The Rock kinda sorta rules

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You ever think that you just have too much going on in life and that a long vacation is what is truly in order? Well, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would probably disagree.  In fact, The Rock probably tries to come up with ways of changing the laws of science to increase the amount of seconds in a minute, minutes in an hour and hours in a day just to get more things done. Isn’t it time for The Rock to take the place f Chuck Norris as the official American badass?

Screw Chuck Norris and his lazy Total Gym physique and Just For Men beard. He has nothing on The Rock’s work ethic.  How many movies does Chuck Norris have releasing this year? Go ahead look it up? Done? Yeah he doesn’t have as many as Rock has in the next four months. Television shows? Yup, Rock beats him there as well.  In fact, Rock laps Chuck Norris on talk show appearances alone let alone having an actual scripted television program.

Sport entertainment championships? Chuck Norris never even sniffed one let alone held one after ten years of inaction. Hell Chuck Norris can’t even take a karate movie again without attaching himself to Sly Stallone’s jock. It is ridiculous. So, in order to help you all out here is a brief Rock viewing guide for the next few months just to help you keep it all straight.

SNITCH : February 22, 2013

Snitch is supposedly based on a true story so obviously it will be based off of true events. This is a Hollywood way of taking a boring story and making it way more interesting, cough, Argo.  Who knew Susan Sarandon still made movies? From the preview I can’t tell if that is Rock’s wife or friend but if it is his wife it confirms his fetish for older women both on screen and off.

G.I.JOE RETALIATION  :  March 28, 2013

All right look, the first G.I. Joe movie was offensive on every level. If they would have replaced all of the most beloved characters with retarded children and slingshots it would have made more sense and been far more compelling. This time around though it looks like they captured G.I. Joe as it was written for the comics. Ninja sword fights while repelling off a mountain? Yes please. The Rock hiding in a well while The Pit is attacked by a Cobra lead government? Sure it looks like they wiped out the entire G.I. Joe Force from the preview but then who cares? They didn’t introduce too many characters you should care about anyway. R.I.P. black Ripcord. Hopefully you find a peaceful afterlife with black Bongo the Bear.

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