#TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) Episode 2

robie_house_by FLW

After a fabulous dinner at Villa Nova and a half a bottle of Chianti, we returned home to catch Sunday’s episode of Total Diva’s. I have to admit, it was better than last Sunday’s, but considering I drank a half a bottle of Chianti, I still kinda daydreamed through episode 2.

It began with a few highlights from last week and quickly went into The Bella Twins. Nikki and John along with Brie and Daniel took a trip to Florida to John’s massive yet humble abode. All the bells and whistles with a dressing room and an indoor pool with a slide. It made me think of Cribs from MTV. (Kevin’s Edit: I wouldn’t use the word humble in there. Just like Cribs, his house was huge and bland. All white everywhere because he’s got not taste in housing. Above is the Robie House by Frank Lloyd Wright. That’s taste. Granted, he can’t design a house for you these days but John, you have the money. Find an architect who won’t give you the same bland shitty house every other famous person gets. Call Frank Gehry, Tadao Ando, Renzo Piano, you get the point. They don’t even need to be famous like I just listed.)  Nikki gave the tour of the home, giving us insight of how at home she truly feels which is hilarious since in last weeks episode John said he wasn’t ready to commit yet, and yet she is driving around in his Maserati? I think the best part of this scene was Daniel Bryan in his Hawaiian swim trunks. Brie, yet overwhelmed by his home expresses how at home the house feels.

We then move onto Washington where John and Nikki visit Daniel Bryan’s home with Brie. Daniel lives in his parents house, and everywhere you look it’s his parents furniture, drawing and even a teenage picture of Daniel on the fireplace. Can you say, a little to close to your family? I’m all for keeping it in the family, but I agree with John and Nikki, this house screams makeover and making it their home and not Daniel’s home that he grew up in. (KE: How do I approach this one? Let’s just say my taste isn’t the same as my parents. I don’t know the story behind Bryan’s parents but they have done no work to their home. My Parent’s place looks nothing like the place I grew up in because of renovations. Break from the past man, get updated even if you like that country feel. Yuck.)  There is a semi funny wood splitting competition where the girls dress skanky and try to distract the guys …. in which John Cena says he already has wood….good lord! The girls end up winning, due to lack of effort from Daniel. Oh and just a side note, lots of bird crap in Washington so watch where you step.

Eva Marie and Jojo, these two are just boring. We find out Eva Marie has a 2 month old boyfriend..um fiance? That’s right, after I discover a split error where we see her engagement ring before she gets it in the box of donuts, classy. Surprising, no. It’s the WWE. Let’s get real. Oh and she said yes, if you were on the edge of your seat.

I used to think of Creepers as guys that sit at the bar with tight pants, slicked back hair and that smirk on their face but then I saw Fandango and Holy Shit! A CREEPER! This guy exudes creepiness. So Eva Marie, the pre WWE Diva thinks that if she is Fandango’s ballroom dancer then she will be in, um, I knew there wasn’t a brain up there. Well, she tells the WWE she can ballroom dance, but newsflash, she can’t. No brainer there. So she goes to dinner with Fandingo, I mean Fandango and she tells him of the time she met him at Wrestlemania where he kissed his own hand. Good gravy! What a schmuck. I’ll skip the boring and just tell you, the lie came out, and Stephanie McMahon told her if she does it again, she’s fired.

The last are Ariane and Trinity. Ariane thinks she can get better costumes that are more sexy somewhere else. She gets this extremely short lime green outfit and calls Trinity all excited. We hear the conversation and let’s just say Jimmy Uso is NOT happy that Trinity’s ass is going to be sticking out, as it’s known that Ariane has no boobs or butt and Trinity does. Trinity tries on the outfit and we find out her ‘cookies’ are showing and it’s fuzzed out. I just sat there and thought, what the hell? They go back to their seamstress, where kudos to her, she say’s she’s not fixing it so they go out in some weird orange outfit. (KE: The seamstress gives a crap about the Funkadactyls as much as the WWE does. Go behind her back but make your partner give a shit about her outfit. If she knew her cookie & booty would be showing, go to the designers with Ariane. Dumb bell.)

Natalya doesn’t have much of a part in this episode, thank God no whining this week from her, and thankfully the DVR cut off so I didn’t have to sit through a preview for next Sunday. As with all WWE productions, nothing ends on time. As I feel I have wasted another 40 minutes of my time watching this disaster, it was at least a bit more comical. So if you want to see what happens next on this slightly more entertaining episode than this past Monday Night’s Raw, you can try giving it a try Sunday night at 10 on E! – M (& Kevin)

#WatchROH – Aired 31 March & 7 April

I’m not going to bother with doing a full review for the show three weeks ago, but I am going to mention the results and little comments.

Tomasso Ciampa is one of the few guys that can cut a promo but they bring out a clown car with him. Jim Cornette is brilliant, right? Kyle O’Reilly took him on in the $25,000 pyramid tournament. Ciampa is no selling way too much in this match. Ciampa won with a knockout via a knee strike to the stomach. Ciampa no sold a dragon sleeper & knee strikes to the head too. Woof. The work isn’t bad but who thought it was smart to book a match this way?

Davey Richards is letting Kyle O’Reilly be himself. Richards isn’t happy without him not observing the code of honor. He says something about his opponent Brian McBride in a Proving Ground match. Dear lord, how many type of matches do you have? Richards picture for his tale of the tape is awful. How does anyone let that slide? Richards squashes McBride. (Edit: Wait, was his name really Brian? Like the soccer player? I don’t care enough to rewind.)

Kevin Steen needs more mic time. He doesn’t really. But we’re getting it. Steen wants more matches. He calls himself out for not wrestling. He doesn’t even come out obnoxious. It comes out stupid. Davey Richards wants to fight him. Steen calls out Cornette for being a bad figure head. Amen.

The Briscoes and World Greatest Tag Team replay. Jay Lethal is mad at Tomasso Ciampa. Jay, why not talk ROH out of dumb stipulations like time limit draws? Do it a couple of times a year at most, not every other month.

Mike Bennett comes down with his clown car. Granted, Maria Kanellis is a nice shiny item from this clown car. Eddie Edwards comes down. Nigel McGuinness mentioned Edwards winning money in a tag team tournament. Jimminy Christmas. Stop with the tournies for money. Please come back on Pro Wrestling Ohio. ROH is going to be the death of me. The ref bites on the worst acting ever from Maria so that Mike Bennett can win. That’s why I don’t miss her, she has no acting ability.

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Ronnie from MTV “Jersey Shore” coming to TNA

Ronnie Jersey Shore

Douche chills...

According to PWTorch.com (if you can see it under the huge headline “ROODE AWAKENING?” which should have been followed by 😮  Ronnie from MTV’s hit TV show “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA. For those of you who, unlike me, don’t watch the show, Ronnie is what they call a “douchebag” because he breaks up with his skeezy girlfriend on a monthly basis, and a “gorilla” because he’s all tanned and spiked like the rest of these guidos but he also lifts heavy in the gym and has an unnatural body size for someone who lives in New Jersey, which means you should be skinny from dodging from stray bullets.

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro gets in the ring with TNA’s IMPACT WRESTLING on SpikeTV! Star of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” makes his wrestling debut on Thursday, November 3.

Yes, you read that right, his “wrestling debut.” Wow. OK, rather than outright make fun of this decision by TNA, let me take a different approach and list the top six reasons why Ronnie from MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA Impact Wrestling:

6) TNA thinks it’s leveraging Viacom’s connection between shitty Spike TV and a highly rated show on MTV, because obviously the Robbie E and Cookie gimmicks worked so well for them earlier this year.

5) Scott Steiner heard about “Ronnie Juice” and, instead of understanding that’s a name for Ronnie’s shitty mixed drink, assumed this guy would bring him steroids.

4) Dixie Carter wants to have extra-marital sex with someone with a New England accent other than Vince Russo.

3) Eric Young is tired of looking like the biggest dipshit on the roster.

2) Hulk Hogan is tired of being the most orange person on the roster.

And the No. 1 reason Ronnie from “Jersey Shore” is coming to TNA:

1) It’s god damn christ-punching TNA, and any chance they get to throw an appearance fee at a celebrity (and last I checked, Ronnie was commanding between $12,000 and $20,000 an appearance), they do. Because they’re idiots.

It’s like fucking Groundhog Day around here. Join us again in four hours when TNA makes its next stupid-ass business decision. -Eric

TNA star Matt Morgan to appear on old MTV show “Made”

Douche hair? Check. Glittery MMA shirt with dress pants? Check. Flowers in background? Double check.

According to PWTorch.com, TNA star Matt Morgan will appear on an episode of “Made.” The show still airs on MTV, but under the Viacom media umbrella, CMT has picked up a version of the show aimed at adults. Morgan appears in an episode where a 28-year-old police officer attempts to fulfill his dream of becoming a TNA superstar. Other people who have had that same dream include White Trash McGee, Dipshit Reynolds, Big Shirtless Ron, and Abyss. Lesson to be learned: If you dream of being a WWE superstar, work your way up through the ranks, then try out for the highly rated, critically acclaimed “Tough Enough;” if you dream of being a TNA wrestler, go to the same show where fat girls get dressed up as prom queens.

In other news, my band, Hold For Swank, has had original music used on similar reality shows, such as “Real World/Road Rules Challenge,” “True Life,” “Cribs” and “Parental Control.” In fact, 11 of our songs have been picked up for nearly two dozen episodes of these shows and more. This alone makes us better than Matt Morgan. -Eric

TNA Goes Hispanic

So this came up in Google search for Hispanic Wrestler.

Well, it appears WWE has some stiff competition here in North America as TNA has announced a new television deal on MTV’s Hispanic Network Tr3s. I guess that means MTV Three? Apparently there are three networks run by MTV for the Spanish market and if you know MTV, they all have to feature no music. Get it? Cause MTV in America doesn’t play music even though it stands for Music Television. See, this is a relevant joke.

Anyway, you have to figure that the execs at TNA feel the Spanish audience is stupid. Not in a racist way but in the “I’ll…… talk….. real….. slow…. so…. you…. can….. understand…… English” sort of way.

How else do you explain the idea of peddling their garbage product to a new audience? The US audience barely likes the product. Ratings have gone nowhere for the majority of their stay on Spike TV. Maybe they will sling some of this shit to a new audience that already has cartoonish wrestling all over the place in Mexico? How do they expect to compete with the long established Lucha scene? It may be cartoonish but at least it makes sense for the most part. Is TNA prepared to settle for obscurity in a whole new market?

At least WWE went out and signed the biggest star in Mexico to drive up their Hispanic audience. TNA has, um, Amazing Red and, damn, is that it? Are there any Hispanic wrestlers on the roster? Sure I could look it up but then that proves the point. If you are going to get your television on in Hispanic markets at least have some properly featured wrestlers. Oh yeah, Hernandez comes to mind now, along with his new sidekick Whathisname. You know, the guy that was a star in Mexico and a nobody in TNA? Awesome work, Dixie and the gang. -Jeremy

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