Iron Sheik sounds off on Olympics, Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior, Jose Canseco, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise…

“Hey, fackan Lepak! You wanna challenge de real legen Arn Sheik for MY belt? FACK you, jabroni!”

Wow. I mean

Come up with a signature move and name Jordan Burroughs could use in London?
“The Jordan.” Not like the Michael Jordan but he still the Real American. He can break the pinkie finger like Sheikie. He break people back with his pinkie. Because he a big strong [expletive] for America. I be happy. His name could be “the Real” and his finisher be “the Humble.” Give me a hell yeah!

How do you feel about the “Flying Squirrel” nickname Ellis Coleman gave himself? 
Flying squirrel remind me of Ultimate Warrior because he a little rat when he jump in ring like that idiot Jose Canseco or Mel Gibson. I would never respect the squirrel because the squirrel have no [expletive].

Wow, aggressive. Could the Iron Sheik beat any of the current wrestlers on Team USA? 
In my day I beat living [expletive] out of all Olympian who challenge the legend. I put them in a camel clutch, break they back [two or three expletives], and make them humble. But now I am not in same shape as before so I don’t [expletive] with them.

How would the Olympics benefit from adding ropes around the mat?
The rope protect you and you cannot run away like little [expletive] in ring like Jose Canseco.

How would Hulk Hogan do against the current Olympic team?
Hulk Hogan don’t last long like because [a few expletives] he not a real man like the Sheiky baby. He get beat bad like [wow… not printing that] and never make it to Olympics. Only for the Olympics for being [or that]. [editors note: He definitely hates Hogan.]

Are you ready for a comeback?
I know if I training I can beat the [expletive] out of anybody who [expletive] with me. I am the real legend not like the jabroni the Tom Cruise.

How do you feel about the American wrestling team this year?
They all workers but need to pay their due to be legend like Iron Sheik. Buy my [expletive] shirt!! USA #1!

God, that’s fucking great. I feel like I just took a bath in holy water. Thanks to Prowrestling.net for the heads-up about this thing of beauty. Now by my fackan shirt! -Eric

Kurt Angle looking to win gold medal in freestyle delusion

To paraphrase Cracker, the world needs another reality show like I need a hole in my head.

Kurt Angle on twitter said that he would be doing a reality show which would be based on him training and trying to qualify for the Olympics in wrestling. Angle would be 43 by the time the Olympics take place. He said he would officially announce his return to amateur wrestling competition in September. This probably won’t go well, at least as far as Angle doing well at the competitive level.

I also want to point out, for no particular reason whatsoever, that the Olympics does drug testing. – Dusty

Kurt Angle garble garble pills garble Olympics just humor him

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle is still blabbering on about how he’s training for the 2012 Summer Olympics. At age 42. With a withering body and a permanently screwed-up neck. Sounds like a plan, Stan. Let’s listen in on his interview with Busted Open, wrestling’s ONLY twice-weekly afternoon insider satellite radio show…

I started training [for the Olympics] two weeks ago. I’m not allowed to really talk about but I’m gonna make a formal press conference in August.

Most people aren’t allowed to talk about things for legal reasons, not because they’re full of shit.

I don’t want to quit wrestling because that’s getting me to where I can get my Angle Foods where I need it to go.

So pro wrestling is a stepping stone to launching a product line of shitty food via a Twitter handle (@AngleFoods1) from which you bitch about other wrestlers using your moves and then hours later, once the haze has passed, you claim someone “hacked” your account? Looks logical to me.

Jeff [Hardy] made a mistake. If he was going to take any form of, let’s say, sleep medication… he probably should’ve waited an hour before he did that.

Expert advice from Dr. Angle.

Jeff has been clean for the last month…

Says the guy who wouldn’t know clean if it shot him in the butt cheek with 20 cc’s of Angle Foodiness.

The primary takeaways from this interview are that he still loves wrestling, as long as it’s on his own terms, which stem from being with a company that will stupidly pay him an exorbitant amount of money to hardly ever wrestle in front of a paying crowd, all while the ratings he helps “draw” teeter between 1.1 and 1.11. That and I could probably try out for the Olympics, too. I just can’t talk to you about it here. -Eric

Kurt Angle wants to try out for the Olympics. The real, summer Olympics

Don't quit your day job. But keep up your night life! Especially if there are cameras around! Damn!

According to Prowrestling.net, Kurt Angle recently told TV station KTAE that he wants to try out for the 2012 Olympics. Jason Powell quotes Angle:

“It’s not just this old man trying to lash out to get publicity,” Angle said.

Right. Kurt Angle, who has licensed his name to some shitty company called Angle Foods and turned that into his Twitter handle; who lashes out against people on Twitter and then, once the pills go down, recants his statements and claims someone hacked him; who used to frequently badmouth his old employer, the much more successful WWE,  until anyone in the press would pick up on it; and who did this “I want to try out for the Olympics” thing at least one other time in the past eight years (notwithstanding his feeble threats to shuffle his broken-down body into MMA), isn’t saying this for publicity. Yeah, and my name isn’t Rhaka Khan. -Eric

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