Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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deviantart.com

It was fantastic having a weekend in before the storm that is Thankmas. (They spell it wrong in the otherwise fantastic piece of art.) I killed a growler of Zauber’s Poltergeist, which is quite tasty. The lady & I are headed to Dayton for Thanksgiving. On Friday, it’s time to go watch the Pitt Panthers match it up with the Miami Hurricanes. We’re then moving on to Altoona for Thankmas on Saturday. We’ll be back in the ‘Bus on Sunday.

Randy Orton saunters down to the ring like normal. He takes so long that the announcers introduce matches during it. He barely cuts a promo before inviting down HHH & Stephanie. Randy Orton is not impressed with Steph’s reasoning. Orton can take care of himself. He wipes like a big boy. Randy proclaims to be the best Superstar ever. That brings out John Cena. Steph thinks John will have a potty mouth. Cena is thinking there needs to only be one title. John, this match was not eleven years in the making. HHH makes the match at TLC.

Roman Reigns gets his time in the spotlight for his four spears. Cody Rhodes & Goldust come out. Rey Mysterio wants some revenge too. Goldust gets roughed up by Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins early. Goldust made a leaping Rollins pay with a reverse atomic drop. Goldie couldn’t tag still though.  Rey looks better than ever according to JBL. No surprise it was a fun exchange with Rollins. Reigns saves Ambrose from a pin. Rey gets speared going for a 619. He gets Goldust too. Cody drop kicks Reigns outside. Ambrose with the head plant for the win. Fun stuff again. Glad Ambrose got the pin. He seems to have been lagging. Michael Strahan gets his first air time 30 minutes into the show.

The Miz is in the ring. He was explaining on the After Opie & Anthony Live that he’s fine with being a utility player in the WWE. He is saving his body doing segments like this one. Titus O’Neil comes out as Strahan. He starts answering questions. It’s supposed to be funny. The Miz makes fun of the gap in the teeth. The Miz taking shots at the Giants while his Browns absolutely sucked yesterday. Michael Strahan comes out. I zone out of the match up he makes. John Cena & Big Show are taking on Alberto Del Rio & Randy Orton. (Next Day Note: I had only really zoned out of the heels announcement. I did the backwards day after a PPV math and figured their old opponents would be in there.) The Miz challenges Strahan to a match. We get a wrestling clinic. The Miz gets the hip toss reversed. Titus does the Millions of Dollars dance then gets hip tossed. The announcers loved it. If they weren’t getting paid, they’d disagree.

Ryback is teaming with Curtis Axel against Big E Langston & Mark Henry. The WWE is making it really easy to make jokes. Xavier Woods & R Truth last week. Just saying. Ouch. Ryback looked like he dumped Big E on his shoulder. Mark Henry gets to beat up on Curtis Axel. World’s Strongest Slam. World’s Strongest Team postulates Lawler.

The Divas get a rematch of the Survivor Series match. Brie starts off against Aksana. Facebuster eliminates Aksana. Rosa Mendes doesn’t look good in white with blonde hair. Nikki pins Rosa. Super kick by Tamina on Naomi for an elimination. Cameron comes in because she’s an idiot. Samoan Drop for another elimination. Natalya matches up better with Tamina. Jojo pins Tamina after Natalya does the work. Alicia Fox eliminates Jojo. Eva Marie gets booed so naturally she’s on the face team. She pins Fox very poorly. Natalya locks in the Sharpshooter on Kaitlyn. I can’t keep up with the pins. Pathetic that there’s so little time. AJ rolls up Natalya. Facebuster by Brie eliminates AJ Lee. Summer Rae is the last one on the other team. Summer dances for us. Nikki can do the Worm. Nikki with the Torture Rack drop down for the last elimination. What a train wreck. I shouldn’t have to pay for that slop.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

From 123rf.com because a hand holding a pencil needs to be watermarked.

There’s so much red in the paragraph above that I feel like I was correcting work from Idiot Intern. Damien Sandow isn’t happy with the stipulation. Dolph Ziggler is his opponent again. People voting knew the matches all meant the same thing so the voting was pretty even. John Tavares is a stud for the Islanders but I wish Ziggler didn’t have to resort to that. They have a bunch of goofy shit in the ring again. Sandow recovers with a mic shot to Ziggler. Mitchell Cool references the Mean Street Posse which shows you the importance level of this match despite it’s commercial break. Sandow dumps out the cleanest garbage can ever. Sandow drops the Elbow of Disdain. Fire extinguisher to the face by Ziggler. I’ve been hit with one before, it isn’t disorienting. It does taste like real garbage though. Rob Zombie, I will get you back. Sandow belts Ziggler with a garbage can. The crowd is paying more attention to the crowd. DDT on a chair by Ziggler. Sandow broke an oar against Ziggler’s back. Full Nelson slam on a garbage can gets Sandow a three count. I skipped through the Miz’s new movie. Michael Strahan is talking to Santino Marella when Erick Rowan offers him a sheep’s mask. Interesting. Santino checks back in after Rowan leaves. I have no idea why he babbled so long. Which wasn’t really that long.

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