Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Tim Howard, US Goalkeeper, after a tying goal from Portugal. From AFP/Getty Images.

Tim Howard, US Goalkeeper, after a tying goal from Portugal. From AFP/Getty Images.

I may have had my annual condominium meeting yesterday, but the day was all about waiting for the US Men’s soccer team taking on Portugal in the Amazon jungle at Manaus. It was the greatest game with the worst ending that I’ve had the pleasure of watching. The fact that the US is keeping up with Portugal is pretty awesome. Giving up a lead with 30 seconds though blows big time. I’m sure I’ll be completely useless on Thursday during game time at work. Saving the toughest opponent in Germany isn’t going to make things any easier.

Stephanie McMahon calls out Vickie Guerrero. I don’t care. Hell of a way to start the show. Especially due to the fact that this one is over coffee. Vickie watches Raw but Stephanie doesn’t since she spotted Reigns spiking the drink. If they used the coffee comment to kick start this segment, it was stupid. Stephanie gives her the old run down including the Eddie insults. They reward us with giving Vickie an option for a match. Stephanie is her opponent. I guess she’s going to put those work outs with HHH to the test. Vickie uses Eddie’s “Lie, Cheat & Steal” thinking. The crowd is behind Vickie. Please stop reacting. What is up with Mitchell Cool’s suit jacket?

Luke Harper is taking on Jimmy Uso in a singles match. We all can’t wait for Erick Rowan vs Jey on Smackdown. A super kick is the first big move that gets a two count. Jimmy runs into the Clothesline From the Bayou. So we got a two minute match after that fabulous opening segment? We only have to wait for a commercial break for Rowan vs Jey. Twitter, stop making Vickie vs Steph trend. I’m begging you. It’s okay to not blow everything the WWE puts on TV. Super kick to Rowan that whacks his head against the ring post. Jimmy takes out Harper. Jey with the Snuka splash for the win. The Wyatts gets the upper hand after the match. They hold up the gold ensuring they won’t win. Bray Wyatt congratulates Harper & Rowan before talking about trampling souls all over the universe. I dig the man’s style.

Of course we have to have the Rusev & Lana in DC segment. I should really start FF the segments with these bozos. Paige is joining the announce crew. She can’t believe she still has the belt. Just in case Total Divas didn’t suck enough, you can watch it now on the WWE Network. Cameron comes off far less bitchy when she tries to. Paige is at least likable. She needs some work. Naomi is taking on Alicia Fox as they don’t pay attention to it. They are trying to pull her Total Divas persona into it. Naomi would be a complete moron not to get rid of Cameron after this match. It isn’t helping that Cameron has no support for any of her arguments. Naomi wins with a Final Cut. Paige and Naomi have a stare down. Mitchell Cool can’t wait for the match between the two after telling us at least three times that Naomi beat Paige on Main Event last week. Sheamus asks Roman Reigns is ready to fight. Sheamus reminds Reigns that he has some pay back coming to at MITB. Reigns doesn’t believe in magic, he believes in Roman Reigns. They’re doing the smart thing with Reigns, Keep It Simple Stupid.

Cameron's character is Lost In Translation too. from CreateBuildDestroy.com

Cameron’s character is Lost In Translation too. from CreateBuildDestroy.com

Titus O’Neil is taking on Bo Dallas. Let’s go Bo! chant is happening. O’Neil is beating down Dallas early. Running Bo-dog for another victory. O’Neil knows what happens when all the other jobbers get fired. Dallas grabs the mic after O’Neil swats it to the outside. This stuff cracks me up. He’s so obnoxious.

HHH gets another top of the hour segment. Thanks McMahon Family. Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, RVD and Bad News Barrett are joining Seth Rollins in the traditional MITB match. Rollins shows he’s a smart man by already having his own t shirt. He asks why the crowd isn’t over something that happened three weeks ago. Ha. Rollins is interested enough in the subject to repeat his “Architect” talking points. RVD comes out. Rollins throws out the 2005 reference. Best RVD promo in maybe forever. It’s nothing to write home about but the stoner sounded decent. RVD talks himself into a match with Rollins. RVD monkey flips Rollins across the ring. RVD nails the plancha and follows it up with moonsault from the apron. Break time. Rollins is in control after the break. He covers for a cover after a swinging clothesline take down. Rollins tries to wear down RVD. The leg scissors pin was a slick move but still ultimately pointless. RVD nails Rolling Thunder. RVD goes for the splash but Rollins distracts him. RVD counters with a  Tornado DDT. RVD misses the Five Star. Buckle Bomb. Curb Stomp. Dean Ambrose attacks for the DQ. Ambrose is playing up the crazy angle by jumping on the announce table to attack Rollins. Amborse threatens to screw up MITB if he doesn’t get into the traditional match with Rollins.

HHH tries to talk Rollins out of requesting Ambrose to be put in the match. He tells HHH he needs to be a ring general with Ambrose. He needs to have eyes on him. I got this. HHH puts Ambrose in the match. Best speech by Rollins, hands down. Bad News Barrett has some bad news for us. Dolph Ziggler compares him to the Washington Redskins. Much better done than the Rusev & Lana combo. The segments are in the same spirit, run down the city we’re in.

The match between Dolph Ziggler and Bad News Barrett starts after with a big announcement from Justin Roberts. Interesting. I figured Dolph was going to lose after seeing him win last week at the Smackdown tapings. Mitchell starts getting shit about his jacket. I’m going to guess Twitter is helping out.  Drop kick by Ziggler leads to an early pin. Barrett clotheslines Ziggler outside. Back elbow by Ziggler. Weird looking cross body. A neck breaker takes the starch out of Ziggler for some reason. Winds of Change by Barrett. Zig Zag but Dolph is still injured. Barrett rolls to the outside. Ziggler thinks elbows will get him a victory. Barrett drops an elbow of his own off the ring apron. Barrett kicks Ziggler in the gut from a top rope position. Ziggler kicks out. Barrett misses his attempt off the top. Barrett tosses Ziggler in the air to pancake him. Wasteland only gets a two count. Barrett is hot at the ref. Barrett misses the Bull Hammer. Ziggler only gets two on the Fame Asser. Ziggler rolls into a crucifix pin. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer to retain. Fun stuff. Not surprised by the outcome but the WWE seems to be getting behind Ziggler again. They’ve let him shine in some losses recently. Renee Young asks Vickie how concerned she is. She has been insulted her whole time in the WWE. She has no regrets. Randy Orton greets her. She’s going to get what she deserves tonight. He’s going to get what he deserves on Sunday.

From Spike.com

From Spike.com

We get the traditional mud wrestling match. The first one to go into the pit loses the match. Steph brings out Layla, Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox on Vickie. The crowd is finally realizing how confusing this segment is. They decide to put her down. She pushes Rosa into the mud. She side steps Layla. Alicia Fox tries to get the jump but doesn’t. Stephanie sneaks up on vickie and tosses her in. As Steph sings “Goodbye”, Vickie tosses in Stephanie. The segment becomes more hilarious when Chad Patterson falls into the mud substance.

Goldust is talking to Byron Saxton. He saw Stardust, who comes in singing. Goldust is excited that he’s the normal one. Zeb Colter is in the ring with Jack Swagger. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. The announcers get to talk up Kofi’s spotfest abilities. Swagger is working over Kofi. Fulcrum kick by Kofi turns things around. Kofi clotheslines Swagger outside. Kofi drop kicks him when he gets back in. Swagger catches him from the top. Kofi somehow got on Swagger’s shoulder to roll him up. Swagger puts on the Patriot Lock. Kofi finally taps after Swagger drags him away from the ropes. Alberto Del Rio tries to sell himself as credible. Paul Heyman and Cesaro are not impressed. Del Rio calls Cesaro a puppet. Cesaro doesn’t speak loser.

Damien Sandow is now dressed as Abraham Lincoln. Big E will do much better without the name Langston. The announcers are cracking themselves up. Big Ending. Woof. Big E wants to defend the Land of the Free. Shouldn’t he be doing this schtick with with Zeb Colter? Lana comes out because she hasn’t sucked enough yet. Rusev blasts Big E from behind. The Accolade is applied for a long time to I guess impress us. This guy couldn’t suck more.

Raw wouldn’t be Raw without John Cena talking to Renee Young. He delivers one of his good style promos where he actually talks about his goal without telling bad dick jokes. (Next Day Note: I know it’s been said plenty of times before, but I would like Cena much more if this was the one that showed up all of the time. I don’t think it’d hurt his standing in the company or with his fans, who don’t get the awful dick jokes.)

John Cena starts against Randy Orton. Sheamus gets in quickly. ADR had a cup of coffee. Cena comes back in to take on Cesaro. He gets the upper hand to allow Bray Wyatt to keep beating on Cena. ADR has Cean in a chin lock back from break. Cesaro tagged himself in. Cesaro puts Cena in a Boston Crab. Cena picks Cesaro’s leg. Cena back body drops Cesaro out of the Neutralizer. Roman Reigns comes in. (Next Day Note: I’d have to say Reigns got that type of response at the SD tapings. Not sure how well it came across since I didn’t watch after attending.) Poor ADR is in the match. Reigns cleans house but it allows ADR to hit a Back Stabber. He tags in Wyatt.  Cross body block by Wyatt. Randy Orton takes control of the beat down on Reigns. Wyatt goes for a corner splash when Reigns nails him with a Superman Punch. Sheamus gets tagged in against Cesaro. Sheamus tosses Cesaro into ADR, which knocks him off the apron. Clubbing blows on the outside. Sheamus hulks up. Spot where everyone hits their finishers. Brogue Kick on Cesaro leads to the win though. Kane shows up. He takes out ADR, Cena and Roman Reigns. Kane gets speared by Reigns after he’s named as the eighth entrant into the MITB Title match. – Kevin

Advertisements

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live’ Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From Street Fighter the movie.

From Street Fighter the movie.

