Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

The picture above is the state of my cable presently. It decided that USA HD wasn’t worth taping either. I turned over just in time to see Randy Orton get the first fall against Alberto Del Rio. He’s burned thru every other possible PPV opponent on TV so why not restart with Del Rio? Dear lord. My cable company isn’t answering their phones either right now. It’s fabulous. Randy Orton wins the third fall. They both continue to tread water. I’m guessing I didn’t miss a whole lot in the first 1:15. I feel better about having watched The Walking Dead instead of checking to see if Raw was recording. Replays are finally worth watching. My girl thinks it quite gross to see John Cena kiss AJ Lee. She’s still doesn’t think it’s a kid’s angle appropriate for PG programming. I am unconvincing.

For some reason, we have a Great Khali vs Epico & Primo match. Hornswoggle is hitting on Rosa at ring side. Hornie has trick flowers. Khali wins. No one cares about anyone involved. Paul Heyman wants balloons. Yikes. Really glad I missed the beginning.

The Miz tries to get his babyface turn off the launch pad with his third Ohio date in seven days against David Otunga. I’m digging Otunga on the offense. I’m still perplexed as to how his mic skills are his worst part of his persona now. Lawler tries to sell Miz because he’s left handed. You could have done more to help out King. Skull Crushing Finale for the win. The WWE shows why I shouldn’t purchase a PPV because they show end of the Big Show vs Sheamus.

More replays fill me in. They’ve given Ryback an extension of this feud with CM Punk by way laying him with three nobodies. Sheamus gets to talk before his match. The crowd is giving him the “What?” treatment. Weird. Don’t fans normally reserve that for heels? Big Show hobbles out to the ramp. Wow, Sheamus gets accused of being barbaric. Both sides seemed wrong. Sheamus is bitching about what a heel did. Show sounds like a giant sissy for calling someone barbaric. Aren’t you building him up as a bad ass? Damien Sandow comes down for his arse kicking. Why is Lawler excited about the Punk celebration? Shouldn’t he be mad at him for being a braggart? I don’t think I’m missing anything. A beard tossing takes us to commercial.

Sandow is in control after the break. My girl is telling me a ridiculous story. I’m so not paying attention to this match. White Noise looks more harmful than Shell Shock. Brogue Kick. Tamina is talking to Vickie Guerrero. AJ comes in to talk to her. Vickie is supposed to be evil. I’m just not buying it.

Layla tells AJ it’s not worth it. AJ storms into the men’s locker room. For some reason everyone is in one room. She confronts my boy Dolph Ziggler. She is a shell of a woman. He’s a dick. Him, I’m buying. She attacks him. Cena makes the save. Ziggler plows Cena thru some obviously weakened partitions.

What the hell, there’s a trainers office? I’m digging the background action. Just looks like people working somewhere. Titus O’Neil and Darren Young get some mic time. We have a cavalcade of entrances with Sin Cara, Rey Mysterio, Daniel Bryan and Kane. Oh, it’s a traditional tag team match. I figured we’d be having another 8 man tag match. O’Neil is taking up air time but I’m not digging it. Commercial break. O’Neil calls Lawler “Old School” after a wash rag comment. You’ve just made a dozen heart attack jokes. Yes, he’s old. He had a god damn heart attack. Listen to yourself. King is having fun giving a hard time to these guys. O’Neil & Young end up attacking Kane. Sin Cara makes the save. Double 619. People are loving a three peat. Fitting end for PTP. Paul Heyman is talking up the party for CM Punk, to Punk himself. Punk is giddy.

Paul Heyman gets to give the big intro. Punk is going with a self serving promo. It’s not bad but he’s not reeling me in either. Ryback interrupts but gets attacked by Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns. Punk saunters over to Ryback and raises his arms in victory. Best part of his promo.  -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Smackdown

From theChive.com

Tonight feels like an “Old School” night even if that only means going back six months. I’m sitting here in my condo by myself not doing a whole lot of anything on a Friday night except watching wrestling. I have a review in the dashboard ready for posting about Grand Canyon University which is the location of TNA’s Bound For Glory. I just watched Impact Live and have a nice slew of Tweets to prove it (Hint: @Stuntgranny). Now it’s time for Smackdown. Such is my life.

Good opening segment with Big Show, Sheamus and Booker T. I like doing something to further the feud without have a physical confrontation. Even though they created the artificial buzz for the WMD vs the Brogue Kick. Nice to keep Sheamus occupied with Tensai to keep him away from Show and to finish their match from last week. Too bad Tensai is going to take another loss.

They did not waste any time going with the rematch after the break. I liked Sheamus pacing like a caged animal. Josh Matthews corrects me and says that Sheamus Brogue Kicked Tensai during his match with Big Show last week. Whoops. JBL is doing a great sales job again on Tensai. I have liked his in ring work more recently. Too bad the WWE keeps having him job to high ranking guys. Brogue Kick for the win. Nothing special but Alberto Del Rio bossing around Ricardo Rodrigeuz may have been his best mic work in the WWE.

Ricardo is looking for Randy Orton when he runs into Santino Marella. Ricardo sold that but that was Santino’s best work in a while. Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal are teaming but they get some mic time first. Oh my lord, they’re doing group air guitar now. They didn’t really say why they were together but Mahal hinted at it. The WWE 13 commercial with CM Punk may have robbed a lot of work from Hitler, but it came out cool. It fits Punk’s earlier character.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I’m hoping I can talk about my time at the US vs Jamaica tomorrow at Crew Stadium for a World Cup qualifying match. Other than that, I got no stories from the weekend. Let’s roll.

Nice of Bret Hart to soak up the adulation. They’ve got enough time to kill. Nice of CM Punk to interrupt him. Bret is doing his part which is the most you can expect out of him. The WWE is doing their best to corner Punk as a heel. Canada makes a nice place to do this but it’s still Bizarro World.

Kofi Kingston & R Truth are taking on the Intercontinental Champion and the US Champion. Who knows who that is without help? I probably would have. The Miz & Antonio Cesaro are the correct answers. Even Mitchell Cool said that Kofi & Truth are rolling into the break. I saw some people playing rugby over the weekend down on campus. They weren’t wearing the thigh wraps. Just sayin’. Jerry Lawler calls a leg lariat a drop kick. Thanks for phoning it in King. The Tag Titles are worth more than either of those titles. Kofi Trouble In Paradises Cesaro for the win. They go over the Sheamus/Ricardo Rodriguez storyline. This angle is more interesting than anything Del Rio has been involved in.

The WWE thinks it’s a real movie studio by giving us scene right out of Suits. Not really. Sheamus’s last name is Lipschitz. She loves the asshole joke. Wow. Sheamus is doing a solid job. This segment is absurd. Why hasn’t Sheamus brought up the fact that Ricardo put himself in harm’s way?

I FF thru the babyface Diva’s entrance. For some weird reason, Alicia Fox is a heel again. The WWE loves the Divas division. Kaitlyn, Eve Torres and Layla El are a team. Beth Phoenix & Natalya are Fox’s partners. Lawler pointing out how bad the division is by saying that Layla has been champ since April. Eve gets the cheap tag Roll of the Dice win. Cool tries to sell us on a match shorter than he is. Shorter than AJ even. Punk berates her. Why didn’t she book a Cena match? Wouldn’t that be a good hook? Brodus Clay says hi because the WWE wants you to vote for him.

CM Punk comes out first. Since Mitchell is so awesome, he gets to make the announcement. Ugh. Randy Orton is the opponent. It looks like Orton is wrestling a miniature version of himself now that Punk has the same hair cut. Commercial before anything can happen. Punk has Eric’s favorite hold, the abdominal stretch, on after the break. Orton nails another superplex. He LOVES that move now. Orton has been playing to the crowd a hair more in his return. Dolph Ziggler attacks when Orton goes for the RKO. The woman even knows the WWE camera tricks when they zoom in on Orton so as to not see the second Ziggler attack. Jerry Lawler makes the save. The segment is so important, they cut to commercial.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I hope the good citizen’s that come to the site enjoyed the alternative posts with the Mick Foley comedy show and Colin Delaney interview. We can only hope that the later of the two leads to better interviews in the future. I’m also wrapping up ROH from two weeks ago before I start this review. Like a dope, I reviewed the more recent material. It was probably for the best since it was more hacked up matches from Showdown In The Sun. The Briscoes vs the World’s Greatest Tag Team wasn’t very good. ROH has fans and Charlie Haas flipping people off so often that I felt like half of the match was blurred over. Jay Lethal vs Roderick Strong was a good match but I don’t understand Tomasso Ciampa costing Jay Lethal the TV Title since they’re feuding. He screwed himself. No surprise that ROH is doing something dumb again. I’m sure the WWE will do something dumb tonight too. Let’s roll.

