Stunt Granny Presents: We Watch Stuff Podcast #5

There are no firm rules for this podcast so talking about wrestling is just something that will happen from time to time. But first Shahid and Jeremy talk about the opening weekend for Transformers: Age of Extinction. Did Shahid like it and if so how when nearly no one else did? Yeah a lot of people watched t but have you seen those review scores? Sheesh. Anyway, why did one studio call out Paramount as being huge liars? Is that reaction even warranted? What was the deal with Roddy Piper and Bad News Brown anyway? Who the hell though that was a good idea? How was the Money In The Bank match for our hosts? Who had the bump of the match? Was there anything shocking at all? Who was the MVP of the show? All of these questions are answered all you have to do is listen.

 

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Stunt Granny Presents: We Watch Stuff Podcast #4

This week’s “We Watch Stuff” is dedicated to the drama, pageantry, bloat and excess of the Transformers movie franchise. Shahid and Jeremy cover each movie from top to bottom and try to make sense of it all. Why does Bumblebee not talk? What creative mind thought that was a good idea? What excuse does Michael Bay make for his movies? Who is his audience after all? How great were the Ghettobots? You remember them right? You did realize one of them had a very distinct feature? How about the Nazi Transformer? You remember him from the cartoon? Yeah, no one else does. How much did these movie make? Why was the Matrix trilogy Rated R? What the hell does bastion Booger have to do with it all? Just download the show now to find out.

Stunt Granny Movie Review: Pain & Gain

pain-and-gainSure, this movie debuted April 11 but we didn’t review it so here it comes. It wasn’t worth going to see full price so my lady and I shuffled off to the Marginally More Than a Dollar Theater before it left even there. I’m not sure what I expected from this movie. All I remember reading about it was that some group was angry that they were glorifying criminals who killed someone. I’m quite sure whoever said that didn’t watch this movie. Or they had their eyes open and didn’t get the message of the movie which was Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) and Paul Doyle (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) were all incredibly stupid weight lifters who got what they deserved. So spoilers ahead. You have been warned so no bitching.

Daniel Lugo is the main character and ring leader of this crew. I could have done without the ending being at the beginning of the movie because it was a linear story otherwise and didn’t add anything to the movie a la Pulp Fiction. Lugo has big dreams of being a rich guy but the only thing he truly cares about is looking buff while taking copious amounts steroids. It is funny that a rich guy who may have had help from performance enhancing drugs is playing the part. Lugo is a gym trainer who changes gyms to make more money. Unfortunately, after bringing in major business into the new gym his needs aren’t satisfied so him and his best friend Adrian Doorbal hatch a plan to kidnap a client Victor Kershaw, played by Tony Shalhoub, and have him sign over his Scholtzsky’s fortune. I immediately thought to myself “How dumb is this plan?” but because they’re both idiots, no such thought crosses their minds. They feel the need to have a third person in their crew which is where Paul Doyle comes into the equation. He is another ex-convict who can’t get a job anywhere. Lugo convinces John Mese, played by Rob Corddry and the owner of the new gym, to hire Doyle all while planning to add him to the kidnapping crew. Doyle is the only sympathetic figure since he had cleaned up his act after his drug fueled conviction by becoming drug free and trying to dedicate his life to God. His character certainly brought the funny because of his split personality between his old life and new life. Lugo persuades Doyle to join his crew by telling him that it will be easy and no one will get hurt. Only another dumb weight lifter would think that a kidnapping could end without someone getting hurt.

Their incompetence comes in when they attempt to kidnap Kershaw but they fail twice before finally grabbing him on their third attempt when he comes out of his Scholtzsky’s. Keep in mind that these lunk heads thought ninja costumes from your local Halloween store were good costumes. Lugo, Doorbal and Doyle end up keeping Kershaw in an abandoned dry cleaners turned sex toy storage warehouse. The later of which comes into play because Kershaw is beaten with sex toys. After finally breaking Kershaw and getting him to sign over his Scholtzsky’s and money, Lugo runs into the problem that none of the paper work is notarized. John Mese comes into the equation because the gym has leveled off, he needs a sponsor for a body building competition and he just so happens to be a notary public. Lugo promises him a Schlotzsky’s sponsorship in turn for notarizing the documents that will bring him his “deserved” riches. Because Kershaw knows their identity, Lugo realizes that they need to kill him. Their first attempt to drive him into a concrete column fails because his car has an airbag and because Doorbal buckled Kershaw’s seatbelt before sending him on his way. Even Doyle & Lugo contemplate how dumb Doorbal is after that incident. Lighting the car on fire back fired because Lugo poured all of the gasoline on the exterior of the car and unlike every other movie, it didn’t blow the whole thing sky high. Because Doyle is driving the get away vehicle, Doorbal & Lugo convince him to run him over, twice.

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Jeremy’s Monthly Movies for April 2013

Film-Reels-1986

Have you ever wanted some expert guidance on just what you should spend your hard earned cash on at the movies? Do you have no trust for legitimate print or internet critics? Well then why not take the word of some schlep that has seen too many movies in his brief life? With so many movies released each week it can become rather daunting to keep track of them all. So, in the interest of simplifying your life I am here to help you decide what you should see at the movies with a quick week by week pick em. We are starting with March even though there are only a few weeks left. The idea may not be up to date but the opinions will be. So get to watching and reading. You have any qualms or suggestions for movies I missed then by all means let me know. Leave a comment or hit me up @grannymaes on Twitter.

Evil Dead – April 5, 2013

Look if you haven’t seen the first red band trailer for the new “Evil Dead” you need to watch it right now. Yes it is near blasphemy to remake “Evil Dead” but this looks to be an entirely new spin on it. Gone are the quirks and cuteness of the original. In its place is nonstop gore and suspense. This looks like a very uncomfortable movie to watch and not for the gore aspect. Sure it is unsettling but after a while you eventually find yourself unfazed. What this looks to rely on is actual suspense. We all know the story so there shouldn’t be too many surprises outside of Ash not being the lead. Yeah calm down it is perfectly ok since no one could ever replace Bruce Campbell. As a rule I never attend horror movies in a theatre. One reason is that I am a giant pussy and want to cover my eyes in the privacy of my own home. The other reason is that most horror movies are garbage and not with the inflated price to actually go to the theatre. This one may be wearing me down though but I will still be a giant pussy watching.
It’s a Disaster- April 12, 2013

David Cross and Julia Styles? Um, yes please. Now there is no chance I will see this around here since Greenville is the culture black hole of the south. So, look out for one of my One Paragraph movie Reviews later this year. Anyway I really like the premise. Instead of everyone freaking out they calmly drink themselves silly and party. Well, until it all falls apart inevitably and they ruin it with morality or something stupid to give us a lesson. Was that Ugly Betty banging on a pot and drink straight from a liquor bottle? Damn.
Oblivion- April 19, 2013

Look, Tom Crusie is an absolute animal. The guy is in his fifties and he makes action movies look like a piece of pie. Regardless of his personal life the man just knows what it takes to make a good movie. Sure he has some clunkers along the way but then what successful actor doesn’t? “Oblivion” reminds me of a cross of “Planet of The Apes” and “Wall-E”. Monuments are destroyed and the world is in tatters so all the humans up and left. Cruise is left behind to tend the planet and fix drones for some reason. Yeah, the premise seems a tad shoddy and if you haven’t yet it may be better served to stay away from the later trailers as, par the course now, it gives away too much. Out of all of the flicks releasing in April this one stands on top. Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman and a load of sci-fi visuals? Yup, sign me up.

Lords of Salem- April 19, 2013

I have loved the look of every Rob Zombie movie he has directed/produced. He has a good eye for keeping even inaction interesting which is not easy to accomplish. The problem with all Rob Zombie movies is that he sacrifices story, character and pacing for gore and shock.  He hasn’t found the right mixture of both to make a solid film. Generally his movies turn in to non-stop swearing and blood when there is no reason for it. This being said, I am not sure what to make of “Lords of Salem.” It has the same visual flair of his previous movies and he has teamed with some successful producers so anticipation is a tad high that he finally found his balance. As the trailer goes on though there are definitely places where you can see that the wheels may fall off in “Insidious” fashion.  So consider this guarded excitement for this flick. The fact it comes out after “Evil Dead” may hurt its business but then a movie making money and being crap is kind of what happens in the States anyway.
Pain & Gain- April 26, 2013

Speakign of crap that still makes money it is time for another Michael bay fiesta. Look we all know Michael Bay movies are style over substance and “Pain and Gain” looks to be no different.  The only reason this gets a mention is in keeping with the theme of new Dwayne  The Rock” Johnson movies that are releasing this year. So you could say I am anticipating this film but it would be for all the wrong reasons. Judging by the trailer, and really if you haven’t figured it out by now this is what all of these are based off of, we are going to be force fed more unnecessary slow motion shots and sprawling crane shots for no reason. If this movie doesn’t include at least one guy jumping off of a roof top in to a pool or a truck then it is an abject failure. On a positive note everyone looks to be in very good shape.

Stunt Granny Audio #197

Sweet Jesus this has to be a special occasion as Stunt Granny presents Stunt Granny Audio Show #197: The Asshole Edition. Yes, that’s right it is Eric and Jeremy bringing all sorts of opinions that you won’t agree with at all. Well too bad, the boys discuss Eric’s plan to sell his Masters of the Universe figures. Is now a good time or should he wait for the movie? They also discuss WWE firing Abraham, Washington and why it was totally justified. They then take great joy in the comic stylings of Brian Jossie. Wait, did Stunt Granny join Tout? What the hell did Kevin Nash do this week to be discussed and how does he tie in to CM Punk and Kurt Angle. Not to be left out Ring of honor takes a beating as does their champion Kevin Steen. Why? Why would we do this? Well, all you have to do is listen.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #197

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