Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

From roflcat.com if you can't read really small print.

From roflcat.com if you can’t read really small print.

I have a 3/4 done post about beer that I was hoping to post, I have a perfect column in mind for last week’s ROH airing that I just watched last night and I tried to get done a Weekend Rewind last night but it sits in worse condition than the ROH idea. Very unproductive weekend. I will get cracking this week. I really enjoyed doing the Walking Dead Mid-Season Review today so that’s a good start. We watched Total Divas right before doing this column. Another good thing. Although she is really irritated with the show this week so it should make for a funny column. (Next Day Edit: She was so pissed she didn’t know what she’d write. I told her to let the sarcasm out. Always makes me laugh when she gets snarky. We’ll see what happens.) Let’s roll.

CM Punk graces the ring first. He has the best guts in the business. He wants to live in his own universe away from HHH. He’s bleeped so I’m quite sure they knew it was coming. Stephanie McMahon comes out. The Authority is for free speech. The look on Punk’s face when he questioned Steph was priceless. Punk needs to direct his questions to Kane. Shouldn’t he get new music with this character? Kane gets to drone on. Punk challenges Kane to a match. The Shield shows up. How can JBL say there’s no collusion when they were directly working for the Authority the last several months? The worse fact is that neither of the other announcers have come up with this point. Mitchell Cool tells us they’ll only have one belt clarifying loop holes that everyone was looking for with their wording from last week. (Next Day Edit: I still think this build up isn’t enough for this type of match. Having the unification happen at TLC isn’t helping my misgivings.)

Damien Sandow gets to beat my boy Dolph Ziggler since Big E Langston is the Intercontinental Champion. Big E is on the headset. I’m sure Dolph wants a shot at the IC Title so that he can start chasing Chris Jericho’s record. They have a standard match which makes it bizarre after two consecutive brawls. JBL points out that a concussion cost Ziggler his second title reign. Oh no, he didn’t he called him out for his short title reigns. You’re Welcome for the Sandow win. I want to vomit. Shortest match of their trio.

The Divas get a gigantic tag match again because there’s no good way to get them on TV otherwise. The Bellas & Natalya are taking on AJ Lee, Tamina & Summer Rae. Tamina takes a beating from the Bellas early. Tamina takes over on Brie. AJ Lee continues to skip around the ring. Summer Rae botches a sunset flip. Natalya gets the hot tag. AJ makes the tag when Natalya is down. She played opossum. Small package by Natalya gets a victory. (Next Day Edit: Roll up win #1.) She continues on her hot streak. AJ  skips away from the match.

Holy Christ on a pony. Bad News Barrett. Who thought this was a good idea? My woman has a perfect question “Why is he stealing Damien Sandow’s material?” Randy Orton is glaring at Brad Maddox. He wants to be recognized as the greatest ever. Maddox is going to be his errand boy. Maddox needs to trim the bear. Not a good look. Daniel Bryan hits the entrance. Weird that he’s this pumped up.

Bryan takes on Erick Rowan after the break. It’d be criminal to not give him a microphone tonight. They still have plenty of time. It’s a power versus speed match. JBL going off the rails. They’re exchanging smaller flurries of offense than I’m used to. Rowan tosses Bryan into the barricade for a break. Nice of them to start an extended sell after I mention it. Rowan keeps going with the beat down. Bryan got shut down on an apparent comeback. I’ve been trying to ignore the Slammy categories because they make my brain hurt. I think JBL drank before this show. Rowan misses a splash to get things moving in the right direction. Rowan slows him with a boot to the face. Roll up out of a guerrilla press slam for the win. (Next Day Edit: Roll up victory #2.)The lights go out. Bray Wyatt tells Rowan & Harper to stand down. Bray understands Bryan. Together they can bring the machine to it’s knees. Interesting. Will a storyline finally be complete with the Wyatt Family? (Next Day Edit: Of course this storyline will be completed and everyone will be crapped on like Alberto Del Rio after it’s over. See below.)

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