#ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

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The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

I went to bed last Thursday night without watching the end of Impact Wrestling. I had caught the beginning where MVP, Kenny King and Bobby Lashley come out upset that Eric Young had evaded their attempts to take the TNA World Championship from him. MVP called out Eric Young who promptly threw down a challenge to MVP which was then accepted by the impetuous Kenny King due to MVP’s injury. Eric Young won in short order thanks to help from everyone in the back who is now anti-MVP. In the next segment, MVP set up a second match for the champion against Bobby Lashley. This is where I stopped watching. Much to my surprise when I saw headlines the next day, Bobby Lashley had been crowned new TNA World Champion. Here’s my break down of this epic ineptitude.

As noted in previous editions of this column, I try to start with a clean slate. When EY came out for his verbal beat down, the crowd in Bethlehem PA was very much behind him. I feel like the Orlando crowd was getting behind him too. I can accept that everyone doesn’t view him as a blatant rip off of Daniel Bryan so he’s worthy of being cheered. Even though many people, including myself, ripped the decision to give EY the belt, he is trending in the correct direction so you shouldn’t take the strap off of him. Having the heel faction in charge continue to put him behind the eight ball is Wrestling 101. I did think to myself “More copying of Daniel Bryan” but what other options are available for an unworthy, small wrestler? I can accept repeating that aspect of the angle by having EY take on both King and Lashley. After that point though, I start scratching my head.

I don’t get why you’d take the belt off of EY once you commit to the angle. If the wrestler in question were a big name, I may be able to accept it. I am assuming that MVP was going to be the recipient of the title had he not been injured. I’m also assuming they were going to have him win the strap at the Slammiversary. If that was the case, why not give Lashley the title at the PPV? Jeremy covered this on Stunt Granny Audio 260 when he said that it was carnie booking. If the advertised match doesn’t happen, the person who was advertised for the match has to win. I think that is a dumb theory. MVP isn’t a big enough name to get me to accept this angle though I would argue he’s a more recognizable name than Lashley. TNA doesn’t realize that Lashley isn’t a big enough name. Lashley may have been in the WWE but he was far from a big name there even if Donald Trump chose him as his combatant in a Wrestlemania match against Vince McMahon & Umaga. One would think that TNA would realize that if Hulk Hogan can’t move the needle, no retread from the WWE is going to do so.

Since I’m assuming MVP was going to win at Slammiversary, the next question is why chose Lashley instead of letting MVP heal? MVP is doing all of the talking for his faction. He is the more complete package as far as wrestling and mic work goes. It is terrible how he has been booked going from baby face to heel with a drop of a hat. I think MVP’s delivery and demeanor have come off well in the segments. If you believe MVP, his injury wasn’t major. Why not wait until he heels to move the strap over on the next PPV? You could feud Young with King and Lashley so that Young can finally get to MVP. You could build up EY while waiting for a better option as your future champion to recover.

Bobby Lashley has said next to nothing in the group. Kenny King has supplied the comedy for that group. I’m really glad TNA decided not to give him the belt. The reason Lashley hasn’t gotten the mic is that he is terrible on it. It’s been quite a few years now that being good on the mic is a required skill for a main eventer. Brock Lesnar may have a mouth piece in Paul Heyman, but he’s got a couple of things Lashley doesn’t. He isn’t terrible on the mic. Lashley may have won the NAIA Wrestling Championships but Lesnar trumps him by winning the NCAAs. Lashley may have been in MMA but Lesnar was the UFC Heavyweight Champion. Could Lashley tie most of us into a pretzel? Sure. Does he have a resume even close to that of Lesnar? No.

