Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I had to make some dinner tonight. That isn’t a picture of what I made, but it’s close. I made some whole grain pasta with fennel, red onion and zucchini with pesto sauce. (Edit: Forgot that I added chicken sausage with spinach and asiago cheese.) It kept me from getting started anywhere close to on time. Starting at 9:45 is not a great plan, but it’s better than midnight. Let’s roll.

CM Punk takes on Big Show to start the show. How dare the WWE start without a talking segment? Daniel Bryan deserves a slot evidently in the WWE Title match. You had to know some type of angle was going to lead to a bad finish. Bryan ends up attacking Punk. I’m guessing we have our main event tonight. Nice little tag team match. Punk is pissed at John Cena for saving him. No big shock that AJ bounces her way down to the ring and makes the match. She should really stop skipping with the power woman suits on.

JTG is bitchin’ to Kaitlyn about not getting air time. Twitter complaints work for burying someone. They do have three hours which they should use more wisely than they do. Ryback is JTG’s opponent. I’m so tempted to FF. I did it for his entrance. Did I mention that JTG looks terrible in trunks? Why does it sound like Jerry Lawler is being broadcast to the entire arena. Ryback wins another squash. The crowd loves him. I’m pretty bored with him. Piper’s Pit gets put to a vote.

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is not really talking to himself but to Shawn Michaels. Shawn gets an imaginary phone call from HHH.  Heath Slater is getting more mic time. R Truth comes out. Weird match. Even my girl is wondering why Truth is in a singles match since he’s in a tag team. She knows more than WWE writers at this point. Downward Spiral pretty much out of no where for an R Truth win. Um, okay. The Prime Time Players show up. Oh, Mitchell Cool mentioned that Kofi was out earlier. I’ve already tuned him out less than an hour into the show. PTP’s shirts would go better with their tights if they weren’t heather black. (Edit: Their act will be no different without AW.)

I’m showing my girl pictures of McKayla Maroney not being impressed as they review Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio. Booker called off the match for Del Rio. Del Rio has a corntract (Edit: Not a spelling mistake. Isn’t this guy supposed to be learned and above everyone? Shouldn’t he be able to say contract?) and Booker can’t take that away from him. Sin Cara comes out for this boring break.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of Raw

Becky Bayless posted this picture of herself and Serena Deeb on Twitter last night. I'm not going to pass up two hotties for my intro picture.

WWE leads us off with Piper’s Pit since he appeared on Funny or Die recently. They probably have more viewers than Raw right now. Cena is his guest. He re-explains himself. Roddy tells us he’s the face of the WWE. Man, is he actually going to make a good point on TV? I’d imagine Cena has heard this line of questioning back stage before. Roddy trying to get Cena to snap. I like Cena taking a stand. It’s not going to help his split response problems. I was hoping that was more of what Piper was getting at. Alex Riley is being told by John Morrison to look forward to taking his spot as a high ranking jobber.

The Miz attacks Morrison from behind. The joke of the Miz re-establishing anything in the WWE is hilarious. Morrison gets a courageous hero spot before he takes his supposed extended absence. I’m glad Dot Net was even further behind in reporting about Impact Wrestling and Smackdown. Head to Twitter (@Stuntgranny) to see my reviews. You might even be lucky enough to become our 100th follower! Morrison using the kendo stick to get in some offense. Morrison gets to do one last job. We get a replay of the beginning of the match. Our memories are really this short? Or the action was so impressive that it needed a replay? Just a buffer for the Miz to come out and talk. I’m supposed to take him more seriously, I suppose because he had a serious face. How about having him win an important match for more than one PPV at a time? Or without cheating? Just sayin.

The Divas are distracted by Beth & Natalya running around the ring. This division is not getting better. Alicia is the flavor of the month so she gets the pinfall victory. Cole can’t even get his dander up about how terrible they all are. WWE12 is pushed more than the Divas ever will be.

Johnny Wooden GM is doing Brodus Clay a favor. Thanks for the guest appearance David Otunga. Del Rio comes and the skit becomes a train wreck because no one can read all of the cue cards. Punk does fine because he doesn’t need cue cards.

Wade Barrett joins the announce crew. I’ll drink for WWE.com/Social because I want more of my beer. My home boy Dolph Ziggler takes on Randy Orton. Ziggler had a mid-main event match on Smackdown, now on Raw. Both of these guys throw picture perfect drop kicks. Dolph busts his out first. A superplex is our commercial break move. At least someone didn’t get thrown outside the ring. Wow, quick pin after the break. Ziggler gets the duke after a distraction from Barrett.

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