So I had to laugh that the first pay per view I could have watched on the WWE Network, last night’s Extreme Rules, ended up being a side show that I couldn’t do a post on because the Pittsburgh Penguins were playing the New York Rangers. Of course I’d have something else to watch when this PPV was on. I did keep an eye on the final four matches while watching the game but that didn’t give me a good feel for them. Since the Network has the ability to watch said PPV as soon as it is over, I did just that last night, this morning and at lunch to play catch up. Now I’ve got to play catch up on Raw with another game on tap tonight. Let’s see how far I can get before the 3rd period starts.

Dean Ambrose has to win a 20 Man Battle Royal to retain his US Title. Of course, JBL agrees (Next Day Note: I had ends in there. Wow. Brutal error.) this dumb decision. Jerry Lawler makes it worse by agreeing with JBL on battle royals being exciting. They’re not until there are 4 people left which is essentially a tag team match. Mitchell Cool is busying driving home the point that The Authority set up this match to weigh in. Three times in the opening three minutes isn’t quite enough because our attention spans are a maximum of sixty seconds. Big Show spanked Heath Slater who acted like Show got some taint. A segment. No surprise. Back after the game goes to overtime or is over. My boy Dolph Ziggler gets eliminated by Cobra. Yuck. Ryback, Curtis Axel, Sheamus, Jack Swagger & Dean Ambrose are alive. Axel gets back dropped out of the ring by Ambrose. It was silly that Ambrose won the slugfest with Ryback (on the ring apron). Good low drop kick to eliminate him though. Ambrose wiggles out of being tossed to eliminate Swagger. Sheamus nails Ambrose with a Brogue Kick. Sheamus tosses him to win the US Title. Not even Sheamus can bring prestige back to that belt without consistent defenses and being featured. HHH comes out after Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns try to calm Ambrose down. He announces a match between the Shield vs the Wyatt Family. How many times can we go to this well? I’m sure I’ll enjoy the match though.

Renee Young gets to interview Sheamus. He admitted that things haven’t gone as he’d have liked since returning from injury. He tells Dean Ambrose to have no hard feelings. (Next Day Note: Not exactly getting a warm & fuzzy feeling about the US Title from that short promo.) Brie & Daniel Bryan are interrupted by Stephanie McMahon. She warns them to stay put until their matches tonight. A Kane mask is on the back side of the door. Ominous!

RVD comes out for a singles match with Cesaro. The later is preceded by Paul Heyman. Rolling Thunder connects early so that Cesaro can get advice from Heyman. Good ploy on their part. Finishing off my Seventh Son Lost Sparrow Black IPA as a victory Sippy Time Beer. Pens 2-0. RVD keeps the offense going. A sling shot leg drop only gets a two count. I really hope this CM Punk chants stops. (Next Day Note: I heard it at least 2 more times last night. Chicago will not be any better next week.) Cesaro takes over by clothes lining RVD over the top rope. RVD leaped into an upper cut. Running, jumping upper cut in the corner by Cesaro. His triple gut wrench suplexes only get a two count. RVD  gets caught trying to monkey flip. RVD gets caught in the turn buckles. RVD got his foot out then put it back in. Cesaro gets DQed by going over board on RVD. Van Dam looks “clueless” as the medical staff tries to help him. (Next Day Note: I was thinking this feud had more potential for Cesaro than Jack Swagger. You can’t take back that triple threat match especially since it was elimination style. They could have planted the seeds last week then started on this feud. The problem with my idea is that RVD doesn’t get PPV money then.)

The Wyatt Family is in Albany. I will take this time right now to address anyone who thought that child last night with the voice alteration machine was creepy as fuck, I will be sure not to seek your opinion on scary movies. I would imagine that you never read our Walking Dead reviews because that be too much for you. (Next Day Note: Here is such an article. He claims to like slasher flicks. I call Bravo Sierra and revoke your man card.) John Cena should have kicked that kid right in the mush and walked out of the cage. Wyatt looks to be continuing this feud with Cena. Wyatt says that he is doing this for the children, a bunch or random groups and then the crowd. They boo which still makes me wonder why people sing along with him. Bray Wyatt is a god. Of course they sing. Why? I just heard you boo him. Boo him singing. He does it poorly enough to be booed. Though I think that’s part of the act so I don’t have a problem with it. (Next Day Note: Cena beat three men and lost to a little child. What else is there to explore in this feud?)

Cody Rhodes comes down with Goldust. Ryback was already in the ring with Curtis Axel. Cody is taking on Ryback in singles action. Ryback uses his power early. The announcers talk about the Rhodes Family slump. Ryback with a delayed suplex. JBL makes a good joke about Wyatt calling himself a god. (Next Day Note: I believe it was after Cool acted indignant that Bray Wyatt would do that. JBL’s response was “I don’t know anyone else who’d do that.” Why neither Cool or Lawler laughed is beyond me.) A Disaster Kick by Cody gets me into the match. Cody goes to the top rope. Goldust tries to stop Curtis Axel from interfering. Goldust gets pushed into the post which wobbles Rhodes. Ryback Shell Shocks Rhodes for the win. Daniel Bryan and Brie are in the room when the lights go out. They flee and run into Stephanie, who will bring their car around. How about firing Kane and not allowing him in the building if you can’t control him? Wouldn’t that be best for business?

