Stunt Granny Audio #254

Nerd Playing WOWJeremy & Kevin have recovered their voices from yelling at Wrestlemania and Raw last week in New Orleans. They talk about their experience in the Crescent City and somehow don’t cover all of the Sippy Time Beer that was consumed. They did consume a lot of drinks on Saturday night though. Who got them a grain alcohol shot? What did he promise them? How good was scene at the Chicken Shack after a night of drinking? What did their hotel neighbor add at the end of the night? Where does New Orleans rank against Detroit, Orlando and Atlanta? What made it different? Is it the reason we saw so many Superstars? Raw had a boisterous crowd but what made it different from this week’s Raw? Was the crowd as different as the stories being told? Is it good for Evolution to be back together? Will they have good matches with the Shield? When should HHH wrestle? What did Jeremy think of the Ultimate Warrior tribute? Why did Kevin plead ignorant on the situation? They end on a down note by talking about Eric Young winning the TNA Heavyweight Championship. How correct was Dusty when he wrote this article? Does ROH have more viable candidates to come to the WWE than TNA right now? Find out the answer to these questions and more when you click on the link below!

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

The Lloyds of London Building by Richard Rogers from theguardian.com

– I’m a much bigger fan of Magnus when he doesn’t act like a coward which is when he isn’t around Dixie Carter. I liked how he talked down to Samoa Joe, who had no verbal come back. Joe decided to beat the tar out of Magnus which isn’t a good sign for his chances at winning the TNA Title at Lockdown. I think Joe needs that kind of win to help make his character relevant again. The only problem with giving him said victory is that Magnus isn’t in a position to lose either. His reign hasn’t been long enough yet for a freshly minted heel.

– I love sneaky wins by heels. Bromans let the American Wolves do the damage to Kazarian of Bad Influence and swooped in for the pin fall. The problem with this type of win is that Bobby Roode wants a winner between Bromans & Bad Influence to join his team at Lockdown. If you see a pin like that, it can’t fill you full of confidence. I wouldn’t want to choose them any more than I did before the match.

James Storm and Gunner had some good banter going back and forth. One expects it out of Storm but it was a nice surprise out of Gunner.

– I’m sad to see Austin Aries in TNA. He is excellent and has been so in his segments with Bobby Roode and MVP. It helps to be in good company but I really like his style. He has gotten pushed back some but isn’t as lost as Bully Ray is. Here’s to hoping that him being the “hot free agent” helps bring Aries back to prominence.

Kurt Angle had a nice speech for his Hall of Fame speech. The guy has been around for quite sometime and despite his white trashness, he’s been a good performer the majority of that time. EC3 came out and continued to show why he was stuck in NXT. He’s just not as good as even Xavier Woods as I discussed with Dusty last week. He’s being served up perfect spot after perfect spot but he’s just not cutting it.

– At least they finally covered Samuel Shaw being completely crazy. He has a pretty decent delivery. Ken Anderson didn’t feel like he was in the rut he was against Bully Ray. From time to time, Anderson still shows why he could be a difference maker. Hopefully they can find some way to move the Shaw character on after his feud with Anderson.

– I have liked the videos from Willow. I always say how stale TNA is. Jeff Hardy is definitely out of the box thinker so I can’t blame him for trying to freshen up his look. I was wondering two things during this vignette though: Is he going to wear his mask in the ring? Because if he doesn’t, won’t it be a dead give away that it’s Hardy? Second, if he is really selling this personal change, does he bring in a new move set? If he uses all of his old moves, isn’t that a give away that it’s Hardy?

