@RingOfHonor Is The Worst

USHL_top_prospectsWhen I was looking through the end of the year material, I noticed that ROH should be getting ready for it’s annual Top Prospects Tournament. I wasn’t surprised at the beginning of 2013 when Matt Taven won the tournament against Tadarius Thomas. Both of them got some television during the previous year. I had no idea who they were going to have in it because they have no television time for prospects. Or at least they didn’t make time for them. On this past week’s edition of ROH, I was relieved to find out that they didn’t try to recycle some of the younger names on their roster. I like the idea of bringing a new face to television and giving them a jump start. I loved King of the Ring and this is it for lower members on the totem pole. ROH does get some things right. Now let’s look at who they brought in.

The first man out of the back was Raymond Rowe, who looks like he was brought in from Sons of Anarchy without the leather fetish. His opponent was Kongo, a tall and fat man who hailed from South America. I’m really surprised that the biker gimmick doesn’t get used more often. Aces & Eights filled our TV screens for the past year on TNA. The previous time before that that I can think of was Undertaker’s short stint as “The American Badass” with his Kid Rock lead in. Then prior to that, I can think of was the Disciples of the Apocalypse (DOA). Considering that I can name just as many Samoan gimmicks in recent history (3 Minute Warning, The Usos, Rikishi), I’m surprised this gimmick doesn’t come around more often. Rowe has a good look and wrestled well.

Rowe was pitted against a fairly agile man for his size in Kongo. Steve Corino called attention to a problem right off the bat, Kongo is from “South America” which is incredibly dumb in this day and age. You could at least put a country in there. No one is going to call you out for him looking more Peruvian than Bolivian. I’ve been talking about it recently with Chris Hero, body shape does matter. I don’t think everyone in professional wrestling needs to have a cookie cutter body builder look, but any wrestler needs to lift weights. Kongo’s arms looked smaller than mine despite him being three times my weight. I can’t say the same thing about Brodus Clay who has the closest build I can think of. I was glad that Raymond Rowe ended up winning the match. He’s a much more viable candidate for ROH not to look any more bush league.

The next match started with Corey Hollis and his partner Mike Posey in the ring. “The Benchmark” Bill Daly was supposed to be Hollis’s opponent but he had a high ankle sprain. Since he was a heel (I guess), Kevin Kelly wondered if he was really hurt or if he was exaggerating the injury. Steve Corino defended him, again reinforcing the fact that Daly is supposed to be a heel. This line of questioning made Kelly sound stupid to me. This injury is common in the NFL which requires 4-6 weeks of rest and rehab. Daly had claimed that he sustained the injury the previous weekend so not wrestling makes sense. Since Daly’s character hasn’t been on TV, it is a secondary reason why Kelly shouldn’t tell the fans what kind of character he is. Let Daly establish himself.

Posey took advantage of Daly bowing out of the competition. He talked his partner into a match up. The main problem was that it was never established as to whether Hollis’s spot in the Tournament was on the line. Kelly, Corino and “talent evaluator” Prince Nana all had no clue. I think GMs are over used these days. But this situation called for Nigel McGuinness, the match maker which is so different than being called a GM, to come out and clarify before the match started. ROH didn’t think to close this simple plot hole. At the end of the match, we find out in the Land of a 1001 Finishers that Corey Hollis’s finishing maneuver is a running back elbow. You mean to tell me that a package pile driver through a table may not pin someone but a running back elbow will? ROH is the worst. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I'm not sure if they've watermarked this well enough.

I’m not sure if they’ve watermarked this well enough.

That’s the story around here, it’s fucking cold. I practically had to drag my boxer Cayenne out. Then my knuckle head of a mutt Kia couldn’t get enough even though she knows her hips (because of dysplasia) are going to give out. At least I didn’t have to carry her back inside like a football. Time for some wrestling that’s probably at a locale that’s a tad bit warmer. Let’s roll.

