Headlines: John Morrison is boring, Chyna is gross, dude looks like a Lita

According to Prowrestling.net, John Morrison has posted a YouTube video (oh god, not another one…) explaining that he needs time to heal and re-train so that when he comes back, he’s better than ever. That’s not saying much, because he’s not very good. If you’ve ever wanted to see 50 seconds worth of wrestling talk that battles Jumpin’ Jeff Farmer for least interesting wrestling talk, this is it.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar (not diva) Chyna is listed on the My Porn Provider Web site (please don’t click that) as a “porn star escort.” Even as righteous as I am, I’d still rather just see the words “porn star” as her title, because I can’t imagine anyone in their right god damn mind wanting to be escorted by that train wreck. You might as well drag a dead pig on a chain next to you, because the looks from your friends are going to be the same.

"BRAAAAY"-kin' the law!

Finally, that dude who played Lita in WWE was arrested over the weekend for speeding and driving with a suspended license. By the look of that mugshot, I’m surprised she (“Amy” Dumas) wasn’t charged with DWD (Driving While Donkey). Yikes. Thank god she was gone before WWE went HD. -Eric

Hey Bart, remember Hulk Hogan? He’s back, in luchadore form!

From Dot Net:

The Sixth Axis, a video game news site, is reporting that Hulk Hogan will lend his voice talent to the highly anticipated Saints Row: The Third. Hogan will voice Angel De LaMuerte, a professional wrestler and leader of the “Luchadores” gang. The story also notes that Daniel Dae Kim will reprise his role as Johnny Gat, and porn star Sasha Grey will voice Viola DeWynter.

I was telling my boy blakout, because he pointed out how funny it’s going to be to hear Hogan attempting to do a Mexican accent, that I think it would be even funnier if he just used his real voice and didn’t attempt any accent. Sort of like when he was Mr. America, only now under the guise of being Mexican. In any event, oh the possibilities! – Dusty

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