Los Matadores & El Torito get to throw a Cinco De Mayo. They toss candy into the crowd. 3MB save us? They offer peace so that they don’t wreck their party. Everyone fights. No one is entertained. (Next Day Note: There’s a reason I didn’t highlight anyone in this segment.)

From Dailiywrestlingnews.com

From Dailiywrestlingnews.com

Alexander Rusev gets to beat Kofi Kingston. The amount of pictures Lana took before coming the WWE reminds me of the good old days when you could find soft porn pictures of almost all of the Divas. Kofi gets the feet up to stay in it. A cross body barely gets a one count. Kingston nails the fulcrum kick. Rusev “crushes” Kofi. Rusev gets Kofi to tap out to the Accolade. Daniel Bryan is paranoid as they get into a car. Stephanie has a heavy hand. (Next Day Note: I swear one of the writers watches Archer because they make fun of Lana Kane for having man hands all of the time.) She then tells them to wrestle their matches. Um, why did you offer to get their car then? (Next Day Edit: Why not have Stephanie tell them she’d get the car pulled around then not have it where it was supposed to be? Steph could say the valet screwed up and deny the trouble Kane has caused again.)

Alberto Del Rio gets to job to Daniel Bryan even though he’s sure to get distracted this match. Del Rio gets the early push. Bryan turns up the heat. A back cracker gets things turned around for Del Rio. He tosses Bryan against the barricade. As I watch this match, I can’t get a tweet from Mick Foley out of my head about this angle. He compared the angle with Kane & Bryan to the Kane & Zack Ryder skits. Del Rio softens up the arm with a four count arm pull. Bryan works over the knee. Del Rio drops Bryan on the barricade. Bryan with a  drop toe hold that lands Del Rio’s face into a turn buckle. Del Rio shoulders Bryan in the corner. He lays into Bryan with a clothes line. Bryan fights Del Rio off the top rope. Flying Goat head butt only gets two. Drop kicks in the corner by Bryan. Suicide dive by Bryan. Del Rio enziguris Bryan off the top rope. Del Rio takes too long going for the cross arm breaker. Bryan puts on the Yes Lock for the tap out win. Bryan & Brie run back stage. They get into the car but it won’t start. So you pop the hood first? Kane is in the back seat. Kane ends up on the hood of the car. Bryan drives a short distance away then checks on Kane who entirely too straight to fool anyone except Bryan. Bryan & Brie still drive away unharmed. I have no idea what Mick Foley is talking about. (Next Day Note: It also drove me nuts that Bryan has been shown as an environmentalist on Total Divas but they decided to give him a Lincoln Continental for some reason.)

Big E Langston is taking on Bad News Barrett again. The Intercontinental Title is somehow being defended on Raw. Big E is on the offense early. After Big E beats him up outside the ring, he tosses him back in. Big E shoulder blocks a steel post when Barrett dodges. Big E barely beats a ten count. The crowd is sitting on their hands. They finally break after I anticipate it during the count. Barrett misses a high kick. Big E turns it around. Barrett gets the knees up on the splash. Big E gets kneed trying for a running shoulder block. Big E runs into Barrett. Big E spears Barrett through the ropes. A pair of over head suplexes by Big E. Barrett rakes the eyes. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer Elbow for the win. I still have some hope for Big E after that match. Not a complete burial. (Next Day Edit: I can’t wait for Barrett to get the same de-push Big E got after winning the title.)

From crazy-einstein.com Exotic roses didn't look as cool.

From crazy-einstein.com Exotic roses didn’t look as cool.

Zeb Colter comes out with Jack Swagger who is wearing a Bigg Hoss zip up sweater. He debuts the deportation list. Adam Rose shows up with his Exotic Express. He stages falls into them. They carry him around the ring. Rose dances around them. He wants Zeb to be a Rose Bud. Does this ridiculousness happen every time this guy comes out? It’ll get obnoxious but it’s a good introduction.

The Shield taking on the Wyatt Family is the main event. All three fight to start but Erick Rowan & Dean Ambrose end up starting the match. Luke Harper ended up pairing off with Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns comes in to share in the beat down. Rollins ends up back in the ring to sell for the Wyatts. It would make sense for the Shield to favor Rollins & Reigns. They try to push Main Event for John Cena’s response to the Wyatts. I won’t watch. Ambrose gets the hot tag against Rowan. Ambrose nails the middle rope sling shot clothes line. The teams face off three on three. Ambrose & Harper are in the ring. Ambrose ends up taking more of a beating because we can’t have Reigns sell yet. Rollins nails the senton over the top rope. Rollins hits a combo in the corner. Standing shooting star press. Rollins gets pushed off the top ropes. What a ballsy move. Looked pretty safe. Harper nails a suicide dive. Bray Wyatt charges into Rollins in a corner. Ambrose gets tossed into the announce table. Rollins gets Harper off the top ropes. Rollins gets to hot tag Reigns. He gets to take out Wyatt first. Reigns shouldn’t jump to clothes line. It looks better than Kofi’s but it’s still stupid and unnecessary. Everyone brawls in the ring. Ambrose & Rollins take out Harper & Rowan. Superman Punch by Reigns. Evolution comes out. Ambrose & Rollins nail another pair of suicide dives. Superman punch on HHH. Wyatt takes advantage and cross bodies Reigns in the stomach. Sister Abigail’s Kiss for the win. Evolution attacks the Shield. Lawler busts out the battle/war analogy. (Next Day Note: So why didn’t Evolution win with some under handed tactics at Extreme Rules if this feud is going to continue?). – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #256