So wrong to have the Old School WWF symbol without the F flags on them. May as well start with Ric Flair considering he was the only man teased for this show. I didn’t see any spoilers in the early AM when I looked at the wrestling sites. That’s right, Baltimore. It’ll be plenty cold there soon enough. I guess he’s our host? Randy Orton comes out. At least Flair did poorly enough that he can follow. Randy wants the Authority to over turn their decision. Randy lays out a platter for Flair to jump on, which he does. Orton goes the intimidation route. Flair pulling out the stops now that he’s dressing down Orton. John Cena comes out to defend Ric Flair’s honor. Cena going hype man. “If you’re feeling froggy, jump” is definitely an “Old School” line. I wanted to go to the Royal Rumble since it’s in Pittsburgh but I slept on getting tickets. When I finally checked Ticketmaster, they only had floor seats left. Too damn expensive. Then I checked Stub Hub, people were selling the cheap seats for 3 times the price. Definitely too expensive. They pimp the WWE App so we can know Jerry Lawler‘s health. That’s a scum bag move even if they told us it wasn’t part of his heart condition. We get a recap on Daniel Bryan.

Daniel Bryan makes his Wyatt Family debut with Luke Harper & Erick Rowan taking on Rey Mysterio & the Usos. I listen to JBL & Mitchell Cool for this entrance. JBL has the right question, how good is this group now? I dig the change in attire even if I saw that picture of him last night. Not too deep into the match, Bryan faces off against Rey Mysterio. Rey tosses him out of the ring quickly for a break. Rowan is working over Jey Uso. He’s (Next Day Edit: Who do you mean, jackass? I was referring to Bryan. I was wondering if he’d pull out some new moves with the new gimmick.) not busting out any new offense, yet. Rey knows how to work with big men so well. Jimmy misses a top rope splash. Mike Chioda in the middle of a Wyatt Family show down. Harper gets rolled up for the loss. Interesting way to start this angle. You can go with a sabotage from within angle for Bryan.

Batista has entered the Royal Rumble. Brad Maddox tells someone that Damien Sandow is having a rematch against the Great Khali. Ahh, three Hall of Famers actually. Kane is wondering why Maddox is talking to the Authority behind his back. Kane reads some of the rules for conduct. These two could be a good combo similar to Kane & Maddox. Fun segment. Big E Langston runs into Nikolai Volkoff singing and the Million Dollar Man with Aksana and finally IRS. I’d take that pay day if I were them too.

Big E Langston is taking on Curtis Axel with Ryback on the head set. Ryback is cracking me up. Langston & Axel brawl in front of the announce desk but nothing comes of it. Big Ending. No surprise. Ryback steals the scene for me. Perfect attitude for his character. Pretty meat head with lots of cockiness.

jocks-Revenge of the Nerds“Rowdy” Roddy Piper is going to interview The Shield. They interrupt his intro. Dean Ambrose stares him down. Then drops a lame age joke. The only person that can match him on the mic is CM Punk. Ambrose gets worked up. Seth Rollins jumps in to calm down Ambrose. Rollins calls Ambrose a better US Champ than Piper. Roddy cracks me up when he grabs Reigns cheek. Reigns threatens to break him in half. CM Punk comes out for the save with the New Age Outlaws. I’d be fine with this turning into a match. No dice with the singles match though.

I haven’t missed Sin Cara or Alberto Del Rio. So of course they’re having a match against each other again. Twice wasn’t quite enough. I’m fine with changing Sin Caras but I really wish they’d change his lighting to normal. Sin Cara misses the Swanton. Kick to the head for the Del Rio win. Of course he wants a piece of Batista. Ugh, are they really giving this clown his twentieth chance? The WWE gives some random people way more chances than other people.

Daniel Bryan wants to be transformed. He can teach them a lesson too about tag team wrestling. Bray Wyatt shows up. He informs Bryan they will be teaming together. “We The People” is a popular chant for a heel team. Jack Swagger starts off against Goldust. Antonio Cesaro gets an atomic drop. Cody Rhodes takes over. Goldust ends up taking the beating for their team. Not for long as Cody tags in. Disaster Kick to Jack Swagger gets him off the apron. Cesaro is legal and whacks Rhodes for the break. Swagger is bear hugging Rhodes. I need to download the App for the Cesaro Swing. You just showed it to me. (Next Day Edit: I know they’re trying to bring you in with this footage but they do it for almost every match which means I won’t download it. I don’t care about an inane interview from Heath Slater.) Cool & JBL try to sell the Real Americans but I can’t buy because of how often they lose. Patriot Lock on Rhodes. He almost gets to the ropes. Goldust kicks Swagger in the pie hole to break it up. Goldust gets the hot tag. He cleaned house something fierce. The Curtain Call for the win. I didn’t figure the Real Americans would win even in a non-title match. DDP meets up with Booker T. DDP Yoga gets shilled. Ron Simmons comes in. Damn. Not the best spot to deliver that one but I love me some Simmons.

Runjin Singh is with the Great Khali for some reason. Damien Sandow is his opponent. Sargent Slaughter gets the assignment. I was hoping for Arn Anderson. JBL agrees with me. Mitchell Cool notes Singh’s presence. I’m not sure why Cool called JBL on the microwave comment. You’re getting hit by something large and heavy like Khali’s hand. Sandow had his leg on the rope when Khali pins him. Sarge locks in the Cobra Clutch on an angry Sandow. Sarge dances with Khali. People love it. (Next Day Edit: It just dawned on me that Damien Sandow may be in the midst of his second losing streak gimmick. And Alberto Del Rio gets to call out Batista. Go figure.)

Brock Lesnar comes out with Paul Heyman, who naturally does the introduction. Heyman was just money in that promo. It’s hard to justify writing about it because of Heyman’s delivery. Mark Henry comes out again. Henry has his “arm broken.” I’m still bummed that’s not a longer feud. Big Show comes when I start to FF. Lesnar backs down after taunting Big Show. I’m okay with setting up this feud. Heyman tries for the distraction but Show catches Lesnar and tosses him across the ring. Lesnar sells a leg injury. Lesnar landed pretty hard on his shoulder. Looked like he over rotated.

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@TotalDivas – She Said (He Edited) – Episode 12

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

There have been 9 episodes of Total Diva’s that I have written about and today’s article reaches the double digits. (Kevin’s Edit: Look at the banner lady. You’ve been in the double digits.) Last night I asked Kevin if we could stop watching Total Divas and 5 minutes into the show I realized why. The show lacks on drama and substance. I think watching two kittens play with a ball of string for 45 minutes would be more entertaining than what I had to sit through last night. The entire episode is now scripted, has boring story lines, and I think I’d rather watch paint dry.

When I first started writing these articles, blogs, whatever you want to call them, I thought the Total Divas show was going to show the life of a WWE Diva and their impact in a man’s field. Where showing your skills and working hard to get TV time would help all of us understand the difficulties in making it in the WWE Diva world. What I’ve witnessed these past 10 episodes is that these ladies live a very boring life, so the WWE has to script every scene and create instability within the Diva relationships just to give us a show to watch every week. (Kevin’s Edit: Everyone knew the WWE would pump it up but it all seems so set up to create “drama” that isn’t dramatic.) Jojo has become non-existent on the show, Nattie only talks about hoochie Eva Marie and do I need to hear another comment out of Eva Marie on how hot she is? With this being said, here is my next review on episode 10 of Total Diva’s.

We begin the episode with Eva Marie being scanned. I didn’t understand at first why she was being scanned until I saw the figure of Diva Nattie and then understood. Why in the hell are they making an Eva Marie action figure? Seriously? (Kevin’s Edit: The WWE thinks they have a heel in the making. Unfortunately, she’s unlikable and untalented. Unless you count hotness as talent.) Nattie seemed particularly taken aback by it as well. While Eva Marie is being scanned she said “Let’s make my boobs bigger so I sell more action figures and boost sales.” Of course the only man in the room piped up and said that was a good idea. Once again, Nattie calls Eva Marie a hoochie, we all know that she is, thanks Nattie for reminding us. This is where I knew the show was going to tank and asked if we could just delete it and I could make up my own story line for the blog, but Kevin informed me, that we should just watch the show. So onward! (Kevin’s Edit: The sarcasm about Nattie already makes my choice correct.)

