Stunt Granny Lunch Conversation – #WWE ‘Future Endeavor Day’

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Jeremy: So no more releases as of yet.

Kevin: I would have to think it’s ended now unless the rumor mill is true that no one can get a hold of JTG.

Jeremy: HA, poor JTG. Did you realize he was still employed?

Kevin: Yes because I’ve gone thru that roster page too often recently during shows. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t even make Main Event.

Jeremy: If there was ever a time to replace him wouldn’t it be now? They have Xavier Woods after all.

Kevin: There is no reason to pay someone who can’t even make it to Main Event. JTG should be gone.

Jeremy: Unless he is a trainer behind the scenes? I have no clue what he does as a function for the company.

Kevin: Knowing the inner workings would always help. Maybe he helps choreograph the Funkadactyls routines.

Jeremy: Saw Chris post that he hasn’t had one match this year. What a great way to make money.

Kevin: More reasons to can the guy unless he’s doing something else for them. I bet he’s the mole who is giving TNA the scoop on the WWE’s story lines.

Jeremy: Then he is the worst possible mole ever. I have always figured TNA’s “mole” was the TYV in the office. “Hey look what they are doing. We should do that.”

Kevin: I can’t wait to see what they try to replicate tonight. Hold on, weren’t we talking about everyone who got canned? We haven’t mentioned any of them yet.

Jeremy: Oh yeah, well it sort of goes hand in hand. Some of these people could end up in TNA.

Kevin: If TNA is smart, they’ll stay away simply because more rip off jokes will follow. I know some of them might be useful with re-packaging but none of them are so good that they’ll drag TNA out of the dregs.

Jeremy: Out of the list of the released Evan Bourne will probably end up in ROH again or Dragon Gate USA. He is too talented for this to be the end of his career.

Kevin: He should land on his feet. No one else will care about the pot smoking. The rash of injuries usually subsides at some point. Hell, once brittle Fred Taylor even had a string of injury free years for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Jeremy: His injuries were from a car accident as well and then a string of “bad luck.” Regardless he has immediate merchandise potential as I have said since WWE called him up. TNA should take a look but they won’t.

Kevin: He’s the only guy I wouldn’t blame them for picking up. I’d be disappointed in him if he did that though. Everyone in wrestling has to know it’s a black hole.

Jeremy: At this time though if they come calling you sort of have to listen and at least consider it. Drew Mcintyre can still make a go of things.

Jeremy: Allow me to interrupt this conversation for breaking news: JTG has been released.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

20140607_111246I spent the past weekend in Richmond VA visiting with my older brother and his family. I will fill in the particulars later in the week but let’s just say I definitely went to a pair of breweries thanks to his hospitality. I did manage to squeeze in Smackdown then Impact Wrestling after we got home from the trip. There were only two memorable things between the shows. One was my boy Dolph Ziggler continuing his “big mouth” persona and having a great match against the newly turned heel Seth Rollins. I also enjoyed that Rollins, HHH and Orton didn’t spill the bag on the reasoning for the turn. Another small positive from the show was that neither Dean Ambrose or Roman Reigns showed up. TNA yet again showed how inept they are by cruising into a rating under 1 million people. The only positive in yet another train wreck of a show was James Storm making a re-appearance after a year plus hiatus. Ken Anderson has been doing some terrible work and Storm got to call him out on it. Like many TNA story lines though, Storm looks awesome and likeable as the heel and Anderson looks like a douche as a baby face. On to Raw now. Let’s roll.

Sometime after I wrote this introduction, news started to trickle out that Daniel Bryan is too hurt to compete at MITB. HHH & Steph are here are brag about being right. They give us footage of Dr. Joseph Maroon of telling us that Daniel Bryan can not compete. I had to look up images of Maroon and they actually got him to do that video. How much did they pay him for his time? Steph strips him of the title. They are really hamming up this angle up. The crowd is really flat. Alberto Del Rio is the first entrant into the match for the title. HHH informs us that Randy Orton gets a spot because of his status. I’m starting to think the crowd is bummed. Anyone who loves wrestling should be. No matter how much they make logical points, Bryan being out of wrestling sucks. HHH turns to Seth Rollins talk. They are in a match against the Wyatt Family with a partner of their choosing. That doesn’t get much heat either.

Sheamus vs Wade Barrett is a MITB qualifying match. These guys have fought a lot recently and I can’t really argue about it. His Bad News is that he’s coming down with the title. That’s not bad news! JBL sounds like he’s drunk already. It could be an interesting night. He figured the opening segment bombed with the crowd so he’d join in. I do feel like Barrett is getting some of the swagger back in his promos recently. Sheamus clubs away on Barrett. He then brings Barrett in the hard way. Sheamus cross body blocks them over the top rope to get the break. Barrett suplexes Sheamus. I guess I don’t understand Jerry Lawler & Michael Cole’s view point on the title stripping. Sure, it’s disrespectful to strip the title without informing him but at the end of the day, it’s the right move with the injury. Barrett hits Winds of Change for a two count. The crowds awakens with dueling chants. Sheamus misses a dive from the top rope to the barricade. Sheamus gets in at nine. Wasteland but Sheamus kicks out. White Noise from an attempted Bull Hammer Elbow. They exchange punches. Head butt by Barrett allows him to toss Sheamus into the post twice. Brogue Kick from the corner for the win. Sheamus sold the damage in the corner before pinning him. Another good match and I understand putting Sheamus into the spot. Let Barrett keep racking up wins on lesser opponents. Barrett should be in that picture soon if he keeps up. Luke Harper sometimes get urges from a deep, dark place. Bray Wyatt admits to his urges. Wyatt reminds us that the Wyatts beat them. Wyatt is reborn. I love that angle which started on Smackdown. (Next Day Note: With all of the religious words thrown around Wyatt’s promos, being reborn after a crushing defeat is perfect. Now he just has to win an extended feud.)

Lana comes out and runs down Obama as a girly man. He is no Vladmir Putin, who has wrestled bears. Crush! is so stupid. Crush was only cool in Finding Nemo, dude. Lana, we don’t need to worry about Mother Russia. We should continue to be worried about China. It’s going to help to name him simply Rusev. Yep, going to make all of the difference. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him again. His record is unblemished because he’s wrestled 3 guys a bunch of times. The Accolade. The whole “control” by Lana is very antiquated too.

Goldust is teaming with R Truth against Rybaxel. Truth starts against Ryback. Curtis Axel takes over on the early beat down. Goldust gets a luke warm tag. A crossbody by Goldust takes out Axel & Ryback. Ryback makes a save on a pin. Truth gets tossed out of the ring. Axel rolls up Goldust for the win. A heel wins in his home town. Layla El is acting really catty to the make up lady when Summer Rae comes in and dumps milk on her then beats her up. Layla’s character has taken a big step back in the toughness department. I don’t like that.

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Review of #WWE Main Event From Someone Who Actually Watches It

vanilla-ice1

I wonder if Damien Sandow is a good contractor too. From hiphopwired.com

We here at Stunt Granny are looking to expand our coverage of sports, entertainment and sports entertainment. Our good buddy Chris Calamita has come on board to do a couple of reviews for us. He’s going to suffer through Main Event and then enjoy NXT. Here’s his first crack at the show that is still better than ROH or TNA. – Kevin

Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton welcome us to this week’s edition and throw to the opening contest…

Cody Rhodes w/ Goldust vs. Curtis Axel w/ Ryback

During the entrances, we see clips of The Brothers Rhodes being destroyed by Evolution last night on Raw and then follow with a wwe.com exclusive of Rybaxel confronting a defeated Rhodes family. Axel made a reference to Barry Horowitz and Ryback gave them a Dr. Scratch N. Sniff inspired raspberry before shoving down Goldy as Cody does nothing. The match begins with a tribute to Mr. Perfect as Axel does his leapfrog followed by a sweet high dropkick from Cody. Cody then kicks Axel’s leg out from under his leg and Axel takes his father’s patented bump off of it. The match then slows down with Axel in control (shocking I know) and not even a chop exchange gets a reaction from the Atlanta crowd. I mean I know this isn’t a Japanese crowd or even an ROH crowd but they didn’t even “Whoo!”. Cody makes his comeback with other people’s moves again namely Goldust’s uppercut and Bob Holly’s draping groin kick. Cody finally hits something from his own repertoire, that being his moonsault, for a nearfall. Ryback then gets on the apron which brings over Goldust to assist but Ryback quickly disposes of him and climbs back on the apron where he is greeted with a Disaster Kick. This all distracts Rhodes long enough for Axel to clip him from behind, cradle him, hook the tights, and get the win in an average match.The brothers are despondent afterward but show no overt signs of dissension.

Recap of last night’s Cena/Wyatts/Lawler angle which ended with the Usos making the save setting up tonight’s Main Event on Main Event.

R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow

I hope you all appreciate the sacrifices I’m making by watching this show so you don’t have to. And… And…

Here comes D-Sizzle, dressed in a red/white track suit, a gold chain with a roll of duct tape around it, shades, a backwards baseball cap, and a gold grill. He’s here to treat us to a rap…

Yo Everybody know Hotlanta is the hip hop capital of the world

That being said I’m about to break y’all off something proper

You know I roll with the sinners but I’m praised like a saint

And when that bell rings I go hard in the paint

When fools start to step I start tossin

My teeth are clean but I still be flossin (holds up duct tape)

Truth interrupts saying “You rappin, ain’t nobody got time for that”. You’d think D-Sizzle would be totally flustered after such a witty retort but he continues

I’m holding it together like tape

Do you have a problem with that cuz in

I’m about to run up and get done up

Thuggish living til the end

Tell a friend

*mic drop*

And I take back my opening line. I love this show. The performance of D-Sizzle is a must watch. Unfortunately the match had to start. Thankfully its short as Truth escapes the You’re Welcome and hits whatever it is Truth calls his jumping Downward Spiral for the win.

Recap of the Bryan/Stephanie angle on Raw

Brie Bella vs. Natalya

Usual Divas match between these two as literally nothing of note happens early. Anyway the match goes on until Brie catches Natalya in a half crab which is reversed into the Sharpshooter by Natalya which gets her the tap out win. Brie then breaks down and cries into her sister Nikki’s ample bosom. Lucky girl.

Renee Young then interviews the Usos who call John Cena “Big Us (ooss)” and say that being real family gives them the advantage.

Music video recap of the Shield/Evolution angle from Raw.

The Wyatt Family cuts a promo that begins with a longer than usual speaking part for Luke Harper. Harper says Bray created for them a stronger bond than family. Bray then called the Usos pawns in John Cena’s game who are guilty by association “and together they will burn”. Rowan finishes with “Run”.

Main Event – World Tag Team Champions The Usos vs Luke Harper and Eric Rowan (non-title)

Rowan starts off still wearing the sheep mask but it is quickly slapped off by Jey. A quick tag out on both sides bring Harper in with Jimmy. Harper hits an impressive dropkick as we go to commercial. We come back from commercial with Rowan in the ring and Jimmy about to make a tag to Jey. Jey comes in and run mild until a fall away slam send him rolling to the outside. Harper goes after Jey whipping him into the ring apron and whiffing on a running elbow that Jey still has to sell. Harper throws Jey back into the ring and tags Rowan back in. Jey attempts a comeback with an enziguri to Rowan but Harper is tagged in and stops the attempted tag on the other side. He hits Jey with the big boot for a 2 count and then does his gator roll into two suplexes which is certainly creative. Harper hits a Michinoku Driver for a near fall that is broken up by Jimmy. Harper goes for the charge into the corner but gets a boot in his face and a 2nd  rope dropkick which helps turn the tide. Jimmy finally gets the hot tag and runs wild with a Samoan Drop and a Superkick. Rowan breaks up a pin attempt which bring Jey back in for a donnybrook. The Wyatt Family members end up outside where The Usos hit them with Running Planchas. Jimmy Uso then throws Harper back in and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Rowan, however, manages to toss Jey Uso into the ropes on the outside causing Jimmy to momentarily lose his balance. Jimmy is still able to make the jump but he ends up jumping over Harper who has fully recovered and manages to hit Jimmy with the spinning lariat for the 1-2-3 to finish what was certainly a good match. I assume this means that the 3rd match in 9 days between these 2 teams will take place at Payback with the titles on the line.The Wyatts aren’t finished yet with the Usos as they jump them after the bell. I lose track of which Uso is which at this point but I know Rowan ran one back first into the post while Harper threw the other out of the ring where he landed at the feet of Bray Wyatt. Bray then gave him Sister Abigail on the floor and then went back to his rocking chair and laughed maniacally as Harper counted to 10 as the show came to a close.

Final Thoughts:

Its Main Event so nothing Earth shattering ever happens but the antics of D-Sizzle and a good main event make this episode a thumbs up. Recommended if you have 45 minutes to kill this week. – Chris

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

destructoid.com

destructoid.com

I’ve thought about a couple of introductions and scrapped both of them. One will become a column. The other will remain on the scrap heap. So, let’s roll.

Bray Wyatt greets us during the Raw introduction with another rendition with “I’ve Got The Whole World..” I do dig his choice of Hawaiian shirts. After singing with him, the crowd starts “What?”ing him. Have they finally found John Cena’s equal in being able to split a crowd? Then after talking about his teacher lady more, they start singing again. Wyatt is evil. Necessary at that. He calls Cena a phony. Now a “Cena sucks” chant. Hold on, are they in Chicago again? I have a good picture set up for Stunt Granny. John Cena pulls some misdirection music and attacks Wyatt who was by himself after Luke Harper & Erick Rowan ran for the ramp. He AAs Wyatt and leaves the ring before they can attack. I’d love to know why they keep replaying Steph & Brie. It’s terrible acting.

Paul Heyman ends up insulting the crowd then patting himself on the back when defining what the crowd & stars roles are. Awesome. Oh, they’re in England. If there are spoilers out, I didn’t read them. He announcers a match between Cesaro and Sheamus for the US Title later in the night which ends up being right now. I wish this match had more build up. Does it make sense that they could be building up the US Title too quickly? Whatever, I’ll take this match. I have enjoyed their past slugfests. The match picks up after the break. Sheamus gets in the Irish Curse Back Breaker & Rolling Hills. He can only get two. Cesaro turns it around by tossing Sheamus into the corner face first. Sheamus gets caught with an uppercut as he jumped off the top. Sheamus power slams Cesaro. Heyman distracts Sheamus. Cesaro takes advantage and wins with a German Suplex. Nice. I like Heyman playing more of a role in Cesaro’s matches. Lesnar & CM Punk were well established and he enhanced them. Cesaro dodges the hand shake. Nice. I’m not sure Sheamus goes into Evolution if he’s going to feud with Cesaro.

Big E Langston is taking on Ryback in the first of a series of Beat The Clock Challenge for a shot at Bad News Barrett for the Intercontinental Title. I hate these challenges because the matches are inevitably short. Ryback is distracted by the clock. It’d be much better just to attack the person. You’re wasting time by looking at the clock especially in the first match. You’re setting the standard. It matters when the clock counts down after wards. Big E takes the Meat Hook Clothesline but kicks out three consecutive time. Big E gets tossed too far but pops up quickly. Big Ending at 5:02. Great, matches shorter than 5:02. My favorite kind. It reminds me of the Daniel Bryan interview with Chris Jericho. They both said that no matter how hard they worked, they were never satisfied with a three minute match. It wasn’t enough time to make it quality.

Why isn't this one on Total Divas?

Why isn’t this one on Total Divas? from 2009abc.deviantart.com

R Truth has the Funkadactyls. The English love Fandango and Layla El. Before the match starts, Summer Rae comes to the ring. She kisses Fandango and attacks Layla. So is that Summer’s music? Is she a baby face now? Truth, Cameron & Naomi become window dressing.

Stephanie comes out to Daniel Bryan’s music. Ha. She is at her mocking best. Stephanie is ready to say “Bad News” when they introduce Wade Barrett. Oh no, she just uses a video prop. She’s only contemplating stripping Bryan of the title. She then gives ideas for who should be champion. The crowd plays along with her games. She then demands he be at Raw next week. Where I expect him to say he can defend the title at the PPV.

The Union Jacks comes out. Nice of them to remember this gimmick. Heath Slater gets mic time for the first time in a long time. Lana comes out hoping not to laugh at herself again. Alexander Rusev shows up. He takes out Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre then Jinder Mahal. It appears as if Slater will have a match with him. The whole “Crush” thing is stupid. The Accolade. Great a short match even when there’s no clock to worry about. The Shield is in the back in some odd room as usual. Dean Ambrose thinks Evolution is scared of them and he doesn’t want that. He wants their best shot. Roman Reigns tells them they’re going to keep coming at Evolution. Seth Rollins admits to a mistake in his last match with Batista. He’s going to correct that mistake. Believe In The Shield.

RVD takes on Alberto Del Rio, who gets a terrible in set promo. He’s some smug crazy person now. JBL only plays up the angle more. Congrats, ADR, you have a gimmick again. RVD takes a Back Cracker with 2:30 to go. Del Rio wastes time and gets clocked. RVD misses the Frog Splash. 1:30 left. Del Rio rests entirely too much time. Van Dam rolls him up for the win with 47 seconds left. Great, matches shorter than 4:15. The announcers have to act excited about this development.

Renee Young interviews John Cena. He’s bringing the Usos with him again. I can handle this rub especially if we get an Usos vs Harper & Rowan match at Payback in two weeks. They do some silly heart pounding thing. HHH talks their group up. Randy Orton tries to continue it. Batista is going to do it all by himself. Let this not be a short match in this sea of short matches.

Seth Rollins comes to the ring. HHH makes himself an announcer and Randy Orton as the time keeper. He then introduces Batista. Mitchell Cool correctly questions JBL’s opinion. Rollins has a microphone for some reason. Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns come down as guest commentators. This just became stupid. Ambrose informs us that Brad Maddox made them official commentators. Why did Ambrose take us to break? Why am I laughing about it? Rollins barely touches the steps he’s supposed to crash into. He’s no John Cena who shoulder blocks those things into the ring barrier. Batista starts the ground and pound on Rollins back in the ring. I know why I laughed earlier now, because Ambrose is killing me. “Reigns’ momma hit him harder than that” about the nine stitches. Rollins fights off the superplex. Rollins nails a Block Buster. Rollins runs into a boot. Rollins drop kicks Batista thru the ropes. Suicide Dive by Rollins. “He didn’t do anything” after Orton at least attempted to grab Rollins leg. Order is restored. Rollins nails a spring board knee for a two count. The Game pushes Rollins off the top rope. Orton and Ambrose join the fun. HHH clocks Rollins which gets the DQ. Batista is the brunt of another spear. HHH distracts the Shield, Batista slips out. Why is Evolution the underdog after losing again? They need to out smart the Shield and soon to seem credible.

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

James Van Der Beek from TheAtlantic.com

Alicia Fox is in the ring. Paige is her opponent. The crowd politely applauds. I go to get a beer, Sun King Brewing Fistful of Hops, which I picked up on an unexpected trip thru Indianapolis. My trip should really make it to air or print. Complete ridiculousness. Paige gets to learn about WWE policy mandating that you job in your home town. Alicia Fox wins. Luke Harper compares John Cena to a mouse. Bray Wyatt thinks Cena & the Usos are like dominoes in a mine. They all fall down.

