All pro wrestlers are idiots. Magnus is a pro wrestler. Ipso facto, idiot.

Dumb.

Dumb.

Word going around every single where on the internets is that Magnus has re-signed with TNA. (Grammar check: He didn’t resign with TNA. That would mean he was under contract to TNA and decided he no longer wanted to be there. Rather, he re-signed with TNA. To wit, he signed with TNA once more. You’re welcome.) Apparently it is a two year deal. I have not seen a dollar figure reported for the contract, mainly because for some reason TNA considers that privileged information to be locked up tighter than the non-existent gold at Fort Knox. But I digress.

And I’m about to do it again in this paragraph, too. What a fucking idiot. This was the perfect chance for Magnus to escape. Leave TNA far far behind and sign with WWE. I was talking about this with Jeremy earlier today. He thinks the pay would have been the same for him there. I argued that it would be a combination of things – WWE would slightly lowball him, plus he would have to pay out of pocket more expenses, due to the more extensive travel schedule and such.

But you know what? It’s fucking worth it. Because TNA is a sinking ship, going nowhere, and WWE is where it’s at, as far as American professional wrestling goes. So take less money, do a short stint in the developmental leagues, even though you know you’re above it. They’re just testing you to see how you take to it. They want to gauge your attitude as much as your talent. Take it with a smile, and it will be brief.

Because the upside is tremendous. WWE could take a guy like Magnus, who looks like a star, has charisma, has enough talent to get by, and they could really turn him into a standout main event player for years to come. And with much more exposure from their USA Network shows than TNA could possibly hope to get, being out-rated by some thruway divas show. Point is, the money would take care of itself.

So you have to wonder. Does Dixie Carter hold something over these poor guys? Samoa Joe compromised his entire future to stay in TNA. He means absolutely nothing in TNA, has been used and discarded basically, and it now not even young enough to say, well at least the future might hold something. He missed his window completely, continually re-signing with TNA despite complaining loudly at various intervals about how they were using him and the overall direction of the company. He is an idiot.

And so it goes with Magnus as well. This was his chance to take a step to the next level. He is 26 years old. When this contract expires he will be 28. Tick tick tick tick… – Dusty

Dusty’s Blog: Dusty gives out beauty tips

shampoo

I owe my soul to Robert Miquelio.

My hair has been a total disaster lately. I ran out of my regular brand of shampoo a few weeks ago. I was using some hair and body thing. It was doing an adequate job, but I wasn’t really satisfied with its performance. But then I ran out of it, and it was at a time when I owed money on a bunch of bills. Everything came due at once, energy bill, computer bill, water bill. So I didn’t really have a bunch of dough to spend on shampoo, you know?

So what I did was, I compromised. I compromised myself, my principles, my fabric of being. But most importantly, I compromised my hair. I got some el cheapo brand shampoo at the dollar store. Boy have I paid the price. Since then my hair has been dry and itchy. I think I might even be allergic to this brand of shampoo. Things are not wine and roses around the Giebink household, believe you me.

So then I switched to using her shampoo. Not a proud moment, but one born out of necessity as much as anything. But really, any guy will tell you that that is simply not kosher. You can’t be using femme shampoo, especially when you’re sharing it with your significant other. (There’s also the aspect of common courtesy. You’re using up her resources. It’s like getting oil from foreign countries or something.)

So today I had some spare dough, and off to the store I went. I had in mind two things, and two things only. One was to get some laundry detergent. Second was to get some Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce, because we just ran out of that. But third was the most important thing of all. Shampoo.

So I got Dove Hair Therapy shampoo. The picture of it is above. Look at it, in all its splendor. It has a special nourishing oil care feature. It reads below “revives dry, rough & frizzy hair.” It might as well have an “ATTENTION DUSTY GIEBINK” sticker attached to it. It was a calling me name!

Now, totalbeauty.com, which is where I go for all of my beauty tips, gives this shampoo an outstanding 9.4 overall rating. Folks, it doesn’t get much better than that. One reader attests that it makes your hair so much more soft and silky than a normal shampoo. Another stated that it gave them that “just got out of the salon” feeling.

(On a side note, since my barber retired, I have been forced to go to a salon to get my hair cut. There is a gay guy there that is absolutely fabulous. He knows exactly how I want it cut, doesn’t talk too much, but when he does talk, it’s always something interesting, and he seems to genuinely care about how you are doing and whether you like the job he is doing. I highly recommend him if you ever stop by Fond du Lac.)

But anyway, I stand before you a changed man. My care is now bouncy and carefree once more. My scalp is not itchy and gross looking any longer. I feel ready to go another nine innings. And I owe it all to totalbeauty.com.

Joey Ryan on his release from TNA

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So just recently Joey Ryan was on a show called ITR Live on something called Spreaker, which I am just hearing about now, this very second. What follows below is a recap of that appearance, procured from PWInsider.

It’s largely Ryan politicizing himself in effort to possibly someday get his job back, so if you’re looking for something really truly interesting coming out of his mouth, look elsewhere. I post this to say that Ryan has the size and charisma that WWE usually is looking for in a wrestler. He could be somewhere around Rick “The Model” Martel level in WWE if used properly, to further date myself. And WWE used to make their bones on taking guys that the competition didn’t know how to use properly and turning them into stars. So, there you go Vince. – Dusty

How he got in to TNA:

Through David Lagana. I worked with David Lagana in a few places actually Ring of Honor, NWA Hollywood and then he booked me for Ring Ka King in India. Then he got hired to be a writer in TNA and they were looking for guys. He suggested me to Al Snow and Al Snow saw footage of me and decided to make me a GutCheck contestant.

It kind of happened quickly. They called me up and Al Snow asked if I would be interested and I said yes. He said, “Alright, I’ll see you next week”. There wasn’t anything I had to sit on really.

On TNA GutCheck:

They literally don’t tell you anything. I was the second ever guy to do GutCheck. The first GutCheck was Alex Silva. There was that whole thing where Ric Flair changed his decision on Alex Silva. You see, I don’t know how much of that is really a shoot or not. I think they brought me in particularly to be a “No” because they just needed somebody from the indys to make this seem more legitimate and told “no”. I think that was a work on their part.

I think when I wrestled and I had a good match against Austin Aries, thank God I had to wrestle Austin Aries, then I came in and did my promos and stuff like that, even before I was in front of the judges, they weren’t telling me I was going to get a “No”, but I had a few people telling me things. Like Eric Bischoff and Hulk Hogan came up to me and said, “Hey, we like your look, we think you are good. No matter what happens out there, we want to do something with you hopefully down the line”. They were hinting that I was going to get a “No” vote.

I was already going in there portraying a heel character so I knew going into this that I wasn’t just going to go out there, be told “No” and walk away with my tail between my legs. I’m going to be adamant about it. I was going to be myself, a guy who has been told “No” for the last 12 years by major companies.

After I did that promo, there was talk of me going around. They were saying to themselves, “How can we use this guy?” Before that, there was nothing planned for me.

Continue reading

The Art of Wrestling – Bad Christmas Presents

Inspired by the need to go for a couple of Christmas editions of The Art of Wrestling, I looked around the WWEshop.com for their Christmas packages and daily deals.  I stumbled into something that was truly a bad gift so a number of articles may be just to mock some truly awful products.  We know that you expect a higher standard here at Stunt Granny, but we’re going to get to some dumpster diving.

The bad gift that I stumbled into and got the ball rolling was this teddy bear of Eugene that costs just $7.98.  I’m sure everyone has a “special” friend that they can give this one to.

Get the Eugene Teddy Bear for someone special in your life.

Get the Eugene Teddy Bear for someone special in your life.

Do you need something a little extra special for that phone you just got a loved one?  Buy them this Carlito Picture Cell Phone Charmfor only $5.95!  A Carlito Charm a day, keeps the doctor away.

I hope I get the WWE Superstars 6 Piece Pen Set for $8.00 because I’d truly be inspired to bump out a cartoon for the first time in months.  I love the ringing endorsements below the ad too:

Awosome!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Mystery girl: This is really cool i can use the pencils for all day long.

And another real winner with a great grasp on the English language:

Asowme by Josh: The sould of put dx.

I can’t wait to be reading a new language that is called English by the end of my life.

How about getting something for your girlfriend or wife who trudges to every WWE event with you?  I suggest picking up these WWE World Heavyweight Title Belt earrings in either the dangling variety or as studs.   She can’t blame you for not getting her gold this year and you get to buy it for a mere $5.98 a pair.

If you've got a gold digger this good looking, please, give up the wrestling habit.

If you've got a gold digger this good looking, please, give up the wrestling habit.

Maybe you have a son or daughter who accompanies you to all the WWE events, so why not get them one big present so that they can California kiss Rey Mysterio forehead to forehead in this lovely silver ensemble when you also purchase them tickets along the aisle way.  The outfit only costs $99.00 down from the original price of $125.   It’s cheaper than going to the 619 for vacation this coming year.

California Kisses are just a cheap rip off of Eskimo Kisses.

California Kisses are just a cheap rip off of Eskimo Kisses.

How about a gift for yourself because you can’t stand Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler on Monday?  I suggest buying this set of shot glasses.  Take a shot of your favorite liquor every time either of them says “WWE Universe”, when Lawler makes a “Puppies” or sexual innuendo joke or when Cole calls a move the wrong name.  By the end of the first hour of Raw, you’ll have made it enjoyable.

The Official Shot of Stunt Granny

The Official Shot of Stunt Granny

Santa Kevin will be back with more presents whether you’ve been naughty or nice.

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