56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania XII’s Best Matches: Results

If only I could find an 80-minute video of Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels; enjoy this contest instead, from my favorite video game. Then check out what that weirdo Vince McMahon continuously refers to as a Hollywood Backlot “Bra.” Creep.

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania VIII’s Best Matches: Results

Now here are two kick-ass matches from 1992: Ric Flair vs. Randy Savage for the WWF Title, and Roddy Piper vs. Bret Hart for the Intercontinental Title. (Can’t find a video of Hart vs. Piper, dang it!) I don’t know if this is a testament to the roster depth at the time, WWF’s willingness to keep title belts off people with names like Repo Man and Skinner, or the general greatness of these four wrestlers. And they weren’t even the main event of the show!

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania VIII’s Best Matches

Good job adding an I to last year’s curvy logo.

Playing catch-up here, so let’s get right into the vote for WrestleMania VIII’s best matches. I’ve stated many times that my favorite wrestling match is Randy Savage vs. Ric Flair from this card, but Bret Hart vs. Roddy Piper was also brilliant for a handful of reasons, and who knows, maybe some of you liked Owen Hart vs. Skinner. Vote and let us know!

56 Days of WrestleMania – WrestleMania 1’s Best Matches: Results

On a mostly lackluster card – including squash matches with the Executioner, Matt Borne and Special Delivery Jones – it’s no surprise that the top two vote-getters for WrestleMania 1 include the top talent on the card at that time (wait, you couldn’t have trotted out skinny Bret Hart for one match?). Hulk Hogan, Paul Orndorff and Roddy Piper could pull the weight of an entire roster if need be, including a barely-trained Mr. T. Add to that the question of an aging Andre the Giant being able to bodyslam a 6’10”, 380-lb. Big John Studd, and you have enough star power to carry this card. Put these matches on top at WrestleMania 29, and you might get a riot. But for 1985, this is the best of what we got!

Top 10 Survivor Series Elimination Matches

We here at Stunt Granny are suckers for nostalgia, so when we think of Survivor Series, we don’t think of some queefy triple threat match with John Cena, CM Punk and Ryback. We hearken back to the days when teams of five (or four) strive to survive! You know, hence the name of the event. At its inception, the Survivor Series pay-per-view was composed of elimination matches, with the goal of survival at the expense of the entire opposing team. Then they started fucking with the format, and now it’s a bunch of singles matches, with the token bone thrown at us older fans of one, maybe two elimination matches.

Well screw you, WWE, we’ve compiled a list of the top 10 Survivor Series elimination matches of all time! We’ve scoured YouTube for copyright infringers (them, not us) and found most of these matches for your viewing pleasure. If you find one that we couldn’t, leave the link in a comment and we’ll post it. (Don’t rip it and upload yourself; remember, we’re not the ones breaking the law 🙂 )

Side note: How was the 1989 event so damn good?? The worst match featured the top draw and two of the best workers of all time!

Powers of Pain & Rockers & Hart Foundation & British Bulldogs & Young Stallions
Demolition & Brain Busters & Bolsheviks & Fabulous Rougeaus & Conquistadors

Ultimate Warrior & Jim Neidhart & Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty
Andre the Giant & Arn Anderson & Haku & Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

Macho King Randy Savage & Earthquake & Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine
Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Bret Hart & Ronnie Garvin & Hercules

Dusty Rhodes & Brutus Beefcake & Red Rooster & Tito Santana
Big Boss Man, Bad News Brown, Rick Martel and Honky Tonk Man

Rick Rude & Mr. Perfect & Fabulous Rougeaus
Roddy Piper & Jimmy Snuka & Bushwhackers

Ric Flair, The Mountie, Ted DiBiase, & Warlord
Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil, & Davey Boy Smith

Marty Jannetty, Randy Savage, Razor Ramon, & The 1-2-3 Kid
Irwin R. Schyster, Diesel, Rick Martel, & Adam Bomb

Razor Ramon & 1-2-3 Kid & Davey Boy Smith & Headshrinkers (Fatu & Sionne)
Shawn Michaels & Diesel & Owen Hart & Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett

Shawn Michaels & Ahmed Johnson & Davey Boy Smith & Psycho Sid
Yokozuna & Owen Hart & Razor Ramon & Dean Douglas

The Rock & Chris Jericho & Undertaker & Kane & Big Show
Steve Austin & Kurt Angle & Booker T & Rob Van Dam & Shane McMahon

Randy Orton & Chris Jericho & Christian & Scott Steiner & Mark Henry
Shawn Michaels & Rob Van Dam & Booker T & Bubba & D-Von Dudley

Hulk Hogan helps lung transplant patient enjoy multiple days of his Hulkamania-blessed life

Just teasing, Hulk Hogan loves his fans.

(Update, 8/31: Wow, somehow this post has leapt in “popularity” in the past 12 hours. I invite everyone to read the comments that have already been posted before you recommend I commit suicide in front of a video camera. I don’t need to be told twice! Also, I understand Hogan actually met with the Hafeleins, which surprises me given Hogan’s busy schedule of telling everyone he was Lars Ulrich’s first choice as Metallica’s bassist. Congratulations to the Hafeleins, and kudos for your courage.)

According to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan is helping pro wrestling fan Jason Hafelein of Midland, Michigan, cross one particular item off his bucket list: to meet the Hulkster in person. Hafelein recently underwent a double lung transplant, which his body is rejecting, and since he can’t fly due to the air pressure, he, his wife, and his respiratory therapist plan to drive from Michigan to meet Hogan. Please watch the video of his story here: http://www.redlasso.com/?p=467504

(Edited for content.)