Jeremy and Kevin get off to a roaring start by talking about how Dolph Ziggler is Kevin’s child. Does Kevin really look like he could have a child who graduated from Kent State? How dumb is the waitress that asked him this question? Is she dating anyone important to the story? They move into talking about the Godzilla trailer above. Jeremy adeptly tells Kevin what the difference is between Mothra and Rodan. What else can Jeremy tell the forgetful one? How great would Bryan Cranston be if he had a bad over dubbed Japanese voice? What do the guys think of movies with subtitles? Speaking of disasters, they finally pivot into talking about wrestling and more specifically TNA or Impact Wrestling. How did Eric Young get crowned TNA Champion when an actual pay per view was held two weeks later? How do they expect us to believe that crowning Eric Young was always in their plans? What other character in the title struggle reminds Kevin of another WWE character? If Eric Young isn’t worthy of a title reign, who is in TNA? Jeremy & Kevin finally get around to talking about the WWE, specifically about the John Cena and Bray Wyatt segment to open the show. What is working for that segment specifically? How creepy was it to have a child on Wyatt’s lap? Does anyone know who Uncle Paul is? Could the WWE have made it creepier? When should Renee Young have been done interviewing John Cena? Why does he wreck his own angle? Why can’t the announcers make an impact on the angle through words? Was Jim Ross right about Michael Cole all along? Who wins Cena and Wyatt’s cage match at TLC on Sunday? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

hanging-tents-for-rock-climbers-1I’m hoping to get some extra sleep tonight. I’m not feeling the best. Hopefully I’ll get the illness bug out of my system so I don’t have to worry about it at Wrestlemania. When checking for images related to sleeping, it caught my eye when I saw “Sleeping while rock climbing.” That’s where the image above comes from. That’d be fun to do once. I slept in a tree house for my honeymoon so this isn’t that far from the pail.

Hulk Hogan comes down and shills for the WWE Network. We get the first annual 30 Man Andre the Giant Battle for a trophy. Memphonites? John Cena saves us. He shills for Hogan and the match. Cena then joins it. The Wyatts are here. Maybe they’ll save the segment. I dig his promo. Calling himself a god is pretty ironic considering the pride talk. Cena comes back with the jokes about the same subject. Better than normal for his jokes. Cena challenges him to a match at Wrestlemania. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan step onto the apron. Commercial.

Cena is in a match with Rowan. Hogan is a Cena cheerleader. Rowan is using his size to his advantage. Cena wins with a roll up out of the blue. What a weak win. Harper & Rowan pretend like they’re going to go after Cena & Hogan but the Wyatts back away.

Stephanie & HHH come out to the stage. She is really doing well with the smug quality. They are being kind and not firing Daniel Bryan. They want an apology from him though. Short and sweet. The New Age Outlaws come out to do commentary. Very choppy start to the show.

Curtis Axel & Curtis Axel are in the ring. The Usos hit the ring. Then replays of last week. Road Dogg claims that the NAO were under the weather during their loss. U-SO! It’s kind of cool that they’re finisher is the flying tag and Samoan splash combo. Kane talks to the Shield. He wants to know if they’re disposable. Reigns & Rollins are going to take on Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Rollins gives Kane some guff about his losses. The chop continues.

Jack Swagger is taking on Big E Langston again. Zeb Colter & Cesaro are at ring side. Big E wants in on the Battle Royal at Wrestlemania. I’m glad that is over shadowing the match. Belly to Belly suplex gets my attention. Swagger takes out Big E’s knee. Swagger distracts the ref and asks for Cesaro‘s help which doesn’t help. Swagger had said at the start the match that “I’ve got this.” Big E rolls up Swagger for the win. Zeb Colter watches them bicker like school girls. Zeb blows his stack. Swagger & Cesaro shake but Cesaro puts in an extra squeeze.

The Undertaker allows me to catch up a little bit. Paul Heyman shows up before he can say anything. Heyman gives us a break down of winning streaks at Wrestlemania. He asks Taker not to wrestle Brock at Wrestlemania so that everyone can worship the streak and Taker longer. “The fear of the unknown is the greatest of all.” Sure Taker, sounds great in that voice. Rest In Peace. At some point tonight, I’ll have a long paragraph. (Next Day Note: It’s kind of funny how I can complain about the usual 15 minute segment then complain when they change it up. It would have helped if I would have cared about any of these segments. I like a lot of people in these segments but everything was too short.)