We next have Ariane. She thinks it’s brilliant to get her tool of a boyfriend, or is it her fiance now? who knows, an appointment with a WWE trainer so they could be WWE wrestlers together. What part of this sounds staged? huh. Vincent agrees and goes to the training ring where he finds out that it’s freakin’ hard to be a wrestler and after 1  training day is exhausted and unable to even finish the routine guy is having him do. All the while Ariane is telling Vincent he’s doing good, but on the back camera says she made a mistake for this, really? Do you think so? So on day 2 Vincent once again is too exhausted to go on. Because even though he’s a big dude, it’s cardio man, it’s hard when you aren’t in that kind of shape, and the trainer tells him, he’s not WWE material. (Kevin’s Edit: I remember running Warrior Dash last year. It was hilarious to see these giant bulked up guys trying to run. They had no cardio despite all of the muscles. Vincent is the same way.) I don’t know if those are tears of joy or tears of sadness, but Vincent breaks down. Luckily, he has a backup plan to be a Hooka entrepreneur and open his own shop. Good for you Vincent and thanks WWE for a nice scripted segment for Ariane and Vincent.

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Stunt Granny Audio #194

Despite their advanced ages, DX still knows how to have a good time.

We’re back to a two-man booth this week, but what a two man booth! Kevin and Dusty join forces to delve into the top news stories in pro wres, giving you a healthy dosage of News You Can Use. They talk about WWE’s use of the legends and how Heath Slater’s fits into the scheme of things. They talk about AJ and how WWE uses the General Manager position has a crutch in their litany of bad booking. And just how much fun was DX’s appearance? Too much fun! Dusty just barely made the show because he had to go to the emergency room to get his sides put together after they split. And so much more, and you’re going to have to listen to find out what it is!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #194

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

I got my new DVR set up for baby momma drama since he has a 49″ TV in the basement. I barely got the dogs walked in time to start this blog on time. Since they’re in Las Vegas, instead of showing one of the casinos, I’m going to give you the product that the Venetian is modeled after. Welcome to the Doge’s Palace in Venice, Italy. Enough babbling, at least from me. Let’s roll.

CM Punk gets a victory speech. Hmm, would not have remembered that Punk made the speech in Vegas. Big Show interrupts him. Show gives him his speech since changing to a heel. Punk replies with Cody Rhodes speech from the build up to Wrestlemania. Any one can say that they’re going to be the one to beat up the champ that will cost them the belt. I will not be watching the first Raw on Youtube.

I’m glad Mitchell pointed out that the Primetime Players didn’t look that way last night. I had forgotten the other two were the champs. I’m trying to remember who used the manager mic last time around. I’m happy for the commercial break so that I can finish eating dinner. I choose to clean while the cable guy was here instead of eating. Damn it, one more piece. I thought the mic gig was funny the last time. Abe is not doing the trick for me. I look at Twitter for five seconds and Truth pins O’Neil for the win. Abe flips out for some reason. AJ is texting when Daniel Bryan comes into the picture. Bryan is apologizing when Eve Torres interrupts. She tries to be saucy.AJ backs away from Goat Boy but still lets him kiss her cheek. Looks like she’s off the Punk scent.

Alberto Del Rio takes on Zack Ryder. Is this a get heat back match or is Ryder starting to go in the right direction? Del Rio wins in a squash match. Fabulous. Rey Mysterio makes a reappearance. I had pretty much forgotten about him. Rey dials up a 619. I think Del Rio’s feud with him was the only time I liked ADR. Why is Cool welcoming Rey back? He’s a baby face. You should hate him for attacking Del Rio unprovoked.

Heath Slater is in the ring when we come back from commercial. Rikishi is this week’s “legend”. He gets a solid response. Bansai Drop for the win. Rinse, repeat. And we get a dance routine with the Usos. The response is not as good as the Funkasaurus.

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