WrestleMania XXX Preview: Vickie Guerrero Divas Championship Invitational

Vickie-Guerrero-Divas-Championship-Invitational-for-WrestleMania-30Jeremy & Kevin are here to join you for a match that will surely act as a buffer between much more important matches. At the time of this recording, the rules of this Invitational were not defined. Since they were defined, our analysis has not been substantially changed. We are at least glad that Vickie Guerrero didn’t make it an elimination style match. Which of these ladies did Jeremy & Kevin forget were on the roster? Are they glad any of them are in this match? Will the Diva’s Division ever enjoy a renaissance like the tag team division or is Total Divas the best anyone can achieve? Even though we like to do predictions at the end of the show, is there anyone to pick other than AJ Lee or Naomi? Could Naomi’s big win happen in such a terrible multi-woman match? Will AJ continue to be made fun of for being proud to be Diva’s Champion if she wins? Find out that and more when you click on the link below!

 

WrestleMania XXX Preview Shows
WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match
WrestleMania XXX Preview: Bray Wyatt vs John Cena

Weekend Rewind – Survivor Series Predictions

future-crystal-ballJeremy and I attempted to predict the results of Survivor Series. I don’t remember Jeremy’s picks although they were generally the opposite of mine. I didn’t order the pay per view itself because as we discussed, the WWE didn’t give us much incentive to put down money on it. So let’s run through the results and see how I did.

Survivor Series Pre-Show

Kofi Kingston vs The Miz – We both agreed on this one. The newly minted heel would get the win. No one was surprised that the Miz won this one. We’re off to a good start.

Survivor Series

Rey Mysterio, Cody Rhodes, Goldust & The Usos vs The Shield & The Real Americans – My prediction was that Roman Reigns & Antonio Cesaro would be the sole survivors. I was half right since Reigns was the only survivor. One of the bigger surprises to me reading the results was the fact that Dean Ambrose got eliminated first, at the 2:15 mark. Jack Swagger got his just desserts next and got pinned second. The third elimination was another surprise to me because Antonio Cesaro was half of my prediction. The WWE has been pushing him pretty heavily but I will now assume him and Swagger will hold the Tag Team championships. If Cesaro had been a survivor, I would have expected him to get a singles push. For now, only Roman Reigns gets it.

Big E Langston vs Curtis Axel – Big E defended the Intercontinental Title successfully. This was not a surprise either. What was a surprise was Cody Rhodes admitting on ChadDukesWrestlingShow.com (by way of Prowrestling.net) that he paid for the white title strapped I.C. Title. He got refunded which is good because no one popped for it unless they were backstage.

Natalya, Eva Marie, Jojo, The Bella Twins & The Funkadctyls vs A.J. Lee, Tamina Snuka, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae, Aksana, Kaitlyn &  Rosa Mendes – Jeremy & I were wrong that it’d be a pin fall match up. We did however speculate that if they did go elimination style match that the pin falls would be rapid fire and that is exactly what happened. Natalya & Nikki ended up winning because they’re on Total Divas, which will be watched tonight by the woman & I.

Mark Henry vs Ryback – We had no prediction for this match because it wasn’t on the card. To no one’s surprise, the guy making the big return got the victory. Have fun with the de-push Ryback because it’s in full motion.

John Cena vs Alberto Del Rio – Cena is starting to become like the Undertaker during Wrestlemania season. I think there are only so many ways to build up a credible opponent for Taker at WM. Well, there’s only so many credible ways to build up opponents for Cena during the entire year now. His arm has been assaulted over and over again by Damien Sandow & Alberto Del Rio but it still didn’t lead to me thinking of Del Rio as a credible opponent. You do know Cena won, right?

CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs Luke Harper & Erick Rowan – I got this one wrong and Jeremy was right since Harper took the pin fall against Punk. I thought Bray Wyatt would interfere and cost the baby faces the match. That did not happen. The WWE was smart enough to have the Shield run rough shod over the WWE to look good. They are not giving the Wyatt Family as much love. They deserved to win in a cheating manner to keep their heat going. Instead the Wyatts are been following the buzzards in circles which keeps leading them back to where they started, nowhere.