Seth Rollins starts against Cody Rhodes. Cody face plants Rollins. Goldust takes over. Downward Spiral by Rollins into the middle turn buckle. Roman Reigns gets his start in the match. Goldust showing off the twisting cross body block. Cody does him one better by doing a spring board cross body. Commercial. Lawler tried to put over a power Samoan Drop by Reigns. I’m not buying it. Samoan Leap drop kick. Reigns starts playing with Goldust. Power slam by Goldust doesn’t quite get the hot tag. Rollins is in to fight a hot tagged Cody. Moonsault gets a two count. Cody with a Muscle Buster.  He stole that from Samoa Joe! (Next Day Note: I can’t believe this isn’t a Twitter beef yet.) Goldust gets speared. Rollins reverses out of the Cross Rhodes. Rollins finishes him off with the buckle bomb & Curb Stomp combo. A good match breaks up the chop even with a commercial.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

AJ LeeCM Punk’s music greets us but Paul Heyman answers the music. After sitting down Indian style, he gives much hype to Punk. Heyman’s pipe bomb is that Punk is not there tonight. Heyman blames everyone in the audience for Punk not being there. Heyman also blames the Undertaker for starting the downward spiral. Nice. And he turns it into the Brock Lesnar introduction. Heyman is smooth. We get a recap of last week. Lesnar thinks Undertaker is scared of him. Short and sweet out of him. Too bad his voice cracked. Mark Henry is still pissed at Lesnar. It doesn’t do him much good. Lesnar cracks him with the stairs. No one has monitors for the rest of the show. F-5 through the announcer’s table. Henry needs to put up more of a fight.

The New Age Outlaws come out. Road Dogg doesn’t think Chicago is worth their catch phrases. Hey, you’re acting like heels! Congratulations on filling your role. The Usos are taking them on again. Jey starts against Road Dogg. “There’s so many tag teams in the WWE.” Except that the Prime Time Players broke up and the Real Americans are going to sooner rather than later. Jey is taking the beating from the Outlaws. Jimmy gets the hot tag against Gunn. Road Dogg gets the running ass while Gunn gets the flying ass (Whisper in the Wind) A tilt a whirl slam only gets two for Gunn. Flying Uso tag. Super kick followed by the top rope splash for the victory. The Usos get the tag titles two weeks too late. Congrats to those guys for working their asses off.

Big E Langston is taking on Cesaro again. Cesaro showing off the strength early. Belly to belly by Big E. Cesaro dodges Langston. Big Swing. Swagger comes in and Swagger bombs Langston for the disqualification. Big Ending. That’s heelish.

The Wyatts vs the Shield starts pretty early. Seth Rollins starts off against Luke Harper. Rollins does back to back flips. Wow. Ambrose attacks Wyatt which pushes Rollins off the top rope. Harper takes control at the break. Ambrose goes loose cannon. Reigns tries to catch him. Rollins can’t make the tag with them gone. Rollins finally gets out and tags in Ambrose. He locks in a figure four on Erick Rowan. Harper double stomps Ambrose to break it up. Bray tosses down Ambrose. Harper continues the beat down on Ambrose. Dean is impervious to the knuckle head move. Sidewalk slam by Rowan only gets a two. Ambrose sling shot clothes lines Harper. Wyatt attacks Reigns. Ambrose DDTs Wyatt. Rollins leaves after the attempted tag. Reigns goes bananas on the Wyatts. Reigns drop kicks Harper in the face. Reigns tackles Rowan over the new announce desk. Harper suicide dives onto Reigns who tumbles over the table. Sister Abigail’s Kiss on Ambrose. We need answers about Rollins! Renee Young introduces Batista. The Yes Movement is the dumbest thing ever. We’re going to have to deal with Dave being better.

Santino Marella & Emma are taking on Fandango & Summer Rae. Oh, they’re tagging each other. It’s so funny. Fandango finally mans up and drops Santino from behind. Fandango rolls through on the top rope leg drop. Santino cracks Fandango. The ladies come in. Emm busts out the tarantula. Emma Lock for the tap out win.

Sheamus is taking on Christian, who needs some type of win here even if it’s a cheating variety. I get a weird commercial break at the start of the match. Did everyone have a problem with their feed? Skinny Frog by Christian gets a two count. White Noise only gets a two count. This match really jumped up a notch during the break. Leverage kick. Christian goes for Sheamus who Brogue Kicks him from the apron. Sheamus wins. Not that Christian is going to be a big player but that kills him in the main event. I used to love Scooby Doo. I’m going to have some Scooby snacks to feel better.

Christian attacks Sheamus backstage. He nails him with a light in the stomach. Interesting. The Bellas are taking on Aksana & Alicia Fox. Aksana takes some offense. Fox takes over on a downed Brie. She takes a rough looking flat back while being tossed like a pinyata. Nikki gets the hot tag. Face breaker gets her in Nikki Mode. Aksana breaks up a pin. Missile drop kick by Brie on Aksana. Nikki gives Fox the Shock Treatment for the win. No one really cares.

Daniel Bryan isn’t going to leave the ring until he gets an answer from HHH. Steph & him do the weird lovely dovey thing while going heel. Steph pipes up. Bryan builds his case to wrestle HHH. Trips wants to make it the “Excuse Era”. If they failed here, they weren’t good enough. A B+ player won’t get HHH to lace up his boots. The crowd can see thru the Authority’s lies. Steph talks down to him and the crowd. Smarm is so good on her.  They made him. Ha. Bryan asks for a match against Steph. HHH tells Bryan it was cheap bait. He’s got to beat Batista tonight after this display, correct? Or be screwed out of a victory by Kane, HHH or both. Bryan takes out Kane. He then slowly leaves ring side.

It has just dawned on me that Raw has not fully taped. I hope the show comes on the WWE Network nowish. Dolph Ziggler comes out with the Need For Speed dude. He is taking on Alberto Del Rio. Tilt a Whirl back breaker by Del Rio. Ziggler spikes Del Rio with a DDT. Del Rio gets distracted by the actor. Zig Zag for the win.

Paul Bearer gets a spot in the Hall of Fame. Nice addition even if it’s a tad late. Big E Langston takes on Jack Swagger. Double duty for Langston. Cesaro gives Langston the Neutralizer for the DQ win. Swagger pushes Cesaro. Zeb Colter talks down Cesaro from giving Swagger the Big Swing. Cesaro pulls up Swagger. Colter wants them to hug it out. They do it but don’t look like they enjoy it.  “We The People” as they stare at each other. Zeb can solve world problems, except it’s clear as day that he solved nothing.

My DVR cut the show when John Cena was speaking. The WWE Network only has Raw from January 19th. Fudge. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

fridge1My refrigerator died almost five years to the day of purchase. The Grandma Fridge hasn’t been fired up. It’s a legit 50s fridge that my fraternal grandparents purchased. When my last refrigerator died, I fired that puppy up and it worked even if it sucked down a shit ton of power. Since it’s freezing ass cold out, I decided to use nature as a refrigerator. Mother Nature comes in handy. Used to use it to keep my Mountain Dew cold while I was in architecture studio because we had a ledge and operable windows. You could keep stuff cold most nights (and days) of the spring semester since it was warm for about the last two weeks of class. Any way, enough about my weird refrigeration techniques and adventures. Let’s roll.

Randy Orton takes his time as usual. I skipped out on the early promo but was more than happy to hear Orton putting himself over with a lot of conviction. HHH & Stephanie McMahon come out to throw cold water on his parade. I’m glad Steph has really found that condescending tone in just about all of her promos now. She tells him that he’s going to wrestle Daniel Bryan and the rest of the competitors in following weeks. JBL, Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler give us the low down on the New Age Outlaws versus Cody Rhodes & Goldust. The Shield comes down through the crowd. We get more announcers recapping the cheap baby face win and the Shield’s impending feud with the Wyatt Family.

For some reason, Rey Mysterio, Kofi Kingston & Big E Langston are taking on the Shield. Dean Ambrose starts against Langston. Kofi takes over against Seth Rollins. Roman Reigns is the last one to join us. Kofi starts getting his ass kicked. Rey gets the first hot tag. Rollins is in the ring selling. Reigns sneaks a tag in. Tall Hart attack by Rollins & Reigns leads to a commercial. Rey sells for a while. Big E gets the 2nd hot tag. He’s taking over on Reigns. We get the finishers spot that ends in the Superman Punch. Ambrose tags in as Reigns is ready to go for the spear. Ambrose executes a move but is still getting a cheap win in my books. The Wyatts warn the Shield that they’ve made a grave mistake. Fun, creepy stuff. I really wish this would have been at Wrestlemania for my own live enjoyment.

Bad News Barrett greats us with some Super Bowl talk. Jerry Lawler smacks him down, I guess. That’s the reaction we’re being given by Mitchell Cool & JBL.

Jack Swagger is facing Christian. Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro are at ring side. Factiod of the night, Christian has never been in an Elimination Chamber match. A little surprising in my book since he was a king on Smackdown for many a moon. Swagger has been dominant for most of the match so far. Swagger goes for a move that he never would normally to give Christian an opening. A counter into a reverse DDT gets Christian a two count. Swagger catches Christian doing a cross body. Swagger Bomb gets countered. Christian rolls up Swagger for the win. We get recap of Brock Lesnar destroying Cody & Goldust.

Road Dogg & Billy Gunn did their introduction as usual. Cody Rhodes & Goldust did before the commercial break. I dig the no escape clause in this match but for some reason I feel this ring will get compromised since they are emphasizing no one will interfere this week. I didn’t type anything for the first break because it was standard fair. Teams taking turns, everyone getting in a little offense. Goldust is getting his ass kicked after the break. A spine buster gets Goldie an opening.  Cody & Gunn come in. Cody is on fire. The teams trade blows. Rhodes nails Gunn with the Disaster Kick. He only gets two and blows up at Chioda. Cody appears to hit a top rope moonsault but it’s on Road Dogg who is not legal. Gunn nails the Fame Asser for the win. I’m not sure why he went for that one. JBL does a decent job of covering for the choice.

