#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

From Deviantart.com done by Supersaz.

MVP having the three contenders (Bobby Roode, Gunner & Mr. Anderson) is good and bad. I’m glad someone like Magnus, who later complained about it, wasn’t put in just as a mandatory fourth person. Challengers shouldn’t need to be in even numbers. If they had included someone else though, they could have held this match off until next week to put some hype into it. A champion, even Eric Young, shouldn’t be defending the title as often as the old TV Title used to be defended.

Mr. Anderson pretending like he had the crowd in the palm of his hand was sad. He thinks he can still do the Rock routine but he can’t. They haven’t been behind him much in the recent past so I don’t know why he thinks it’s working. You’ve had the exact same gimmick for nine years, if you start the clock at his Smackdown debut. Please, change it up some.

– I have no idea what they are trying to do with Knux and Rebel. They have made Rebel a complete dip shit including her continued “concern” over “Crazy” Steve. She’s also an idiot for pretending like TNA is at minimum the WWE, if not more like being on a movie set kind of awe about her. They are going to be called The Menagerie.

– Thank goodness Bobby Roode won over Gunner. Roode is much better and one of the few worth while talents in this company. Pretty sure he was dumb enough to sign an extension, so good luck being stuck in a terrible situation.

– It just dawned on me that Dixie Carter is now ripping off, of all people, Paul Heyman. He beat CM Punk and got to brag about beating the “Best In The World.” Dixie, you putting Bully Ray through a table isn’t on the same level. If Dixie really wants to copy the WWE correctly, she needs to have a hired gun like Brock Lesnar. If she brings back Rampage Jackson or King Mo, I’ll cry during my laughter.

– Taz & Mike Tenay are trying to make Willow “more sadistic” and “different offense than from Jeff Hardy” but just as they are saying that, he does his hip bump but on the outside so they had to sell it so much more lethal. It was comical. I’ve been meaning to mention that it has driven me batty that he hasn’t changed up his offense at all. Hardy also only came up with a coat and mask but not new sleeves, pants or shirts. He has the creativity but I think it’s lazy not addressing those areas.

Sanada and The Wolves destroyed The BroMans as they should have but the problem with that is the tag team division is non-existant of these two teams.

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

Just for Dusty. From some wrestling forum who probably saved it from Impactwrestling.com

– Somehow, the Knockouts are in a worse state than the WWE Divas. Except in looks as Dusty & I discussed last week.

– I asked while talking to Jeremy about Eric Young having longer matches. The main event bell struck at the 1:45 mark of Impact Wrestling. Fifteen minutes isn’t enough time especially if you’re putting him in there with one of your best hands in Bobby Roode. At least Taz pointed out the bad decision to defend the title this often. Eric Young getting the win over Roode burns through an opponent that should have been on a PPV. I know they’re trying to play catch up with EY’s legitimacy but I’m still not buying. I smell desperation. After the big win, why are you putting someone else on the TV? Why? – Kevin

 

Stunt Granny Audio #230

Whatever.

Whatever.

Jeremy and Kevin are back for the second week in a row. How very nice of them to do this to get traffic to the website they created with Dusty and Eric. Why is the quality of the audio low? Did it have to do with Kevin spilling water on his lap top during his Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw? They start by talking about TNA’s long delayed roster game. Can they rattle off all of the people that have been released? Devon, Mickie James and  Do they complain about any of the releases? Is TNA still too heavy on talent? What are the chances that Hulk Hogan leaves when his contract is up on October 1? Would that be good for TNA’s business? They move on to one last big name that asked for his release, Matt Morgan. Is there any chance that he comes back to the WWE? Has enough time elapsed that WWE has made their intentions known? Jeremy & Kevin moved on to the WWE where Daniel Bryan is still the main topic of conversation. How hard is it to rip on an angle when crowds are hot and super into Bryan? Are the guys still okay with this continued evil management regime? Or has the WWE screwed up being evil with their actions involving Randy Orton? Speaking of Mr. Orton, how well did the Miz’s “parents” sell his beating? Who wants his “dad” to keep his hairdo? Will it come back into style? Did they pass up talking about his “mom’s” 80’s hair puff? Who brought the show to a grinding halt comparing the Raw crowd compared to the shots of the crowd for Impact Wrestling in Cleveland by site favorite Aaron Maguire? Find out that and more in the link below!

Possible TNA salary information floating around

Found this floating around on the internets:

Note 1: There was no information received for the likes of Hulk Hogan, Dixie Carter, Bischoff, and Jeff Jarrett. We have to assume that their contracts are tied up in the corporate end, and not through the system that pays performers.

Note 2: Very few TNA performers get generous “WWE style” perks such as first class travel and hotel comps.

Note 3: TNA do recieve merchandise cut bonuses, these are noted where applicable, although exact figures were not made available to us.

Note 4: As you will observe, TNA downsides are MUCH lower than WWE downsides.

Note 5: Kurt Angle and Sting both have contracts wherein, they are only required to work a certain amount of dates per month.

AJ Styles: $390,500 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
Abyss: $344,280 downside – 2 year contract
Austin Aries: $145,310 downside – 2 year contract
Bobby Roode: $275,000 downside – 3 year contract
Bully Ray: $305,200 downside – 3 year contract (this is believed to be his previous contract which expired last month)
Chris Sabin: $144,500 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 2 year contract
Christopher Daniels: $183,000 downside – 2 year contract
Hernandez: $174,220 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
James Storm: $268,470 downside/ receives a merchandise bonus – 3 year contract
Jeff Hardy: $728,450 downside/ receives a merchandise bonus/travel paid for
Kazarian: $141,000 downside
Kurt Angle: $1,000,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel and accommodation paid for/maximum of 10 dates per month
Matt Morgan: $350,000 downside – 3 year contract (this is believed to be Morgan’s previous contract)
Mr Anderson: $625,700 downside/receives a merchandise bonus
Rob Van Dam: $680,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel paid for
Samoa Joe: $400,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus
Sting: $840,750 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/travel and accommodation paid for/maximum of 10 dates per month
Gail Kim: $150,000 downside/receives a merchandise bonus – 2 year contract
Madison Rayne : $77,400 downside – 2 year contract
Mickie James: $177,940 downside/receives a merchandise bonus/contract allows for flexibility with James’ music career
Sarita: $62,100 downside
Tara: $98,410 downside (this is believed to be Tara’s previous contract)

Don’t know how much, if any of it, is accurate, but if it’s available online, then you know it must be the gospel truth. Like this: Last night aliens abducted Jeremy Maes, ripped his heart out, and replaced it with that of a sheep. So now he bleats when he tries to talk. Take it to the bank. – Dusty

Kevin’s Twitter Compilation of @ImpactWrestling

Tweet: Oh, the picture of Hogan in the hospital is priceless for comedy. Pay Back Time doesn’t sound like you’re mad enough.

Tweet: I liked Storm’s promo but he hit 4 topics: Aries, Roode, Aces & Eights & Kurt Angle. That’s a bit much.

Tweet: How neither Taz nor Tenay guessed it was Aces & Eights. Ah nevermind. They’re terrible announcers. After The Show: The announcers sat there and wondered why Kurt Angle wasn’t showing up. I hate announcers playing the super dumb card.

Tweet: Remember when Pope had lots of untapped talent in WWE? Yeah, it’s getting foggy for me too. After The Show: I remember when he had lots of talent in TNA too. Then he got caught in the endless Devon’s children feud after a botched feud with Samoa Joe, his opponent last night. Some people have no luck. He’s one of them.

Tweet: TNA wants you to check Twitter so that you can see that their roster got even more bloated with Chavo Guerrero.

Tweet: It was a fluke Jason Hervey! Aren’t you glad you’re producing Z grade shows with Eric Bischoff?

Tweet: At least TNA has had the good sense to keep Robbie T out of the ring. They need to kill this lame gimmick though. After The Show: I think the guido gimmick could still work but neither TNA nor the WWE have gotten behind the guy and allowed a consistent theme to be established. Robbie E just happens to be more lame than Zack Ryder who has his own take on the gimmick that feels much more personal.

Tweet: Jeff Hardy is a moron. After The Show: He was a moron because he got counted out attacking Robbie T. You’ve beat worse odds plus, do you lose your hearing when you attack someone? Shouldn’t you be able to hear the ref especially when you’re no more than ten feet from him?

Tweet: EY mention the name of the program you’re hosting you dumb ass! After The Show: Come on, I even mentioned it in this dumb column. You need people to watch your show to get it renewed. Why mention a new program without a channel or show name. Maybe the dumbest thing in wrestling for this week.

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Kevin’s Blog: #iMPACTWrestling – For The Hell of It

I need this head scratcher to figure out Hogan's Open Fight Night concept.

I know I mentioned this in an audio recently but I’m not sure I mentioned it in this space. My levels of reviews are Definitely or Almost Live which happens the night of the show. A Day Late & A Dollar Short is, duh, the next day. For The Hell Of It title says I just want to put content on the site. I’d imagine anyone that wanted to read a review of these shows has done it already. I’m throwing some pity because of their dismal ratings news. Plus, I know I won’t review the show on time this coming week. I have a ticket to go see Mick Foley & the Reverend Bob Levy on Thursday. I’m excited.

I want to vomit already. Hulk Hogan just called Samoa Joe & Brutus Magnus the greatest tag team ever. OK, well, only one champ each “Fight Night” can be called out? Or is Hogan just assigning one title match and the rest of the champs can still be called out? Devon comes out and calls out Bully Ray. I guess the champ can call someone out. All of the roster is hanging out together. Um, why? Just watch from your locker room. Bully Ray turns down the challenge. Shouldn’t Hogan have come out and enforced his won rules? Devon starts the match by attacking Bully Ray on the ramp. At least Taz called the Dudleys the greatest tag team of all time. He was trying to correct Hogan’s nonsense. They probably aren’t but they’re closer than the other clowns. Nothing happening before the commercial break.

Taz & Mike Tenay are praising the concept but doing nothing to help define it. The action has been pretty solid. It’s all familiar stuff. It makes sense they’re going for big shots and power moves. Devon gets the win after a spine buster. I would have liked to have seen him get some more offense in before the pin fall. Austin Aries talks about not being impressed with Bully Ray. Ric Flair is asked about the proper send off for Eric Bischoff. According to Flair, Eric is the greatest promoter of all time. Yep, I’m sure that’s why “his” company got bought by WWE.

Kazarian & Christopher Daniels talked to Kurt Angle. He yells at them for helping him because he doesn’t need anyone’s help. OK then. Jeremy Borash came to the ring. He says that Eric Bischoff is the biggest prick the company has ever had. Borash wants to fight him. Bischoff comes down clapping. As Eric talks, Bully Ray low blows JB. Bischoff pulls his leg up and gets the pin. JB could have kicked out. Ball shots hurt but prove a point. And why does a leaving heel need heat? Or this much camera time? Boy I can’t think of why they’re rating is below 1.0.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #iMPACTWrestling

Jeff Hardy's shirt reminds me of Impressionist paintings. This one is Sunrise by Monet, who is a favorite of mine.

James Storm is distraught over not winning the TNA Title. I’m not the biggest fan of this happening. They do make things work. I thought Bobby Roode would have been dropping the title too soon, which I don’t think I’d said in my previous reviews. I still think Storm should have won but they gave him a nice out by having him practically won. Roode comes out to gloat. I’m digging the new hair cut. It fits a suit better. Roode says he has no opponents left which brings out Mr. Anderson. Roode tells him to get to the back of the pack. Jeff Hardy hobbles out. He thinks he deserves a title shot. Him & Anderson argue. Hulk Hogan wants all the champs out in the ring later. Hardy will fight Anderson.

Crimson & Bully Ray team against Matt Morgan & Austin Aries. Morgan starts against Crimson. They continue to do the heavy work but Crimson was on offense most of the time. Aries gets the tag and brings the fun to the match. Bully Ray pulls the trunks to win. Garrett Bischoff is sauntering in the back.

Hardy thinks it’s his turn to get the title. Jeff thinks it was a good call by Hogan for the match. Garrett comes out. The crowd is excited for the guys around him but go silent when he starts talking. He thanks AJ Styles, RVD & Anderson along with Aries in the back. Ric Flair interrupts the blow jobs. Flair tells Garrett the truth when he rips his mic work. This story continues. Please kill me. They bleep the Bischoff for Eric. Woof. If you’re going to rip someone else’s mic work, bring something other than your worst. Christopher Daniels was holding evidence about AJ Styles. Double Ugh.

Magnus & Samoa Joe talk to Devon about the champs meeting. Short & pointless. Kurt Angle is taking on AJ Styles. My cable cut out of the match but went to commercial. I didn’t miss much. Styles is in control after the break. Daniels gives AJ whatever is in the mystery envelope. AJ screams “How’d you get this?” Angle rolls up AJ for the win. If it was AJ this whole time, why did you wait to reveal it? Stop continuing story lines that suck. Joseph Park tries to talk to Gunner. Park wants answers. Gunner tells him to ask Bully Ray because they wrestled together last.

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Stunt Granny Audio Show #181

Oops, I think it's upside down...

Holy cow, it’s Dusty and Eric with another Stunt Granny Audio! The boys start off with a random assortment of brilliance, including thoughts on the Warlord, Haystacks Calhoun, Bob Geigel and more. Why are these multi-generational wrestlers on the docket? Also, what did the gents think of certain aspects of TNA Lockdown? How about this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw? Or the current storylines of two shining stars, Mark Henry and Chris Jericho? Also, the former Claudio Castagnoli, now Antonio Cesaro (with a side salad and breadsticks), made his Smackdown debut oops spoilers with William Regal at his side; what wonderful idea could this lead to (but won’t)? All this and more is a click away!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #181

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