Stunt Granny Big 11 Week Ending 8/20/11

1. Kevin Nash – A week and a day after Nash joked about becoming HHH’s body guard against CM Punk at the meet and greet for PWO’s Wrestlelution 4, he did just that at Summerslam. Well, maybe. The WWE decided to thicken the plot by having John Laurinaitis talk to Nash and Stephanie McMahon talk to CM Punk. They both gave reasons why they could have sent the text message to Nash to attack the winner of the match. Since we know it was Nash in the ring with the (Jack) Knife, finding out the sender of the text message is the only part of this  “Who Done It?” that remains unresolved. – Kevin

2. Mike Chioda – Not only did we already know that Chioda was “The Man” amongst referees, now we allegedly know that he must be “The Man” for partying after his Wellness Policy violation. I wonder if he counts to three or ten before exhaling. – Kevin

3. Sting, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair – Sting cut another ridiculously awful promo which is no surprise. The highlight of which was him asking the crowd if they wanted to see Hogan in another match against him. Even the Impact Zone crowd, who will cheer for just about anything, had a tepid response. Adding to the old age home amusement, Ric Flair complimented Sting on how in shape he was. Later, Flair showed off his tuned up physique to Hogan in his office. Any combination of these three in the ring will produce more sag than Joan Rivers’ botox could prevent. – Kevin

4. Jeremy & Eric – Where are they this week? Good question. I hope when they come back, if they ever come back, they apologize to you, the loyal reader, for going MIA here. – Dusty

5. The Young Bucks – Boy did I start a mini-bleepstorm with my Young Bucks post. Let me break it down for you: If you are too stupid to go into a WWE lockerroom and not shake everyone’s hand, go into a corner and wait your goddamn turn for a match, you don’t deserve to be in professional wrestling. And if you are so ball-less you post passive aggressive nonsense on Twitter and send your no talent brother in to do the dirty work, you are a horrible human being. This is not arguable. If you disagree with me, please go away. The Young Bucks should go away, too. – Dusty

6. Terri Runnels – My crack research team was able to locate a recent picture of Terri, which I will post here for your edification:

A gruesome visage, I know. – Dusty

7. Evolve – The next step for Evolve is in full effect:

Fat, ugly, badly recorded Jew guy wants YOU! – Dusty

8. Dave Meltzer – What on earth is causing “I” to be replaced with “In” every single time he writes it? This has happened for several weeks in a row now, and is quite frankly very disturbing. Is it a legit typo, every single time? A glitch in his voice-to-text software? The world may never know. – Dusty

9. Joey Abs – I guarantee you you want to know what’s been going on with Joey Abs lately:

What kind of a man hunts with a cellaphone? Real men don’t even own them. – Dusty

10. Sin Cara – The dude playing the fake Sin Cara character (Hunico) was Mystico before Sin Cara was Mistico. He then changed his name to Incognito and started to sell merchandise with his face on it. We’re talking about Incognito soap, candy bars, lighters, napkins, you name it. He sucks, as does real Sin Cara. However, I just gave you a face full of knowledge. Knowledge, right in your maw! Eat the knowledge! Eat it! – Dusty

11. Football – Speaking of Incognito, let’s talk about Richie Incognito and the 2-0 Miami Dolphins. Or, as I like to refer to them, the 2-0 Miami Super Bowl Dolphins. What’s that? These games don’t count? These are fake games? Well… uh… Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne Henne… – Dusty

Sin Cara Suspended

Well this explains the loss on Smackdown, then the twitching awkward exit during the Money in The Bank match. See, Sin Cara has been suspended for his first WWE Wellness Policy violation.  They don’t release what exactly he failed but the fact he failed the policy is embarrassing. Maybe this turns out to be a Rey Mysterio type of deflection and he’ll produce a prescription but it still tarnishes Sin Cara and he doesn’t have enough polish right now to recover. All the hype, mood lighting and push he has gotten haven’t amounted to anything substantial. Smackdown ratings are in the grave and is soundly panned for being boring. Hopefully this will allow Sin Cara the time to get used to WWE’s rings and a few lessons in handling pressure. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11- Week Ending 2/26/11

1. Smackdown Elimination Chamber – Even though the individual performer medals went to John Morrison & CM Punk in the Raw version, the Smackdown version was the better of the two matches. It was the best multi-man match I’ve seen in quite some time. I don’t think it’ll be a match of the year candidate by the end of the year, but it was a great surprise on the Road to WrestleMania. – Kevin

2. No Word Promo Heard Round the World – Triple H interrupting the long hyped return of the Undertaker was just what the Wrestlemania card needed. Considering they did this without saying a single word tells you how important Undertaker’s streak is at the event. Now if only Undertaker could really live forever. – Kevin

3. Tough Enough – After Rima Fakih was the first contestant to be officially announced for Tough Enough, Val Venis and my sources revealed that “M-Dogg 20” Matt Cross was another contestant. After watching him for 3 1/2 seasons in Pro Wrestling Ohio, I’m wishing him good luck. – Kevin

4. Fetuses – Jillian Hall and Candace Michelle both announced that they’re pregnant. (Candace might have been last week, who knows and who cares. And it might be “Candice,” whatever.) (Dusty edit: It absolutely is “Candice” and from this point forward, I’m editing it every single time.) I guess don’t know what trimester the women are in, so I maybe should be giving credit to “zygotes” or “embryos.” Really what I need to do is give myself credit for letting two women I did not impregnate take me back to fifth-grade science terminology. Next up: I’m going to dissect a worm. – Eric

5. Sting – After all of the hype about him possibly being the Undertaker’s opponent for WrestleMania, Sting goes back to TNA and wins the Title. Sting is much smarter than anyone has given him credit for being. He just bilked more money out of TNA based off of rumors. Way to go, kid. – Jeremy

6. TNA – So let’s get this right. They take Impact on the road and then proceed to tape two weeks of television? They recorded a live show instead of forking over for a live broadcast? On top of that they have Sting return at this show that was taped? So, they had a major surprise happen on an episode that was recorded instead of airing live in the same night that Impact airs. If this makes no sense at all it is because it doesn’t. – Jeremy

7. Mistico/Sin Cara – Okay, I don’t get it. I watched CMLL for a while on Telemundo or Univision or whatever, and never saw Mistico. Maybe I did and didn’t realize it since they don’t run the shows in English. So I went to YouTube and looked up some videos of Mistico. Um, I don’t get the appeal. He is just another spotfest Mexican wrestler that wears a mask. How is he a huge star? This isn’t a criticsm of WWE for signing him but why is he such a big star down south? – Jeremy

8. Chris Jericho – The new media gadfly (move over Mo Rocca, you huge nerd) released his epic second book last week, but I read it over that weekend so it still qualifies here. (Note: Buy it, check it out from the library, steal it, I don’t care, it’s great.) And he’s still making the rounds through the media to promote the book, while still making himself look smarter about the business of professional wrestling than 10 Triple Hs. – Eric

9. Hacksaw Duggan – It was recently announced that he will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame this year, along with Shawn Michaels. It’s sad that the first thing that comes to mind when I see the name “Hacksaw Duggan” is that he had snot coming out of his nose after his WrestleMania 5 match against Bad News Brown. It’s too bad he turned into such a comedy act in the WWF because his work in Mid South/UWF for Bill Watts was very good and he was probably one of the best brawlers in wrestling history. If you are a member of the PWTorch VIP Forum (and if you’re not, you need to sign up immediately!!!), be sure to check out Stunt Granny Nostalgia Expert zourah’s blog about how Duggan’s work for Watts shaped his wrestling fandom. It is an excellent read. – Dusty

10. Austin Aries – Peep and weep:

Dusty

11. Randy Orton – Apparently some kid recently did a doorbell ditch on Orton’s home. Since Orton has a home security system, he was able to post some pictures of the kid with the message being that if someone can catch him, Orton will provide them with free tickets the next time WWE is in St. Louis. I understand that Orton is coming off here like the old man yelling at the punk kids to get off his lawn, but I will always side with the athlete in situations like this. He deserves the same privacy as anyone else, and I hope the kid who did this to him gets humiliated for his effort at 15 seconds of fame.

By the way, how many godfucking times in a row can Eric put up a piece about Chris Jericho? We get it, you like him. We really truly get it. – Dusty

Another Possible Surprise Royal Rumble Entrant!

Spoiler spoiler, if you read any further you will die immediately.

It looks like WWE has made a big international signing, and it is entirely possible that this person could be another surprise entrant into tonight’s Royal Rumble. Posting it for timeliness, holmes. Thank you PWI:

REPORTS CLAIM HUGE INTERNATIONAL SIGNING FOR WWE
By Mike Johnson & Phil Lions on 2J011-01-30 14:51:12 The Mexican press, specifically Super Luchas magazine are reporting that Lucha star Mistico has signed with WWE. Mistico had a tryout with the company last year and impressed. He’s been one of the top stars for CMLL in recent years.

Seems like his name pops up every few months, but maybe this time it will stick. It certainly would be a significant signing for WWE if it is true. – Dusty

%d bloggers like this: