Stunt Granny Audio: OHPA 9

The Cave of The Winds in Colorado Springs, CO

The Cave of The Winds in Colorado Springs, CO

Ken & Kevin are here to cover more unfamiliar and familiar territory. They start by talking about the NBA Draft which is on the TV. What does Kevin find peculiar about the NBA Draft? Why does Ken not believe him despite reading it on the TV?  After getting rid of the unfamiliar, they move to the familiar by talking about the World Cup. How is it that the US could lose but still move on to the next round? Could you do that in any other sport? What does Kevin like about the three point win system? Should they institute it in the NHL? How good are the Germans? What is the track record of European teams in South American based World Cups? How good is the Portugese Ronaldo? Ken & Kevin couldn’t get out of World Cup talk by at least talking about Luis Suarez biting Giorgio Chiellini. They move on to more familiar territory by talking about a Japanese game show in which two members of the Japanese World Cup team take on 33 children. How old are the children? Can they stop the National Team members from scoring a goal? What would have happened if one of these guys kicked the ball directly into one of the children? Why did the Olympic fencers have to face adults instead of children? Their final topic of the night is extreme caving. Did Ken pick this topic because Altoona PA is mentioned in the article? How deep is the Cheve cave system in Oaxaca, Mexico? How many entries are there to this space? How much packing is done before even entering the cave? Do they have to come back out of the cave after a certain amount of time? Who’s diet do they follow? How do they communicate with people on the surface? Do you want to wear anti-bacterial underwear? Did Ken forget to address the Altoona story? Kevin didn’t forget about his #SippyTimeBeer of the week. Join them on this expedition through sports and caving when you click the link below!

Stunt Granny Audio #255

The better half.

The better half.

If you were wondering why it is considerably more sexy in here, it is because Dusty and Kevin are back for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin starts things off by breaking things down in the NHL Stanley Cup playoffs, and Dusty retaliates by regaling us with the lowdown on the NBA playoffs. They then move on to talking about the latest episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty is still disgusted by the overly long Gettysburg Address reading interviews that WWE seems to love. Does Paul Heyman get a pass for his work? Where does Rob Van Dam fit in to this current landscape? Is Stephanie McMahon the worst?

They then break down which promotion has the better looking women – WWE or WCW. Which TNA performer has that ass? Which ring announcer chick does Dusty prefer – Renee Young or Christy Hemme? If you have to ask, you’ll never know. Do they have any faith in Jeff Jarrett and Global Force Wrestling making a dent in TNA’s business? What kind of pizza do they prefer? Who was the better member of the Powers of Pain? All that and a whole lot more nonsense, and if you don’t listen, you’re going to get arrested for public stupidity.

Stunt Granny Audio #239

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Well holy shiznit, it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin and Dusty are back at the helm this week, and the primary order of business is Coaches Gone Wild. Kevin’s beloved Pittsburgh Steelers are all over the news this week for all the wrong reasons. Did Mike Tomlin step onto the field on purpose? Was he just dazzled by the majesty of the big screen monitor, or was he practicing the moonwalk? Why on earth is this story obscuring the fact that a football actually got tackled by his junk this past weekend?

They move on to talk about Bo Pelini needing anger management classes. Dusty feels like everything he said and did was justified, but Dusty also has anger management issues, so we cant take him seriously. Why does Kevin feel the pressure on football factory coaches is too much? And finally they talk about Jason Kidd bringing the circus to Brooklyn. Why did he tell a player of his to bump him? Why was he holding a plastic cup in the first place? And then finally they go into wrestling just enough to honk Dusty off, but if you wanted a wrestling audio then it’s too bad so sad for you but you should listen anyway because otherwise the clowns will eat you.

Stunt Granny Audio #235

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Freed from the shackles of audio ban, Dusty is back once again to join Kevin for another rousing edition of Stunt Granny Audio. The fearless duo talk about whether TNA is really up for sale or not, and if so, who might be among the potential buyers. And does it even really matter since TNA doesn’t exactly have a sterling reputation for knowing what to do with their product anyway. And might this be just another business acquisition for Vince McMahon to add to his tape library?

They then switch gears to talk about the goings on in the last episode of Monday Night Raw. Dusty talks about how he thinks Jay Briscoe is the best thing about professional wrestling right now. Kevin expresses his sadness for the state of his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers right now. Dusty grills Kevin about the Richie Incognito-Jonathan Martin bullying scandal. And a whole lot more fun and nonsense, including Dusty challenging the listeners to come up with an example of a good song about dinosaurs, and it will only cost you an hour of your life and your cold black soul, so why not listen!

Dusty’s Blog: In defense of Dwight Howard

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So I listened to the most recent Stunt Granny Sports Audio, as you all should. If you haven’t yet, scroll down a few posts and do it now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Okay, good. Now, I have liked Eric2 since day one, and not just because he sounds exactly like Mike Ryan. I have always seen him to be smart and his arguments steeped in reasoning and logic.

But his rant on Dwight Howard in this most recent audio sent me through the roof and I feel like it demands a rebuttal. Eric2 must have recorded this audio from Mars or something, because he was out of this world with his opinions here. So off on my soapbox I go.

So often, people fall into the trap of labeling a player a “loser” just because they haven’t won a championship. It takes no foresight to say a player is a loser. He is a loser all the way up until he wins a championship, and then all of a sudden he’s a winner. Well, of course, common sense would indicate that there is a lot more nuance to it than that.

LeBron James is the perfect example. People were banging the drum for years that he was a loser, that he would never be able to carry a team to a championship, he was soft, he had no low post game, etc etc. One by one he checked off all the boxes and has proven what I, and many other people who don’t have their heads buried in the sand, have known for a long time: he’s the best player to ever play the game. Even better than that Jordan guy, absolutely.

The only reason why Derrick Rose won that MVP award a couple seasons back is because he was the second best guy in the league. The voters didn’t want to acknowledge LeBron existed, so Rose was left holding the bag, no matter how flimsy a case he may have had. No matter how dominant LeBron was over him in their match-ups. LeBron was a loser, he had no post up game, he couldn’t win a championship on his own, and they just plain didn’t like him.

Of course, since then, he has carried the Heat to two straight championships, with Bosh and Wade taking a back seat to his leadership, he’s developed a low post game to make himself even more dominant as an inside-outside threat, and the critics have all shut their big fat yaps, because there’s really nothing negative to bring up about the guy right now other than his receding hairline.

And so the No Vision Brigade turns its brain dead attention to Dwight Howard. Reality is that he might be the second best player in the league right now, behind only LeBron. That absolutely does not matter to the No Cluers, he’s a loser to them, and will continue to be one all the way up until he wins a championship.

Which he absolutely will do in Houston, provided a couple things happen. For one, the Heat’s Big Three (and it is a big Three, don’t try to pretend to me that Bosh isn’t a top 15 player in the NBA) will have to break up after this next season. (A season in which they will win their third straight NBA championship, and that big loser LeBron will win another MVP award.) There is no way Mickey Arison is going to want to eat that much money again in luxury tax hits. At least one of them is going to be leaving. (And it’s a column for another time, but there is no way LeBron is going back to Cleveland. Or anywhere other than Miami. It will be Bosh or Wade who leave.)  The Heat doing a mini breakup will level the playing field for the other top contenders, and open the door to a team such as the Rockets possibly winning the championship two years from now.

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #11

Yes indeed it is yet another Stunt Granny Sports Show. Jeremy and Eric2 are back and get right in to the big stories for a change. They discuss the Aaron Hernandez problem. How stupid is this guy? Is it worse t leave a trail of bred crumbs or a trail of chewing gum? Does the color matter? Just how does technology work? Does smashing your cell phone erase history? How happy is Tim Tebow that the spotlight is not on him for a change? Why was Tim Tebow hanging at a bar anyway? Manny Ramirez, remember him? Well he is back with the Texas Rangers on a minor league contract Problem is, um, wasn’t this guy suspended for a hundred games? How did he get around that? Does MLB understand simple arithmetic? Why is it acceptable for Ramirez to return to baseball in the states while MLB is actively pursuing removing layers they have no concrete proof of using P.E.D’s?  There is also some Dwight Howard talk. How much of a surprise is it that he chose not to return to The Lakers? Eric2 has some choice words on the matters wile Jeremy wonders just what is the difference between a zebra and a giraffe. Of course this leads in to a discussion on Giraffe fighting, hence the video. So enjoy.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #11

Dusty’s Blog: Following The Dwight Howard Sweepstakes

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Eagle Eyed Dusty on the case here, doing some investigative reporting work here like you’ve never seen before.

Dwight Howard is an indecisive chap. He couldn’t even decide where he was going to make his decision. (He finally chose Podunk, Colorado, because of course he did.) What follows is an itemization of his decision making process thus far.

UPDATED! See number six.

1. The Lakers are out. ESPN.com reported last night that sources within the Lakers camp expressed concern that Howard might not be re-signing with them. I ran that sentence through the Babelfish translator and it came back: “Howard told Kobe to piss off.” So they are out.

Let me take a second here to say something about that, though. According to the articles I read, during the Lakers pitch to Howard, Kobe basically lectured Howard on how he wasn’t a winner, but Kobe is, and Kobe can teach him how to become a winner by watching him. What amount of bullshit is that? How insulting, first of all. Second of all, this “Dwight is a loser” thing is rubbish. It’s just like Lebron James. He’s a loser until he wins, then he’s a winner.

I don’t think it’s all that far of a branch to go off on to say that Dwight already has to what it takes to carry a team to a championship. He almost did it with the Magic when their next best player was Hedo Turkoglu. If the luxury tax ever breaks up the Heat, Dwight is going to win multiple championships wherever he decides to go. Consider him the modern day Hakeem Olajuwon.

2. The Warriors are out. They managed to get the Jazz to take on the asinine nonsense contracts of Brandon Rush, Andris Biedrins and Richard Jefferson, thus effectively clearing enough cap room for Howard. So, of course, they immediately turn around and sign Andre Iguodola with that money.

I suppose they could still do a sign-and-trade with the Lakers for Andrew Bogut’s contract and Klay Thompson and Harrison Barnes. Only two problems there. One is that the Lakers are not at all interested in doing business with the Warriors, from everything they’ve said or kinda said or not really said but really said. For another, the numbers still don’t work and the Warriors don’t have a fourth guy to throw in, and so logistically I’m not sure it really works at all.

And for a third thing, if that deal does go through, ho man is that a thin team after Howard, Iggy and Stephen Curry. Sheesh.  So they’re out.

3. The Mavericks are out. This headline just went up on ESPN.com. This marks the first time I’ve been wrong since ’82, because I totally thought he would go to Dallas to play alongside Dirk Nowitzki. Oh well.

Apparently Dwight’s people informed Mark Cuban that they are out of the running, and Cuban immediately notified the media via email. Howard did not give any inclination as to what team he did decide to go to.

4. So that leaves the Hawks and Rockets. I have been adamant during this whole thing that Howard is not going to the rockets. For one thing, I hate them. For another thing, it’s not really an ideal situation. They already blew their wad on Omer Asik to play center when they failed to get Pau Gasol last offseason. Unless they want to play two centers, they would have to unload Asik and his dumb contract somewhere else, and then all you have is Howard and James Harden and another paper thin team. So that leaves…

5. He’s going to the Hawks. I am going out on a limb and reporting this as fact. You can thank me after the fact. I was wrong, as I initially believed no sane person would ever want to play in Atlanta, but there you go. They are well under the salary cap, so they can basically mold the team around Howard however they see fit, with multiple other free agents coming in. They already have Al Horford and Kyle Korver as well, and Jeff Teague could be coming back. It’s really not a bad situation to fall into.

And it’s the one he’s going to fall into! You can take it to the bank.

(Dusty’s note: In this life, I play two games, and two games only. One is backgammon. The other is the lesser known, just as good, If I’m Wrong I’m Supposed To Be Wrong But If I’m Right I’m A Genius game. I’m not saying,  I’m just saying.)

6. He has informed everyone but the Rockets that he will not be going there. So I was wrong about the Hawks. That’s the first time I’ve been wrong since ’82. Interesting to see how this shakes out now, because you gotta believe Asik is going to be all “Uh uh, I ain’t having this.” The Rockets could prove to be a legit championship contender next season if they can get the right package in return for Asik and his Adam’s apple.

Dusty’s Blog: Five Very Important Basketball Opinionz 4 U

That’s right. I’m going to be inundating you all with blogs and nonsense until Jeremy completely takes away my posting abilities. Fuck everything.

In any event, the recent NBA Draft has renewed my interest in basketball. So here are five very important 04u concerning the NBA as it stands right now with offseason fury just about to heat up.

1. Bill Simmons is an idiot. No no no. You know what? I’m going to save this one for a blog tomorrow. Hold that thought.

1. The Decision 2.0. This one isn’t as important as Lebron James’ Decision, since it will lead to a grand total of 0 NBA Championships, but damn if there isn’t a lot of hubbub and excitement and general pants wetting about where Dwight Howard is going to end up.

It looks like he has five main options. Go back to the Lakers, or go to the Rockets, Mavericks, Hawks 0r Warriors. Now, the way I see it, the Warriors have a zero percent chance of getting him. They have next to no cap room, so they would have to do a sign-and-trade to get him. Problem is, all of their bad players are the ones making the most money. They would have to trade a bunch of their smaller contract good players to make it work, at which point it wouldn’t work at all, because all that would be left is Howard and the nonsense guys. Surely they know this, and the whole Howard courtship thing is probably just a PR move to show their fans they’re trying stuff.

I also don’t think he will be going back to the Lakers. He and Kobe supposedly can’t stand each other, and in Mike D’Antoni’s system, he and Pau Gasol occupy the exact same space. It’s just a poor fit. The Lakers will be better without him, too. Mark my words. And I don’t think it will be the Hawks, because historically, no player of any repute ever wants to go to Atlanta.

So it’ll come down to the Rockets or the Mavericks. I’m going to guess he chooses the Mavericks. And I haven’t been wrong about anything ever since 1982, so there you go. I can’t stand the guy – he thinks he’s funny when he’s not, he blocks shots into the crowd, and he’s just generally got an annoying way about him. I largely see him as a career good-player-on-a-bad-team type. But he’s got really good defensive advanced metrics, so you kinda have to want him if you got the money to get him. A Catch 22.

2. The Draft. I know the pick was largely panned, and there’s footage floating around the internet of the Bobcats fans booing the pick during the draft party in Charlotte, but I’m going to go out on a branch and say Cody Zeller is not only my favorite rookie this coming season, he’s going to win the Rookie of the Year award too.

He’s coming into a great situation. The Bobcats have no inside offense whatsoever. Bismarck Biyombo is good defensively but a black hole with the ball in his hands. Josh McRoberts is a solid role player, but nothing to write home about. Tyrus Thomas is a corpse. So there’s plenty of room for Zeller to get 20 points and 10 rebounds per game with enough playing time. He has a versatile, inside-outside game, and he can feed off the solid backcourt of Kemba Walker and Gerald Henderson. I’m not saying this is all of a sudden a playoff team or anything, just that it’s a good fit for both parties. We’ll see. I’m on the record.

3. The 76ers trade Jrue Holliday. The official trade was Holliday to the Pelicans (the fucking Pelicans) for Nerlens Noel and next year’s first round pick, provided it isn’t picks one through five. I absolutely love this deal for the Pelicans. For one thing, Holliday is an all star point guard, perhaps the most important position in basketball now that the traditional seven foot post up center has gone the way of the dodo bird. For another thing, he’s only 23 years old. For a third thing, I think Noel is total garbage.

Sure, he was the most hyped dood going into the draft this year. But he has several things working against. For one thing, he has no offensive game whatsoever. He makes Biyombo and Hasheem Thabeet look like Shaq in his prime. Or even Shaq now, probably. For another thing, he appears to weigh less than Kate Moss in her prime. Or even Kate Moss now. And for a third thing, he had a real sour grapes look on his face as he watched five guys get picked ahead of him in the draft. Now, I’m not any kind of body language expert (oh shit, I promised to talk about Bill Simmons next time, I keep forgetting), but I want a guy who handles that situation better. Give me a Full Metal Jacket, I’ve seen that before that doesn’t affect me at all look. Keep that sour puss to yourself, son.

4. The Knicks-Nets pissing contest. Talk about a dick measuring competition. They are so busy trying to one-up each other, I’m getting dizzy. But are they really doing anything productive? Let’s take a look here.

The Nets just made a big trade to get Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Jason Terry from the Celtics. I’m not a fan of this deal at all. Pierce might have something left, but Garnett is done and Terry sucks. If you do a straight up comparison of starters between the new look Nets and Pacers, the Pacers come out ahead everywhere except maybe point guard. Maybe Deron Williams is better than George Hill. But the Pacers have the other four spots on lock. And don’t even think the Nets are better than the Heat. Don’t make me laugh.

The Knicks are in even worse shape. They just traded a bunch of stuff (Steve Novak, Marcus Camby, Quentin Richardson and 832 draft picks) to the Raptors for Andrea Bargnani. This is complete insanity. I was telling Shahid the other day, I think Novak is better than Bargnani. He costs a lot less, is less injury prone and better looking. That point is debatable, but when you factor in everything else the Knicks gave up in order to get a really expensive injury guy who can’t play defense, it’s just dumb. It’s really fucking dumb. And what can I say about them courting Elton Brand. If ever there was a cry for help, there you go.

The bottom line is that neither team is better than the Heat and Pacers. The Nets are probably the third best team in the east again, and the Knicks take a step back. But man, they sure made some headlines!

5. The Clippers. I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk briefly about my childhood favorite team. Getting Doc Rivers for what would surely be a low draft pick, so that they can ensure re-signing Chris Paul was genius. And they just made a trade today, giving up Eric Bledsoe and Caron Butler and getting JJ Redick from the Bucks and Jared Dudley from the Suns. I like that deal a lot for them.

I’m going all in here, saying the Heat beat the Clippers in six in next year’s NBA Finals. If I’m wrong, I will simply delete this post so that you have no proof I ever made the prediction.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #10

1f6b195c-bebb-3b23-aa0e-0380f0bbe900So can you guess what Eric2 and Jeremy talk about this week? After a brief snafu with the numbering scheme the boys get down to business and make fun of the pomposity in the reactions to basebrawl between The Arizona Diamondbacks and The Los Angeles Dodgers. Was it even a brawl? Who released ten years of frustrations by strangling another persons jersey? Who has the best brawls in sports? Should they be allowed as part of the game?  Why don’t the bullpens just start fighting immediately instead of running all the way to the infield? Who are sports made for? When did sports marketing chnge to focus on families? Why the single paying customers have to put up with that? Should children even be allowed at games? The boys share their stadium experiences and explain why it was way better than it is today. Oh and how they turned out just fine with all of the things they hve seen and heard.  So give it  a listen. You have downloaded worse we are sure of it.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #9

Um, yes please.

Um, yes please.

OK look you know we are going to talk about Sergio Garcia and his suggestions for Tiger Woods. What’s the big deal? It is golf isn’t it racist anyway? How could things get ay worse right? Well you let the CEO of the European Tour open his stupid mouth right? This ay be the only golf break that ever occurs on Stunt Granny in any capacity so it may as well be on the latest edition of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. Yes, Eric2 and Jeremy are back and among mocking golf and its competitors they also cover some serious topics like sexual assault and how women give up on looking good once they are married. Yup that’s right . Pete Rose gets married and his wife immediately decides to change her appearance for the worse. How is that fair for old Charlie Hustle? Hasn’t he given and then suffered enough already? Shouldn’t he be treated like a king? How stupid is Jose Canseco? Is it stupidity or a greater problem of being aloof and arrogant? What person wouldn’t be terrified and hiding in the face of sexual assault allegations? Why would any rational person go against his attorneys orders and blather on o the media? What kind of dummy taunts the accuser on Twitter? What exactly is Ozzie Canseco up to right now anyway? Is this a Lifetime movie in the works? They also break down how the media victimize itself in the face of athletes hiding things and hurting them. It really is quite funny how this always happens. There is some NHL playoff talk that somehow melds in to NBA playoff talk and then back to NHL talk and a nice dose of Henry The Hockey Hound being fed up taking matters in to his own hands when it comes to bacon. Oh yeah and Miguel Cabrera. So get to downloading the show and enjoy the randomness. It is funny, at least it should be. Really not sure since no one has listened to it again. In the moment it came across as funny. We could be wrong so download it already. OK?

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