Dusty’s Blog: Dusty answers five random questions

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You know, every week we get so many cards and letters here at the Stunt Granny Headquarters, it’s just ridiculous. Normally we just completely ignore them, because we are so much better than all you readers out there. Sometimes Jeremy will take a letter into the bathroom with him if we are running low on toilet paper.

But now I have decided in the interest of creating content, to change all that. Every week I will be answering five random questions from you, our lovely loyal readers. Without any further ado, throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go:

1.) What are your thoughts on the Repo Man? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an interesting question, Dusty, I was just thinking about the Repo Man. Like, have you ever wondered who drives the Repo Man to the place where he is repoing the car? Because he always just hot wires the car and drives away with it, right? So, like, is a friend dropping him at the house so he can repo the car? Is he taking public transportation, like a bus or a taxi cab to get to the place to repo the car? Perhaps there is a never ending stream of repo’d cars that serve the purpose of leading him to the next house to repo the next car. Maybe he lives close by and just walked.

The point of the matter is that Repo was completely awesome and I always felt like if a bunch of the guys had teamed up to eliminate Yokozuna at the 1993 Royal Rumble, that match was Repo’s for the taking. See what I did there with that sentence? Why am I asking you the questions?

2.) What are your thoughts on the whole Jimmy Hart/Nasty Boys/Natural Disasters/Money Inc thing? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Yeah, that’s an excellent question. I was just thinking about this recently. See, it all goes back to Mr Fuji in 1990. In early ’90 Fuji managed the Powers of Pain. And then in like February, he debuted the Orient Express. Everyone put up a stink about what an obvious conflict of interest this was, and so Fuji ended up selling the Warlord to Slick and the Barbarian to Bobby Heenan, so he could concentrate all of his energies on managing his new, completely inferior team. It was tremendous booking.

So now Jimmy Hart in 1991. His Nasty Boys win the tag belts from the Hart Foundation at WrestleMania so that they can drop the belts to the Legion of Doom at SummerSlam and break up the Foundation so that Bret can finally get a big singles push. The problems start right before SummerSlam when Jimmy unveils his new tag team, the Natural Disasters. At SummerSlam, LOD should have beaten the Nastys, and the Disasters should have beaten the Bushwhackers. And then you *have* to turn the Nastys face. You cant really split them up since they’d be crap on their own, and you can’t keep them with Jimmy since he now has a new team. So that Survivor Series match (Rockers & Bushwhackers vs Beverly Brothers & Nastys) would have to be changed around, but I’m not trying to be a completist here. I’m talking about one specific line of booking.

So then you have LOD beat the Disasters at Royal Rumble 1992, shortly thereafter Jimmy unveils another new team, Money Inc. At this point, the Disasters have to turn face, since they would be clearly butt hurt about Jimmy favoring his new team over them. Maybe you wait until after WrestleMania 8, though, where you could have LOD over the Disasters and Money Inc over the Nasty Boys, if you so wanted.

There could be many different ways to achieve that same goal, but the point is they didn’t do any of them. They keep the Nastys with Jimmy all the way through SummerSlam 1992, which was logically ridiculous and clearly defied the hallmark they themselves had put into place a couple years prior. It just honks me off like a goose!

3.) Some idiot recently said that Ultimate Warrior was the worst main eventer in history. Your thoughts, please? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Very good question. Yes, he is an idiot, first of all. Second of all, it’s not really close to true. This subject was recently batted around on Facebook and a lot of people got lost in the tall grass, arguing that Warrior was a horrible worker. It might or might not be true, but it’s completely besides the main point.

See, Diesel was the worst drawing WWF Champion in history. So since he came *after* Warrior, that automatically makes him worse, no? He was no great shakes in the ring, either. Bret got a good match out of him, but Bret could get a good match out of the couch. Diesel was atrocious, didn’t draw a dime, and he was just really terrible.

Another matter is that Warrior was completely sabotaged by Hulk Hogan every step of the way. Follow me here on a history lesson. They debuted Earthquake by making him friends with Dino Bravo and having the two attack the Warrior. Before his Mania win over Hogan for the WWF Title, Warrior was beating Bravo at house shows. Therefore, all of that would lead perfectly, one would assume, towards Warrior feuding with Earthquake post WrestleMania. It should stand to reason that the number one face should be feuding with the number one heel in the company. (Please note that I’m not slagging Rick Rude at all by saying this. It’s just that he was a step or two below Quake on the totem pole at his point.)

Instead, Hogan got the A-match at SummerSlam and all of the hype leading up to it, with the injury angle, the get well letters campaign and the guys in the corner stuff. Warrior got the second most hyped match. And then, even more ridiculously, Warrior had no feud whatsoever going into the Survivor Series. He was pasted into a survivors match that he nothing to do with (Perfect vs. Tornado, Demolition vs. LOD). And then by Royal Rumble ’91, he was already losing the belt.  Hogan, meanwhile, carried the Earthquake feud through the end of the year, won the Rumble, and then beat Slaughter for the belt at Mania. There was never really a point during Warrior’s title reign that you couldn’t plausibly argue that Hogan was still the top star in the company.

So what I’m saying is, other than the workrate, you could conceivably blame every one of Warrior’s failings as top dog in the company on Hogan. After that he started flaking out and no showing stuff and trying to hold up Vince for more money and all of that, and I would argue that you could trace all of that back to Hogan sabotaging him in 1990.  But I mean, it’s not like Hogan has a history of doing that, or anything.

Also of note is that guys like Jack Swagger and the Miz are much worse main eventers as well. It is actually embarrassing that guys like that were allowed to hold the title. It’s a byproduct of today’s environment, where the name WWE sells the tickets and it doesn’t really matter who the champion is, and everyone gets a turn with every belt anyway, and there’s 5 million belts anyway, and nothing means anything, but man, do those guys suck. Especially Swagger.

Also of note is that workrate doesn’t mean shit in professional wrestling.

4.) Who are your top five SportsCenter anchors of all time? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Such a great question. I would have to go like this…

1 – Keith Olbermann

2 – Dan Patrick

3 – Kenny Mayne

4 – Scott Van Pelt

5 – Charley Steiner

Speaking of SportsCenter and ESPN, isn’t it weird that Chris Berman is, as Bob Ley once called Steiner, a “professional putz” when he went to Brown University and graduated with a degree in history? You would think he would be more serious, like Ley, instead of being Mr Sound Effects and guy-who-gives-everyone-a-crummy-nickname guy. Then again, him graduating college in the late 70s does explain his shitty taste in music.

5.) Who could it be now? – Dusty G., Fond du Lac, Wisc.

Not sure.

Stunt Granny Audio #160

There's a good reason to follow @maryseOuellet on Twitter. And @iLikeGirlsDaily.

Jeremy and Kevin team up again for your audio delight. They start out by fumbling around the order they’d like to talk about the whole two topics they had on their agenda. The duo starts by talking about the first episode of the new Pro Wrestling Ohio season. Who’s fingers does Jeremy want to cut off? What sets it apart from other season premieres in wrestling? How do Jeremy and Kevin think it relates to old school wrestling and Wrestlemania? They fill everyone in on the back story so even the non-watchers can follow this discussion about booking philosophies. Who does Hobo Joe remind Jeremy of? Is Kevin as hairy as Jason Bane? How do they like the main event six man tag team match that ended the show? They eventually talk about Raw. Are the guys finally defeated in looking for that pay off for a long arc story line? What holes do they poke at HHH’s removal? We think there are some positives about Michael Cole, but does John Laurinitis bring anything to the table? How dumb is the Board of Directors? Who could the next general manager of Raw be if it’s not going to be someone from the McMahon family? Did the lay off for Miz & R Truth pay off? Is a new faction going to form? Jeremy and Kevin end on a positive note but you need to click on the link below to find out what it is.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #160

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Dan Hamhuis was an incredibly smooth skater.

So this blog is starting about as late as I can tolerate. I had tickets to the Vancouver Canucks at Columbus Blue Jackets game tonight. My friend Sean & I got an upgrade by way of (virtually) his in-laws, who supplied part of the metal package for Nationwide Arena when it was built so they have tickets for life. In the third row on the Jackets attack side for two periods. I always dwelled on the bad side of sitting low, you can’t see the other side of the rink. That complaint is still valid but it was cool to see the grunt work and foot work of some of the skaters. The hard work in the corners goes a bit under appreciated higher up even if you see plays develop better. I was certainly bummed that Ryan Kesler (former Buckeye) not being available for the game. The Henrik & Daniel Sedin for the Canucks and Rick Nash & Jeff Carter were a pleasure to watch for doing all the small things right. Wow. I’m never sure how people don’t appreciate the level of skill in hockey more than is widely acknowledged. Is my love for hockey that obvious, huh? Well, time to get to the wrestling love. No over run was taped. Let’s roll.

I get to FF under HHH grabs a mic. Thanks for making this review go quicker WWE. Trips gets in his pops for his ego. HHH stealing Ric Flair’s broomstick wrestling plan. By the way, don’t accuse Jackets fans of stealing chants from the Columbus Crew on Twitter. Evidently that pisses them off. Needless to say, that made sure I wore my early 90’s Canucks jersey to the game tonight. Cena arrives so he can get his share of the spot light. Everyone wants Cena to join the protest. My feed breaks up as Cena rattles off GMs. Cena stays. Yeah from the fans. This feed really sucks tonight. Stupid Wide Open West kind of sucks for HD. I hate saying bad words about them since they have had such a good product for the past 8 years. The Great White solves the feed problem. Sheamus blows HHH. Irish Yarn is staying too. CM Punk explains himself. And gets his cheap pops too. The biggest names in the company stick with HHH. Punk and his blazers crack me up. Punk doesn’t segue well.

After the commercial break, we get Vince. Cena & Sheamus are sent off so 2 guys not on the road to kill more TV time. My feed was awful tonight. I would be outraged if I weren’t half asleep already. Vince gets to can HHH. WE get an interim GM, John Wooden Delivery. The board turned off Raw when most of theirs fans did evidently.

The Superstars are idiots for being happy about this. Glad Morrison stood up to him. Too bad he’s going to get buried. Christian gets to deliver the Killswitch. JR segues into Christian by talking about Canadian Thanksgiving and schooling Cole. Glad we got that out of the way. Wow, even further buried than I expected. Why can’t JR or King point out the hypocrisy of this faction? You skipped this point on Smackdown with Matthews & Booker.

Johnny Wooden Crotch gets to suck on camera more. A video package lets me do more FF. Easy show to review so far.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Yep, something like this is going to be hitting my hands this week.

So, I’m pumped. This is the last review I will be doing from this computer. I done ordered myself a new lap top because, as I type this, my screen is basically a big blur. Not a way to make this site great. I’d also like to note that it is now it is 10:54 and I turned my computer on at 10:05 PM EST. It is time for an upgrade. We’re talking about adding video content. We’re talking about a lot of things, which is bad ass. As for Jeremy, I’m amused he noted I was trying to get a woman tonight. Keep up with us on Twitter (@Stuntgranny) for additional content as always. It’d be bad ass if I could pull off roller derby girl. Cool cat. Enough about me and the site, on to the review.

Picture pages, picture pages, Nash joked at the Meet & Greet about being HHH’s body guard. We’ll see if it’s true soon enough. I hope he was paid by Del Rio. We get an apology. Del Rio should have cashed it in no matter who won so the mistake was moot in my book. Nash is invited to Raw. Cheap pop HHH. Del Rio gets shoved down our throat more. I can’t wait for his free fall. The belt has really played hot potato recently. I can’t believe that hasn’t been a hot internet topic. Del Rio just feeding the crowd and he finally clubs them like a baby seal. Come on, you know it was coming. I was not impressed.

We get R Truth against John Morrison, again. Thanks for beating this feud into the ground already. Watching this match reminded me that I was watching American Ninja Warrior this weekend. I don’t watch it all the time, but their obstacle courses are awesome and the parkour people love them.

Truth is almost too popular again. His act is so much better though. I didn’t buy a ringside ticket for when Raw hits Columbus in September. I doubt a Falls Counts Anywhere match will pop up again. When was the last time the Raw GM podium was used? I have no idea. The suplexing of Truth into a soft seat was ridiculous. Solid knee to finish him off though.

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Heath Slater in trouble for more than just being a poor professional wrestler

Pictured above: Horrible professional wrestler, human being; connoisseur of IQ lowering tattoos.

Quoth the Meltzer:

Atlanta police confirmed to Ch. 2 Action News in Atlanta that police are investigating an incident involving Heath Slater that allegedly took place after WrestleMania.Corrine Oliver, a security guard with Allied Barton Security Servies, said she had to struggle to fight off Slater, who grabbed her by the neck and tried to force her into his hotel room.

The police report listed the incident taking place between 4 a.m. and 5 a.m. after WrestleMania at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Atlatna.

Oliver’s attorney, Jackie Patterson, told the Atlanta Journal Constitution at http://www.ajc.com/news/ that she was working security at the hotel, trying to keep fans out. She claimed Slater asked her to go to his room and she declined.

“He started telling her she was pretty and those type things,” said Patterson. “The next thing you know, she was in a choke hold, and he was dragging her and bending her backwards, trying to get on the elevator to his room. She violently had to struggle to get his arm from around her neck.”

Oliver told police that the struggle left her with back pain. The police report lists the incident as a possible simple assault/battery incident.

Oliver complained to her supervisor, but her company didn’t do anything and she decided to file the police report on 6/22.

Allied Barton said the incident was reported immediately but that they could not comment further.

“The alleged victim is making claims against Slater individually, and it’s being investigated,” said WWE attorney Jerry McDevitt. “This has nothing to do with WWE.”

I want Jerry McDevitt to be a pushed on-air character in WWE. I like him more than everyone but like Punk, Cena, Truth, Miz and Booker. Love me some Devs. – Dusty

Maryse granted permanent restraining order, still smokes like Camels

Hotter than asphalt in my crotch last week.

Because a few other entries on our site about Maryse have entered “Top Posts” realm, we might as well keep reporting on this: According to TMZ.com (by way of Prowrestling.net), WWE Diva Maryse was granted a permanent restraining order against this Lee Silber character, a guy old enough to be Maryse’s dad, who has made such offers as saying he would take her to heaven with him. I don’t know how he got the address to my velvet-encrusted bedroom, but he’s not invited.

An L.A. County Superior Court judge granted Maryse’s request for a restraining order against 61-year-old Lee Silber this morning — requiring the guy to stay at least 300 feet away from the Diva … for the next 3 years.

As we previously reported, Ouellet claims Silber has been harassing her constantly– leaving more than 50 delusional voicemails on her cell phone … and sending her increasingly scary letters, promising to track her down in L.A. and “take me to heaven with him.”

For what it’s worth, he learned of these flirtation tactics by reading John Piermarini’s best-selling book, “What Guys Do Wrong,” available on Amazon.com. Hit him up on Twitter (@JohnAsHimself, he’ll be the douche in the sweater vest and patchy beard) and tell him Stunt Granny sent ya! (And don’t believe that “Who?” bullshit answer, either; we’re so on everyone’s radar.) Also, Maryse’s boyfriend Mike “The Miz” Mizanin accompanied her to the courtroom proceedings, probably hoping Sibler would push him since, at this moment, WWE isn’t. Wocka wocka. -Eric

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

I have the feeling we're not going to get all of the power.

It’s time for the weekly party that is Raw. I’m lucky enough to get back to back three hour reviews. Hey, it’ll probably only last as long as Impact Wrestling and Smackdown lasted combined. I’m starting around 9:23 PM so I’ll be live at some point. Let’s roll.

Punk opens the show. Got to love it. Ah crap, Booker is on this show too? It’s too much to ask to have separate teams I suppose. Punk said he’s number 1 contender because of his wins over Mysterio and Cena in the week. He kindly asks for a shot at the title in his home town for TLC (I’m a dope. MIB). Punk’s facial sell the GM’s decision not to make him No. 1 contender. Punk has to earn the spot against Alberto Del Rio. Rey gets to join the party. Oh goody, someone got to choose who Brie would defend her belt against.

They gave us a whole commercial break to vote. Kelly Kelly wins the vote by a land slide. I couldn’t believe Jason Powell didn’t know who Keith Stone was. He must have missed this past football, hockey and basketball seasons. These two aren’t going to bring back women’s wrestling. KK’s boobs are different colors and it’s distracting me. I mean her bikini top. She wins the Divas Title. King gets in the ring and interviews her. It stunk. Evan Bourne video package. My boy Dolph had one last week. Wonder if it’ll be a new trend to signal who they’re pushing. Two examples don’t prove a pattern. You have to wait for #3 before that emerges. We get to chose his opponent. Swagger, Ryan or Sin Cara. I hope Bourne can teach him how not to be sloppy and a high flyer.

The WWE selects Ryan for us. Lots of dancing by Bourne early. Has Mason Ryan stolen Batista’s trunks now? Bourne is at least showing Sin Cara how to sell. He’s a great flopper. Cole tells Lawler to defend the Universe’s choice. It’s easy, see my first statement.  World’s slowest small package. Urinogi by Ryan. Cole is rubbing it in to the WWE Universe. Is the berating of the WWEU stupider than the Capitol Punishment skits? It’s close. Kane vs. Henry in a gimmick match.

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