Mark Henry is taking on Dolph Ziggler, who wants to show off quickly. Henry comes into the inset promo and laughs at him. If my boy wins this match under the time limit, I’d feel really bad for Mark Henry. That’s another thing about these beat the clock matches, the formula is predictable. It is usually longest match, shorter match, time limit match (this one) and winner of the challenge. Ziggler is recovering with 1:30 to go. A second drop kick takes way too much of a toll on Ziggler. Henry catches Ziggler and power slams him. Henry wastes time. Zig Zag but time runs out. Thanks for sticking to the formula and not making me look like an ass. It’s only three matches? Bad News Barrett lays out a celebrating RVD. The crowd is much more behind Barrett. He informs us that England sets the time for the entire world. I guess I’ll have to look up Bloody Yak like everyone else that isn’t English. (Next Day Note: It usually has penis attached to it according to the Urban Dictionary. I didn’t get amusement out of finding the answer.)

Adam Rose comes out with more action than Paige, less than Barrett. Renee Young interviews him. Sort of. She asks to know what a “Rose Bud” is. We’re not to be lemons. JBL cracks me up with Bunny hate. Rose just wants Zeb Colter & Jack Swagger to have some fun. The crowd cheers for them too. The Bigg Hoss still cracks me up. Colter tries to insult them but they keep up being Rose Buds. Zeb challenges Rose. Swagger sucker punches him. Swagger goes after someone in the Exotic Express. Adam Rose gets the jump on him. Colter & Swagger beat a hasty retreat.

I blow through the ring entrances for John Cena & Luke Harper. Just short of catching up. They cut to commercial early which I agree with. I can skip first gear. Cena takes too much time on the Shuffle. Harper misses a Mafia Kick then a clothes line. Cena gets in the Five Knuckle.  Harper gives him a tilt a whirl face plant. This back and forth is too quick for my liking. Harper takes over and finishes it off with a suicide dive. Harper nails a super kick but Cena kicks out at two. Neck breaker by Harper only gets another two. Cena nails a clothes line. STF gets locked in. Harper breaks it. The Usos stop interference by Erick Rowan. Wyatt Abigails the Usos in the ring. Attitude Adjustment on Harper. Rowan blasts Cena for the DQ. Sister Abigail to Cena. The crowd plays sing along. Harper & Rowan attack Cena. Fall away slam onto the ramp. Sister Abigail on the stage. Cena loses a shoe. Sing along time, because we haven’t had enough of it. – Kevin

Wrestlemania XXX Preview: The Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Andre The Giant Battle RoyalJeremy & Kevin start the second half of their Wrestlemania previews with a look at a match announced by Hulk Hogan, the Andre The Giant Battle Royal. He didn’t announce what the prize was for winning. The WWE hasn’t announced anything in the time since then. So does it matter if Big Show wins? Or will he get to continue his losing ways? Does it matter that Dolph Ziggler has been on a winning streak? How about Big E Langston who isn’t defending the Intercontinental Title? Could a returning Rey Mysterio beat the odds again? Will Kofi Kingston get to be a spot monkey? Will Sheamus Brogue Kick everyone out of the ring? Will one of the mystery guests win the Battle Royal? Is anyone speculating on who will be in the vacant spots? Jeremy & Kevin’s big question of this show though is, why are some of these other jokers getting a Wrestlemania bonus if they can’t crack one of the main television shows? Shouldn’t the over talent want an even larger slice of the pie? Both of yours hosts would so click on the link below for something we won’t earn a dime off.

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Brock Lesnar vs The Undertaker

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

New-years-eve-lake-garda-1Preparations for for a New Year’s Eve Party have me starting super late. I did see earlier today that this Raw is taped. I did not click on the “BIG spoiler” post on Prowrestling.net however so this is all new to me. Let’s roll.

I’m going to love FFing thru ring entrances starting with CM Punk‘s. Although, I can’t FF when I’m typing my brilliant thoughts. Ha. Punk did have an up and down year. Thank you Shield for playing me some more catch up. I like super cocky Dean Ambrose. Dean does seem to be getting the short end of the stick recently. My forecasts of doom for Rollins may be wrong. I still say his ceiling is Dolph Ziggler. Punk using divide and conquer on the Shield well. Roman Reigns not as pissed at Rollins as he is at Ambrose. Brad Maddox is back! Yeah. I missed his smarmy ass. He officially gives us Seth Rollins vs CM Punk. Commercial.

What weird shit is going on with JBL complaining about the rope break? Mitchell Cool defending it like a heel announcer. Jerry Lawler making the most sense. They stay in first gear before the next break. Punk rolls out of the way of a back splash. Punk nails a leg lariat. Buckle Bomb by Rollins only gets him a two count. I do like the cockiness Rollins has shown against Cena & Punk attempting their own moves on them. Slick spot with Punk rolling thru a cross body into an Anaconda Vice. The Shield causing distractions but it costs Rollins. He yells at Ambrose. Rollins whacks Punk before the suicide dive. Sling shot turned into a GTS for the win. Another slick spot. Rollins is flat out getting it done in the ring. Everyone knows Punk is no slouch at this point. Brad Maddox is talking to the referee about conduct when HHH & Big Steph show up. Daniel Bryan wants a match with Bray Wyatt (Next Day Edit: So I used to have Daniel Bryan for both names. It’s my favorite screw up that neither Wade Keller nor Jason Powell fix. I have no idea why because I’ve gone back thru reports. Shouldn’t you correct it if you’re making a living off of this?). He has to beat Harper then Rowan to get Bray Wyatt. Steph is going to announce the main event for the Royal Rumble. Steph being condescending. Plus.

Steph comes out for the big announcement. I get to buzz thru the Randy Orton video package. John Cena will be his opponent at the Royal Rumble. No surprise there.

HHH gets to blow his wife. He then acts like he is going to say something she hasn’t heard. Steph seems happy about it. Curtis Axel wants us to forget about the past. Like the two failed stints as a low level WWE player? Dolph Ziggler gets an inset promo too. It wasn’t that great. Ziggler takes a ridiculous spill out of the ring. Axel takes a rough looking spill into the turn buckles. They’re trying to out sell each other. The crowd is not into this match at all. Zig Zag out of nowhere for the win. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for Ziggler.

I would not have picked Big E Langston vs Fandango for a match at the 9:00 PM slot at the beginning of the year. Or even two months ago. JBL tries to sell the ability of Fandango to win this match. Sorry, no one is good enough to sell me on that. Summer Rae is outstanding on the outside. She might over emote but I dig it. Fandango takes a breather. Fandango finally takes control when the break hits. Langston powers out. Fandango counters with head butts. Shouldn’t a man with a pretty face avoid that? Fandango getting in some offense to make his case by himself. Langston rolls out of the ring to save himself. Fandango drop kicks him. Fandango jumps into a bear hug. Overhead toss. Big Splash. Down come the straps. The Big Ending. Another good match.

You're Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

You’re Welcome from Wrestlingfeeds.com

For some reason, I stop to listen to Booker T babble. New Year’s Spinarooni. Bad News Barrett shows up with a raising podium. Gavels are obnoxious which is why they work. He gives a bah humbug speech but for the New Year’s.  Renee Young is a bit too happy to introduce Damien Sandow. He claims he’ll quit if he doesn’t win. He should beat whichever clown the fans vote for.

Sandow’s opponent ends up being the Great Khali. I’m starting to wonder if this was the big spoiler. Khali is using the power early. Only a matter of time until he takes out the legs. Mitchell Cool trying to sell the Khali’s title reign as something more than it was. Elbow of Disdain doesn’t quite get it done. Chop from his knees gets Khali up again. Khali is working the crowd and cracking my shit up. (Next Day Edit: Seriously, him working the crowd was so awkward it was hilarious. I can’t remember the last time he had a match this “long” either.) Sandow whacks Khali’s head off a turn buckle and rolls him for the win. The cover was jacked up so the announcers try to cover. I’m glad Sandow quitting isn’t the surprise.

R Truth is taking on Brodus Clay. Xavier Woods is on the head sets again. They must like his mic skills. Poor Woods has to sell back story as he’s sympathizing with his opponent who got blasted. Clay tossing Truth like a sack of potatoes. Woods distracts Clay. The Funkadactyls join in. Truth kicks a charging Clay. Facebuster for the win. They all dance.

HHH gets to introduce Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar. Lesnar has a new shirt. I like his Steve Austin like abilities to whip up a new shirt. I dig it too. Cool rendition of his back tattoo. He wants to be WWE Heavyweight Champion. The winner of Cena vs Orton has to take on Brock Lesnar. Hmm, that’s a weird time to have him challenge. Between the Rumble and Wrestlemania? He issues an open challenge. Mark Henry answers the bell. Nice. This can’t take place now. Lesnar nails Henry as he gets into the ring. Henry tosses Brock over the barricade. Henry gets driven thru the barricade. F5 on the floor. Aww. Damn. I wanted a match between the two. So John Cena wins the belt then, right? No way they make Lesnar a baby face figure against Orton. (Next Day Edit: After clicking on said link, this was the major spoiler and not the end of the show. It’s Wrestlemania season so now that Brock isn’t going back to the UFC, why is it surprising he’s back in the WWE? If you think the WWE wouldn’t use him for the biggest card of the year, shot yourself. I’m still bummed that him and Henry didn’t get a feud. It didn’t need to be a long one but have them face at the Rumble.)

Total Divas vs Non-Total Divas again. Eva Marie gets to be a heel on the baby face team. Kaitlyn is a baby face on the heel team so it all works. Cameron tags in but is unhappy with Eva. Alicia Fox comes in for her spots. Summer Rae gets to use the long legs. Aksana is in before I can type the previous sentence. They trust Cameron to sell more then Eva. Nikki gets a hot tag? All hell break loose. Summer Rae distracts Nikki. Aksana elbows Nikki face first into the ring for the win. Weird choice for a winner.

Brad Maddox is apologizing to the Authority for the ref botch. Brad has Steph’s favorites lined up. He also has HHH’s favorites lined up. (Next Day Edit: For next week’s Old School Raw. I guess that’s pertinent information.) Maddox woos and shows why he should get more TV time.

Daniel Bryan starts out against Luke Harper. I’m taking it this match goes longer than the Rowan part. Harper looks like Rob Zombie would cast him in a movie. Power dominates early. Gator roll. Bryan starts on a mini roll but gets planted with a tilt a whirl slam. Commercial. Fun stuff from the WWE App. Thanks for making me not download it. Pair of clotheslines by Bryan. Suicide dive connects. And a second time. Top rope drop kick. Chopping the tree kicks. Head kicks only gets two. Brutal looking power bomb that Bryan kicks out of. Bray Wyatt with a fantastic reaction. Bryan still kicks out after a couple of moves. Bryan catches Harper in the Yes Lock. Harper powers out. Bryan with the running knee out of nowhere for the win. Fun stuff. Erick Rowan decks Bryan from behind. The ref let’s Bryan stand before he rings the bell. Rowan tosses him into the steps. He then tosses Bryan over the announce desk. Bryan starts to budge as the commercial hits.

Rowan pancakes Bryan. Rowan slaps Bryan in the belly as he’s perched on the top rope. Middle rope fall away slam. Big man move 101. Small Package for the win. Small guy move 101. Harper drops a few elbows on Bryan but Harper restrains him. Bray Wyatt takes his time getting into the ring. Bray charges Bryan but doesn’t attack. Harper & Rowan attack before any fisticuffs happen. Good choice. They assault him some more. No one in the back likes Bryan. Wyatt sings. Our story ends here. This is the end. Bryan says “You’re right.” Bryan is given the mic. He admits that the machine never let him win. He says even the fans chanting for him everywhere he’s ever been could change their mind. Bryan wants to join the family. Bryan crawls over to him. Sister Abigail but seemingly willing on Bryan’s part. Harper and Rowan carry Bryan to the back. Well, something needed to happen for the Wyatt Family. Interesting choice because he is so much bigger than everyone in the group. Bryan ends up waddling up the ramp by himself. The fans chant no. Bryan acts like the crowd is going to change his mind but he doesn’t. Nice. It could end up sucking but whatever. Got to pull the trigger to find out if it works. – Kevin

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