Another person that I could think to compare Lashley to is Roman Reigns. He was in The Shield. He was the guy who didn’t get any mic time in his group. Reigns still isn’t getting much mic time which I think is a good decision on the WWE’s part. But he and Lesnar both possess something that Lashley hasn’t even had, good in ring skills. Lashley may have a laundry list of accomplishments, but it hasn’t translated to the ring for reasons that are unknown to me. Lashley is a big guy but not a monster like Lesnar. Lashley (6′-3″, 275) is about the same size as Roman Reigns (6′-3″, 265) but he doesn’t possess his athleticism. Lashley isn’t going to pull off an apron drop kick any time soon. Lashley has neither the mic or in ring skills to be a champion.

Another reason I could think of to take the strap off of Young is that he needs to go film his show “No Limits” for Animal Planet. In that case, TNA shouldn’t have committed to giving him the title in the first place. EY isn’t taking off time though. He was on Fox & Friends to hype both his show and TNA. I’m just throwing this out there, but maybe if he’s the guy getting TV time, EY should be the one toting the strap. After EY is the pitch man, Lashley comes in an awkwardly stares at him to end the segment. The reason Young is out there is that he has been at a minimum good on the mic or else he wouldn’t have stuck around as a comedy act or been recruited to be a TV host.

The timing of these title changes is a whole separate problem from worthiness of who has the strap. TNA has now gone two consecutive pay per views, keep in mind that they only have four, without a Heavyweight Title change. But to keep you on your toes, they decided to have EY win the strap the show prior to one while Lashley won the show after one. Anyone that shucked out money for either of those has to feel like an idiot or at a minimum like they didn’t get their money’s worth. It is a no win position to try and defend how their decisions not to have the pay offs on PPV.

Giving the TNA World Title to Eric Young was a mistake. Having MVP win it Slammiversary would have been a mistake too. Allowing Bobby Lashley to win the title on a regular televised show is the biggest mistake of the three. Congratulations TNA, you have allowed Ring of Honor to become the second best promotion in America. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #239

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Well holy shiznit, it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin and Dusty are back at the helm this week, and the primary order of business is Coaches Gone Wild. Kevin’s beloved Pittsburgh Steelers are all over the news this week for all the wrong reasons. Did Mike Tomlin step onto the field on purpose? Was he just dazzled by the majesty of the big screen monitor, or was he practicing the moonwalk? Why on earth is this story obscuring the fact that a football actually got tackled by his junk this past weekend?

They move on to talk about Bo Pelini needing anger management classes. Dusty feels like everything he said and did was justified, but Dusty also has anger management issues, so we cant take him seriously. Why does Kevin feel the pressure on football factory coaches is too much? And finally they talk about Jason Kidd bringing the circus to Brooklyn. Why did he tell a player of his to bump him? Why was he holding a plastic cup in the first place? And then finally they go into wrestling just enough to honk Dusty off, but if you wanted a wrestling audio then it’s too bad so sad for you but you should listen anyway because otherwise the clowns will eat you.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #11

Yes indeed it is yet another Stunt Granny Sports Show. Jeremy and Eric2 are back and get right in to the big stories for a change. They discuss the Aaron Hernandez problem. How stupid is this guy? Is it worse t leave a trail of bred crumbs or a trail of chewing gum? Does the color matter? Just how does technology work? Does smashing your cell phone erase history? How happy is Tim Tebow that the spotlight is not on him for a change? Why was Tim Tebow hanging at a bar anyway? Manny Ramirez, remember him? Well he is back with the Texas Rangers on a minor league contract Problem is, um, wasn’t this guy suspended for a hundred games? How did he get around that? Does MLB understand simple arithmetic? Why is it acceptable for Ramirez to return to baseball in the states while MLB is actively pursuing removing layers they have no concrete proof of using P.E.D’s?  There is also some Dwight Howard talk. How much of a surprise is it that he chose not to return to The Lakers? Eric2 has some choice words on the matters wile Jeremy wonders just what is the difference between a zebra and a giraffe. Of course this leads in to a discussion on Giraffe fighting, hence the video. So enjoy.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #11

