Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Lovelace (2013)

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Yeah cool it on the praise.

Lovelace is the story, well stories, of Linda Lovelace; you know, the star of the 70’s porn classic Deepthroat. I will suggest that if you don’t know either the movie or the actress to put your safe search filter to high unless you want a lot of still shots from the movie.  Amanda Seyfried and Peter Sarsgaard carry the bulk of the movie very well as they play, essentially, two totally different people. They play the same people but the change in tone and perspective allowed them both to explore the opposite spectrums of their characters. This is where the movie loses its way. By not choosing one perspective of truth or even mixing the both fact and fiction directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman leave it up to the viewer to make their own decisions. What they lost by doing this is the cultural relevance of Linda Lovelace. By concentrating on two narratives there is no clear narrative to be had. Maybe this was intended as Lovelace’s account of her life has been disputed. There is no resonance for what she meant to a culture. They concentrate on Deepthroat’s impact and only give a brief mention to her place in that mini sexual revolution.  There just seems to have been much more potential than what was put on screen.  – Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #210

Just think, it could have been Kevin instead of the useless eight foot guy in the back.

Just think, it could have been Kevin instead of the useless eight foot guy in the back.

Kevin and Dusty are at the helm for this schizophrenic edition of Stunt Granny Audio! Throughout, Dusty feels like his teeth are going to explode out of his face, and that he is going to throw up all over himself, but you have to expect that kind of quality playing-through-the-pain type of situation from our intrepid heroes. Kevin regales us all with how he sent in an audition tape for Survivor Australian Outback. Did he actually speak in a terrible Crocodile Hunter accent through the entire video? Did he actually fight a baby kangaroo? Did he actually get a call back from the producers of the show? You’ll have to listen to find out. Dusty regales us with his geekazoid inner knowledge of all things Survivor, as he informs Kevin of just how hard that season was for everybody, what with the starving and the IV’ing medical fluids and the falling into fires and such. Also, they talk about how WWE has no vision and is wasting people who could be useful to them, and have their heads straight up their asses when it comes to the AJ Lee storyline. Or really, when it comes to any storyline or PPV “effort” over the last year. The duo debate whether TNA putting the championship belt strap on Austin Aries was an example of them showing true vision, and they talk about a bunch of other stuff to and you’ll need to listen to find out what it is, yo.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #210

Amy Weber Nude, Iowa vs Michigan, Knee Injury & Hurricane Sandy Aftermath

I couldn’t find the real deal so I borrowed from TMZ permanently.

According to TMZ, Amy Weber has released nude photos because her lap top was stolen. They were from a Playboy shoot that never made it into the sticky pages under my mattress. You might remember her from her role in JBL’s Cabinet. I had to look it up on Wikipedia to make sure one of my Sippy Time Beers hadn’t dislodged a memory of an average WWE Diva.

According to Derrick Bateman’s Twitter (by way of Prowrestling.net) he is out for an undisclosed amount of time because of another knee surgery. I bring him up because he was signed away from then Pro Wrestling Ohio about five years ago. I haven’t seen him much so I won’t critique his work but isn’t five years enough to know if a guy will cut it or not in the WWE? I know it takes a while to learn the ropes but the time frame seems like plenty. If only the WWE had enough TV time to find a spot for him when he got healthy.

Master thief Joel Luke pleaded guilty to fifth degree theft for swiping the TNA Title and thus bringing great shame to the state of Iowa. He will get two years of probation. If only he could have waited for TNA’s next trip through the state for such an opportunity. He could have stolen the new Jeff Hardy Belt and done all wrestling fans around the country a favor. Yes, even those fans that clearly spend money only on Munchos and Cheez Whiz with backpacks full of Faygo but still have enough government assistance left over to drive to Orlando from Michigan just to see that garbage company.

For those of you concerned about your Friday viewing habits because of NBC’s coverage of a Superstorm Sandy benefit concert, don’t worry, be happy. As of now, you can watch replays of one third of Raw and an hour of Smackdown starting at it’s regularly scheduled 8 PM time slot. -Kevin

Tara is getting naked in Penthouse? Please be true.

It has been a long time since a wrestling Diva/Knockout has gotten naked but according to her Twitter account the wait may be over. Yes, after years of anticipation it sure seems like Tara or better known from her WWE days as Victoria, may be stripping down. This is speculation of course but she is being coy on her account .

Be sure to pick the newest edition of Penthouse to see your favorite knockout, Tara. Hubba Hubba

Considering she has stated in the past that she would gladly pose for Playboy it is possible she will disrobe. Let’s save the balloons and streamers for when the magazine actually comes out though. This reeks of being none other than a trick to get us to buy the magazine only to find it is just some stupid interview about her body shop or her abbreviated stint training for an MMA career.

Regardless, we should all be on the lookout as this could be a dream come true. Yes this comes about five years too late but once you have a dream why should you ever let it go right? Besides it is Penthouse so there is a good chance she is pissing on an ice sculpture of Poseidon and really, lets hope so.

Oh yeah, notice I didn’t say look out for the magazine because who buys fucking glossy pages of pictures when you have Google image search? -Jeremy

Traci Brooks gone from TNA again

According to her official Twitter account Traci Brooks is no longer with TNA.

Yes it’s true my time w Tna has come to an end&what;a great time I had. I love the Tna family (cont) http://tl.gd/h0nn61

So there you go.

Yup.

Who had no idea she was still with TNA? I have my hand up, not really.

I always liked Traci Brooks. Not her wrestling of course but her giant bosom and tramp stamp. What else can be said. Oh, I know, she got naked in Playboy but then they cut her from the actual magazine and relegated her to Playboy.com. This was actually too bad, she looked fine. Her boobies were in full view and she gave up some patch as well. What else do you want; it isn’t Hustler after all.

Which reminds me; when the hell is TNA going to get their Knockouts in the skin mags already? They only use them for sex appeal as it is so let’s go full monty already. I nominate Tara and Mickie James for the first go around. In fact team them up with a “Rivals Go Bare” theme. It would sell. Playboy still has strong sales right? No? Ok then even better. TNA can strong arm them for more money and we all know they need that. -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #115

I put ion homecoming queen funny in google and this popped up.

It’s that time of week and that means there is a new audio posted. Yes indeed, Eric finally comes back and lays down some opinions. He is joined by Jeremy and later Kevin as the trio discusses the bigger stories in WWE. What does the Kane/Undertaker remind the guys of? Could it be cocaine and herpes? Possibly? They also spout off on the unfortunate circumstances around Daniel Bryan and how his character can recover. They then discuss Edge’ move to Smackdown; should he go with the face turn or remain heel and if he is what Smackdown needs right now. So give it a listen. It’s painless and forgettable for the most part and Jeremy even makes fun of retarded homecoming queens. So if that doesn’t sell ya nothing will.

Stunt Granny Audio #115

TNA Releases Traci Brooks

So the Playboy curse has struck again kids. Over at Prowrestling.net they are reporting, via PWInsider, that Traci Brooks has been released by TNA. Upon reading that my nether region ached a tad but then I took solace in the fact I can click on Google and go see her delicious chest naked for all eternity. Yes I may have discussed on an audio being dissapointed by her Playboy pictorial but the fact is this; she has huge boobs and that makes me happy.

Traci had been with TNA for as long as can be remembered but this isn’t a crushing move by the company. TNA hasn;t used her in months and as I relayed the info to Kevin he replied with “She was still on the roster?”

I never understood why she wasn’t in the ring more since she clearly has wrestling talent. Pick up a Chickfight DVD and you’ll see what I am taking about. She was a hit with the fans due to her her chest and the fact you could get some butt cleavage flaring when she did wrestle. Couple this with the fact she would dress in a Catholic school gril outfit complete with pigtails and it was on!

I’ll definitely miss her as I enjoyed ogling the screen whenever she was on hoping for a nip slip as well as her wrestling ability. Damn am I that much of a pervert now that this is all I can come up with? -Jeremy

WWE Is Cleaning House

Yeah this pic is hot.

Holy shit its cleaning day for WWE.  As of this posting WWE has released three wrestlers and only one really comes as a surprise.

Shane “The Hurricane” Helms was the first to go and really who cares? Apparently his ability to sell merchandise went dry and WWE realized they no longer need him. Helms was at one point one of WWE’s hottest selling acts with multiple t-shirts and gimmicks for dumb kids to buy. Then he got hurt, violated the wellness policy, and got hurt, got hurt, then got in trouble with the law. So good riddance. He brought nothing to the table now and a TNA career is lkely ahead of him.

WWE also release Paul Burchill. This is yet another lack of surprise based on him losing a mask versus leaving ECW match to The Hurricane. This has been screamed on our audios; “unless you plan on retiring, don’t allow yourself to be written in to situations like that. As soon as that stipulation comes up act sick. Don’t; give them the excuse of “ creative has nothing for you.” Burchill never really got his feet in the WWE door. He was featured sparingly but for whatever reason they never go behind him.

The big surprise, due to her high profile gig coming up on The Apprentice, is Maria. You know the red haired girl dancing with Matt Hardy now? Remember how special she used to be. Then she got naked and everyone for got about her. Some could chalk this up to the Playboy curse but in this matter, yeah, it works. As soon as she was in it she has been nowhere near the level she once was. So WWE, having nothing for her, cut her as well.

Stay tuned, there has to be more right? -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Audio #59

Eric and Kevin return to talk about the news of the day. A lot less discussion about Monday Night Raw means a lot more discussion about Traci Brooks and her Playboy pictorial, Kurt Angle and his five broken necks, Hulk Hogan and his five broken spirits who signed on for the Hulkamania Tour (and who else could sign on), Batista switching to Smackdown, and the many Hell in a Cell matches set for, you guessed it, Hell in a Cell. Also, Kevin explains his dog’s strange, strange habit and how that might affect his currently changing living situation. Gotta hear it to believe it, so click now! (64:00)

Stunt Granny Audio #59

Playboy trades Traci Brooks for dead Farrah Fawcett

Id let her teach me the Dewey Decimal System.

I'd let her teach me the Dewey Decimal System.

Jeremy told me this was on PWInsider and other places but then couldn’t find it again. Thankfully Wrestle Zone still had it up: The Playboy pictorial planned for Traci Brooks around the same time as TNA Bound For Glory has been bumped from the magazine to one of its Web sites. Why? Read:

PWInsider.com is reporting that the reason why Playboy Magazine has decided to dump Traci Brooks on the cover of the magazine in favor of a Farrah Fawcett tribute is because the leading editor of the issue wanted to distance it from any association with professional wrestling.

Brooks’ layout will instead be featured online to members of Playboy’s Cyber Club.

Oh, a tribute, gotcha. The thing is, we’ve already seen hot young Farrah and decent middle-aged Farrah, so why be redundant? Exhume that bitch and show us some rotting titties! “I’m sorry, is that an Eminem tune?” (TM Dave Attell) Anyway, count me among the sad ones who now have to turn to the Internet to find their pornographic material. And here I thought the World Wide Web was just for posting existential meanings of REM lyrics. -Eric

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