Alex Riley Is A Free Man

Apparently Alex Riley hired the right lawyer for the job. Yup, Alex Riley may not live in Southern California but he got out of his legal issues  just the same according to TMZ. A judge in Tampa, Florida tossed out Alex’s pending DUI charge because, as argued by his defense attorney, the police had no reason for pulling him over. Which leads you to believe one thing, the Tampa City government will now create a new law so that things like this will be prevented. I don’t mean stopping possible drunk drivers, I mean harassing you with no probable cause. Gotta get those fines up so your city can make money after all. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Today's word is passion.

Sometimes, it’s hard to know yourself. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to formulate the beginning of this column but this route seems the best to me right now. My younger brother, who barely watches wrestling, thought it was a good thing to make a weekly column out of the Raw review that I do. Jeremy had told me the same thing before Wrestlemania 27 when I about gave out for the month before hand. My buddy Sean who I refer to often in this blog, said to me as we left the bar (I’m three deep on Great Lakes Dopplerock which is 7.6% alcohol just in case you were wondering) “You’re going to do your review now?” Yes, Yes I am. I think that wrestling is at a low tide but I don’t give a shit. I have a passion for this site to make it the best (Not reviewing a PWO show this  past weekend makes me feel like a failure in this department which I hope to make up for in the evenings coming.) whether it’s my reviews of PWO, t-shirts or this blog. When I bitched that I wanted comments, I suppose I don’t really care about them. I want people to enjoy this feature on the site. Let’s roll.

“Macho” tribute which I hope contributed to our great numbers over the week. God rest his soul. I’m so incredibly pissed at this point. I had a secondary intro about Demitri Martin telling people to “know themselves” because he is similar in age to Jim Norton. Both completely different comics but they know who they are and are both really funny. Anyway, that had something to do with me knowing my column. Since I feel like I can’t replicate my first viewing of the Truth/Cena/Hart segment, lets say they “executed” that well. Truth isn’t in Cena’s league but because of their past, which they acknowledged, it could work.

Big Show & Kane take on the other half of Nexus. Punk is killing on the head sets. No surprise that Show is holding court into commercial break.

By the way, improving this column hinges on me upgrading this shitty ass computer that has lost parts of at least 2 blogs now. I’m sure it has eaten parts of PWO reviews that I can’t remember. Nexus gets a win that is too expensive if you call it cheap. Better champs if well, you thought the tag team ranks were worth it.

I’m not surprised that Luke, Andy & Jeremiah are the final three without watching the last episode of Tough Enough. Randy Orton rocks according to some people.

Show bitches, Del Rio interrupts but gets hit by Rich Rod. I’m confused. Ridiculous to see Kane with “concern” on his face. What a strange segment.

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Asshole doesn’t get enough cheese at WWE Raw house show

Re-enactment: Internet user finds holy grail

According to Prowrestling.net, some fat asshole did not receive enough cheese with his pretzel at a recent house show in Highland Heights, Ky. Pro wrestling fan and Internet user Jeremy Moses reported the following:

I paid $10.50 for a pretzel with cheese along with a souvenir cup of Mountain Dew…you would not believe how small the cup of cheese that came with the pretzel was. The damn cup was only the diameter of a quarter if that. If I’m getting a pretzel with cheese for $4.50, damn it, there better be more cheese than was in that cup! I expect to pay $6.00 for a souvenir cup, so no big deal on that.

Only his write-up for the main event of John Cena vs. The Miz received more description than his complaint that he wasn’t given enough grease-laden cheese-like product in which to dip his salty, doughy pretzel. In that time, he managed to push the word “damn” out from inside his proverbial digital cheeks twice to portray his anger (and his Southern roots). Oh, I’m sorry, would you have preferred the concession guy, who works for about 15 cents an hour, fill your souvenir soda cup with cheese instead, you piece of shit? And does it come as any surprise that this guy ordered Mountain Dew, by the way? I’m sure he’s practically knocking over his can of Dew right now, grunting his way over to his keyboard to write some complaint to us, halfway through which he’ll get winded and need to rest. (Note: I have no idea what this guy looks like, but I used to weigh 266 pounds and would frequently drink god damn nacho cheese out of a souvenir Mountain Dew cup, so I have personal background on this topic.) Anyway, somewhere, Matt Hardy is scribbling a note to himself on the back of a Burger King wrapper to never visit Highland Heights, Ky., or at least check the local media for potential dairy shortages before he goes. -Eric

Jerry Lawler’s sainted mother dies, King may miss Raw

"I'm gonna punch you if you're not careful, Nelson!"

This is a sad one: According to Prowrestling.net, Jerry “The King” Lawler’s mother Hazel passed away Sunday at the age of 90. Yes, 90, we’re all just as surprised as you are. Surprised that someone in Memphis waited until they were 30 to have a child. God, I’m terrible, I apologize. My sincere condolences go out to Lawler and his family, and I can only hope that the day I meet him, shake his hand and tell him he’s one of my all-time favorites that he hadn’t read this.

There’s also a chance Lawler will miss Monday Night Raw tonight, six days before the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view where Lawler has a WWE Championship match (I’m sorry, “opportunity”) against The Miz. Don’t know how WWE will get around that, unless they simply acknowledge that he isn’t there because of his mother’s death, then have someone like Dusty Rhodes or Sgt. Slaughter come out and take a beating from Miz and Alex Riley. I mean, that’s what I’d do if I were in charge, but who am I to say? I also think Kelly Kelly could be a huge draw, and I once pitched that Ted DiBiase of all fucking people win Money in the Bank at WrestleMania and beat Randy Orton for the title. S-M-R-T. -Eric

Eric’s blog: My own WWE Power 25 on the Road to WrestleMania

"Well, mon, at leest dis gurl likes me, yah."

As a ticket-holding ticket-holder for WrestleMania XXVII (well, as soon as I pay Jeremy, anyway), I’m concerned with the somewhat-thin WWE roster leading up to the company’s biggest annual event. Do I think I’ll see an entertaining show? Absolutely. Do I think it’ll be one of the most star-studded WrestleManias of all time? God, no. With the threat of injuries that might not completely heal and potential special guests who might not be able to appear, I’m left wondering who’ll show up, what those people will do, and who WWE will try to dig out of the woodwork to make this year’s WrestleMania feel as special as the rest (except WMXI).

With that, I want to take a look at the top 20 WWE wrestlers who will make the most impact at WrestleMania (in part to show how sad the lower half of this list is), and suggest five acts that would help boost the perception of 2011’s showcase of the “immortals.”

Babyfaces:

1) John Cena. WrestleMania tickets would sell out without Cena on the card, but that’s because tickets go on sale so far in advance of the show. However, a modern-day WrestleMania without John Cena wouldn’t draw more than 600,000 pay-per-view buys. Watch that hip, Cena!

2) Randy Orton. He’s the second-most wildly over babyface on the roster, and he’s in the title mix. Having Orton at WrestleMania is an absolute necessity.

3) Undertaker. Over the past 4-5 years, Undertaker’s win streak has arguably been WrestleMania’s biggest draw. Without the threat of that streak ending, WrestleMania loses a major, major point of interest.

4) Triple H. He’s been gone long enough where his return will feel special. And he’s such a respected veteran that his presence is practically required at this show, given the lack of grizzled old-timers on WWE’s roster. Pardon the strange analogy, but Hunter is to WrestleMania now what Andre the Giant was 20 years ago: a special attraction.

5) Edge. The World Heavyweight Champion is No. 5 on my list, but that shows the lack of importance of that belt on this year’s show. We’re all so worried about Miz entering WrestleMania with the WWE Title that anyone could hold Smackdown’s big belt and no red flags would rise. But Edge is another veteran (is it just me, or does he still not really feel like one?) who must be counted on to put on a fine match at WM27.

6) Big Show. You’d think Big Show-to-Andre the Giant would be the more appropriate analogy here, but I like the idea of Triple H-as-spectacle (and let him fade away) and Big Show in a real feud here. That said, his mini-feud with Floyd Mayweather was a big draw for WM24, and I could see WWE digging up someone special for Show to face this year.

7) Rey Mysterio. WWE will already have burned through Rey’s feud with Alberto del Rio by this point, and without the proper build of a potentially awesome opponent like Tyson Kidd or the recently released Kaval, I don’t know who he’d wrestle that would set the world en fuego.

8 ) John Morrison. Obviously WWE is behind this guy, and the crowd reaction for him continues to grow. I think his station in life is perennial Money in the Bank challenger, especially this year, but we’ll see if he’s ready for a singles match come WM28.

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Stunt Granny Audio #52

Oh, that camera? Yeah, that cost me... hey, hey Bob, where are you going with it? Get back here!

Oh, that camera? Yeah, that cost me... hey, hey Bob, where are you going with it? Get back here!

Eric and Kevin are back to discuss the past few days in wrestling, on and off your TV screen. Jeremy Piven and Ken Jeong haven’t gotten much of a break from the people for their wacky portrayal of host and co-host of Raw; what did the SG guys think? Where should Miz go now that he can’t be on Raw? And how does his move affect each brand’s roster? After Raw went off the air, Ken Anderson (aka Mr. Kennedy) appeared on the Pro Wrestling Report on ESPN Milwaukee. What did he say to make him Eric’s new hero? (Here’s a hint: It has to do with that redneck Bob Holly.) To hear all this and more, click and listen!

Stunt Granny Audio #52

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