Poor Joe Henning

Poor Joe Hennig now holds the honor of having the two worst ring names in pro wrestling history. Curt Axel is slightly less ridiculous than Michael McGillicutty, but holy crap, just the same.

Is it so wrong to acknowledge and borrow from and steal from the past? Why not have him be all, my father was Mr. Perfect, and perfection runs through my veins. Everything I’ve ever done in life, school, athletics, girls, you know it, and it’s all come easy to me. So the competition in the WWE? I don’t sweat that at all. And give him a nickname that suggests or hints at Perfection? What the fuck is wrong with that?

And Ted DiBiase Jr. Why not have him be all, I can take money out of my dad’s account any time I want. I could buy this whole arena if I felt like it. Spoiled rich kid trying to live up to his dad’s reputation. Give him a fucking bodyguard. What else is Ezekiel doing with his life these days?

Is any of this bad? Is it bad because it’s unoriginal? I would argue that it’s at least better than this awful, awful trend of bad names and one note gimmicks. If a little girl happened upon WWE programming, she would probably think Dolph Ziggler calls himself because he likes dolphins. This has to fucking stop. -Dusty

Top 10 Survivor Series Elimination Matches

We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.

Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law 🙂 )

Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!

Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors

Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules

Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers

Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith

Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb

Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett

Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas

The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon

Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley

Stunt Granny Audio #192

This an excruciatingly special edition of Stunt Granny Audio because it features the reuniting of Jeremy, Eric and Dusty for the first time in a long, long time. And not only that, but it also features the debut of several different new features of Stunt Granny Audio, including the Top Five At Five, Match Game and the Mount Rushmore game. Can you barely contain your excitement!? They talk about the nine hour long AJ-Daniel Bryan-CM Punk segment that opened Raw, they talk about the heart warming ascent of Austin Aries, they talk about Iowa’s own Pro Wrestling Hall of Fame and who will all be there, and they talk about a whole lot more things that you can only know about if you listen to the audio. So why don’t you do that? NOW.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #192

Stunt Granny Audio Show #156

Jeremy and Kevin finally follow through on a threat and talk about TNA. They realize that 9/11 is a touchy subject but they do wonder why Rosita was presented the way she was though. Even though her story is inspirational, doesn’t it kill her current gimmick? Would it have helped if TNA left her off the card except for the 9/11 tribute? The guys try to be delicate but as usual drop ideas that are so offensive even TNA wouldn’t use them. Speaking of offensive, find out how Kevin found the picture he found for his Raw blog which heads the guys into Raw talk. How seriously should we take every word CM Punk or HHH? Is their verbal sparing enough to sell Night of Champions on Sunday? What else happened on this show? What wrestlers are labeled “Shit or Get Off The Pot”? Could the guys interview Michael McGillicutty or David Otunga? Could they fill in for Jeremy and Kevin for a Stunt Granny podcast and make it entertaining? Hell no, that’s why you need to click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #156

Stunt Granny Audio Show #144: Pro Wrestling Conspiracy Theories

Dusty and Eric team up for a special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, this one dedicated to conspiracies in the world of professional wrestling. No, not ones dreamt up by 1998 Chris Jericho or current-day R-Truth. These are the conspiracies put forth on a recent TruTV.com article, ranging from deaths to injuries to more deaths. The boys agree with a few, debunk way more, and even dip into their historical brains to come up with some added and legitimate conspiracies. What do they believe? Is the truth out there? Listen to find out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #144

Stunt Granny Big 11- Week Ending 2/12/11

1. Vince McMahon – So you are off television for nearly a year. You were mentioned as being in a coma. You wake up in a toss away bit for your wife’s election campaign. So the next logical step is to return to WWE programming. Of course you need to hype it. Somehow Vince returned with a whimper by returning and announcing he will have a big announcement next week about a guest host. Underwhelming to say the least. – Jeremy

2. CM Punk – Never has a bloody nose looked so good on television. Randy Orton breaking CM Punks nose was the best part of their blossoming program so far. Seeing blood on WWE programming is such a rare thing now that something so small can really help an angle. Even if it was accidental it definitely made the angle more personal. – Jeremy

3. Kurt Angle’s kids – You see Impact? What an idiotic angle they are playing with between The Jarrett’s and Kurt Angle. If you saw Impact then you saw the heels act perfect instead of acting like overbearing and mean parents. Then the actual father of some of the kids never gets a chance to retaliate or counter. Angle himself was notably upset taking to Twitter to rip on how it is processing so far. – Jeremy

4. Vince McMahon – The poor guy (and I definitely don’t mean monetarily poor) had to swallow his pride and tell investors that not only did WWE make less money in the fourth quarter of 2010 than the fourth quarter of 2009, but one of the few things they did right this year was fiscal “discipline.” A company that has to admit being smart with its money, has only really ever admitted that one time for a three-month block of its existence, and STILL has “Legendary” and “Knucklehead” on its books is one that would send Jim Cramer of “Mad Money” to a sealed garage with a car key and a rope. – Eric

5. WWE vs. TNASo the Green Bay Packers ended up winning the Super Bowl and it was a natural fit to have Aaron Rodgers, the MVP, receive title belts after the victory since showing off an imaginary title belt is his end zone celebration. Take a good look TNA, they were all WWE titles not your worthless pieces of trash. – Kevin

6. Immortal – After watching Impact for some reason it has come to mind that this may possibly be the worst assembled collection of wrestlers of any stable in the history of wrestling. The Dungeon of Doom at least had a concept behind them. What does Immortal have? Let’s go over this sarcastically: Matt “please look at me play a wrestler” Hardy; Loopy Hardy; Gunner and Murphy (Gay porn names and looks. How I know is my secret); Rob “man with the exploding arms” Terry; Jeff “Yup I am still around” Jarrett; Eric “Farmer Jack” Bischoff and now “Hey didn’t you used to be” Hernandez. Wow. Strikes terror in the very soul. – Jeremy

