusty

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Impact Wrestling

Since I couldn't organzie our crew, I'm imposing self torture.

I started asking too late in the week who was busy what night. So my self torture involves reviewing Impact Wrestling. It’s this or watch the NBA Finals. I’ll check in on it but who cares. I’m an NHL guy. Ryan Kesler made a hell of a play to set up the game winner for the Canucks last night. I got to watch him at Ohio State and now he’s the best US born player in the NHL. Complete silliness that I need to wait until Saturday to watch another game.  In other positive news, Sidney Crosby was cleared for his summer work out. My Penguins will be back next season. On to the inevitable.

Bischoff starts off by telling a guy in a suit he doesn’t do autographs. I’m ready to poke my eyes out already. We blend right into a brawl between ODB, Velvet Sky & Lee South. Could they involve more useless behind the scenes people? ODB fails to break the table when she slams her on a table. I was fast forwarding but it was amusing to see Velvet Sky cover up while she wore a bikini. Dumb broad. Tessmacher is thrown into the skit for no reason. In the middle of previews, we get Mr. Anderson doing the Sting imitation. This company can not get enough of imitations. He’s taking on someone from Sting’s past. I can’t wait for the swerve. Kendrick asks for another match against Abyss. Bischoff tells him to fight Kazarian. For some reason Kendrick is involved. You don’t get a shot at the title whether you win or lose dummy.

More Bischoff from “during the break”  and in the ring. Roode doing the smart thing and not handing over the Tag Titles. Alex Shelley comes out to a luke warm welcome after a long abscence. Sabin torn his ACL & MCL so he’s out for a year. Shelley is teaming with Storm at the PPV. Yeah?

Crimson (not the PWO variety) takes on “Cold Blooded” Matt Hardy. I’m glad Hardy got rid of the braids but his look is exactly the same as in WWE. The pants are the same design he used for ages with different material. Why is Hardy calling for the Twist of Hate? That’s a face move. Sky High does it for Crimson. Hardy wrestled the same match he did in the WWE too. If they were holding you back, why aren’t you showing them what they missed out on? Joe gets speared when he tries to charge the ring.

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Stunt Granny Audio #118

Mustaches are all the rage these days.

Join Dusty and Kevin as they guide you through a vast wonderland of opinionz 4 u. Kevin is distracted this week by the University of Pittsburgh Wanny McStaches blowing the game against Connecticut by not stopping a run they know is coming at them. Dusty is distracted by the Heat losing to the Celtics again. The cru talks about Monday Night Raw, and how boring, predictable and rehashed everything seems. They talk about NXT and how little Michael Cole cares about it. They talk about Mick Foley and his gigantic ego. Dusty fights a sneeze the entire time. Does any of this make for good audio? You need to listen all the way through to find out!

Stunt Granny Audio #118

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