Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From behindthesteelcurtain.com

From behindthesteelcurtain.com

Chuck Noll, the coach who has more Super Bowl wins than any other coach in the history of the National Football League, passed away on Friday. I didn’t really get to enjoy those four Lombardi Trophies that he helped bring to Pittsburgh. I was 3 when they won #3 and 4 when they lifted #4 but I was too young to remember. By the time I had started to really watch football, the Steelers were pretty terrible. I didn’t know him as a winner but rest assured that my Grandpa Sheehan and my father have filled me in on some of that past glory. If you want to read more about what he means to Pittsburgh, I suggest reading Dejan Kovacevic’s Noll Made Us All Steelers article in the Pittsburgh Tribune -Review, which had very little to do with football.

As for wrestling, I will be attending Smackdown tomorrow so you won’t hear my lovely voice until at least Wednesday if not later. I’ll be wondering if everyone that loses is going to get fired considering Jinder Mahal, Drew McIntyre and Aksana all got to take losses before being “future endeadvored” on Wednesday. It’s time for Raw though. Let’s roll.

We get the locker room on the entrance stage. HHH & Stephanie McMahon greet us from the middle of the ring.They run down Daniel Bryan more. Giving rise to even more speculation in my mind that he’ll be back for the PPV. I don’t feel like they played Dr. Maroon’s part last week that said he would be re-evaluated to get him back in the ring as soon as possible. Steph announces a battle royal. Only the idiots in Cleveland would cheer for that pile of trash style of match. (Next Day Note: Since I didn’t comment on them for the rest of the night, that was a second consecutive good crowd in Cleveland.) HHH boots Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns & John Cena from the match. Can I say they’re doing a solid smarm job but still not like having to endure this garbage? Evil Authority. HHH acts like Kane hasn’t lost to Cena more times than I care to remember.

Dolph Ziggler heads to the ring. He gets to lose to Seth Rollins in another good match that he won’t be rewarded for. We get a video package about Rollins betrayal. The match doesn’t go much of anywhere when the break hits. Rollins in control after it. Jaw jacker by Ziggler. Rollins tosses him outside. Ziggler cracks Rollins when he goes for a suicide dive. Rollins kicks out the back of Ziggler’s leg to take over. The big DDT gets Dolph a two count. Ziggler slaps on the sleeper hold. Fame Asser for a two count. Ziggler goes for the DDT a second time but Rollins turns it into a buckle bomb. That looked like a good recovery. Second buckle bomb leads to the Curb Stomp. Dean Ambrose attacks for the DQ win. He then gets some mic time as Rollins backs away. He challenges him to a match. HHH gives him Bad News Barrett. I wish he’d drop the fascination with the cape spot for his entrance.

Ambrose is dressed in a black tank top & jeans. Is this a new look? If so, why is he the first to change his in ring gear? Ambrose gets tossed off the top rope to the floor for the first significant move. Ambrose re-injures his shoulder. Barrett works it over. A back elbow and Tornado DDT gets Ambrose an opening. I keep trying to block out the announcers but it’s not working. They bicker so poorly that it drives me bananas. Ambrose hits the catapult clothes line. Rollins distracts Ambrose. Ambrose side steps a charging Barrett. Ambrose nails them with a suicide dive. Ambrose gets counted out fighting Rollins in the crowd. Ambrose attacks Barrett and nails Dirty Deeds. JBL makes one valid point “That sneak attack is okay?” No answer from Mitchell Cool or Jerry Lawler. Ugh. Roman Reigns tries to sweet talk Vickie. It’s just a ploy to spike HHH & Steph’s drinks with what I’m assuming is pepper since Vickie sneezed. Do cartoons still do that gimmick? Seems like a dated reference to me.

From occultspace.com

From occultspace.com

Bray Wyatt comes out and talks in low light around a ladder. Power is his game. He points to the belt and says that’s all the power he’d ever need. Wyatt then starts to hype Luke Harper & Erick Rowan. I would be perfectly happy to see them as tag champions. I just hope the Usos don’t hang it up since that tends to happen when losses happen. Sing along time. Sheamus reminds us that it’s bad luck to walk under ladders. Wyatt welcomes the fight that Sheamus promises to bring. Sheamus works over Wyatt at first. In what looks like a botched spot, Wyatt falls down. He gets up and tackles Sheamus. It looks like Sheamus is going to be attacked by Harper & Rowan when the Usos decide to show up.

It remains a singles match after the break. I was expecting a six man to start. Sheamus fights back. A high running knee was missed by Sheamus. Wyatt ends up hitting the cross body block. Sheamus power slams Wyatt. Sheamus backs into the corner when Harper & Rowan grab him. The Usos join the fight. The Usos end the fracus by running up a ladder and diving onto Harper & Rowan. HHH whacks Vickie as she tries to give him his coffee. So just Steph is going to be sick.

Steph is still drinking away as she is interviewed by Renee Young. She ends up running off. Paul Heyman thankfully is the replacement. He runs through the possible champions but then tells us that Cesaro being the next champion is not a prediction but a spoiler. Heyman even makes the most of short ones.

Rusev is out to face the One Man Band. Did Mitchell cool just call him simply Slater? If so, they have gone too far with the single name status. Lana gets to talk from the middle of the ring this week. She gives us a Mount Russiamore. He speaks. He is the super athlete. Slater gives us the go back speech. American rock star, baby! Kick to the face. Crush. The Accolade. I hope I don’t see him tomorrow. (Next Day Note: I still don’t want to see him tonight.) Vickie has to check on Stephanie and gets puked on. Sigh. Vickie is now in charge but is told to take a shower. Scream by Vickie. (Next Day Note: I’m was so confused. Vickie sneezes in the segments to imply pepper was the spiking agent but Steph is puking so much that she has to leave the arena. Reigns didn’t go with laxative, which has more potential for pervs who want to see Steph on the toilet, so what did he use exactly? Pepper won’t make you violently puke.)

Roman Reigns lobbies Vickie Guerrero again. Smart plan by Reigns. He gets what he wants. Why would she do that? (Next Day Note: Just send the clip of Reigns spiking their drinks. Or how about HHH & Steph watch their own product so they don’t fire Vickie wrongfully. Now you really are screwed.) They advertise “Think Like a Man Too” which I won’t see no matter how great Kevin Hart is in this segment. He gets to meet Adam Rose. Hart won’t be a Rose Bud. He’s going to do commentary? That’s probably going to be better than a dumb segment with him.

Kevin Hart is on the head set next. I don’t FF as Hart starts cracking on Fandango & Layla. Did they have him out just to ask that question for Mitchell Cool to throw to replay? It appears as if it’s a ladies match with Summer Rae. Oh, Adam Rose is joining her. The guys start the match. Summer Rae goes hell cat on Layla. Layla tags out ASAP. Party Foul by Rose for the win. What the fuck? Kevin Hart joins Rose for a victory dance. They both crowd surf. I’m just shaking my head. It should be noted that one of my lady’s co-workers will be taking his eleven year old girl to Smackdown tomorrow. I’m wondering if she isn’t as disgusted by that segment as me. I doubt it. Boo-tista Unleashed where he gets to cry. Hey man, don’t say the internet didn’t like you. As soon as you played what you should be playing (ahem a heel who won’t be cheered) your run was fantastic. Said it then, will continue to say it now.

Dark Royalty by Shiroin.com

Dark Royalty by Shiroin.com

The Battle Royal is on. Santino & Damien “Lebron James” Sandow were eliminated early. A Matadore then another got tossed by Rusev. They talk about Bo Dallas a lot. Titus O’Neil gets tossed by Reigns. Sin Cara gets tossed. Ziggler gets staying in the match. Jack Swagger should toss Kofi but it’s ass backwards. The US beat Ghana 2-1. I don’t care that it was bowling shoe ugly. 3 points is 3 points. I can keep track of this garbage on the app. No thanks. No eliminations so it really didn’t matter. Ryback eliminates Ziggler. Reigns goes bananas in the ring. Ryback slows him down. Reigns spears Rybaxel. Fandango gets eliminated. Ryback gets low bridged. Axel leaves. RVD gets occupied with Barrett and Dallas. RVD fights them both off. RVD goes for a monkey flip when Dallas tosses him. Dallas hugs Barrett who clothes lines him. Bo gets tossed but holds on. Dallas gets speared and tossed by Reigns. It’s down to Reigns and Rusev. They aren’t giving this to Rusev. The heel kick by Rusev finally looks significant. Reigns fires back on Rusev. They fight with Rusev on the apron. Superman Punch to eliminate Rusev. John Cena just saw the impossible become possible. He’s happy about the stretcher match. Whatever dude. (Next Day Note: What I should have typed was “Even Cena realizes he’s beat Kane more time than he can count.)

Naomi & Cameron both still have jobs. Paige gets to wrestle Cameron. Oh goody. Cameron’s main offensive weapon is a slap. Not good news. Naomi acts disappointed in Cameron. We’re getting a break up angle. Good for Naomi, bad for Cameron. Paige locks in the PTO.  The announcers go back over the Rhodes saga. Byron Saxton gets to interview Goldust. He is excited about his new partner who is super galactic. Definitely Cody in some kind of gear.

Goldust is the first out. Stardust is out second. Cody with a star on his face. Dear lord. Stardust makes short work off Curtis Axel. (Next Day Note: I just feel bad that the king of the one trick pony gimmicks has another gimmick. It has kept him on TV so maybe it isn’t so bad.)

John Cena & Kane allow me to nearly catch up. The announcers have to sell Kane’s mean streak. Kane tries for the stretcher before the first break. Several times. Stupid. Cena tosses Kane into a chair wedged into the ropes. Kane choke slams Cena. Kane goes to attack Cena with the stairs when Cena drop kicks his legs. Kane cracks his face off the stairs on the way down. Kane reverses an AA into a DDT onto the stairs. Cena rolls off the stretcher. He tosses Kane into the post. Cena bounces off the barricade. Kane cleans off the announce table. Cena pops up and gives him the AA thru the table. Cena is a moron so he carries Kane to the stretcher. Take the stretcher to him.How about lowering the stretcher? Seth Rollins and Randy Orton attack Cena. Ambrose makes the save. He gets choke slammed by Kane. Cena dumps Kane to the outside. Cena tosses the stairs at Kane. Rollins & Orton had the numbers to finish the job. Kane sits up near the finish line. A reverse gets an AA onto the stretcher which poor Kane has to sell. Cena pushes him across the line for the win. – Kevin

 

Stunt Granny Audio: OHPA 7

Ken and Kevin are back again after a week off because of Kevin’s travel schedule. They are here to celebrate episode seven with number seven from the Steelers, Ben Roethlisberger. Is he a guest? Of course not, we can’t get anyone that famous. Big Ben was at Pirates game shagging flys and hitting batting practice. For the second straight show, Ken tortures Kevin with memories of Idiot Intern. This time the subject matter is marbles. How much should one invest in marbles according to Idiot Intern? Is this art work by Mike Gong even comparable to what Idiot Intern collected? Is there any redeeming value to regular marbles after seeing what this gentleman can do with them? Ken & Kevin stay in the world of art by talking about a photographer putting together Gifs buildings that he has photographed. Where is the original building? Why do the guys talk about the link after talking about the art? Good thing they can link it in this write up before this miscue ever hits their ears. They move on to celebrate the start of the World Cup by talking about the videos of soccer trick shot artist Remi Gaillard.  Don’t worry, here’s the link to the Deadspin story since they repeated the same mistake immediately after the first one. How good is this guy? Are the long distance shots more impressive? How about the ones that require English? Why did Ken not watch the video below the original? Are those ones more believable? How much of a dick can Remi be? How many buildings can Kevin list from the video in Paris? They wrap up their show with their third bit of sports talk, Bad British Hockey Commentary from @amhrichardson. What parts are funny? Which ones aren’t so good? Can you hear the clip of the Bad British NFL Commentary through Kevin’s lap top? Last but not least, what’s the #SippyTimeBeer of the week? Find out when you click on the link below!

Weekend Rewind – Jim Ross is Bruce Arians

im_not_retiredJim Ross was all of the weekend news unless you count Ryback deleting Tweets that joked about his possible retirement. Dolph Ziggler can’t remember if that was a good joke. Part one of the Jim Ross news tour is that he is close to signing a deal with Fox Sports. In his own words

Fox provides an amazing platform for creative work and for the many projects that I am working on during the most unretired time of my life. Fox has some potentially, amazing creative ideas for me of which I hope that we get to collaborate on sooner than later.

Jim Ross saying that he’s unretired makes me think back to when Bruce Arians “retired” from the Pittsburgh Steelers. What really happened was Dan Rooney decided to force Arians to retire because they felt he was too close to Ben Roethlisberger. I’m starting to get the feeling that the WWE had a similar feeling. Maybe Ross had the ear off too many people in the talent pool so the WWE had him “retire”. The positive for Bruce Arians was there was another thirty one teams that he could work for. Jim Ross on the other hand had to convince people he could do something other than talk about sports entertainment.

The next piece of Jim Ross news was the fact that he could be doing his one man show “Ringside” in New Orleans during the weekend of Wrestlemania, possibly at the House of Blues. Jason Powell(Click on the first link) was nice enough to look up the fact that the venue only holds 843 people. Whoever is booking for Good Ole’ JR is an idiot. If Ring of Honor can sell out a couple of thousand during this very same weekend, Ross could do a much larger venue. You’re just leaving money on the table. Now I’ve just got to figure out if reporting on the one man show will get us more hits than me trying every beer from every brewery in New Orleans. Choices, choices.

Even though the WWE forced Jim Ross into early “retirement” they still realize that he is a useful asset to have at your beck and call when it comes to making DVDs. The subject that this new DVD will cover is Paul Heyman, which is awesome. That’s the other difference between Bruce Arians and Jim Ross. Even though Ross doesn’t have another option (TNA and ROH aren’t serious options) he can work as a consultant for the WWE. Bruce Arians wasn’t going to be used as a consultant for the new offensive coordinator. So, you may not like Ross for towing the company line even though they forced him into retirement but he’ll be more than happy to take that check they give him to make up for said forced retirement. Kudos to Jim Ross, make money inside and outside the system. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #243

A-diamond-in-the-roughOh holy crap, Dusty and Kevin are back once again to lay down some serious opinionz for your listening pleasure. They start out by trying to recreate the magic of their off-air conversation about ROH and pro wrestling in general. Are Adam Cole and Jay Briscoe the only diamonds in the ROH rough? How would their skills translate in the major leagues? Was WWE justified in getting rid of Chris Hero? Does Dusty believe that having good talent on your roster is a good thing?

Then they turn their attention to the big “real sports” story of the day: Dan Lebatard giving his Baseball Hall of Fame to Deadspin.com. Kevin stays out of the way as Dusty rails against the holier than thou baseball writers that have been torching his hero the last couple days. Is the voting process flawed? How can real change be effected? How do we know who did and didn’t use steroids when Alex bleeping Sanchez tested positive for it? Dusty has a proposal for the Carolina Panthers to counter the 49ers’ use of Ric Flair before their victory over the Green Bay Packers last week. They also talk briefly about the NFL coaching carousel and it will only take about an hour of your life, so listen to it or else you might lose your vote!

#SippyTimeBeer Review – @21stAmendment, @Lagunitasbruwhs, @OtterCreekBeer and @ThirstyDogBeer

21stAmendment Sneak Attack Saison21st Amendment BrewerySneak Attack Saison – My lady and I went back to Altoona PA to go see Kent State play at Penn State back in September. We stayed at my parent’s place Friday & Saturday nights. After being rained on for the entire game and watching Kent State be miserable, I was ready for a beverage after a rainy forty five minute trip from State College to Altoona. Luckily my younger brother Brian had left this beer in the fridge. It must have been in there for a while since this beer is only available from January to March. Not only did I need a beer, I really loved this one. The spiciness provided by the cardamom is quite a surprise and very pleasing. The beer goes down smooth and has a nice crispness to it. I would suggest finding this beer in the upcoming months, so go to this part of their site to find out if you can Sneak Attack your taste buds.

Lagunitas Brewing CompanyLittle Sumptin’ WildJeremy tried this beer back at Oktoberfest in Charlotte so when I saw it on the menu at a bar, I decided to give it a whirl even though it is an IPA. It may have been the beer that started my long, hop heavy road to at least figuring out IPAs. Lagunitas advertises that they also put in boatloads of wheat and pale malt which might cut the edge off of the hops for me. So just like other IPAs that I have enjoyed, this one is more balanced than most that I have tried. This beer from Petaluma CA made it all of the way to the taps of a small bar in Columbus so you should be able to find it in your area, so long as it’s July-ish. Or October which is when I had it.

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Stunt Granny Audio #239

ScreenShot2013-11-27at10_24_06PM_crop_north

Well holy shiznit, it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin and Dusty are back at the helm this week, and the primary order of business is Coaches Gone Wild. Kevin’s beloved Pittsburgh Steelers are all over the news this week for all the wrong reasons. Did Mike Tomlin step onto the field on purpose? Was he just dazzled by the majesty of the big screen monitor, or was he practicing the moonwalk? Why on earth is this story obscuring the fact that a football actually got tackled by his junk this past weekend?

They move on to talk about Bo Pelini needing anger management classes. Dusty feels like everything he said and did was justified, but Dusty also has anger management issues, so we cant take him seriously. Why does Kevin feel the pressure on football factory coaches is too much? And finally they talk about Jason Kidd bringing the circus to Brooklyn. Why did he tell a player of his to bump him? Why was he holding a plastic cup in the first place? And then finally they go into wrestling just enough to honk Dusty off, but if you wanted a wrestling audio then it’s too bad so sad for you but you should listen anyway because otherwise the clowns will eat you.

@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) Episode 9

be_stronger_than_your_excusesThey’re stronger, they’re more outrageous and if it’s possible, more glamorous. This time, it’s no hold barred! Life is about to seriously change. Only on E! This was the commercial that was constantly being played on Spotify last week so everyone would be so intrigued they would tune in and watch the next season of Total Diva’s. After crying hysterically and then being bored out of my gourd, I thought leave it to the WWE to make the first half of the show interesting to pull viewers in, put them to sleep in the middle and try to wake them up in the end with a not so good cliff hanger. Since I wasted 45 minutes watching this, I’ll waste at least 5 minutes of your time reading this. Ha ha.

We begin the season with a recap, which is always good for me as I completely forgot what has happened in the last 2 months that they have been off. I have to say, the show started off with pretty good one liners as Eva Marie brought up her 4 page spread in Maxim as the girls meet for brunch on a Sunday afternoon. Between Nattie calling Eva a Hoochie, Jojo saying she wants to throw up her breakfast in her mouth due to having to look at these pictures again and Brie gives a non-humble Eva a kicker when she tells Eva that the Bella Twins were in Maxim Espanol which get’s distributed to more countries. Ha ha. (Kevin’s Edit: You could tell the Bellas were pissed about not being on thee Maxim cover even if they covered things up with Latin America.)

We get more hilarious outtakes with Trinity in her sparkling shoes and how they hurt her feet terribly and walks out of the hotel like an old bow legged grandma, quite hilarious as she stuck out that booty of hers. (KE: She rewound it to watch a second time. I didn’t argue.)

Ariane goes crazy after the car in front of her continues to go really slow and in turn stops right in the road. Ariane gets out of the car and starts yelling at the person in the car. To me it all seemed a bit staged, but whatever, it just flared her temper which is what her story line was in this episode. Ariane once again goes berserk on Vincent, her boyfriend, at a WWE party. I don’t know how many times she needs to say ‘babe’ but I have to say, someone needs to take that out of her vocabulary! (KE: That’ll happen right when the Steelers take “Obviously” out of Mike Tomlin’s vocabulary.) Trinity ends up talking to Ariane and tells her she needs help with her anger. She goes to talk to talk to her mom where they have a heart to heart. Her mom tells her she shouldn’t do that and that Vincent deserves better. At this point, they’re both perfect for each other as they’re both annoying as ever and who would want to deal with that.

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