Austin Aries handing the win to Bobby Roode over MVP still could leave enough air space that Aries is acting as a double agent which could effectively make it a 6 on 4 for MVP’s team at Lockdown. It could be well played. We’ll see if TNA is that smart. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling – Total Nonsense Analysis

norweigan-curling-pants

From money.cnn.com

Dixie Carter and Magnus complained about MVP who came out with Samoa Joe.  I couldn’t concentrate on the promos because of the hideous outfit of Rockstar Spud. You can go crazy with design and still look good. Those pants above are a perfect example. Plus, I watch entirely too much curling during the Olympics and needed to find a way to put this picture on the site. Gunner was an idiot for telling Magnus in advance when he’d take advantage of his briefcase. The end result of all the wrangling was Gunner having to put his brief case up against EC3, who has to put his briefcase, that is for the tag team championships, up too. After five minutes of a match, Magnus comes down to interfere so James Storm evens the odds. Then MVP comes back out and makes it a tag team match for the briefcases. Now if you just had a give and take for match stipulations to start the show, why didn’t Dixie counter this change? Will she get a unilateral change later? Gunner ends up taking down the briefcases which makes the most sense. They seem to want to have a break out star in Gunner so he needs the win to retain thre World Title opportunity. It seemed entirely too short of a match because of the stakes.

– I’ve got to say I like MVP as a character so far in his very short time in TNA. He’s still got it on the mic. It won’t make a cent of difference in the long run if they keep him in flummoxing stories like above. The Bromans get a match against The Wolves, Davey Richards & Eddie Edwards, and a mystery opponent. I FF to find out simply because I’m behind. Samoa Joe is their partner. I get the significance of having Joe the partner of his friends from ROH but shouldn’t they be featured by themselves for their first in ring appearance in TNA? Doesn’t seem like a hard thing to accomplish. Make it a non-title match with Robbie E & Jesse. Zema Ion tapped to the Rear Naked Choke. Again, shouldn’t the Wolves get the victory here? I know Joe is going for the title but it’s all the more reason to not have him in the match!

Dixie Carter got her unilateral decision by upholding the Velvet Sky versus Chris Sabin match. Because that’s a fair match up. Ugh. MVP gets berated by Rockstar Spud so MVP schedules a match against him. Huh? Why didn’t you save Velvet then? I’m so confused. I liked MVP’s mic skills but again the story makes no sense so it won’t help. Abyss calls out Eric Young. I’m disappointed that Abyss is walking away after developing his character so much. Realize you’re a combination of the two characters and we’ve got a nice mix.

– My favorite part of the MVP versus Rockstar Spud match was when Mike Tenay tried to make it sound like he had called MVP’s matches before. Taz politely corrected him. I’m not sure how he pulled that off but it was perfect. Best thing Taz has done in a long time.

– We get it, Bobby Roode is turning face. In my best Wade Keller voice: Does he have to intimidate a woman though? I haven’t seen any spoilers so the Willow character is Jeff Hardy, right? Chris Sabin and Velvet Sky have their match. TNA decided to invest in another large woman who can’t wrestle. Yep, spending money more wisely after getting rid of Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles and those other schlubs. Bring in new schlubs. That’s the answer.

– Just as I start to type about not being interested in the main event involving Mr. Anderson and Bully Ray, the crowd started chanting “This is awesome.” Jeremy & I talked about it on the audio this week, the athleticism shown on WWE TV these days is through the roof. This match showed none of that. Even the “extreme” aspects seemed plodding to me. Then just to cap off this awful match, Ken Anderson Mic Checks Bully Ray into the casket out of the blue for the victory. Bully Ray had just been stomping the tar out of him. How does that type of finish resolve a blood feud? You need a defining win. They also decided to air another skit with MVP and Dixie Carter fighting for power. We didn’t need it, it served no purpose and a blood feud main event match really could have used another five minutes of beating the hell out of each other. Jiminy cricket. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling Total Nonsense Analysis

monkey-see– TNA is doing the same exact thing with Magnus that the WWE did with Randy Orton. Rockstar Spud & Dixie Carter should not be getting the heat for the new champion Magnus. At least in the WWE, people disliked HHH & Stephanie but they aren’t getting that kind of heat. I love the canned boos as the camera shows people talking to each other and sitting on their hands. Jeff Hardy screeching like a woman did not help himself look like a main event player. Neither did saying the title doesn’t mean anything to him is stupid. EC3 isn’t worthy of fighting a washed up Sting. That’s a pretty sad statement.

