Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

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You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Kevin will use them as rolling papers for those funny cigarettes he likes so much.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. There was such an overwhelmingly positive response to the first one of these (http://stuntgranny.com/2013/07/21/dustys-blog-dusty-answers-five-random-questions/) that I couldn’t possibly stop now. So here we go:

1.) I just watched Survivor Series ’89. I love the show, it’s one of my favorites of all time. But man, that Hulkamaniacs vs. Million Dollar Team match is just chock full of Hogan’s ego, huh? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Oh man, preach on. Hogan was single handedly responsible, in one way or another, for the elimination of every member of the Million Dollar Team. Zeus gets carried away on beating up Hogan, the worst referee who ever lived gets physically involved, Zeus defends himself, and the ref shoots him out of there faster than Carl Lewis. Then, the Powers of Pain basically get disqualified for using offensive wrestling maneuvers against Hogan. And then Hogan pinned DiBiase to become the sole survivor. What a mess.

If Hogan could have actually allowed himself to do a job on a pay-per-view when the belt wasn’t even on the line, this could have probably been a whole lot better match. Really, I blame the bad booking here on his ego, and not on Pat Patterson and whoever else was back there at that time. Let’s say Zeus still gets disqualified as he did. Then, since Hogan is so incapacitated, you could just have DiBiase pin him right there. Blam. Zeus sacrifices himself for the greater good of the team.

Then maybe the Powers of Pain and Demolition get double DQ’d for brawling with each other in the ring (shades of the LOD-Demolition confrontation from the next year’s Survivor Series), which would leave us with a DiBiase vs. Jake the Snake showdown, in which you can either have Roberts pin DiBiase, or else Roberts win when DiBiase gets counted out, if you want to save the clean finish for WrestleMania or whatever.

There’s a million different ways you could book it, and they’d all probably be better than what we ended up with. Still, though, that Series is one of my go-to shows when I’m looking for something to watch. So, whatevs.

2.) Watching all these old school wrestling events reminds me of what a burger Elizabeth was. She has to be in the top five of wrestling women all time, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Absolutely. And what a difficult task it would be to craft a top five all time list. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and of course everyone’s list is going to vary based on personal taste, but my list might look something like this:

1. Miss Elizabeth

2. Terri Runnels

3. Christy Hemme

4. Brooke Adams

5. Nitro Girl Fyre

3.) Eric always talks about how good Todd Pettengill is and how much better he was than Sean Mooney. He’s totally wrong, right? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Of course he is. Sean Mooney was fantastic. More than that, not only was Pettengill completely terrible, he was dead wrong for the product at the time and stuck out like a sore thumb. He was a lame guy with a lame sense of humor who actively held the product back when they were trying to get more serious. He was just plain bad at his job in every way. The best example I can give is from Royal Rumble 1995, where he had the following locker room exchange with Bret Hart (not word for word, so don’t correct me).

Pettengill: You are going to be going up against Diesel for the World Heavyweight Title. I mean, let’s talk about it.

Bret: ….. What is there to talk about?

I mean, right? What kind of question is that? It’s not even a question. It’s lowest common denominator “How do you feel?” Because at least that’s a question, albeit a completely horrible one. Really, the guy had no business doing what he was doing, and he did it for several painful agonizing years.

Meanwhile, Sean Mooney once said “The Fabulous Rougeaus don’t always play savoir fairly, but the Rockers are ready to escargot at it!” Case closed.

4.) Is there any wrestler worth following on Twitter right now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

You know, I hate following wrestlers and other celebrity types on Twitter. They normally have nothing of any worth to say. Like Leonardo DiCaprio reminding us all to save the whales. He don’t know from save the whales, he’s too busy diving into his Uncle Scrooge Money Bin. But if there was one wrestler I would recommend, it would be Big E Langston. Why? This:

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5.) Who let the dogs out? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania VII’s Best Matches: Results

Here they are, the top two matches from WrestleMania VII: Superstars and Stripes Forever! The easy first-place winner is Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Savage in a career match with an ending that either brings tears to everyone’s eyes, or their shoes are on too tight. Second place took a little prodding but went to the underrated tag team title match between the Hart Foundation and the Nasty Boys, managed by Jimmy Hart, who of course “knows all your weaknesses,” Hart Foundation! Cackle cackle cackle! (Come on, even at 11 years old, who didn’t think it was suspect that Jimmy Hart was wearing a motorcycle helmet to ringside?)

In honor of @WWEDanielBryan and @WWEAJLee, WWF’s finest wedding moments…

This coming Monday’s “Raw 1,000” will feature the marriage of Daniel Bryan and AJ, and in their honor, we present to you the finest wedding moments in WWE history. Of course, a “fine wrestling wedding” is like being the prettiest waitress at Denny’s, but that hasn’t stopped WWE from booking cringe-inducing wedding angles for years. In fact, let’s skip the first actual ceremony (it’s split into two 11-minute parts on YouTube, and I will not do that to you fine people) and get right into the WWF’s first wedding reception, for Paul “Butcher” Vachon and Ophelia. Welcome to the slowest god damn food fight in history:

WWF learned so much from the atrocity of this segment that they… held the next one, between Uncle Elmer and Joyce on a high-cost episode of NBC’s “Saturday Night’s Main Event.” Good lord, Vince McMahon could have poached a bald eagle on TV back then and it would have drawn a 10-point-0.

Possibly the greatest marriage angle of all time featured Macho Man Randy Savage and his long-time love, Miss Elizabeth. Audiences fell in love with the demure Elizabeth at first sight, but for years, Savage abused her verbally and occasionally took advantage of her presence physically. After a two-year on-screen split, Elizabeth returned to Savage’s side in a moment of need, and there wasn’t a dry seat in the house.

What’s the matter, toots, your shoes too tight?

Mid-1991 brought a change of heart for the “Macho Man,” as he got down on one knee and proposed to the woman we all explored our bodies to:

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Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag

In our ongoing effort to provide you up to the minute Randy Savage news, we turn to our old friend Jason Powell:

There is an ad on Philadelphia’s version of Craigslist for a man who wants to dress up like Randy “Macho Man” Savage and perform a variety of his signature wrestling moves on a woman dressed up like Elizabeth. The man even claims to have purchased several Elizabeth style dresses.”The job is as follows,” reads the listing. “I will be dressed and acting as Macho Man Randy Savage and you will be acting as Miss Elizabeth. I come out to ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ and once I’m done entering the ring we will improvise an argument. You will slap me across the face and then I will [perform various wrestling moves]…

“Don’t worry about getting hurt. I have been practicing on a dummy and I have made a ring in my basement with 4 mattresses and ropes. You are also allowed to bring any amount of people with you to watch the show so you feel safe. They are allowed to make signs and cheer along to add to the match’s atmosphere.” To read the listing, visit Philadelphia.Craigslist.org. [Thanks to the Dot Net reader who sent this item]

Powell’s POV: He’s been practicing on a dummy in his basement!!! The guy is willing to pay $500 in most cases, but up to $1,000 to women who look like Elizabeth. If any readers take him up on the offer, I would love to be one of the people who accompany you so that I can bring signs like “Depraved Horny Loser,” “Castration Candidate,” and “Just Rub One Out And Be Done With It, You Freaking D-Bag.” Please let this air via online pay-per-view.

I used to wrestle the couch cushions at home when I was a kid. I never dressed like Randy Savage while doing it, though. I had a Ric Flair robe, baby! WOOOOOOOOOOO! – Dusty

WWE’s Randy Savage Tribute Video

If you followed our Twitter account I made the comment that it was near the end of Raw and no tribute or further mention of Randy Savage was made. It wasn’t a surprise since he has been persona non grata for WWE for quite sometime. Hell, they even reached out to The Ultimate Warrior for a Hall of Fame induction but not Savage. So, around 10:33 eastern Jerry Lawler finally gave the old time fans what they wanted. He introduced this video tribute to The Macho Man. Is it good, well, I got misty by the end. So I guess?

Anyway, the video was careful to show Randy mostly during his WWF days. Sure there are some shots of his WCW run but not the end of his run. It was a good decision. Most people remember him from WWF. Actually, I’d bet a lot more remember him from the Slim Jim commercials. So here, it’s a Youtube video by WWE so it won’t be removed anytime soon.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 5/14/11

1. Cheese – Some people just can’t get enough of it. Some of those people should try to get less of it. – Eric

2. MVP –  He’s been all over the wrestling media in the past week, promoting New Japan’s first big visit to the U.S. In the process, he’s been very well spoken about what he liked and grew to dislike about WWE’s evolving style to more kid-friendly, PG “entertainment.” Search it all out, it’s all totally worth the read. – Eric

3. Maryse –  Hotsy totsy, did you see that picture Jeremy and Kevin posted for Stunt Granny Audio #142? If that doesn’t make you harder than a left turn in front of the mall, you have no soul. – Eric

4. Chris Harris, Mick Foley & Chyna – These three were supposed to be surprises this week on iMPACT! Since I don’t read spoilers, I was surprised by Harris’ appearance especially since it was his bloated brother that got the gig. I was surprised by Mick Foley because I assumed it would be Dixie Carter. Finally, I knew it was Chyna but was surprised that she looked somewhat with it. What doesn’t surprise me is the fact that I am completely underwhelmed with this treasure trove of surprises. – Kevin

5. Jason Bane – I know my viewing habits are a little behind for Pro Wrestling Ohio so this item could have been posted a couple of weeks ago. After going long spans for PWO Title reigns, Agent Aaron Maguire’s latest client “The Megastar” Marion Fontaine dropped the strap to “The Most Dominant Man in PWO.” It is the second time within the past couple of months that the title changed. I’ll hope that it stays around his waist until Wrestlelution. Congratulations to Jason Bane though. – Kevin

6. TNA Sacrifice – Samoa Joe is feuding with Crimson but isn’t on the PPV. AJ Styles is feuding with Bully Ray but isn’t on the PPV. Mr. Kennedy is feuding with, well, everyone, but isn’t on the PPV. Chris Harris is sad looking and out of shape and he has no feud but he is on the PPV. A guy named Max Buck is on the PPV but not having anal sex with another man. Chyna is on the PPV although she has been out of wrestling and forgotten for a long while. Order estimation- 14,000 or so. – Jeremy

7. Smackdown – Christian and Randy Orton proved to be ratings flops. As the flag carriers for the Friday night broadcast this should be troubling but then it isn’t Monday Night Raw so who cares. – Jeremy

8. Bill DeMott – Since I’m trying to push our Twitter account, I’ll pimp the Tough Enough trainer @BillDeMott since @StuntGranny follows him. My favorite tweet for this week “I have decided how I will answer all those with #Negative comments………theres your answer.enjoy the day-BD”. – Kevin

9. Living in the past – 2011 – 1997 = 14:

Hulk Hogan vs. Sting is the current plan for the Bound for Glory main event, although not etched in stone. When asked, Hogan said right now he’s 50% about doing another match, according to an interview on the “Monday Night Mayhem” radio show. “If you would have asked me two months ago, I would have said no way. If I could get six and a half months (since the most recent fusion surgery) under my belt, I’d pretty much know the answer to that. If I did land wrong or something, just don’t know if all this hardware and stuff would hold together.” Watching Hogan walking on Impact this past week, the idea of doing a match, unless it’s a tag and he’s in for one spot and never does anything that requires movement or falling, looks like a very bad idea. The guy can barely walk. Considering how badly hurt he gets every time he wrestles, this seems really sad to even consider it. Maybe for a million dollar payday you can justify the risk, but him wrestling at this stage won’t move the needle at all unless he says it’s his retirement match (wouldn’t work in storyline since he’s the heel) and goes on all the talk shows to promote it, and even then, with wrestlers and retirements, that may end up meaning nothing for business at this stage.
14 goddamn years ago. – Dusty

10. Elijah Burke – Blew this popstand:

According to TheElijahExpress.com, D’Angelo Dinero, also known as Elijah Burke, has graduated with a degree of high honors in Criminal Justice. This could have been what he was alluding to on May 13th with various tweets, including one Thursday night that read: “My time has come, It’s time to move on. I’ve served well. Hope none has been disappointed; hope my hard work has been Applauded&Appreciated
It has from here. – Dusty

11. Brother Love’s floating head – I just, there are no words:

Dusty

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