Stunt Granny Audio: OHPA 9

The Cave of The Winds in Colorado Springs, CO

The Cave of The Winds in Colorado Springs, CO

Ken & Kevin are here to cover more unfamiliar and familiar territory. They start by talking about the NBA Draft which is on the TV. What does Kevin find peculiar about the NBA Draft? Why does Ken not believe him despite reading it on the TV?  After getting rid of the unfamiliar, they move to the familiar by talking about the World Cup. How is it that the US could lose but still move on to the next round? Could you do that in any other sport? What does Kevin like about the three point win system? Should they institute it in the NHL? How good are the Germans? What is the track record of European teams in South American based World Cups? How good is the Portugese Ronaldo? Ken & Kevin couldn’t get out of World Cup talk by at least talking about Luis Suarez biting Giorgio Chiellini. They move on to more familiar territory by talking about a Japanese game show in which two members of the Japanese World Cup team take on 33 children. How old are the children? Can they stop the National Team members from scoring a goal? What would have happened if one of these guys kicked the ball directly into one of the children? Why did the Olympic fencers have to face adults instead of children? Their final topic of the night is extreme caving. Did Ken pick this topic because Altoona PA is mentioned in the article? How deep is the Cheve cave system in Oaxaca, Mexico? How many entries are there to this space? How much packing is done before even entering the cave? Do they have to come back out of the cave after a certain amount of time? Who’s diet do they follow? How do they communicate with people on the surface? Do you want to wear anti-bacterial underwear? Did Ken forget to address the Altoona story? Kevin didn’t forget about his #SippyTimeBeer of the week. Join them on this expedition through sports and caving when you click the link below!

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Tim Howard, US Goalkeeper, after a tying goal from Portugal. From AFP/Getty Images.

Tim Howard, US Goalkeeper, after a tying goal from Portugal. From AFP/Getty Images.

I may have had my annual condominium meeting yesterday, but the day was all about waiting for the US Men’s soccer team taking on Portugal in the Amazon jungle at Manaus. It was the greatest game with the worst ending that I’ve had the pleasure of watching. The fact that the US is keeping up with Portugal is pretty awesome. Giving up a lead with 30 seconds though blows big time. I’m sure I’ll be completely useless on Thursday during game time at work. Saving the toughest opponent in Germany isn’t going to make things any easier.

Stephanie McMahon calls out Vickie Guerrero. I don’t care. Hell of a way to start the show. Especially due to the fact that this one is over coffee. Vickie watches Raw but Stephanie doesn’t since she spotted Reigns spiking the drink. If they used the coffee comment to kick start this segment, it was stupid. Stephanie gives her the old run down including the Eddie insults. They reward us with giving Vickie an option for a match. Stephanie is her opponent. I guess she’s going to put those work outs with HHH to the test. Vickie uses Eddie’s “Lie, Cheat & Steal” thinking. The crowd is behind Vickie. Please stop reacting. What is up with Mitchell Cool’s suit jacket?

Luke Harper is taking on Jimmy Uso in a singles match. We all can’t wait for Erick Rowan vs Jey on Smackdown. A super kick is the first big move that gets a two count. Jimmy runs into the Clothesline From the Bayou. So we got a two minute match after that fabulous opening segment? We only have to wait for a commercial break for Rowan vs Jey. Twitter, stop making Vickie vs Steph trend. I’m begging you. It’s okay to not blow everything the WWE puts on TV. Super kick to Rowan that whacks his head against the ring post. Jimmy takes out Harper. Jey with the Snuka splash for the win. The Wyatts gets the upper hand after the match. They hold up the gold ensuring they won’t win. Bray Wyatt congratulates Harper & Rowan before talking about trampling souls all over the universe. I dig the man’s style.

Of course we have to have the Rusev & Lana in DC segment. I should really start FF the segments with these bozos. Paige is joining the announce crew. She can’t believe she still has the belt. Just in case Total Divas didn’t suck enough, you can watch it now on the WWE Network. Cameron comes off far less bitchy when she tries to. Paige is at least likable. She needs some work. Naomi is taking on Alicia Fox as they don’t pay attention to it. They are trying to pull her Total Divas persona into it. Naomi would be a complete moron not to get rid of Cameron after this match. It isn’t helping that Cameron has no support for any of her arguments. Naomi wins with a Final Cut. Paige and Naomi have a stare down. Mitchell Cool can’t wait for the match between the two after telling us at least three times that Naomi beat Paige on Main Event last week. Sheamus asks Roman Reigns is ready to fight. Sheamus reminds Reigns that he has some pay back coming to at MITB. Reigns doesn’t believe in magic, he believes in Roman Reigns. They’re doing the smart thing with Reigns, Keep It Simple Stupid.

Cameron's character is Lost In Translation too. from CreateBuildDestroy.com

Cameron’s character is Lost In Translation too. from CreateBuildDestroy.com

Titus O’Neil is taking on Bo Dallas. Let’s go Bo! chant is happening. O’Neil is beating down Dallas early. Running Bo-dog for another victory. O’Neil knows what happens when all the other jobbers get fired. Dallas grabs the mic after O’Neil swats it to the outside. This stuff cracks me up. He’s so obnoxious.

HHH gets another top of the hour segment. Thanks McMahon Family. Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, RVD and Bad News Barrett are joining Seth Rollins in the traditional MITB match. Rollins shows he’s a smart man by already having his own t shirt. He asks why the crowd isn’t over something that happened three weeks ago. Ha. Rollins is interested enough in the subject to repeat his “Architect” talking points. RVD comes out. Rollins throws out the 2005 reference. Best RVD promo in maybe forever. It’s nothing to write home about but the stoner sounded decent. RVD talks himself into a match with Rollins. RVD monkey flips Rollins across the ring. RVD nails the plancha and follows it up with moonsault from the apron. Break time. Rollins is in control after the break. He covers for a cover after a swinging clothesline take down. Rollins tries to wear down RVD. The leg scissors pin was a slick move but still ultimately pointless. RVD nails Rolling Thunder. RVD goes for the splash but Rollins distracts him. RVD counters with a  Tornado DDT. RVD misses the Five Star. Buckle Bomb. Curb Stomp. Dean Ambrose attacks for the DQ. Ambrose is playing up the crazy angle by jumping on the announce table to attack Rollins. Amborse threatens to screw up MITB if he doesn’t get into the traditional match with Rollins.

HHH tries to talk Rollins out of requesting Ambrose to be put in the match. He tells HHH he needs to be a ring general with Ambrose. He needs to have eyes on him. I got this. HHH puts Ambrose in the match. Best speech by Rollins, hands down. Bad News Barrett has some bad news for us. Dolph Ziggler compares him to the Washington Redskins. Much better done than the Rusev & Lana combo. The segments are in the same spirit, run down the city we’re in.

The match between Dolph Ziggler and Bad News Barrett starts after with a big announcement from Justin Roberts. Interesting. I figured Dolph was going to lose after seeing him win last week at the Smackdown tapings. Mitchell starts getting shit about his jacket. I’m going to guess Twitter is helping out.  Drop kick by Ziggler leads to an early pin. Barrett clotheslines Ziggler outside. Back elbow by Ziggler. Weird looking cross body. A neck breaker takes the starch out of Ziggler for some reason. Winds of Change by Barrett. Zig Zag but Dolph is still injured. Barrett rolls to the outside. Ziggler thinks elbows will get him a victory. Barrett drops an elbow of his own off the ring apron. Barrett kicks Ziggler in the gut from a top rope position. Ziggler kicks out. Barrett misses his attempt off the top. Barrett tosses Ziggler in the air to pancake him. Wasteland only gets a two count. Barrett is hot at the ref. Barrett misses the Bull Hammer. Ziggler only gets two on the Fame Asser. Ziggler rolls into a crucifix pin. Barrett nails the Bull Hammer to retain. Fun stuff. Not surprised by the outcome but the WWE seems to be getting behind Ziggler again. They’ve let him shine in some losses recently. Renee Young asks Vickie how concerned she is. She has been insulted her whole time in the WWE. She has no regrets. Randy Orton greets her. She’s going to get what she deserves tonight. He’s going to get what he deserves on Sunday.

From Spike.com

From Spike.com

We get the traditional mud wrestling match. The first one to go into the pit loses the match. Steph brings out Layla, Rosa Mendes and Alicia Fox on Vickie. The crowd is finally realizing how confusing this segment is. They decide to put her down. She pushes Rosa into the mud. She side steps Layla. Alicia Fox tries to get the jump but doesn’t. Stephanie sneaks up on vickie and tosses her in. As Steph sings “Goodbye”, Vickie tosses in Stephanie. The segment becomes more hilarious when Chad Patterson falls into the mud substance.

Goldust is talking to Byron Saxton. He saw Stardust, who comes in singing. Goldust is excited that he’s the normal one. Zeb Colter is in the ring with Jack Swagger. Kofi Kingston is his opponent. The announcers get to talk up Kofi’s spotfest abilities. Swagger is working over Kofi. Fulcrum kick by Kofi turns things around. Kofi clotheslines Swagger outside. Kofi drop kicks him when he gets back in. Swagger catches him from the top. Kofi somehow got on Swagger’s shoulder to roll him up. Swagger puts on the Patriot Lock. Kofi finally taps after Swagger drags him away from the ropes. Alberto Del Rio tries to sell himself as credible. Paul Heyman and Cesaro are not impressed. Del Rio calls Cesaro a puppet. Cesaro doesn’t speak loser.

Damien Sandow is now dressed as Abraham Lincoln. Big E will do much better without the name Langston. The announcers are cracking themselves up. Big Ending. Woof. Big E wants to defend the Land of the Free. Shouldn’t he be doing this schtick with with Zeb Colter? Lana comes out because she hasn’t sucked enough yet. Rusev blasts Big E from behind. The Accolade is applied for a long time to I guess impress us. This guy couldn’t suck more.

Raw wouldn’t be Raw without John Cena talking to Renee Young. He delivers one of his good style promos where he actually talks about his goal without telling bad dick jokes. (Next Day Note: I know it’s been said plenty of times before, but I would like Cena much more if this was the one that showed up all of the time. I don’t think it’d hurt his standing in the company or with his fans, who don’t get the awful dick jokes.)

John Cena starts against Randy Orton. Sheamus gets in quickly. ADR had a cup of coffee. Cena comes back in to take on Cesaro. He gets the upper hand to allow Bray Wyatt to keep beating on Cena. ADR has Cean in a chin lock back from break. Cesaro tagged himself in. Cesaro puts Cena in a Boston Crab. Cena picks Cesaro’s leg. Cena back body drops Cesaro out of the Neutralizer. Roman Reigns comes in. (Next Day Note: I’d have to say Reigns got that type of response at the SD tapings. Not sure how well it came across since I didn’t watch after attending.) Poor ADR is in the match. Reigns cleans house but it allows ADR to hit a Back Stabber. He tags in Wyatt.  Cross body block by Wyatt. Randy Orton takes control of the beat down on Reigns. Wyatt goes for a corner splash when Reigns nails him with a Superman Punch. Sheamus gets tagged in against Cesaro. Sheamus tosses Cesaro into ADR, which knocks him off the apron. Clubbing blows on the outside. Sheamus hulks up. Spot where everyone hits their finishers. Brogue Kick on Cesaro leads to the win though. Kane shows up. He takes out ADR, Cena and Roman Reigns. Kane gets speared by Reigns after he’s named as the eighth entrant into the MITB Title match. – Kevin

The #WWE Celebrates the World Cup

The WWE decided to celebrate the beginning of the World Cup today by having some of their Superstars and Divas give a Knute Rockne-esque speech for their home country. You can here what they say in the video but through a special futbol translator, I know what they really said.

Dolph Ziggler – Even the US’s head coach Jurgen Klinsmann doesn’t think the US stands a chance in this “Group of Death” with Germany, Portugal and Ghana. That’s because he played for Germany and is still pissed at Spain for beating them in the quarter finals in 2010. Klinsmann threw our chances as soon as he decided not to include Landon Donovan. That’s why you can only trust manager’s from the USA! USA! USA!

Emma – We’re so great at football that we have our own version called Australian Football. The US isn’t the only country that gets these sports mixed up!

Alberto Del Rio – Mexico is so terrible that the last three World Cup qualifications we’ve played at Crew Stadium in Columbus OH that we’ve lost 2-0 to the USA. That makes it completely logical to think that we can beat Brazil in Brazil without any problems. We’ll just get our cartel to drop some dead bodies in their slums and that’ll scare them enough to throw the match. Hold on, their slums are worse than ours? We’re so screwed.

William Regal – England’s career in the World Cup is the same in mine in wrestling. A small, vocal amount of fans consider me/them great while the rest of the world craps on me/them. At least we have a chance of moving on from Group D since Costa Rica and Uruguay suck. England will then lose in spectacular fashion in the Knock Out Rounds. I’m depressed already.

Kofi Kingston – I’m creating an angle for myself because I can barely stay on TV. I can’t wait to be run down by Zeb Colter and then lose to the re-re-re-repackaged Jack Swagger. Come on Ghana, get me some air time!

Santino Marella – Since I was born in Canada, I got to celebrate a Gold Medal in Olympic Ice Hockey earlier this year. Since I’m Italian on TV, I get to root for soccer power house Italy. I can’t wait until William Regal has to wear an Italy jersey on NXT next week after Italy beats England on Saturday. Mayors aren’t the only one who can make these stupid bets.

Paige – Joe Hart is so hunky.

Cesaro – I can’t wait to say Switzerland lost in five different languages. – Kevin

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