Headlines: Chris Bosh loves pro wrestling, Hulk Hogan’s midget show debuts tonight

"I wanted to play basketball... *sigh*"

Not to distract from Matt Hardy’s failure of a life, but… Miami Heat forward Chris Bosh was on ESPN’s “Mike and Mike in the Morning” today discussing the NBA lockout, and the guys asked Bosh about the celebration when LeBron James announces his signing with the Heat, alongside Bosh and Dwayne Wade. He said he loved it because:

I grew up watching wrestling, I grew up watching Hulk Hogan.

That’s all well and good, but why is it that when I typed “chris bosh” into Google, the first suggested result was “chris bosh gay”? I’m positive the two things have nothing to do with each other.

In related news, according to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling makes its debut tonight at 9 p.m. central on TruTV. Hogan is the celebrity of the Eric Bischoff/Jason Hervey-produced show, which makes sense, because no one knows the real names of even the most famous midgets (Mini Me, Tattoo, that guy from “Elf” who’s not believable in those dramatic movies, and that little creep from “Body Slam“). I’m sure midgets around the world are thrilled that, after years of trying to overcome the term “midget” and replace it with “little person,” Hulk Hogan has put his stamp of approval on the word “micro.” They’d probably start a write-in campaign, but they’re too short to reach the mail slot. (TM Bobby Heenan) -Eric

Danielson bookings continue, Brock’s rich, little people have big show

lesnar carwin

"I'm rich, beeotch!" / "Yeah, but, um, do you have THESE? BAM! BAM!"

According to Prowrestling.net, Bryan Danielson will wrestle for Rampage Pro Wrestling on July 31 in either Macon (Johnny B. Badd’s hometown) or Warner Robbins (Ron Simmons’ hometown), Ga. In other news, “Rampage” used to be my backyard wrestling nickname. Oh, and Jimmy Rave also will be there, so bring your toilet paper. Not to throw at him, but because he’s a real bathroom break.

Also according to Prowrestling.net (via MMAJunkie.com), Brock Lesnar scored a $400,000 payday for his World Hvt. Title fight against Shane Carwin at UFC 116 this past weekend. This doesn’t include the $75,000 bonus Lesnar earned for his “Submission of the Night” and the all-white-meat and Metamucil dinner Sable cooked for him that weekend. By contrast, Carwin’s base pay for this fight was $40,000, or one-tenth of Lesnar’s guaranteed figure. Then again, Lesnar could have fought his extracted lower intestine on pay-per-view and it would have sold a million buys.

And while I’m borrowing liberally from Prowrestling.net, Eric Bischoff’s Micro Championship Wrestling will hold a live event Aug. 6 in Austin, Texas. This is not Bischoff’s first foray into midget wrestling; he used to book Chris Benoit and Dean Malenko! Hey, he should put a mask on one of these little guys and call him Micro Machine! HEYOOOOO! -Eric

%d bloggers like this: