Hulk Hogan helps lung transplant patient enjoy multiple days of his Hulkamania-blessed life

Just teasing, Hulk Hogan loves his fans.

(Update, 8/31: Wow, somehow this post has leapt in “popularity” in the past 12 hours. I invite everyone to read the comments that have already been posted before you recommend I commit suicide in front of a video camera. I don’t need to be told twice! Also, I understand Hogan actually met with the Hafeleins, which surprises me given Hogan’s busy schedule of telling everyone he was Lars Ulrich’s first choice as Metallica’s bassist. Congratulations to the Hafeleins, and kudos for your courage.)

According to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan is helping pro wrestling fan Jason Hafelein of Midland, Michigan, cross one particular item off his bucket list: to meet the Hulkster in person. Hafelein recently underwent a double lung transplant, which his body is rejecting, and since he can’t fly due to the air pressure, he, his wife, and his respiratory therapist plan to drive from Michigan to meet Hogan. Please watch the video of his story here: http://www.redlasso.com/?p=467504

(Edited for content.)

Win a meeting with Hulk Hogan, Troy Aikman, plus chance to own a couch for just $7.49 a week

Look, they even gave you two places to sit, brother!

As retweeted by the Hulkster himself, Rent-a-Center is offering superfans (in other words, those of us who were 10 years old in 1991) the chance to submit a video showing why they should get to meet Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman. The contest (click here for details) runs until July 29, so zip up that Starter jacket, comb back that mullet, throw on your hottest Ray-Bans and tell your parents’ huge-ass VHS camcorder why Hulk Hogan and Troy Aikman are simply the raddest guys around!

I wish this post were funnier, but as soon as Rent-a-Center starts posting these video submissions, I promise you the Laff-o-Meter is going to get a fucking workout, because at the intersection of professional wrestling and rent-to-own furniture lies pure comedy gold. -Eric

Hulk Hogan sex tape being shopped around to porn labels, he always does this around WrestleMania

We see your underwear! But not for long, brother!

(Author’s note: I am currently on furlough, which means, for those of you who are unfamiliar with this very corporate term, I can’t work for a week, and I also don’t get paid. Jeremy woke me up from my slumber to share this news with me, so I’d like to wish him a happy jump off a bridge.)

According to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan made a sex tape that is currently being shopped around inside the seedy world of grainy pro wrestling sex tapes. Oh wait, according to TMZ.com, Vivid is a major porn label. I think that’s like making the best hamburger in all of fast food; 10 million people do it, but you’ve managed to draw in enough desperate, confused young men into paying for it.

Anyway, we can think of hundreds of reasons not to watch this video, but here are five great reasons to seek it out as soon as it leaks on YouSendIt:

1) To see if the carpet matches the drapes. That is to say, to see if Hulk shaved his pubes into a fu manchu or even a skullet.
2) To see “unidentified brunette” Koko B. Ware jizz all over Hogan’s “IMMORTAL” back tattoo. Might as well be a bulls-eye.
3) It’s sure to be titled “No Holes Barred.”
4) To hear Hogan call a woman “brother.”
5) To make sure Ultimate Warrior’s sweaty, breathless, expletive-laden review is accurate. -Eric

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