The WWE highlights their failures right off the bat. Johnny Wooden GM attacking John Cena because, you know, HHH got booted from the job for losing control. He’s a good character but the WWE’s logic is so fucked. Johnny comes out to no reaction what so ever. Johnny is playing straight up heel.  The crowd finally gets enough energy to boo. At least they cover their ass and say the Board of Director’s gave him a pass. I wish Roger Goodell had attacked one of the draftees. I’m sure he’d still be in his job. Johnny going all in on the heel aspect makes him a worse character. I’m bored. Why did I compliment him at the start? CM Punk comes out to, oh no, the crowd sucks. They barely react to him. It’s going to be a long night. I was going to say come out to wake everyone up. Greensboro blows. Punk tap dances around upsetting Johnny with good verbiage. Punk does get the crowd to react. Lord Tensai is Punk’s opponent tonight. I can’t wait for Punk to finally get a good match out of the big lug.

Johnny bumps into the Big Show back stage and yells at him. Eve Torres shows up like “Vampire” Hortatio Caine. Cody Rhodes comes out first. Mitchell Cool tries to defend Rhodes tables match win as legitimate. I wish Jerry Lawler wouldn’t argue like a 6th grader. Rhodes gets counted out. Eve comes out and orders the Big Show to apologize. Her ass is fantastic. Mitchell Cool, not joking, claims that having to apologize for making fun of Johnny’s voice is a severe consequence. Shot me. The WWE may have topped ROH for stupidity already.

They show replay of R Truth & Kofi Kingston winning because they have lots in common. Aside from their skin color, of course. Vickie Guerrero introduces the free falling Dolph Ziggler. I’m not even sure I want to admit he’s my boy he’s dropping so fast. It’s just Kofi vs Dolph. AW got Rosa, Epico & Primo to dress up. Mason Ryan shows up backstage because matches don’t matter. Ziggler gets the win with some help from Jack Swagger.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Raw

Except this time it was around Candlestick Park in San Francisco.

There was not a chance in hell this blog was going live, but I might be able to this quicker than I expected. A second power outage in San Fran during the Steelers at 49ers game. Big game. So, I’m starting this earlier than expected. Plus, I’ll be skipping out to watch again when they get power back. Glad @GrannyMaes warned me about Barrett looking like a drowned rat. CM Punk gets to announce the results of TLC with a drum roll. He starts with his match. Nice way to start the show. Can’t do it all of the time. It was an extremely good, dare I even say great match. Not an all timer or even the best of the year (I’d still reserve that for CM Punk against John Cena in Chicago.) He’s getting a great reaction. He is going to do the whole PPV. Zack Ryder gets introduced to another huge pop. Punk going right to Eric’s argument and mentioning the “heavyweights”. Punk saves Daniel Bryan for last. What a way to introduce this guy. Cole plays the irony card by bitching about Bryan. Lawler can only come up with “Let him enjoy his moment” defense. Pathetic. Lights are back on.

Back to Raw. Punk thought Philly would dig this moment more than other cities. ECW chant. He tells about him & Bryan wrestling in a tiny venue ten years ago. Zack gets the mic. Short bit. Bryan gets to yell at Cool. He’s showing good fire as he has recently. The Miz shows up. Then Ziggler. Then Alberto. We got our main event, huh? Johnny Wooden GM (not so interim) gives it to us. Del Rio sporting a new shirt. I kind of dig it. Looks like a peso.

Randy Orton in a rematch with Wade Barrett. Jer was wrong, I’m fine with Barrett’s hair because he just slicked it back. He let it be all wonky the time I made fun of him. Terrible idea for a rematch right after the pay per view. I don’t feel ripped off. Commercial break. Barrett in control after the break. Barrett is another victim of Smackdown needing a stepping stone before Orton level. Barrett is doing well for himself.

The game did not turn out to my liking. Whatever. Going to have to do it the hard route. Get the rest for the injured players. Back to the Orton versus Barrett match. Orton with the second rope DDT. Barrett going with the thumb to the eye. Glad someone could bring that back into style. Winds of Change. Did Barrett become Jeff Hardy? Wasteland thru the table. Good old fashioned heat. Kevin Nash is out for a minimum of six weeks, maybe career. He’s got a hell of a deal.

Alicia Fox takes on Beth Phoenix for the belt. Twitter mention. I’m drinking for sure. Holy crap. I typed that and didn’t see the win. The women’s division really sucks. She gets booed. Punk, the women’s division is not going to plan with your lady Beth on top. Or are they finally going to give Natty title time?

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