– Oh my goodness, Dixie Carter cut herself off with a commercial. Why did someone think this segment was a good idea? Gunner getting the title shot is a head scratcher to me. You just crowned a new young champion in Magnus. Give the shot to an established star who can help raise the new champion’s stock even if he cheats to win said match. Plus, Gunner is terrible on the mic and not so good in the ring. James Storm is a hard head for not accepting Gunner’s help. Having Storm winning the case would be a perfect tonic. Dixie Carter, no one cares that you’re stringing along this “major announcement.”

– The double DQ for James Storm and Gunner is a feud extender but I don’t care because they’re both stuck in this all too familar to TNA weird grey zone. James Storm bitched like a girl about Gunner selling him out at the bar and tossing him out of the way for a title shot. Gunner is defending himself but he’s not good enough verbally to dig himself out of the accusations.

Brooke Tessmacher calls out Bully Ray so that he can get some creepy horror movie music. “It’s going to get a lot worse for everyone.” So it’s going to be worse than you “Almost taking down TNA” within the past year if I’m to believe what they told me on TV? What’s your plan, get TNA going like a cockroach after a nuclear winter? Thanks for adding to my material to mock.

– The second video for Magnus was much better. He’s putting a little heat on himself with the Main Event Mafia conspiracy. He could feud with Samoa Joe. I wouldn’t argue in the ring.

– I like the Joseph Park character more than the Abyss character. But how long can you keep running a gimmick that has a timid man who can’t wrestle? He has been good enough on the mic to fill a manager role but is that what the person playing him wants? I have my doubts. They could re-imagine the Abyss character too and make him a hybrid of his current characters or a have him flip between the personalities. I’ll give this angle a chance.

– I liked the third video package from Magnus too. He showed spine which he hadn’t done for months. The looming specter of Rockstar Spud and Dixie Carter makes this an angle that could turn into a train wreck if his personality can’t stand out from those two bafoons.

– I know I’m not breaking any new ground with this statement but Lai’d Tapa is super green. Having her in there with ODB, who isn’t exactly a technician herself, makes for a tough match to watch. Even Lai’d Tapa’s facial expressions are bad.

Magnus video number four credited Dixie Carter for seeing his brilliance. Hit the brakes Mr. Engineer!

– Holy Shit Snacks as Pam Hoovey would say. That was Dixie‘s announcement? The Bromans are joining Rockstar Spud & EC3? That isn’t a big announcement. I wasn’t paying attention to Dixie’s “announcements” already. If you’re going to make terrible announcements like that, I’ll be sure not to pay attention. Nothing about the Bromans should concern Sting or Jeff Hardy especially since it’s a tag match. 4 Chumps vs 2 Main Eventers.

– While watching the match, Mike Tenay reminds me the announcement was the coronation of Magnus as champion was the big announcement. Whoops. It’s still not going to make me pay attention to her big announcements because that’s just standard wrestling procedure 101. I’m pretty sure I just heard the wreck. The engineer didn’t brake in time. Speaking of that tactic book, EC3 rolling up Sting with a handful of tights is classic heel move 101 and is the best thing they’ve done for him so far. Too bad he still sucks. Jeff Hardy is gone until light shines on this kingdom. Very Jeff Hardy like announcement. He may not be as good as he was in the WWE, but I still think he’s kept his act fresh with the talk over videos and little tweaks to his character. Hardy toned down his in ring act enough to stick around. Whether it’s an angle or real, (I don’t remember reading anything on the topic) this isn’t a good time for Hardy to be skipping town. – Kevin

@ImpactWrestling “High Lights”

thefuzzyball.com

thefuzzyball.com

– I have no idea why they are simultaneously pushing Magnus and looking him look like a bitch by having him waffle. It’s not putting him in a cool “grey” spot by having his integrity questioned with the “injury” that hung Kurt Angle out to dry last week in a tag match. It’s making him look like a douche.

– I didn’t read the spoilers on who the new champion is. I didn’t read any spoilers in fact. So it was quite a surprise that Jeff Hardy beat Bobby Roode since there have been two storylines coming out of this tournament are Dixie Carter’s continued haggling with AJ Styles for the physical belt and Bobby Roode & Kurt Angle being on a collision course.

