Headlines: Beth Phoenix written off TV, Colt and Pearce besmirch NWA, DDP moves in with Jake Roberts

In news that has been brewing for months, according to Prowrestling.net (and according to watching WWE Monday Night Raw last night), Beth Phoenix has been written off TV, via an angle where she was fired by Whatever Type of General Manager Vickie Guerrero. Phoenix asked for and was granted her release a while back, so there really isn’t much to say other than good luck keeping Jeremy Maes away from you while you read your zombie comic books.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Colt Cabana threw down his NWA “World” Title belt after beating Adam Pearce in the seventh of their best-of-seven series in a match in Australia. Since the NWA belt has been thrown down more times than Lilian Garcia, the real news here is that Colt Cabana and Adam Pearce were paid to travel to and wrestle in Australia. Not that they aren’t worth it, because they are (two of my top 10 draft pics, easily), but it shows how upside down these Aussies are, dropping that kind of coin on transportation and payoffs. Oy, was Rick Tick Tillah and Moykey McGongileydoo bof already booooked that noight? Nine hundred dollaridoos?? Ah, screw it, I’ll just have a cup of coffee…

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Diamond Dallas Page and Jake “The Snake” Roberts are working on a documentary where DDP helps Jake get in shape for one last run, employing DDP Yoga over an 8-week period. To ensure success, DDP has moved in with Jake, and Jake has agreed to regular drug testing throughout the filming. The filming will end when Jake’s landlord gets tired of seeing his coked-out ex-wrestler tenant being accompanied by a scummy 50-year-old man in a leather vest and tight Guess jeans and boots them both out. (Other punchlines include: “This video will resemble less a documentary on health and more a low-budget docudrama about the Village People,” and “These two guys could leave a ring around the Atlantic Ocean, so I hope Jake’s landlord has a Rug Hospital, not just the Doctor.” Eh, none of these were any good. I need to keep my day job. Oh, and click on this link for TWNP.com, which I assume stands for Talking to Women is Not a Problem for us, to see how well Jake’s workout regimen is going.) -Eric

Perry Saturn to wrestle in Des Moines, Iowa, says guy in South Carolina

"Hi."

I’m glad Jeremy brought this to my attention, because it resurrected an old post that I never published:

For the first time in a quarter-century, the NWA Championship will be defended in Des Moines, Iowa, as 3XWrestling brings “Scrap Iron” Adam Pearce back to town to defend his belt against “The Rebel” Jeremy Wyatt at Baratta’s Forte Ballroom. Tickets are $15 at the door, and the show begins at 7:30 p.m. I would have posted this news earlier, but even though I’m one of the biggest wrestling fans in this town, I didn’t even know about the show until right this instant. Bring the kids! -Eric

That was, like, three weeks ago. This time, it took Jeremy, who lives in Greenville, S.C., to alert me to (according to Gerweck.net) Perry Saturn wrestling in my hometown. Saturn lives within about 150 miles of here – I’m thinking Mason City, Ia., or Albert Lea, Minn., but don’t care enough to Google it – and has wrestled in Iowa within the past eight years – whenever he wasn’t missing, homeless, dead or playing the third Ultimate Warrior. I’m not shocked to see him – and I’m excited as hell that his opponent is my boy Gage Octane – but I will be shocked when I see the 3XW TV commercial running on the lower-rung digital cable channel at 3 a.m. while I’m trying to enjoy “House Hunters” reruns. -Eric

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