#ImpactLive – Total Nonsense Analysis

Day One– I think of this column as starting fresh each week. TNA has decided, against all logic, to make MVP heel already. So it makes sense that the top baby face in the company, Bully Ray, would come out and cut a promo against him. Ray also expressed his rage at the Dixie Carter clan along with MVP’s crew. After MVP’s crew came out and beat him down, Austin Aries and the Wolves came out for the save. I understand that things may move more quickly in the booking department today than it did yesteryear but it makes no sense for MVP to accept the match of himself, Bobby Lashley and Kenny King. I’m glad that MVP got the pin on Davey Richards because the heel faction needed a win. The only problem I had is that the announcers decided not to talk up Richards’ injuries from the previous week.

Bram debuted against Tigre Uno. A squash match is nice and good but Bram has given Magnus tough opponents. Beating up someone half his size doesn’t exactly prove his point. Thankfully, Magnus points out these exact points and suggests a match against Willow.

Madison Rayne not helping Brittany is mind boggling. You’re the baby face. Brittany isn’t quite Mickie James with Trish Stratus psycho so there’s no reason Rayne shouldn’t help her especially against her hated rivals! They just kicked your ass too. You’re just going to sit back and watch someone else get to fed to them? You’re a selfish bitch who should be the heel.

The Menagerie taking on the Bromans is perfect curtain jerker fodder. It’s just too bad that they forced the Gunner and Ken Anderson story line because it was irrelevant to the match and broader segment. At least it also makes sense that Anderson would have a problem with Gunner. Why not help earlier?

Brittany got help from Gail Kim but she was also cold to her. Why are you doing this to your baby face women? Or maybe I should phrase the question, why isn’t Brittany acting like more of a psycho? Both could solve the problem.

– I’m not quite sure what the conflict is between Dixie Carter and MVP. They didn’t resolve it this week either. Bully Ray & Eric Young broke up the party before it could go anywhere. Carter could at least offer ECIII’s services as a good faith gesture. I’d be fine with the heels teaming up. Again, I’m thinking wipe the slate on the stupidity of the turn. It ends with a match between EY & Bully Ray with ECIII as the guest referee. Bully Ray overshadowed the champ, which isn’t a good thing.

– Here’s the other weird thing about Brittany, if she respected the other Knockouts as much as she claims, she’d tag them. Her character has a real disconnect. She’s also taken a bad tag into her matches and taken the loss. It means there’s a story but why would she do that, again? Brittany respects these women. She would realize they dislike the Beautiful People as much as she does. Holy crap, this segment is still going on. Madison Rayne gets called out. They make Brittany look crazy for a minute but then they have the Beautiful People point out how bitchy Madison is being. It makes them look good and the crowd even cheered them. What are you people doing? You’re making every Knockout look terrible.

– I would say that TNA is copying the WWE with MVP, Bobby Lashley & Kenny King filling various ring side functions but it is  common occurrence in the “evil regime” era. The match between Bully Ray and Eric Young was pretty nondescript because of interference from the MVP side of the world. After things break down, Samoa Joe makes the save. Wasn’t Austin Aries the one with the problem? Better yet, why was Bully Ray in this match? Let him finish his feud with Dixie Carter. Put Aries in this match instead of Ray then we have three men (EY, Aries & Joe) against MVP’s crew. Bad ending to what was mostly a decent show. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #211

IdiotsEverywhere

Jeremy and Kevin are back and they’re talking about idiots, idiots everywhere. The biggest idiot may be in Kevin’s office. Kevin lays out his evidence and would like to know if you know anyone that competes in his utter lack of knowledge. They move on to talk about the idiots in the WWE. Why do they feel the need to have the heels lose all of the time? Does Eve Torres winning count as a heel victory? How about Vickie Guerrero? Jeremy took issue with Kevin not liking Brad Maddox. What excuse for poor writing did Kevin come up with? Somehow, the guys migrate to talking about the idiots that run TNA. What similarities do their idiots have with the WWE idiots? What would help Aces & Eights? Who didn’t know DOC stood for Director of Chaos? How does that dovetail with his wrestling viewing habits? Jeremy & Kevin do talk about the idiots running ROH. Not for long as they ping pong between TNA & the WWE. Could both companies learn from critically acclaimed television these days? Could they learn from children’s television? What lessons do they think the wrestling companies can learn? Join them in this audio journey.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #211

Luke Gallows signs with TNA, may have been masked guy last night on Impact

Drew Hankinson’s impression of a TNA Impact Wrestling fan.

According to Gerweck.net, Luke Gallows posted on his Facebook page that he has signed with TNA, after a stint in sister company Ring Ka King. I don’t know if this is Luke Gallows’ official Facebook page, but the URL says “OfficialLukeGallows,” which means next to nothing in this day and age of handle squatting. And the last post on the page is from June. So unless my browser is out of whack and not displaying recent stories, he either posted the news and took it down, or this is some weirdo’s page who has a Fetish For Festus.

Jeremy thinks there’s a chance that the masked man at the end of last night’s Impact may have been Gallows (see the last photo here). If so, that would mean the rumor mill has churned out such Aces & Eights possibilities as Gallows, Mike Knox, and Chris Masters, three dudes who seem to be good guys but couldn’t cut a money promo if they sang the Million Dollar Man’s theme song a cappella. My only bigger fear is that the faction is being led by Jeff Jarrett, back to “save” “his” company. (“When you’re at the table and you split your Aces or Eights, you pray to God you get a pair of Jacks,” and then two Js appear on the screen, and Jarrett runs down to crickets and fart noises. Ka-ching!) -Eric

Stunt Granny Audio #193

Eric’s 12-shirt Mount Rushmore

It’s a three-man booth this week, with Dusty, Eric and Kevin discussing all sorts of relevant and pertinent and important professional wrestling topics. This week’s Top Five at Five includes John Cena wrestling CM Punk at Raw 1000, Daniel Bryan marrying AJ on the same show, Dolph Ziggler winning a Money in the Bank match and helping turn a stagnant Chris Jericho turn babyface, the rumors of who comprises TNA’s Aces & 8s stable (and why they probably aren’t calling themselves Dead Man’s Hand), and Kurt Angle no-showing the hall of fame inductions in Waterloo, Iowa. The boys also play a round of Match Game, plus they discuss what designs should go on the Mount Rushmore of pro wrestling T-shirts. All this and maybe a little bit more, if you’d just click the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #193

Link

Val Venis blasts John Morrison, Melina for having “zero nuts,” being “ho”

Sean Morley, aka Val Venis, is priceless these days, ranting and raving on blogs, Twitter and YouTube about the hot topics of the day. He’s got no major-league affiliation anymore, and he was probably smart with his money so he can afford to burn bridges if he wants. And more importantly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he could kick the shit out of any of these people he’s called out lately. (None of them look like they could win a real fight, anyway; example…) He blasted the Hardys, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms in a classic diatribe, and now he’s after John Morrison and Melina for snubbing his beloved fellow Canadian, Trish Stratus, at WrestleMania XXVII. He kicks in the curse words almost right away, calling Melina a “fucking slut,” then asking John Morrison how “Mike Knox” and “Batista” taste. (You see, because Melina is the company dartboard.) “You tried to turn a ho into a housewife!” shouts an angry Venis at Morrison! It’s true! It’s hilarious! Quit reading this and watch the video above! (Props to Fanatic for uncovering this.) -Eric

The Ax Falls For Several

From WWE’s Twitter:

WWE has come to terms on the release of WWE Divas Mickie James and Katie Lea Burchill as well as Superstars Shelton Benjamin, Kung Fu Naki, Slam Master J and Jimmy Wang Yang as of today, April 22, 2010. We wish them the best in all future endeavors.

And then they also announced that Mike Knox was let go as well. A few comments here if you don’t mind, and I know you don’t.

I would have predicted the Funaki canning, but I managed to convince myself that he was basically a lifer. He was certainly somebody’s proxy piss test for a while (oops). I think it just came to a point where he had accomplished all he could do with the company and it was time to move on. I have nothing but respect for him, and now he can head back to Japan and be none the worse for wear.

As I was saying to Jordan last night, WWE was very smart about the Shelton Benjamin firing. Despite not having anything for him to do for several years, they hung onto him anywhere, so that now when he goes to TNA, it will mean absolutely nothing. From a business standpoint, it’s a great idea to hand the opposition your dirty laundry.

To that end, the most surprising cut would have to be Mike Knox. He wasn’t so much misused as not-at-all used in WWE, so he’s a bit of a clean slate for TNA. And TNA always seems to do pretty well with WWE’s discarded big guys (Tyson Tomko and Matt Morgan as examples). I always disagree with the big guys WWE cuts. I guess they just have a different way of approaching that position.

Slam Master J was absolutely useless. Good riddance. Jimmy Yang has options all over the indies, so he’ll be fine. Better off, actually. Katie Lea just didn’t fit in anywhere, as hot as she may be. Mickie James can go make a country record and then promote it in TNA. I’m sure she’ll be happy to get away from WWE’s backstage politics. I hope TNA uses her as a heel because she’s magnificent in that role. – Dusty

Summerslam Preview Audio

End of Summer bash mother truckers.

End of Summer bash mother truckers.

Check it out people, it’s the Stunt Granny Summerslam Preview hosted by Kevin and Jeremy. The guys cover the WWE’s third biggest show of the year in the same fashion you have come to expect. They gush about the prospects and actual intrigue of the CM Punk/ Jeff hardy TLC match. They throw out different scenarios for a match that seems to have in inevitable outcome and how it will shape Smackdown for the foreseeable future. They discuss how the Legacy/DX match can be a positive if executed correctly. They somehow during the show they break down in to a discussion of Mike Knox and Finlay. Not only that, Kevin channels 1999 and goes man crush on K-Qwick.  So if that doesn’t get you to listen, other than so much more, well, I give up.
So listen.

Summerslam 2009 preview

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