7. WrestlemaniaI want to thank all three of the cities I had an opportunity to sit down with and hear what they had to say. This morning I woke up and had a great conversation with Vince. Once I had that conversation with him, I think I was set. Next spring, Wrestlemania is bringing it’s talents to South Beach and Sun Life Stadium. –  LeBron James

8. Curt Hennig – This week marked the eighth anniversary of Hennig’s untimely death, which was acknowledged by Jim Ross on his barbecue blog and by Scott Hall on his YouTube video blog, Last Call with Scott Hall. Mr. Perfect was one of my all-time favorite wrestlers and gimmicks, and to have met him would have been an honor. I did meet his widow, Leonice, and she is a sweetheart. I also tried to steal Amy Hennig’s WLW Women’s Championship away from her, but she spit her gum in my eye and neck-snapped me to the floor. Oops! – Eric

9. Kevin Nash & Blackmail – So here’s the story as I understand it. Nash signed a contract with TNA because he was basically planning on milking money out of them until either they went out of business or he died. But then WWE came a callin’ with a contract, so he asked Dixie for a release. When she said no, he threatened to reveal some secrets he knows about TNA so she immediately released him and next thing you know he’s a surprise entrant at the Royal Rumble. I see nothing in this story that hurts my “Kevin Nash is one of the smartest men in wrestling history” theory. Meanwhile, the secret *has* to be that Dixie and Russo are fucking, right? Because they totally are and I’m not even kidding. – Dusty

10. Booker T – I waited until I could see Smackdown to post this one because my feelings were confirmed and Booker was a million times better as an announcer this week than last week. I suspect he will continue to grow into this spot and make Smackdown a must see destination for wrestling fans. Meanwhile, Matt Striker on Raw means avoid avoid avoid at all costs. – Dusty

11. Vince McMahon – I got nothing, I just wanted to be the third person to have an entry this week entitled “Vince McMahon.” Uh, go check out didthecavswinlastnight.com. It’s the new best website ever. – Dusty

Stunt Granny Audio #124

That’s right, Dusty and Jeremy team up and bring you a show like no other. They discuss some college football and wait til you hear why Dusty believes some teams are good and others just aren’t. They talk about the circumstances revolving around Mr. Perfect and his choice of managers. They then get in to the holiday season and discuss just how things should be compared to what they are now. Oh yeah, they also talk about CM Punk and how he can be an example of why people who are in TNA should bolt immediately for WWE. Yeah this was recorded before Kaval/Low-Ki got released. So listen. It is our gift to you.

Stunt Granny Audio #124

Eric’s blog: If Vince Russo booked late ’80s/early ’90s WWF…

This blog post is completely random and (as I’m typing this I’m realizing it) is the type of drivel Wade Keller allows dunces like Marc Warzecha to write on PWTorch.com (if you’re not a VIP member, sign up today!). Notice I said “type” of drivel, though; I hope this is better, and I hope you all can think of more items to add to this list.

I was reading this interview recap at Prowrestling.net, and Christopher Daniels said that TNA never really understood the “Fallen Angel” gimmick and let it be just a nickname rather than a persona. (This sucks, as a tried-and-true character could have helped Daniels create an even stronger connection with a national crowd than he already has by being a color-by-numbers indy worker with a smelly subsection of the audience.) Anyway, as we all know, that idiot Vince Russo is in charge of booking, and as we all know, there are a lot of things about wrestling he doesn’t understand. But I wondered, what if Russo had come around a generation earlier? How would the characters I grew up knowing and loving be different? What angles, indelibly etched into my memory today, would have been fleeting and forgettable? Let’s think out loud…

* Mr. Perfect would have lost his first match.

* Earthquake would have sat on Hulk Hogan, then appeared in Hogan’s corner in his own match against Hogan.

* The Rockers would have actually snorted cocaine on TV, because “I sweah ta gahd, Wade, that’s what rock-and-rollahs do.”

* Ax would have introduced Crush into Demolition but immediately showed signs of jealousy before turning on Smash.

* Three seconds later, Crush would have tried to join the Four Horsemen, even though they were in the NWA.

* “The World’s Strongest Man” Dino Bravo would have had a love affair with Rockin’ Robin, who would have been given a penis.

* Crush would then spend three weeks trying to join the Heenan Family, claiming he’d been being scouted the whole time.

* Slick and the Twin Towers would have been a Black Power organization.

* Crush would try to join that, too.

* Ted DiBiase would have been given a black servant named after someone in NWA management… hmmm, OK, wait…

* The Blue Blazer would have… no, that wasn’t Russo’s fault, either.

* Wild-eyed Brutus Beefcake would symbolically cut people’s fingers off with his hedge clippers for screwing with Hulk Hogan.

* But Zeus would have symbolically killed Brutus Beefcake.

* And then Zeus would have been in Hulk Hogan’s corner for the match-up between Hulk Hogan and Zeus.

* Before joining Slick’s “bigger, blacker” organization.

* That Crush still can’t get into.

* Jesse Ventura, the man who tells it like it is, would have been replaced in mid-1990 with Vic Venom, a guy who should never tell it at all.

* Koko B. Ware would have given opponents the bird bird bird.

* Tito Santana would have never been given a chance “’cause he can’t speak no English, so as gahd as my witness, how is that entaTAYNing?”

* Ultimate Warrior would have hosted a talk show. (Wow, that’s actually not a bad idea.)

* Crush finally successfully joins a stable, only to turn on them the next week and wrestle someone else totally not affiliated with them at Summerslam.

* I change the channel.

(And I hope when I change the channel, this is what’s on…)

%d bloggers like this: