Galapagos Island Wrestling

EvolveSound

I'm hoping Davey Richards won't come to the ring playing bagpipes.

(Eric beat me to talking about this promotion. I do like Davey Richards as a super dick head heel because he just comes off that way without him speaking. I have no idea the shenanigans that Gabe usually pulls because of my limited viewing of ROH. Having to throw money down a hole on cigarettes for your waste of space ex-wife smokes puts a dent in your spending of money on wrestling DVDs.)

In a recent development, Gabe Sapolsky, Davey Richards and Sal Hamaoui have started up a new wrestling promotion called Evolve. I missed Gabe’s post on MySpace but did catch the story on Prowrestling.net. They did put out a video to go along with this announcement but there isn’t much to it. Normally we try be be condescending, as negative as possible and generally make fun of someone or thing in wrestling but I’m actually going to do some serious analysis for a change.

I have been yapping about how wrestling needs to become more like sports (Just listen to our last two shows here and here) and even though Evolve has only posted some limited rules on their proposed point system for wrestlers, they’re headed in that direction.  Let’s go through these rules:

“1. Official Singles Division: These wrestlers will concentrate on singles matches. All bouts between official wrestlers will count towards their record. Competitors become “official” either by invitation from the EVOLVE board of directors or by winning a qualifying match.”

I’ll comment on the qualifying matches which are covered under note #3. I love the idea of keeping single’s wrestlers in a separate idea. I’ve never liked the idea of a super team even if Jerishow did make the belts relevant for a couple of months in the WWE. The majority of us are tired of seeing guys team up for a tag match simply because they’re feuding with their opponents for the evening. This idea should limit or down right eliminate this crutch that is used. The fleshing out area will come in how they use the record. Will it be just a win/loss record? Will there be points for different types of victories? Speed of a victory? As I said at the top of the article, they have a lot of fleshing out to do. Continue reading

Attention Whore Update

I'm so skinny and can't afford clothing because I use all of my money for my imaginary baby.

I'm so skinny and can't afford clothing because I use all of my money for my imaginary baby.

Stunt Granny’s resident refuse girl, Ashley Massaro, is back at it again on her Myspace page (by way of Prowrestling.net) making up all kinds of rumors for herself possibily participating in the 25 Diva Battle Royal at Wrestlemania.  Evidently one lunatic asked her this question, so that leads her to type “many of you are asking”.   No dummy, we don’t care and we’ll quickly forget about you until your next post.

Ashley was kind enough to devote four and a half sentences on Andrew “Test” Martin’s passing.  She ended with a gem of a statement “Let’s find a way to stop this madness”.  She already knows that “many of us” are looking to her for guidance on how to rid professional wrestling of “this madness” (also known as steroid and pain killer abuse) so why don’t you lead the way, you dumb broad.  – Kevin

Frankie Has Surgery Putting Suicide On Hold.

The Character Suicide dumbasses!

The Character Suicide dumbasses!

In what should shock nobody who has Kaz as a friend on MySpace (We do), the Wrestling Observer by way of Prowrestling.net , is reporting that Frankie underwent surgery to repair a torn triceps. Now I would like to call him a TNA Superstar but he clearly quit the company so this falls under the miscellaneous task. He was rumored though to be the “Suicide” character that TNA has been slipping in to their broadcast like the fourth penis a sorority girl feels on rush week.  Why TNA couldn’t just work out an injury angle for Kaz and let him go off for surgery is beyond all of us here at Stunt granny. It really continues the tired storytelling of TNA. Having him come back under a mask is no better and then calling him Suicide, sweet tits on a pig ghost is that dumb. Oh well, he won’t be seen for a while now so who cares. – Jeremy

Shannon NoMoore…..Get It!

I'm gonna be somebody, someday.....someday.

I'm gonna be somebody, someday.....someday.

Shannon Moore has followed in the footsteps of every z-grade celebrity and posted on his MySpace blog that he and WWE have split ways. This comes as a total surprise as Shannon was in the middle of the most sustained push of his career through his partnership with Jimmy Wang Yang. Okay, who am I kidding, will this even matter? Shannon hasn’t been a major player since his days in Three Count.  Should this news be taken as real? It may have been posted on a MySpace blog but it is still more reliable than WWE.com news.

We all here at StuntGranny wish Shannon the best in his future goals as long as those goals do not include seeking employment with another wrestling company with a television deal or major, national DVD distribution. -Jeremy

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