Cast of WWE “Legends House” does Zumba, recreates seven-car pile-up

Click the link below to watch the slow trainwreck.

According to Prowrestling.net (watch the video at this link), the cast of WWE’s new program, “Legends House,” set to air on the WWE Network in April of Fucking Never, attended a Zumba class, because nothing says “retired legend of popular form of entertainment” like a bunch of old fat guys (Jim Duggan, Jimmy Hart, Roddy Piper, Hillbilly Jim, Pat Patterson, Gene Okerlund and Howard Finkel) in ICOPRO tank tops dancing to the latest exercise class fad. I get it, they’re all buffoons, whoopty doo. Between this and other rumored programs such as “WWE Countdown” (where the pimply masses pick the top news of the week) and “Law & Order: KGB” starring Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff and Doug E. Fresh, I cannot wait for the WWE Network to launch sometime around September of When I Put My Balls On a Band Saw. -Eric

Second Annual Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame: Serious Wrestlers

Every year, starting in 2010, we here at Stunt Granny will go through a rigorous, dangerous, possibly illegal set of votes to induct people into our own Akeem Memorial Hall of Fame. The voting is broken up into four categories: Serious Wrestlers, Fun Wrestlers, Angles, and Matches. This post is for the Serious Wrestlers. Here are last year’s inductees:

Ric Flair, Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels, Roddy Piper, Rick Steamboat, The Rock, Curt Hennig

And now, without any further ado, here are this year’s inductees!

Hulk Hogan

Randy Savage

Chris Jericho

Jerry Lawler

Terry Funk

The Midnight Express

Harley Race

Nick Bockwinkel

Andre the Giant

The Freebirds

Headlines: Roddy Piper’s neck, Triple H’s dreck, Kurt Angle’s… movie.

THIS is what a wrestling movie star looks like.

According to Prowrestling.net, Rowdy Roddy Piper announced on Twitter that he’ll undergo neck surgery today.

(1)I’ll try to explain. At he time I was doing Fantasy Factory And WWE Access, I BROKE MY NECK! But I didn’t know it! I knew I was Hurt, (2) I hurt all the time. I just thought the neck injury will go away. But after couple months my neck is hurting worse. No sleep from pain. (3) So I go to best Doctors in Country. When Doc saw the MRI’s he went into the 911 attitude fast. So now at 10 am. there cutting me open!

Other Tweets from Piper include:

There going to shave my hair, slash neck open, and take a chisel and hammer to my neck bones. That’s in 5 hrs.Waiting 4 God to send Locusts

There’s a bright side of geeting neck cut off. You get to wear bumless house coats. Great jello….help me out here!

Leave it to Piper to make light of such a serious situation. He’s clearly drunk.

Also according to Prowrestling.net, the newly released movie “Warrior,” featuring Kurt Angle as a Russian MMA fighter, opened at No. 3 this week, with a box office gate of $5.6 million. That figure places the film in the “failure” category. Only in entertainment can $5.6 million be considered a failure. If only I were Ric Flair, Mark Madden or Matt Hardy; then I’d be a complete success based on my income alone.

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Triple H’s movie “Inside Out” didn’t even break the top 50 box office list. Prowrestling.net’s Jason Powell notes that the No. 50 movie of the weekend made $20,400. At $9 a ticket, I’m guessing a movie starring Stephanie McMahon’s husband raked in exactly $18. Stick with what you know, Hunter, which is killing a crowd 20 minutes at a time instead of 90. Blecch. -Eric

ICP’s 2011 Gathering of the Juggalos to feature wrestling, few teeth

I don’t think any of the Stunt Granny crew proclaim to be juggalos, although Kevin might own an Insane Clown Posse album, I used to sell them at the record store (and heard about them in, like, 1995 through some strange connection with Disc Makers, who manufactured ICP’s cassette tapes), and Jeremy is from Detroit and has probably drank Faygo in his day. But I’m sure most Stunt Granny readers know the Insane Clown Posse either as a failed act in WCW, a part of the Oddities in the WWF in 1998, or simply as big wrestling fans who paint their faces and rap about weird horror-type shit while millions of east-siders snarl, stink, smoke, wear Jnco jeans and pump their fists in obnoxious unison.

Well put all of those things together, mix in a shit-ton of alcohol and a few totally safe bonfires and what do you have? The 12th annual Gathering of the Juggalos is what! This mess of hip-hop, rock and roll, pro wrestling, anhydrous ammonia and Sudafed takes place in Cave In Rock, Illinois, from August 11 (hey, that’s Hulk Hogan’s birthday!) to August 14 (hey, that’s, um, the Festival of Hungry Ghosts in China!) and actually has some humongous names in the world of super-niche entertainment. Live musical performances include Ice Cube, Busta Rhymes and MC Hammer (who probably lives in the woods where this event will take place); stand-up comedians Brian Posehn and Harland Williams will be joined by wrestlers King Kong Bundy, Colt Cabana and Mick Foley (all of whom have wrestled for ICP’s Juggalo Championshit Wrestling), and, in a dream match from the Civil War era, Roddy Piper will take on Terry Funk (their walks down the aisle will last from August 11-13).

Anyway, if you have 27 minutes of your life to spare, watch this embarrassing “infomercial” for what actually seems like a cool event, although you wouldn’t catch me within 10 miles from it, mostly because the band Dope makes me want to vomit and marijuana smoke gives me the heebee-jeebies. -Eric

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