Stunt Granny Sports Show #10

1f6b195c-bebb-3b23-aa0e-0380f0bbe900So can you guess what Eric2 and Jeremy talk about this week? After a brief snafu with the numbering scheme the boys get down to business and make fun of the pomposity in the reactions to basebrawl between The Arizona Diamondbacks and The Los Angeles Dodgers. Was it even a brawl? Who released ten years of frustrations by strangling another persons jersey? Who has the best brawls in sports? Should they be allowed as part of the game?  Why don’t the bullpens just start fighting immediately instead of running all the way to the infield? Who are sports made for? When did sports marketing chnge to focus on families? Why the single paying customers have to put up with that? Should children even be allowed at games? The boys share their stadium experiences and explain why it was way better than it is today. Oh and how they turned out just fine with all of the things they hve seen and heard.  So give it  a listen. You have downloaded worse we are sure of it.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #8

This has nothing to do with anything other than being awesome.

This has nothing to do with anything other than being awesome.

All right everyone are you ready for another edition of Stunt Granny Sports Show? Wait, where you going? Seriously stay here and listen. Eric2 and Jeremy are back again in continue their conversation from last week o gay and lesbian athletes in professional American sports. How convenient was it that Jason Collins came out a ere three days after Stunt Granny Sports Show #7 was posted? Was this part of a coup for Stunt Granny? Nope; it was mere coincidence. Anyway, the fellas talk about Jason Collins and his decision to open up about his sexuality.How does his former fiancee feel about this?  Now that he is out will he find it harder to find a job? Does his status as an “end of the bench player” hurt his job opportunities? Will anyone remember him once the next NBA season free agency period begins? How did Metta World Peace get in on the action?  Then here is Geno Smith?Is this guy really as bad as you are led to believe ? Is this just another poor decision by The New York Jets? Why does there seem to always be the on “it”person that receives mountains of scrutiny? Is it justified? Should we be thanking Geno Smith for ridding the airwaves of Tim Tebow talk? Kobe Bryant is kind of a polarizing figure and boy has he not helped himself now. Who sends out a cease and desist letter on one of his own mothers auctions? Well when the woman is trying to sell your stuff for a profit when you won’t give her all the money she wants for a house then you have your answer. Is Kobe obligated to pay outright for his moms house just because he makes ridiculous money? Does their icy history mean this is going to turn ugly? There is also a discussion about the NCAA and their failed practices of not offering health coverage for athletes according to The Atlantic. It is a startling read and should not be ignored like it has by ESPN and most major outlets. So read that and then listen to the show because he guys have their opinions on all this and much more so give it a listen.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #7

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Yeah that’s right after a week or two off it is the return of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. Jeremy and Eric2 bring the insight about the important things in sports. What would that be you might ask? Well, how about the round one of the NFL Draft? Was the choice of E.J. Manuel really that bad? What should the Buffalo Bills have done with their harvest of picks? Did they actually need to take a quarterback at all? How exactly did the NFL Draft become the vet that it is now? Remember when it was covered primarily to make fun of Jets fan? They also talk about the NFL minor leagues ad he new College Football Playoff. What a weak name but could you do better? Is the four team playoff enough? Why not include all of the bowls instead of a select six? Why the hell is it the Chick-Fil-A Bowl instead of the much better Peach Bowl? Does it matter since it will be 2025 before it can change? They then discuss the first , possibly, openly gay football player. Does sexuality matter at all in sports? Why didn’t this story receive any mainstream coverage while he was at school? Is it more acceptable to be a gay college athlete than a professional? Does it mean as much that a kicker come out as openly gay instead of a defensive lineman? What is the bigger issue; being gay in pro sports or being gay and dropping a game winning pass?  It will all makes sense as long as you listen. So get to downloading!

Stunt Granny Sports Show #6

Higher education.

Higher education.

After another schedule snafu the boys are back talking a lot of sports in that Stunt Granny style. Eric2 and Jeremy get in to the big story of the past week and yes that mean Florida Gulf Coast. Who the hell goes to this school? How does ay higher learning occur when your dorm is off of a pool and an ocean? Who are these players? By the time this posts they will be beaten by Florida anyway so who cares really.  What is up with Chicago sports teams and their gimmicky intermission and seventh inning stretch shenanigans?  How has Mr. T maintained his celebrity status for all of these years without ay real work being done in the last thirty? Is he the smartest celebrity hockey intermission player of all time? Would you drink a milkshake mixed with ice cream and beer? Why not? It is made with craft beer? No? Still not tempted? Well The Charleston RiverDogs are betting you will be enticed. Oh minor league sports. Why is Tim McClelland calling balls and strikes from behind the mound? Has this ever been done before? There is a whole lot more on this weeks extra big edition so get to downloading already. (Full admission, we lost the links so, um, yeah you will have to find it all on your own this week.)

Stunt Granny Sports Show #6

Stunt Granny Sports Show #5

130317230217-tx-madness-t1-wideWell we ended up taking the week off after all but we are back, albeit a day or two late, with another edition of The Stunt Granny Sports Show. This week Eric2 and Jeremy break down the obvious story of the NCAA tournament selections. How do they feel their respective favorites will do and how far can they actually get this year? Is it fair that a team like Liberty that lost twenty, yes twenty, games make the tournament? What is the point of having a play in game for an 11 seed? How the hell do you acquire three technical fouls and lose a tournament game when things are seemingly in hand? They also go back to the well and talk about a total halftime failure for one lucky basketball contestant. The NHL has finally done pulled the trigger and has agreed to realignment. Do the new conferences make sense? How about the playoff format? How did they draw up the geographic lines? Really; Florida and Detroit are in the same division? They then decide to argue the difference between play fighting, slap fighting and boxing glove dexterity. Obviously they discuss more but this is just a preview after all.  In order to get it all you simply need to download the show and listen.

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #5

Stunt Granny Sports Show #3

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Welcome back everyone for another edition of the Stunt Granny Sports Show. Eric2 and Jeremy are back with a women themed show, well, it starts off that way at least. What woman was responsible for the worst free throw in the history of recorded basketball? How did she possibly top Brian Okam from Appalachian State? How jaded have we become when a cheerleader makes a phenomenal trick shot and no one cheers? How and why would you possibly perform the same move on the soccer pitch? How cool are Geno Auriemma and Kim Mulkey? How screwed are the Pittsburgh Penguins now that Evgani Malkin may be concussed? How fast do you rush him back and should you? How can Johnny Manziel sue people over the Johnny Football tag? How does Jeremy keep Eric2 from going on another anti-NCAA rant? They offer no predictions on UFC 157 but they discuss it regardless. How progressive is The UFC. What non-issue was noticeable and discussed? Well download and find out already. As always, video links after the break.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #3

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Stunt Granny Sports Show #2

chelseahitYup, right on track grandkids as the Stunt Granny Audio Networks: The Stunt Granny Sports Show returns for week two and it is a doozy. Eric2 and Jeremy cover a wide range of topics this week. They discuss the problems with minor league hockey intermission gimmicks and how satisfying it is when they backfire. They roll in to a discussion about the laughability of live mascots and how nothing seems to go right with them. They discuss the economics of The Big Ten conference telling its members they are not to schedule any Division 1AA schools. Should other conferences follow suit and is it fair to the FCS schools and their athletic departments. Eric2 rails against The NCAA again and how it treats and controls its athletes as they bring up ESPNs article about Jadeveon Clowney possibly sitting out or going half speed this season to ensure a higher draft position next year. There is a lot more including Tony Romo, that Blade Runner dude,  The NFL possibly changing the field width and both of your hosts inability to judge crowd sizes. Remember how we said the show would get better as we go along? Well this week’s show is way better than our initial offering. So, if you like last week’s show you will surely love it this week. Hell, we even provided videos fo ya! Cough, after the break.

Stunt Granny Sports Show #2

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