Ethan Carter the Third is terrible. I would take “Bad News” Barrett any day of the week over this guy. I do think they could make Barrett entertaining. EC3 had the deck stacked in this segment. He choose Earl Hebner as his opponent which is supposed to get him boos but it didn’t. To make matters worse, “Rockstar” Spud came out and made Brian Hebner referee the match. Earl was made to lay down and EC3 covered him with one finger. Brian told Earl “I’m sorry I have to do this” like Shawn Michaels to Ric Flair. EC3 still didn’t get heat. This gimmick isn’t working.

– The “pay off” for Joseph Park not being a lawyer was a dud too. I enjoy the act of Christopher Daniels & Kazarian more times than not but when they miss, it bombs. They lived up to their past ups and downs. It was also entirely too long for it’s relative importance to the rest of their show. It didn’t involve the  TNA Title Tournament or any other belt. Even if “Abyss” comes back as Eric Young seemed to warn, it doesn’t deserve this much time. They’ve teased his turn to Abyss so many times at this point, I don’t feel like they’ll pull the trigger. If they somehow turn this story into Joseph Park realizing that he is Abyss, I’m fine with it but would enjoy a hybrid character of Joseph Park knowing how to tap into his “Inner Abyss” without resorting to looking like the same bad Mankind 2.0 he was before.

– I’m glad Zema Ion could repackage himself. It’s a perfect obnoxious compliment to pump up the Jesse & Robbie E of the Bromans who really didn’t have a whole lot when they won the belts. Their victory really came out of nowhere. Even if Jesse & Robbie E drop the straps, they have more of an act to keep their heads up.

James Storm was mad at Gunner for throwing in the towel during a Last Man Standing match during the Tournament. The grudge was working well. For some reason in their match with the Bromans, Gunner loses his cool and shoves the referee because one of them spit on him. Wouldn’t the smart play be to continue the Storm is still banged up card and have the Bromans knock heads with him so that the victory looks tainted? Then Storm can still be pissed at the voice of reason Gunner? Instead their roles are completely reversed in this segment. It’s a real head scratcher.

#Impact365 is taking up too many segments. Just like the WWE, I’m not going to take a look at your online material because I watch too much of your programming already. To boot, by showing these clips from #Impact365 as much as you are tells me that you’re showing me the highlights. That gives me another reason to skip their online material. That being said, I did enjoy the Big E Langston video with Kaitlyn I saw earlier today.

– The main event was a Last Man Standing Match between Magnus and Kurt Angle in the Title Tournament. Having Bobby Roode the one that costs Kurt Angle the match gives more fire of their feud but it makes Magnus look weak again.

Dixie Carter just shouldn’t be on TV. I don’t want the McMahons on TV either. I rebel against authority. I listen to heavy metal and punk rock. The man is trying to bring down their own wrestling shows. – Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #TNA #ImpactWrestling

repeater_300dpiI’m repeating my weekend travel plans from last week except I’m going for my girl’s grandmother’s 92nd birthday. So in order to clean off the DVR, let’s roll.

I forgot that they were going to be at IUP. James Storm is in the ring. AJ Styles is in the stands. Bad Influence joins them. I do like their sales pitch. Aces & Eights are beating up Storm again. The rest of the people who have been beat up suck. Joseph Park sucks the least. 3D thru the table so he can feel his Abyss roots.

Aces & Eights are still in the ring so that they can suck the energy out of the room. They beat up all of our heroes. Why didn’t they deliver that promo before the break? It was a short promo then you reset after the commercial break. Tazz tried to sound tough before another commercial break. Yep, thanks for making two segments suck instead of one.

Taryn Terrell is fighting Tara. The only thing catching my attention are Tazz & Tenay fighting like sixth graders. Then Tazz notes that ODB is sober. Yep, they let Taryn hang around to get the cheap pin when Tara got cocky. Always a decent way to build up a babyface without hurting the heel. People don’t care.

Rob Terry is taking on Jesse. I feel bad for this crowd. What did they do to deserve this? Robbie E saves Jesse from a pin. Weird spine buster type move for the win by Terry. Woof.

Bad Influence tries to recruit Bobby Roode. We get reruns of Jeff Hardy losing. Good for Chris Sabin coming back. He’s a tough cookie.

Austin Aries confronts Bobby Roode about getting Fortune back together. He makes several good points himself. I guess they’re gunning for the World Tag Team Titles. Chavo & Hernandez have the belts but seem like after thoughts in this match. The baby faces get to take advantage of an arguing team. Wow, Hernandez looked like he may have hurt himself. I’m not surprised. The match has been pretty good as a over all though. Kaz runs interference. Daniels interference back fires. Frog Splash win.

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Kevin’s Blog: A Day Late & A Dollar Short Review of @ImpactWrestling

Destination

I figured since Final Destination is on Sunday, I may as well do a de facto preview. I’ve got a couple of hours before I go out drinking with my buddy who is in town from Pittsburgh.

Kazarian starts off by call us choads. You deserve the shit you’re given. Bobby Roode cuts a fair enough program but I’m not sure why he’d put this double albatross around his neck. Christopher Daniels is OK at being insincere but I’m just so tired of this feud. AJ Styles is cutting an OK promo too. Still bored. Jeff Hardy & James Storm save Styles who picked a bad fight. They replay Austin Aries, Bully Ray & Hulk Hogan. Aries gets to cut the promo. He’s pushed buttons and wants to push more. I guess he likes video games.

I only looked at the headlines on Dot Net this morning so I know someone debuted or came back tonight. I also know that there’s a new TV Champion. Considering it’s a one on one match, the outcome between Samoa Joe and Devon is pretty easy. The match was cheap. Earl is distracted by a hot blonde. I guess that’s what happens since Madison Rayne left. DOC nails Samoa Joe with a hammer. Devon covers for the win. Brooke Hogan is happy about a contract delivery. Hmm, I’m guessing this is the mystery person.

I’m not shocked that they’re continuing this dumb angle with D’Lo Brown and Al Snow. They’re cool but a match is happening between them, right? Mickie James comes out in a dress. She made a pact to win the Knockouts Champion. Well, duh. Tara interrupts to brag about Jesse. Velvet Sky comes out. Three terrible promos in a row. Robbie E is freaking out about paying his insurance. Robbie T is a smart sophisticated European so he knows how to work an iPad. Why did I choose to review this show again?

That was their big promo before wrestling Chavo Guerrero & Hernandez. I don’t care about this match. Shocking, isn’t it? The Mexicans who were both born in the US take on Joey Ryan & Matt Morgan on Sunday. I’m sure Morgan is thinking it was a great idea to re-sign with TNA. Hernandez didn’t injure Robbie T. Chavo wins with the Frog Splash. Joey Ryan interrupts. Morgan attacks from behind. Big Morgan & Big Organ. I’m just angry now. Nothing gets better when Devon acts like he enjoys the strippers “going lesbian”.

Garrett Bischoff & Wes Brisco have Kurt Angle‘s back. I could like the group if Garrett & Brisco could act at all. Chavo barks all day little doggy while Hernandez tries to look tough. They cut the promo short. Jimminy Cricket.

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Stunt Granny Audio #209

This week, it’s Jeremy and Dusty at the wheel for another hour-plus of fun and adventure. Dusty discusses his love for IQ lowering television shows and Burt Reynolds.  Jeremy believes that rednecks get a bad rap and are actually very intelligent and super resourceful people.  Jeremy expresses his extreme displeasure with the newest Spider Man movie, while Dusty ogles Mageina Tovah and gives props to David Herman and Artie Lange.  Somewhere in their meandering traipse through pop culture, the fearless duo even stop to talk some wrestling along the way. Is there anyone either of them would actually pay money to see, or buy merchandise for, or otherwise shell out any money for?  Dusty terrifies himself when realizing that half the wrestlers he would not change the channel for are in TNA right now. They both beat that dead horse good and deader with some talk about what should be done to actually improve the state of pro wrestling right now. And finally, they end with some talk of the latest mishap surrounding the Detroit Red Wings, because when you drive drunk, you should always be wearing a funny costume while doing so. And a whole lot more stuff gets talked about that they don’t even remember, so give it a listen or else the consequences will never be the same.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #209

Honey Boo Boo Gonna Wrestle Child

You know, this is just white trash all over and it really is just an exasperating idea. According to TMZ James Pittaro of Pro Wrestling Academy in New Jersey has sent out the offer to Honey Boo Boo herself to train with TNA star Robbie E. Yes that adorable scamp Honey Boo Boo of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and “Toddlers and Tiaras “ fame has been propositioned to train for professional wrestling.  It should be noted here that this kid is seven.

Yup, seven-years-old.

Seeing as how I watch both Toddlers and Tiaras and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo this makes me the utmost authority on the situation. SO, this tiny piece of trash has no business anywhere near the profession of professional wrestling. This girl has been exploited most of her life and wrestling is not something she needs.  If you watch the show there is no regard for this child’s well being and it is clear that this promoter wants nothing but the cash grab from having this monster on his shows.

Yes this is a clear attempt at attention on the part of James Pittaro and it worked. Doesn’t make it right of course but it was successful. It made TMZ, wrestling sites and this site, whatever it is. This is never going to come to pass of course but if it got him attention so be it.

The worst part about this story has to be that TNA has found its name dragged in to this through Robbie E. Okay that is a lie, Dixie Carter has to be in hog heaven right now seeing the TNA name on TMZ and the cable news outlets. Between this and the Hulk Hogan boinkathon TNA sure is getting a lot of publicity. Well, they might have if Hogan had mentioned Bound for Glory and TNA at least 2% of the time he was making media rounds last week.  But that is for another post.

Disclaimer: I don’t really care about Honey Boo Boo and her monster of a mother. There is no reason to have sympathy for anyone involved in that show. -Jeremy

Kevin’s Twitter Compilation of @ImpactWrestling

Tweet: Oh, the picture of Hogan in the hospital is priceless for comedy. Pay Back Time doesn’t sound like you’re mad enough.

Tweet: I liked Storm’s promo but he hit 4 topics: Aries, Roode, Aces & Eights & Kurt Angle. That’s a bit much.

Tweet: How neither Taz nor Tenay guessed it was Aces & Eights. Ah nevermind. They’re terrible announcers. After The Show: The announcers sat there and wondered why Kurt Angle wasn’t showing up. I hate announcers playing the super dumb card.

Tweet: Remember when Pope had lots of untapped talent in WWE? Yeah, it’s getting foggy for me too. After The Show: I remember when he had lots of talent in TNA too. Then he got caught in the endless Devon’s children feud after a botched feud with Samoa Joe, his opponent last night. Some people have no luck. He’s one of them.

Tweet: TNA wants you to check Twitter so that you can see that their roster got even more bloated with Chavo Guerrero.

Tweet: It was a fluke Jason Hervey! Aren’t you glad you’re producing Z grade shows with Eric Bischoff?

Tweet: At least TNA has had the good sense to keep Robbie T out of the ring. They need to kill this lame gimmick though. After The Show: I think the guido gimmick could still work but neither TNA nor the WWE have gotten behind the guy and allowed a consistent theme to be established. Robbie E just happens to be more lame than Zack Ryder who has his own take on the gimmick that feels much more personal.

Tweet: Jeff Hardy is a moron. After The Show: He was a moron because he got counted out attacking Robbie T. You’ve beat worse odds plus, do you lose your hearing when you attack someone? Shouldn’t you be able to hear the ref especially when you’re no more than ten feet from him?

Tweet: EY mention the name of the program you’re hosting you dumb ass! After The Show: Come on, I even mentioned it in this dumb column. You need people to watch your show to get it renewed. Why mention a new program without a channel or show name. Maybe the dumbest thing in wrestling for this week.

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