Mr. Anderson wants to be done wrestling in five years, can we make it sooner?

Comes complete with torn triceps and dislocated shoulder!

According to Prowrestling.net, TNA’s Ken Anderson, aka Mr. Anderson, told the Dover Post that he’d like to be finished with his in-ring pro wrestling career in five years. The biological alarm clock he calls “a chain of push-derailing injuries while in WWE” suggests sooner, but hey, with Anderson talking about quitting, we’ll take what we can get.

“If I’m still doing this five years from now, please, just shoot me,” Anderson said.

It’s already on my calendar, friend.*

“I love the wrestling business, I love entertaining people, but it doesn’t define me.”

Oh, well, let us know when you plan to start entertaining people again. I mean, you can only ride a dead horse so far, and the only reason you’re overusing the word “asshole” is because that term is somehow more socially acceptable than “douchebag,” another word a) you’d happily drive into the ground like a beat-up Chevy Cavalier and b) the audience would find entertaining only because they’d get to say it loudly and proudly on national TV. Those hillbillies don’t love you, they just love to curse and spit. And yes, they probably kiss their mamas with those mouths. Real deep and tongue-like. Yep, that’s who you’re “entertaining” these days. Anyway, T minus four years and 364 days! -Eric

*=figuratively

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