Titus O’Neil comes down so we get a recap of him punking out Darren Young. Zack Ryder gets TV time in the ring. Titus is beating down Ryder. The Miz complains on the head set about not having a match then storms away. Ryder gets the knees up for a corner charge by O’Neil. Titus takes over again. Sky High for the win by O’Neil.

Earnie Ladd gets the nod for Black History Month. Fandango is in the ring with Summer Rae. Santino Marella is back for a dance off. Santino wants a dance off between someone in the audience and Summer. Emma is introduced. She isn’t really good at dancing if that’s all she’s got. Emma does the arm thing. The audience is confused. They decide to cheer for Emma any way. Stupid.

Sheamus has a match against Curtis Axel. Ryback is at ringside. Sheamus is taking Axel to task early. Sheamus clothes lines Axel off the ring apron. Sheamus puts his head down so Axel knees him in the shoulder. Axel tosses him into the post. Axel continues to work it over. Sheamus makes a come back with a barrage of punches and clubbing blows. Brogue Kick. Ryback talks trash to him.

I’m sure Batista is making another fashion faux pas by wearing a jean jacket. Before he can utter a word, Alberto Del Rio comes down. Why is Del Rio taking Cena’s material from the Rock feud? Batista tries to get Del Rio to go away but Del Rio decides to attack.

R Truth, Xavier Woods & Dolph Ziggler are taking on Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. Woods starts against Rowan because his team mates don’t really like him. Truth & Woods double team him to get the upper hand. Harper gives Truth a big boot. Ziggler gets a hot tag in a so far boring match. Ziggler goes for the big DDT and gets a two count. Ziggler goes for the sleeper but is bucked off. Harper nails him with the big clothes line. Sister Abigail for the win. I’m not sure why Ziggler’s video got internet push over the weekend. I heard similar stuff in his TV promos. The Shield gives a verbal brow beating to the Wyatts. Believe In The Shield. Wyatt says he welcomes the war. See now this is where I say, why anyone think the Wyatts do actually have the clout to beat the Shield? In some ways, it should be a David versus Goliath match up.

Naomi is taking on Aksana. AJ Lee gets to throw on a head set. She goes cocky while Cool prods her. Aksana executing solid looking suplex. I did get a kick out of AJ calling Naomi a baked potato. A pin by Aksana goes awry because she kneed Cameron in the face. Split legged moonsault for the win. Alicia Fox tries to attack but Cameron catches her. Rear View for those at home that love it. Trin is going to have a nice shiner.

Nice of the WWE to let me blow through the entrances of Daniel Bryan & Randy Orton since they were followed by a commercial break. So far, no acknowledgement of the numerous Punk chants. Orton is taking the early phsyical edge without doing much damage. Bryan knees him. Dragon Screw Leg Whip. Bryan starts working over the left leg. Orton’s legs takes several blows to the knee to the ring post. Orton bites Bryan to get out of another hold. Bryan goes back to the injured leg. I hate the butt crash onto the leg. Bryan tosses Orton over the announce table and onto Mitchell Cool. Bryan tosses him in the ring. He goes back to work on Orton’s leg. Top rope head scissors only gets a two count. It’s weird because the announcers are taking center stage. Everyone seems to have traded usual opinions. Cool just selling Orton’s toughness. Bryan strategically kicks Orton. Bryan goes for a single leg crab. Orton tries to get to the ropes but Bryan drags him back to the middle. Orton slides outside the ring. Bryan goes out and pays for it. Back drop onto the barricade to turn the tide. The match feels like a baby face set up for Orton because of how much of a beating he took early. The baby face’s early offensive flurry doesn’t usually last that long. Bryan is kicking Orton in the middle of the ring after the break. Orton counters into a T Bone suplex. “Now that’s the champ!” exclaims Cool. That’s a baby face description not a reviled heel champion. Bryan gets tossed into the ring post and stairs but to his shoulder. Strangely, he’s going after the right arm. Moments later, Cool says “Couldn’t care less about anybody.” Make up your fucking mind. Are you for him or against him? Bryan nails Orton with a top rope drop kick but hurts his own arm. They trade blows. Orton tosses Bryan into the mat. Bryan gets on the Yes Lock. Orton gets a leg on the ropes. A great match like this is best for business. Orton gets drop kicked but returns fire when Bryan goes for number three. Hanging DDT. Bryan kicks Ortonas he’s going for the RKO. Air Goat  for two. Bryan nails the head kick. Kane comes down to ring side. Bryan drop kicks him off the ring apron. Randy Orton gets dumped outside. Bryan nails both with a suicide dive. Kane attacks again but Bryan tosses him into the stairs. Bryan nails the running knee for the win. Orton & Kane attack Bryan. Kane’s fire works go off late. Woof. Never screw up at the end. Always makes it seem worse than it really is. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: