#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

From widowsvoice.blogspot.com

Things are back to normal in the DiFrango household after I got stranded in Chicago because of a smoking restroom fan in the control tower and weather related problems. My welcome back is getting to take Impact Wrestling off my DVR after I finally watch Raw. I’m glad I watched an hour this morning so it’s only a PPVs worth of wrestling for me tonight. Time to have fun at TNA’s expense.

MVP turning already is tragic. You can really tell TNA had no idea why they installed Eric Young as champion. I have no idea how this was part of MVP’s “plan.” He admitted he didn’t think EY would win the title but it sped up his plan. So the only conclusion I can make is that MVP planned on a weak champion at some point during his reign so that he could win the title. How is that a good plan? It’s the world championship. That doesn’t happen much. I know it’s TNA and all of the possible champions could be called weak but TNA can’t address it that way on TV.

– I hope this Bram character can make Magnus a more aggressive attitude. His weakness was as champ was being too much of a waffle. I hope the idea is to make Magnus consistently wanted to hurt people is installed. It sure seems that’s where it’s headed. Willow/Jeff Hardy is a good target especially if TNA plans on keeping Magnus in the main event scene. A win over him in a singles match at even a TV PPV would serve a good purpose. A distraction win for Hardy on this night is in fitting with the angle too. The only problem was it was in no way should Magnus have been pinned with a small package, barely damaged.

Eric Young trashing MVP’s office isn’t cool like TNA intended. It’s EY acting like a child. You didn’t get a beat down like HHH gave to Daniel Bryan. It was a cheap attack but he didn’t handcuff you and beat the snot out of you. EY has no reason to be this pissed off. MVP is no different than any other opponent he could have named for you. Did EY think he’d fight some cream puff?

– Do I really need to go into why the Bully Ray vs Dixie Carter stuff is terrible? Same thing, week after week. Just because you “shoot on location” doesn’t mean it’s different.

Gail Kim and The Beautiful People is bombing because Kim isn’t over as a heel and the Beautiful People aren’t hated as heels. Taz & Mike Tenay pointing out how over Kim was only made it more obvious amongst the tepid response. Just like other acts in TNA, the Beautiful People are only together again because they were once great but now are stale. They haven’t freshened up the act at all. It doesn’t really matter that Kim beat Velvet Sky. Everyone knows Velvet is the “road block” to the champ Angelina Love. Perfect example of not freshening up the act. Sky stuck around, shouldn’t she be the champ supported by Angelina.

Rebel has a fantastic heiney. Other than that, I wasn’t impressed last week by The Menagerie. TNA in no way let on that Knux was part of a carnival family. How did a flood kill the business then? You’re mobile! Get the fuck away from where ever it was going to flood. Fuck you if you decided to still it out. Crazy Steve is taking on the nearly departed Kazarian. It ended up in a DQ win for Kazarian. It made no sense. Knux looks like he decided to pack on some weight too.

– Immediately after this lengthy waste of time, Austin Aries confronts MVP about not being honest. Hey, a positive! TNA remembers that Aries called MVP a phony not that long ago when he joined Bobby Roode. Aries clocks one of the body guards which gets him booted by the others. Eric Young then attacks MVP and they cut to commercial. They follow up their lone positive with a terrible mistake. They are still fighting after the break. MVP and Young even fight into the ring. Thanks for giving away your match. Young also made his comeback after MVP stomped his arm in a chair. Taz had the misfortune of trying to still sell the arm injury. MVP then declares their match tonight. Nothing like solving a problem (MVP turning already) by creating a larger one, burning through Young’s few options as credible opponents as quickly as possible. First Abyss, then Bobby Roode and now MVP. Congrats on lording the title of worst organization over ROH.

– Do you remember a time when James Storm against Ken Anderson would have been anticipated? I don’t either. I wasn’t planning on typing anything other than the winner of the match but Storm did something so dumb, it had to be noted. After distracting the ref and giving Anderson the old trick knee, he puts his feet on the ropes for the pin with the referee having a clear view. Having Storm win with beer to the eyes is a way to extend a meaningless feud.

– I like that TNA is using video packages for Sanada‘s promo time. WWE could learn something about wrestlers who don’t speak English. Unfortunately, they are using his approval from the Great Muta entirely too much. Let him focus on being great now that you’ve developed his ties to Muta over his first several months in TNA. Tigre Uno being in the match makes no sense since he already lost in a best of three series with Sanada. I love DJ Z in this spot because he’s a good wrestler but it’s odd for the lackey of a group to be going after the singles title. Sanada pins DJ Z with a double underhook bridging suplex. Have DJ Z pin Sanada in a non-title match so that they can have another title fight.

EC3 moving on to Bully Ray after finishing off Kurt Angle makes sense. It’s the only part of the segments that made any sense. Even if EC3 doesn’t deserve it.

– I have no idea why Kenny King is joining forces with MVP. They just hated each other! Even the announcers were forced to mention the recent feud. Then Bobby Lashley joined the crew. It’s not just the WWE that teams together all of the black gentlemen. What a horrific group with no commonalities. They didn’t even foreshadow this group coming together. How do you book something this poorly? So it’s EY & Austin Aries vs MVP, Kenny King & Bobby Lashley? My head hurts. Impact Wrestling is the worst. – Kevin

#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

MVP having the three contenders (Bobby Roode, Gunner & Mr. Anderson) is good and bad. I’m glad someone like Magnus, who later complained about it, wasn’t put in just as a mandatory fourth person. Challengers shouldn’t need to be in even numbers. If they had included someone else though, they could have held this match off until next week to put some hype into it. A champion, even Eric Young, shouldn’t be defending the title as often as the old TV Title used to be defended.

Mr. Anderson pretending like he had the crowd in the palm of his hand was sad. He thinks he can still do the Rock routine but he can’t. They haven’t been behind him much in the recent past so I don’t know why he thinks it’s working. You’ve had the exact same gimmick for nine years, if you start the clock at his Smackdown debut. Please, change it up some.

– I have no idea what they are trying to do with Knux and Rebel. They have made Rebel a complete dip shit including her continued “concern” over “Crazy” Steve. She’s also an idiot for pretending like TNA is at minimum the WWE, if not more like being on a movie set kind of awe about her. They are going to be called The Menagerie.

– Thank goodness Bobby Roode won over Gunner. Roode is much better and one of the few worth while talents in this company. Pretty sure he was dumb enough to sign an extension, so good luck being stuck in a terrible situation.

– It just dawned on me that Dixie Carter is now ripping off, of all people, Paul Heyman. He beat CM Punk and got to brag about beating the “Best In The World.” Dixie, you putting Bully Ray through a table isn’t on the same level. If Dixie really wants to copy the WWE correctly, she needs to have a hired gun like Brock Lesnar. If she brings back Rampage Jackson or King Mo, I’ll cry during my laughter.

– Taz & Mike Tenay are trying to make Willow “more sadistic” and “different offense than from Jeff Hardy” but just as they are saying that, he does his hip bump but on the outside so they had to sell it so much more lethal. It was comical. I’ve been meaning to mention that it has driven me batty that he hasn’t changed up his offense at all. Hardy also only came up with a coat and mask but not new sleeves, pants or shirts. He has the creativity but I think it’s lazy not addressing those areas.

Sanada and The Wolves destroyed The BroMans as they should have but the problem with that is the tag team division is non-existant of these two teams.

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

– Somehow, the Knockouts are in a worse state than the WWE Divas. Except in looks as Dusty & I discussed last week.

– I asked while talking to Jeremy about Eric Young having longer matches. The main event bell struck at the 1:45 mark of Impact Wrestling. Fifteen minutes isn’t enough time especially if you’re putting him in there with one of your best hands in Bobby Roode. At least Taz pointed out the bad decision to defend the title this often. Eric Young getting the win over Roode burns through an opponent that should have been on a PPV. I know they’re trying to play catch up with EY’s legitimacy but I’m still not buying. I smell desperation. After the big win, why are you putting someone else on the TV? Why? – Kevin

 

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

bizarro_world

From panelsonpages.com

– I really wish England would have made Magnus‘s promo a Bizarro World style one where the crowd cheered for him. Unfortunately, the crowd really wasn’t that into him. Kurt Angle is going to continue using Sting’s description of Magnus as a “Paper Champion” which is catching on for some reason but it shouldn’t be. That term is older than most of JBL’s references. Dixie Carter tried to talk Magnus out of a match that could make Angle or Samoa Joe number one contender but it wasn’t successful. I like Magnus’s defiance to Dixie is reasonable and not over the top anger which makes his character interesting. Too bad he isn’t selling it to me in any other way.

Lai’d Tapa is still so undependable that she wasn’t tagged into her own match with Gail Kim against Madison Rayne & Velvet Sky. The match was window dressing for her angle with Chris Sabin though. I’m glad Velvet ended their relationship because that angle had tons of potential and TNA pissed it away.

– I don’t like Kurt Angle & Samoa Joe only threatening Bobby Roode ahead of the main event. You know the heels have been getting help from their friends. Take the friends out so they can’t get help. Baby faces shouldn’t always be dumb.

– The James Storm makes up with Gunner promo was supposed to be touching with buddies realizing that they went over board with each other. It does happen in real life but two tough guys like this don’t make up with words. They make up by beating the hell out of a common enemy. They did that against Christopher Daniels & Kazarian, who are perfect foils for this situation. Too bad they didn’t interrupt this lovefest earlier.

– The only thing good to come out of Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards first appearance in the ring was the stipulation that no one could interfere in the match or else you are fired, which makes threatening Bobby Roode pointless by Angle & Joe. Why are you wasting your own TV time being redundant? You only have two hours. You can’t waste it like that.

– I like the story they are telling with Abyss and Eric Young trying to control him. They’ve treated this whole angle as an experiment, using the term often, and he’s been testing out hypotheses. I believe his thinking in having a Monster’s Ball match is to snap Abyss out of his rampage by making him sympathize when he beats the tar out of Young next week and turn back into Joseph Park.

Probably my favorite Christy Hemme picture ever. Saved from Fanpop.com.

Probably my favorite Christy Hemme picture ever. Saved from Fanpop.com.

– The Samuel Shaw angle was completely not sold by Mike Tenay or Jeremy Borash, which is criminal. Shaw had a basement wallpapered in Christy Hemme along with having a mannequin of her that he kissed to close the segment. I know Bully Ray, who came out next, is more important but don’t you think you talk about the angle you just saw as Bully makes his way to the ring? Shaw needs some help to sell his angle. He’s new. Bully Ray can sell his own angle. And that’s exactly what he did. Ken Anderson continues to have not developed on iota since leaving the WWE. They’ve beaten this feud to death so I’m glad a casket match will put it out of it’s misery.

– The “Investor” got out of the car before their last commercial break. I haven’t been this unexcited for a TNA announcement ever, which is quite a statement. I haven’t read the spoilers because that’s a waste of my reading time. Samoa Joe ended up choking out Magnus to become number one contender. Samoa Joe really hasn’t developed at all since he came from ROH. Mostly yelling again in this promo. Pull another tone out of the bag of tricks. Just as Kurt Angle starts to talk my DVR cuts out so I don’t know who the investor is. It’s 12:08 EST. I’ll find out who it is after a nice sleep. (Next Day Note: It really was MVP. So TNA decided to cut Hulk Hogan & AJ Styles but they brought in Edwards, Richards and MVP. TNA is probably still saving on pay roll but doesn’t it bringing in these guys undermine the concept? They’re not going to improve their product. MVP has been gone for so long, I barely remember that I loved his character a decade plus ago.) – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

derailed

AJ Styles, Dixie Carter and Magnus opened the show with the now normal fifteen minute talking segment. This segment was a perfect example of why the WWE will not be hiring AJ Styles. We all know that the WWE likes bigger men but if they are exceptional in the ring, they’ll bring a smaller man on board. CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are perfect examples of this exception. I think that Styles is good to very good in the ring. A step or two below exceptional. That aspect isn’t what showed up in this segment though. AJ Styles bombed during this segment. The WWE knew that CM Punk could talk already but they took a chance on Daniel Bryan and it has paid off. AJ Styles has been in the spotlight for years in TNA and his verbal skills haven’t followed the path that Bryan’s have during his tenure in the WWE, which has been much shorter. AJ Styles wouldn’t make it in the microphone dependent WWE.

“This is ridiculous!” were words directly out of Mike Tenay‘s mouth during the main event of AJ Styles versus Magnus on Impact Wrestling. I have never agreed with Mike Tenay more. Let’s count the ways this was ridiculous. Rockstar Spud, EC3, Jesse, Robbie E, Zema Ion, Christopher Daniels, Kazarian and Bobby Roode came out to help Magnus. Sting came out to help AJ Styles. We’ve got a nine on two which naturally means it’s an easy beat down for the heel, right? Well, that was the complete opposite of what happened. Magnus eeked out a victory. I actually felt bad for Taz during this segment because he had to sell the heel angle of this segment. The tenor of his voice was a give away that even he didn’t believe what he was saying.

The other more ridiculous aspect of this match was that they did away a time honored tradition in wrestling, having a leaving wrestler do a job to make the wrestler who is sticking around, usually a champion, look better. They did the complete opposite in this case too. The clown car in no way helped this aspect of the match. Magnus has struggled to look like he has a spine. Having him score a clean victory over AJ Styles does the trick and covers a time honored tradition. They looked a gift horse in the mouth.

The only thing that all of that interference does is make Dixie Carter look like she’s the evil owner. I will admit that I thought she finally sounded the appropriate amount of bitchy and was abusing her power in a good way. But just like the Authority and Randy Orton, they’re placing the heat on the wrong person. Magnus needs the heat, especially since he is newly turned heel after spending the last year or so in the main event mafia. Putting heat on the wrong people is, well, wrong.

The last aspect that makes the main event such a train wreck is the fact that they have spent the whole show building up feuds for next week’s Genesis “pay per view” on free television. TNA had already extended AJ Styles once to complete this story line. Why not give him enough money that he can’t refuse to show up for Genesis? Wouldn’t you think it’d be appropriate to at least have this travesty on your big show that you’ve built up for the rest of the 1:45 minutes of show you just aired? This angle is a huge fail. This segment led to Jeremy deleting Impact Wrestling from recording on his DVR and I can’t blame him. This product is on the longest skid that I can remember. I remember having hope once every six months or so but I’m pretty sure we’re past the six month threshold and having to dig out of this disaster isn’t going to make the good times come around any time soon. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling Total Nonsense Analysis

monkey-see– TNA is doing the same exact thing with Magnus that the WWE did with Randy Orton. Rockstar Spud & Dixie Carter should not be getting the heat for the new champion Magnus. At least in the WWE, people disliked HHH & Stephanie but they aren’t getting that kind of heat. I love the canned boos as the camera shows people talking to each other and sitting on their hands. Jeff Hardy screeching like a woman did not help himself look like a main event player. Neither did saying the title doesn’t mean anything to him is stupid. EC3 isn’t worthy of fighting a washed up Sting. That’s a pretty sad statement.

– Oh my goodness, Dixie Carter cut herself off with a commercial. Why did someone think this segment was a good idea? Gunner getting the title shot is a head scratcher to me. You just crowned a new young champion in Magnus. Give the shot to an established star who can help raise the new champion’s stock even if he cheats to win said match. Plus, Gunner is terrible on the mic and not so good in the ring. James Storm is a hard head for not accepting Gunner’s help. Having Storm winning the case would be a perfect tonic. Dixie Carter, no one cares that you’re stringing along this “major announcement.”

– The double DQ for James Storm and Gunner is a feud extender but I don’t care because they’re both stuck in this all too familar to TNA weird grey zone. James Storm bitched like a girl about Gunner selling him out at the bar and tossing him out of the way for a title shot. Gunner is defending himself but he’s not good enough verbally to dig himself out of the accusations.

Brooke Tessmacher calls out Bully Ray so that he can get some creepy horror movie music. “It’s going to get a lot worse for everyone.” So it’s going to be worse than you “Almost taking down TNA” within the past year if I’m to believe what they told me on TV? What’s your plan, get TNA going like a cockroach after a nuclear winter? Thanks for adding to my material to mock.

– The second video for Magnus was much better. He’s putting a little heat on himself with the Main Event Mafia conspiracy. He could feud with Samoa Joe. I wouldn’t argue in the ring.

– I like the Joseph Park character more than the Abyss character. But how long can you keep running a gimmick that has a timid man who can’t wrestle? He has been good enough on the mic to fill a manager role but is that what the person playing him wants? I have my doubts. They could re-imagine the Abyss character too and make him a hybrid of his current characters or a have him flip between the personalities. I’ll give this angle a chance.

– I liked the third video package from Magnus too. He showed spine which he hadn’t done for months. The looming specter of Rockstar Spud and Dixie Carter makes this an angle that could turn into a train wreck if his personality can’t stand out from those two bafoons.

– I know I’m not breaking any new ground with this statement but Lai’d Tapa is super green. Having her in there with ODB, who isn’t exactly a technician herself, makes for a tough match to watch. Even Lai’d Tapa’s facial expressions are bad.

Magnus video number four credited Dixie Carter for seeing his brilliance. Hit the brakes Mr. Engineer!

– Holy Shit Snacks as Pam Hoovey would say. That was Dixie‘s announcement? The Bromans are joining Rockstar Spud & EC3? That isn’t a big announcement. I wasn’t paying attention to Dixie’s “announcements” already. If you’re going to make terrible announcements like that, I’ll be sure not to pay attention. Nothing about the Bromans should concern Sting or Jeff Hardy especially since it’s a tag match. 4 Chumps vs 2 Main Eventers.

– While watching the match, Mike Tenay reminds me the announcement was the coronation of Magnus as champion was the big announcement. Whoops. It’s still not going to make me pay attention to her big announcements because that’s just standard wrestling procedure 101. I’m pretty sure I just heard the wreck. The engineer didn’t brake in time. Speaking of that tactic book, EC3 rolling up Sting with a handful of tights is classic heel move 101 and is the best thing they’ve done for him so far. Too bad he still sucks. Jeff Hardy is gone until light shines on this kingdom. Very Jeff Hardy like announcement. He may not be as good as he was in the WWE, but I still think he’s kept his act fresh with the talk over videos and little tweaks to his character. Hardy toned down his in ring act enough to stick around. Whether it’s an angle or real, (I don’t remember reading anything on the topic) this isn’t a good time for Hardy to be skipping town. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #ImpactWrestling

hello-from-on-stinker-to-another-700x449Boy, it has been a slow news week. I haven’t been able to dream up too much either. It’s been a bit of a stinker on the site. So why not continue to stink up the joint with a review of Impact Wrestling? Sounds like a plan to me. Let’s roll.

Okay, I know baby faces are supposed to be dumb. But they were dumb enough for the Tito Ortiz trap? Incredibly dumb. Tito Ortiz is with Bully Ray. Ken Anderson, just voted VP, is now in charge of himself. This Aces & Eights group has taken a serious hit recently. In name they’re a faction but in practice, they aren’t. Bobby Roode comes out with Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian. Roode is the mouth piece. They’re going to do anything to win the BFG Series. They take their turns bragging. Roode asks Austin Aries to join them. James Storm shows up because enough people haven’t been in this opening segment yet. Gunner is in tow. Storm looks really good. Seems to have lost some weight. We get a tag match with Kazarian & Roode against the baby faces. What a cluster fuck of a segment.

I know it’s supposed to evoke a tough guy image to be fighting in jeans but it looks like a gay cowboy video.

swayze-roadhouse-fuck-guys-like-you-in-prisonI love Roadhouse but this segment looks gay. I mean, if you enjoy it, have at it. I don’t want to see it in my wrestling program. Roode cheats to win with a low blow. I don’t think that match got enough time after the break. Austin Aries cuts another good promo. He covers his bases to keep you guessing as to his decision. I pick he stays a loner.

Manik is taking on Sonjay Dutt. They show Hulk Hogan’s tweet about the X Division going to one on one action. Can I laugh when they inevitably have a three man match in the near future? Taz had someone in his past wear a mask all the time. You almost had me convinced, Taz. I was this close to buying it. Manik wins. Big surprise. Ken Anderson talks to a leaderless club house. Devon’s going to Testify. Having one less person in the group isn’t a bad thing. Even if it was one of the better members.

Joseph Park, Jay Bradley, Hernandez and Christopher Daniels fought over the last 20 point match. I have to give them credit. They’ve done a much better job of point attempts for each competitor. Nothing major happens before the break. Kazarian distracts Park. Dumb bell. Keep the Boston Crab locked. I do agree with Mike Tenay about the intent of the street fight rules, which is not having outside forces interfere. It’s still a man on man. Austin Aries brainbusters Daniels. Kaz & Roode chase him to the back. Bradley and Park are in the ring. Park sees blood, me go angry. Black Hole Slam. 20 points to Park. He’s out of the negatives. Eric Young is working with Park still.

Samoa Joe & Brutus pump up Rampage Jackson & Sting. Bull Ray comes out after a video package. Dear lord, he’s trying to claim we were suckered. No one believed it for a second. Tito Ortiz calls Rampage a dummy. Why has he been sapped of charisma like Rampage? Brooke Tessmacher, right? Yep. Brooke takes off his ring and spits it out. They both have the same chin.

Gail Kim is taking on ODB. I’m not excited. I’m glad they’ve gone back to normal refs in a woman’s match. Gail Kim is sneaky to get her turn at offense. Kim even botched a move, a shoulder breaker. ODB is bigger than she thought. The crowd is not getting into the crotch turn buckle smash. ODB needs to tweak the gimmick. Gail Kim takes advantage of early shoulder damage for the roll up pin. I like the result. Main event coming up next.

I buzzed thru the entrances but still listened to Ken Anderson babble. He gets to introduce Bully Ray & the posse. Sting gets to pump up the crowd. I guess that’s why he was silent earlier. AJ Styles saunters down to the ring. He’s so dreamy and mysterious. Oh my goodness, they’re even calling him the “Old” AJ Styles. Ha. At least they acknowledged their mistake. Not that this version is some master piece but it’s better than brooding bad boy. The crowd is eating it up so far. I still think Rampage is taking the pin fall. Brisco & Bischoff get to be the bitches for Aces & Eights.

This match does look better with only one team wearing jeans and most of their shirts being on. Wes Brisco still looks light in the loafers for going with the vest only look. I did see the news that AJ’s contract is up soon. I don’t see him being WWE material unless he discovers a better character. Rampage is in the middle of the ring. He barely executes some moves. Knux gets put in the Scorpion. Devon saves him. Sting with the lamest kick out ever. AJ gets to clean house. AJ pins Devon with the Styles Clash. Wow. I didn’t see that one coming. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

LetsTrySomethingNew

Well, this isn’t something new but it is a new post. I have another one to finish up but it requires more thought than this type of article. I also need to get this off my DVR because I’m traveling to Altoona PA this weekend. Let’s roll.

We start with the 2 young male escorts Wes Brisco and Garrett Bischoff against Kurt Angle. They do a solid job of reminding us what the feud is about. AS usual nothing happens before a commercial break in a match. That was a hell of a bump for Bischoff to take on the double German suplex. Bischoff nails Angle with the chain for the win. This is stupid. Even my girl agrees. Nice of them to swipe The Shield’s move. Ken Anderson gets to babble. I can’t believe I liked him at some point.

Zema Ion and Petey Williams take on Kenny King for the X Division. I can’t stop staring at the referee’s hat to know what’s going on in the ring. I do like the X cam but I’m not sure why it looks so washed out. Oh, that’s the camera. I’m not paying much attention in general. They’re making Petey look pretty awesome. Ha. Cheap win by King. I feel bad for Ion. Brutus Magnus is going for the TV Title. Solid work from him as usual. I like his under statement.

Christy Hemme and Brooke Hogan are getting ready to launch the new Knockout’s website and photos. Brooke then talks down to Mickie James and Brook Tessmacher. Devon comes out first for some reason. Magnus gets attacked on the ramp by Mike Knox & DOC. This one trick pony is old. Aces & Eights aren’t really getting heat. Samoa Joe makes the save but why did they walk away? Kick his ass too.

Part of the reason to write this column is to rip on Tazz. He has surpassed Mike Tenay for worst announcer in wrestling. Having to act like a heel is not working for him in any way. He never sounds genuine. Samoa Joe is pissed. This AJ Styles thing isn’t interesting either. I don’t care which side he’s on. He’s not that big of a deal. I like him but whatever. Velvet Sky is selling an injury? Is this real? I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s real. ODB didn’t get any promo time for this match. Tessmacher then Mickie James. Forgot ODB was the ref. Why is Mickie looking like she wants to fight ODB? You can’t start rotating thru female refs this quickly. I like ODB ordering them back into the ring. Regular referees should be that stern. The Thesz Press off the top is always a like awkward. Tazz not having a come back to Tenay seals the deal on why he’s such a bitch now. You’re a tough guy compared to your partners. Bully them. Mickey reverses a reverse for the win. Solid match. Kaz and Christopher Daniels are moderately funny. Joseph Park gets attacked by Bully Ray. He gives us a sexist sentence. He’s a lawyer who isn’t going to press charges? Ironic. I wonder if they’re trying to do the same thing once every 15 minutes or 30.

Mickie James put together a good promo which is strange. It was never her strong suit. James Storm reminds us that this angle has taken entirely too long. Daniels & Kaz are back. Daniels said something. Kaz wants the tag team titles back. Austin Aries & Bobby Roode are still stuck in tag team hell because Aces & Eights are over bearing. Chavo & Hernandez clear the ring. Snooze.

So Jeff Hardy is really hurt? Roode has turned himself into a good talker. Matt Morgan is gloating again. Is he supposed to be turning baby face? He wants to take on Bully Ray but that cocky ass is so heelish. Why didn’t Aces & Eights just attack Samoa Joe too? Devon is a bad sergeant at arms. Tazz says people hate his guts because of his opinions. No, we hate you because you suck. Brisco distracts the ref. Anderson brass knuckles Samoa Joe. Devon makes the pin. It’s like clock work.

AJ Styles tries to run out of the match. James Storm attacks him on the ramp to stop him. Both men are wearing black. Aces & Eights wear black. Let’s try and make this product even more bland. AJ’s look is a little sheep dog for me. I do like a change for him though. It’d be kind of funny if he joined Kaz & Daniels. Storm taps to a sharp shooter type move. I know it has a name that I don’t remember. AJ Styles leaves Storm alone to catch a beating. Kaz & Daniels get an ass kicking too. Bully Ray delivers a fine enough promo but I don’t care because he became boring the minute he joined Aces & Eights. Dumb. It limits him way too much. He was better without this crew. They’re dragging him down. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

Continue reading

Stunt Granny Audio #199

Dynamite drop in there, Monty.

Kevin and Dusty are back with an extensive look at bad announcing, including the Mount Rushmore of Horrible Announcing. Listen and learn who they think are the worst announcers of all time. What current day announcers are bad enough to earn a spot on the list? Hint: One guy who currently does every WWE show, some of which completely by himself, much to the petrification of Dusty. Find out which guy….. annoys Dusty…. because of the ridiculously long…. pauses…. he used to take between words. Find out which guy makes Kevin cherish his childhood memories of watching wrestling so much. Find out which guy wears Hawaiian flowery shirts and gets into internet pissing contests because he has a small penis and a need for attention. And so much more, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your time, so you need to listen or you’ll catch something incurable.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #199

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Late & Half Assed Review of @ImpactWrestling

I need to get stuff off my DVR since I’m traveling to Altoona PA for my nephew’s baptism. Gues who the godfather is? It’s a trifecta, second from the family. It’s late already. Let’s roll.

Sting comes out with serious face on. Sting, temporary GM, calls them out but Austin Aries calls them out. He wants some. You know who else wants some, Kurt Angle? Their trifecta is Bobby Roode. Smart move, he blames James Storm. Storm attacks from behind. The other guys let them fight. Roode claims the attack as proof. Even better.

Tara tells us how awesome Chavo Guerrero. Then Kid Kash. Then Kurt Angle. All blowing some serious smoke. Roode rants and raves about not being believed. Good continuation. Gail Kim & Madison Rayne are taking on Tara & Mickie James. The wrestling is good between Tara, James & Kim. No big surprise. Madison doing a good job in her role. Earl ends up giving Madison the duke because Mickie had her shoulders down but lifted one out of his view. Sting tells Austin Aries to address the X Division and “make some cuts.” Yeah, fire half of them!

Continue reading

%d bloggers like this: