Stunt Granny Audio #199

Dynamite drop in there, Monty.

Kevin and Dusty are back with an extensive look at bad announcing, including the Mount Rushmore of Horrible Announcing. Listen and learn who they think are the worst announcers of all time. What current day announcers are bad enough to earn a spot on the list? Hint: One guy who currently does every WWE show, some of which completely by himself, much to the petrification of Dusty. Find out which guy….. annoys Dusty…. because of the ridiculously long…. pauses…. he used to take between words. Find out which guy makes Kevin cherish his childhood memories of watching wrestling so much. Find out which guy wears Hawaiian flowery shirts and gets into internet pissing contests because he has a small penis and a need for attention. And so much more, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your time, so you need to listen or you’ll catch something incurable.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #199

Top 15 Pro Wrestler Commercials for Non-Wrestling Stuff

In honor of Rent-a-Center’s earth-shattering sweepstakes to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman, we thought we’d compile a list of the top 10 TV commercials starring professional wrestlers that weren’t for a professional wrestling product. These larger-than-life figures explode onto the TV screen with such abandon and fervor, such charisma and passion, that how could you *not* buy a pizza from them?

Let’s stick with the Hulkster, who hawked Right Guard in 1991 with the savoir faire of Robert Goulet and the acting chops of Mr. Belvedere. Starting this list off with anything less would be uncivilized!

Wrestlers seem to end up in commercials for food quite often. What was I saying about pizza and gargling copious amount of pills? Oh yeah, here’s Kurt Angle, following his 1996 Olympic gold medal win, ready to chow down on some Pizza Outlet:

Wow, wrestlers and pizza go together like, um, wrestling fans and bigger pizzas. Pizza Inn cashed in on the popularity of the Von Erichs in Texas in the early 1980s, but really, who in the hell is going to believe that 170-pound Mike Von Erich taught his brothers, ripped-ass Kevin and blown-up Kerry, anything about eating?

Keeping in the realm of food, I don’t have five minutes nor two scoops of Kellogg’s Eat Shit & Die for Mick Foley, but I do remember this Chef Boyardee commercial starring The Rock, pre-Hollywood but well into his puffy Nation of Domination days. Hell of a shirt, Rock; don’t date yourself too much or you might get chaffed:

Honorable mention: And because superstars’ shuckin’ and jivin’ doesn’t stop at the front door of Titan Tower, here’s Booker T and his big fat momma, eatin’ up all tha food:

I swear to sonny Jesus, this commercial with Andre the Giant made me want to try Honey Comb, and thus allowed me to become a fat shit for the first 28 years of my life:

John Cena, the face of WWE and hero to millions of children everywhere, can’t resist that double meat? Tell me he didn’t just say that!

And in the locally sold booze category: If I were you, Chicago Lake Liquors, I’d give Mad Dog Vachon a coffee break:

Of course, this wouldn’t be a discussion about great commercials with wrestlers if we didn’t include spots for Slim Jim! Here’s one with Macho Man Randy Savage and some teenagers, blowing things up Beavis and Butthead style:

And one with Ultimate Warrior and some more explosions (never let it be said that Slim Jim doesn’t understand its market; I still nice “Niiiice, antique!” every time I see a plastic chair):

More drinks: Man, the NWA/WCW got the short end of the advertising stick back in the day; while Hogan, Warrior and Savage were running wild, Rick Steiner was crawling around like a jackass with Roos on his hands:

And if you can’t land Mountain Dew like the WWF, get your first fattest babyface to drink the second-best thing!

Geez, I guess wrestlers and soda go together like wrestling fans and pizza and soda. Now here’s an idea I can get behind: Sting + population control, thanks to Sprite:

And now TNA is making deals with shitty auto insurance companies, because who better to hawk insurance you can finally pay for than wrestlers who only make $300 a week:

And finally, because we all go to our grandpa for weightlifting advice (“Back in my day, we punched a potato sack until our knuckles bled like stuck pigs! We put our polio-crippled brother on a rope and we dragged him 2 miles!”), here’s Ric Flair’s latest venture into advertising, for Fuel in a Bottle:

Oh, wait, we can’t talk about Ric Flair and TV commercials without posting Bruce Mitchell’s two favorite things in the whole world, wooin’ like Ric Flair and scratchin’ them lottery tickets:

Wow, 15 greats plus an honorable mention. Did we miss anything? Post them in a comment below!

RIP Mike Shaw

Word going around the internet water cooler is that Mike Shaw, aka Bastion Booger, aka Norman the Lunatic, aka Makhan Singh, passed away over the weekend. He was 53 years old. We here at Stunt Granny offer our most sincere condolences to his family and friends.

On a personal level, I always had a great deal of respect for Mike Shaw. He obviously cared a great deal about what he was doing, and he was different. God forbid in this day and age that a wrestler not be a goddamn interchangeable head. Keep truckin’, Norman… – Dusty

Eric’s Blog: Angles that were better than WWE NXT/Raw invasion

john cena

"God damn, can't I do *anything* right?"

If you’re a audio listener, you know that Wade Keller’s soapbox has been sold out for days, and for a pretty good reason: the Pro Wrestling Torch editor is up in arms because John “Preacherman” Cena proclaimed in an interview with Sports Illustrated that the NXT invasion of WWE Monday Night Raw two weeks ago was the fourth greatest angle in wrestling history. In fact, Cena listed Hulk Hogan vs. Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III as the best (not an angle itself, just a match), Hogan vs. The Rock at WrestleMania X-8 (also just a match, and the lead-up to it, including Hogan talking to a cardboard Rock cut-out and ramming an ambulance with a Hummer or something, was awful), Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at WM25 and WM26, and the formation of the Four Horsemen (assuming he means Arn Anderson making one lucky comment during a group interview).

The ludicrousness here is obvious, not just of including a two-week-old angle (featuring Cena himself) in a small, elite list of all-time wrestling angles, but of playing WWE butt-kisser by listing four cookie-cutter corporate answers (I know Hogan is with TNA these days, but these are still WWE moments that Vince McMahon probably dreams about while rolling naked on top of his money). Somehow, I was able to list about five dozen better angles right off the top of my head, and Dusty added a few to the pile. Do me a favor: Check out these angles and leave a comment on this post a) correcting any of my inaccuracies, b) ranking the real top five angles, and c) tacking on some of your own. Here we go:

NWO forms (Scott Hall appears on WCW Monday Nitro, followed by Kevin Nash; Hulk Hogan joins at Bash at the Beach 1996)

Freebirds turn on Kerry Von Erich (Dec. 25, 1982, Terry Gordy slams Kerry Von Erich’s head in cage door during Von Erich vs. Ric Flair NWA World Title match with Michael Hayes as special referee)

Bruno Sammartino bodyslammed on arena floor by Stan Hansen (April 26, 1976), legit injury turned into angle with rematch (June 25, 1976, same card as Ali vs. Inoki)

Larry Zbyszko turns on Bruno Sammartino (Jan. 22, 1980), draws huge crowd to Shea Stadium (Aug. 9, 1980)

Steve Austin confronts Mike Tyson (Jan. 1998, night after Royal Rumble)

Hulk Hogan returns to WWF, wins WWF Title from Iron Sheik (Dec. 1983-Jan. 1984)

Three-match series with Dusty Rhodes vs. Superstar Billy Graham (1977)

Roddy Piper shoves Cyndi Lauper, leads to WrestleMania (1984)

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Stunt Granny Audio: Survivor Series Nostalgia

Prozac made its debut in 1987. So did the Survivor Series.

This marks the Stunt Granny audio debut of message boarder Zourah, who capably fills the role of “nostalgia expert.” He joins forces with Stunt Grandmother favorite Dusty to talk about the Survivor Series. How did it get its illustrious start? Why is Vince McMahon a hypocrite when it comes to predatory practices? Why did they switch from five-on-five matches to four-on-four matches, to regular singles matches and back again, and then back again? The crew attempts to answer all those questions and more as they hop on the Way Back Bus and journey through time and space in covering what was once one of WWE’s flagship pay-per-view shows. We hope you enjoy, or else there shall be dire consequences.

God damn this thing is long so we split it in to two parts kids!

Stunt Granny Audio Show- Survivor Series Nostalgia pt 1

Stunt Granny Audio Show- Survivor Series Nostalgia pt 2

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