Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

BandwagonI had a full weekend but my favorite part came Saturday evening when exiting the Pittsburgh Penguins at Columbus Bluejackets game. Two things really amused me during the game. My girl and I walk past the sign up area to sign up for the “Arch City Army”, which is a faction of hard core Jackets fans, going to our seats every game. Since this game involved the Penguins, there were plenty of Pittsburgh fans in attendance including myself. The first derogatory thing told to me was to “Go home…to Pittsburgh.” After living in Columbus for 14 years, I still get this comment. I’m not going anywhere people. Deal with me rooting for the Penguins. The full season ticket holder that sits beside me seemed shocked that I wore my colors even though I told at Opening Night that I would be dressed in black and gold. What an idiot.

The second part was why I mentioned walking past the Arch City Army. After the Pens won 3-0, the best chant they muster was “Bandwagon! Bandwagon!” which is hilarious on multiple levels. You’re the only Bluejackets fans left in the arena. Looks like your bandwagon already left the arena so you’ve got no back up. Second, do you realize that the last time the Penguins won a Stanley Cup was 2009? That’s four years ago if you can’t do the math. You don’t stay on a band wagon for that long. When you’ve been rooting for a team for that long, you’re just a fan. The Pens have enjoyed a great regular seasons but have been terrible in the playoffs. Even last year ended with a miserable sweep to the Boston Bruins.

The “Bandwagon” chant also got me thinking after the Pittsburgh Steelers got dismantled by the New England Patriots. I wore my Pirates hat to the game because it used to be the best way to say “I’m a hard core Pittsburgh fan. You can’t call me a band wagon fan.” I’m starting to think now that I’m going to have wear Steelers gear since they’re the only losers in town. Time to review Raw after that rant which really could have been it’s own post. Let’s roll.

Lenny-Squiggy-laverne-and-shirley-19107748-640-480CM Punk kicks off the show then we get more review from last week. The Wyatt Family gets their entrance. Evidently, this is good for business. Luke Harper is Punk’s opponent. Jerry Lawler isn’t buying that it’ll stay a 1 on 1 match. Smart man. I’m not sure why Punk is going with the Squiggy look. Not surprised Harper got the call. He was good when I’ve seen him. Holy cow, Mitchell Cool is an idiot. Rowan doesn’t look like Michael Myers. Break time. Punk finally makes a come back. His neck breaker looked really bad. Punk ends up “stealing it” with a roll up. Rowan attacks Punk. Bray Wyatt joins in. Daniel Bryan makes the save with a chair. HHH gets more air time because the WWE makes content for their website. If it’s important, it makes it to TV. Could you imagine the CEO of Apple being taped saying “Finish him” to people mugging one of their employees, JBL? They’d be in as much trouble as Richie Incognito.

Renee Young talks to CM Punk. He knows that he’ll always be out numbered. Punk knows he’s not the only one who has a problem with them. Weird that Bryan didn’t pop in. Paul Heyman is on the phone. He appears to be in a Russian gulag because this interview isn’t on Skype. Heyman cries and hangs up. Ryback gets to take on the Great Khali to get some heat back. We get a break first. Lovely.

Khali is out powering Ryback early. I guess Ryback isn’t strong enough to give Khali Shellshock. Meat hook clothes line for the win. Ryback drags Santino out of the ring. He tosses Marella into the barrier. Just what the doctor ordered. We get more Big Show tape. JBL makes the same claims about jail. Evidently the authorities in those municipalities and the WWE don’t feel the same. Kofi Kingston shows up for Eric Nelson’s birthday, if he’s still alive.

Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Del Rio is putting the boots to Kofi early. He needs to get heat back too if he’s going to take on Super Cena again. The crowd is still pulling for Kofi even though he’s been MIA for a while now. Del Rio misses the enziguri. Del Rio makes one of the lamest kick outs ever. Kofi goes for the SOS. Del Rio turns it into the cross arm breaker for the win. Nice counter. Dear lord, they go through Big Show’s charges with video packages. JBL has no answer for the charges other than he hates lawyers. That’s some weak sauce.

Randy Orton comes out first. Lawler is ready to announce his opponent when Orton gets on a mic. That was as bland as it could be. Big E Langston is his opponent. My boy Dolph Ziggler & the Miz got crushed. No surprise really because the only thing Orton had right was that the WWE Universe didn’t truly have a choice. We got 3 guys the WWE wants him to face. (Next Day Edit: Well, it’s really 1 guy that the WWE wants Orton to face and 2 guys that aren’t a stretch to face Orton.) Langston shoulder blocks him out of the ring. After tossing Orton to the outside a third time, we get a commercial. Orton finally gets control shortly after the break. Big E missed a spear. Yikes. That is a large gentleman doing that. Orton gets to bore us with a reverse chin lock. Big E shoulder blocks Orton in the corner. JBL gets no sold on a comment. Splash by Big E for a near fall. This is some bizarro world baby face match. Dominant showing by opponent, baby face makes a heroic comeback for the win. No way Big E wins this one. Hanging DDT by Orton. The ladies are loving the “New face of the WWE”. RKO out of the Big Ending. Why is Big Show getting so much air time?

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Dusty’s Blog: Rejected Movie Trailer Idea

 

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This whole Aaron Hernandez thing is a buddy cop movie waiting to happen. Something like…

Everyone knew Aaron Hernandez was dangerous. But no one knew just *how* dangerous…

Hernandez, in the courtroom whispering to his lawyer: No one knows this, but I’ve rigged explosives under the judge’s chair.

Hernandez’s effeminate lawyer: Ooh, I always said you were a ticking time bomb, waiting to go off!

Hernandez: That judge is about two hours away from his final verdict!

*Hernandez and lawyer laugh deviously*

But what Hernandez doesn’t realize is that he has two grizzled New York City cops on his trail that are hellbent on blowing up his evil scheme…

*shots of the two cops saying and doing wacky stuff*

*shot of one of Hernandez”s gang buddies telling the cops about the explosives, and then the cops making a beeline for the courtroom*

Buddy Cop 1: Hernandez is about to learn something about his friends that he never knew before!

Buddy Cop 2: Yeah. That they can sing!

*shot of the courthouse exploding while the buddy cops drag the judge to safety*

Lethal Weapon 97, coming soon to a theatre near you…

(Dusty’s note: I pitched this movie trailer idea to Jeremy and Eric earlier today and it was met with crickets riding on tumbleweed. So alas, it will never see the light of day, not on the big screen and certainly not as a column idea for Stunt Granny. To tell you the truth, it was probably rejected because there’s not a single trace of a hot big breasted chick in this trailer. Oh well, back to the drawing board.)

Stunt Granny Sports Show #10

1f6b195c-bebb-3b23-aa0e-0380f0bbe900So can you guess what Eric2 and Jeremy talk about this week? After a brief snafu with the numbering scheme the boys get down to business and make fun of the pomposity in the reactions to basebrawl between The Arizona Diamondbacks and The Los Angeles Dodgers. Was it even a brawl? Who released ten years of frustrations by strangling another persons jersey? Who has the best brawls in sports? Should they be allowed as part of the game?  Why don’t the bullpens just start fighting immediately instead of running all the way to the infield? Who are sports made for? When did sports marketing chnge to focus on families? Why the single paying customers have to put up with that? Should children even be allowed at games? The boys share their stadium experiences and explain why it was way better than it is today. Oh and how they turned out just fine with all of the things they hve seen and heard.  So give it  a listen. You have downloaded worse we are sure of it.

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