Randy Orton vs Big Show – The Authority did as promised and no one physically got involved in this match. But they got us by using the classic music tease level of interference. It will continue to confound me as to why any wrestlers, baby face or heel, reacts to the music. You’ve seen it played out on TV at least once a month. It costs you matches! Watch some game film and be prepared for it. Jeremy & I agreed on this finish and were correct. The big take away from this Randy Orton win though is John Cena coming out and holding up his title as The Authority clapped for the Orton victory. Are we getting a unification match for the WWE & World Championships? It sure looks like it. Are Big E Langston & Dean Ambrose going to get a bump since they have the secondary titles? Looks of speculation to keep you hooked for Monday Night Raw. – Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio – Survivor Series Preview

Survivor-Series-2013-Wallpaper-HD

Google told me this is from BleacherReport.com

Jeremy & Kevin are back again as they promised for a Survivor Series preview. They start at the bottom which for this pay per view means the Miz versus Kofi Kingston. They quickly move along to the main card. Big E Langston will defend the IC Title against Curtis Axel. Which host wanted to see Big E get the win on the show instead of Raw? Which one thinks Big E will get a crowning win at the PPV anyway? Total Divas gets a match against an odd bunch of heels. Weren’t AJ Lee and Kaitlyn just feuding? Who was Diva of the Day so that Jeremy & Kevin could fawn over her? The guys start talking about the only traditional tag team match between The Usos, Cody Rhodes, Goldust & Rey Mysterio taking on The Shield & The Real Americans. The hosts are at odds again. Was it good for Mysterio to be revealed on Raw? Or should they have waited for the PPV? How many of these guys were in the Raw main event that Jeremy & Kevin loved? They both agree that helps keep them away from this show. How much luster is lost when our hosts realize Bray Wyatt isn’t a part of the Wyatt Family match with CM Punk & Daniel Bryan? Will he interfere or not? Again the hosts are split in their decision. The next match on the docket is John Cena defending his World Championship against Alberto Del Rio. How few words do they expend on this match because of it’s predictable ending? Last is Randy Orton defending his WWE Championship against Big Show. Is the WWE Title less important than the World Championship now? Do the hosts agree on the ending to this match? Find out when you click the link below.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Olympics Day 4 - Equestrian

From TheExaminer.com

I expect a nail biting Game 5 in St. Louis after a nail biter today in the ‘Burgh. I’ll hope Buctober keeps up for another round. Starting late so let’s roll.

We get a recap of what everyone on the internet was bitching about. I wasn’t that upset because A.) They didn’t promote the PPV B.) It’s an off PPV so I didn’t expect much C.) With more focus being put on Big Show than Randy Orton & Daniel Bryan, what did you expect? D.) I didn’t order the PPV because it was a throw away. Big Steph starts us off. She’s not being condescending so she isn’t fairing well. Plus, her being witchy with more pink than an NFL official is hard to take seriously. Big Show comes down to get berated. He laughs her off. Is it supposed to be an insult that Show doesn’t have a soul? Who thought that was a good insult? Probably the same people that thought last night’s ending to a PPV was a good idea. Big Show is fired. Like anyone believes that. Everyone who has ever been fired in wrestling has gotten their job back. (Next Day Edit: Even though I’m not that worked up about the angle, it doesn’t mean it’s good or the right thing to do.)

Dolph Ziggler gets a rematch against Damien Sandow. Hmm, that should be worded the other way around since Sandow lost. JBL’s logic for debunking Big Show’s claim is not sound at all. Thank goodness Mitchell Cool calls out JBL but drops his point way too early. They make us think this match matters by giving it a commercial. It doesn’t matter. Ziggler has been relegated since being concussed and Sandow has a losing streak gimmick after winning MITB. Mitchell Cool rubs dirt in the wound. Hey fuck-o from Texas, not a single team from that state made it to the playoffs. Remember that series when the Rangers lost to the Pirates in a sweep? Fame-Asser for the win. This match benefits no one. Stephanie gets to berate Brad Maddox. She blames him for everything. So, we get Vince back, right? And that’s why Big Show was giddy to get fired after a month of being sheepish? I love Maddox, but I don’t want him to waste my time with an apology.

Bruno Sammartino got a birthday song from the crowd. For some reason, the ladies get full entrances. Natalya is with Jojo & Eva Marie are against Aksana, Alicia Fox and Rosa Mendes. Why are the newbies in the ring? Actually, only Eva has gotten time. Discuss clothesline leads to a Sharpshooter tap out of Alicia. I want to drink. That’s what I should have been doing during the match. Brad Maddox interrupts the victory celebration so that the WWE can make up for their lapse in judgement in giving the ladies entrances. His apology is more shilling for the WWE App than it is sincere. Booker T is one of our choices for guest ref at HIAC for Daniel Bryan vs Randy Orton. Mitchell Cool gets to explain app installation. King acknowledges that they’re talking down to a majority of their audience. King, my 4 year old nephew can download an app. Is your crowd younger than that?

Los Matadores are taking on 3MB again. El Torrito gets main billing. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo. Diego = Primo.  Fernando = Epico. Drew McIntyre is back in the ring. They should protect Heath Slater more and keep him out of the matches more than they do. Even for a jobber group, the leader shouldn’t be taking the majority of falls. Double Samoan Drop for the win. El Torito head scissors Slater out of the ring. Pretty sure El Torito did more work than either team. (Next Day Edit: Unlike those other sites, I’ll fix my type-Os the next day. Torito only has 1 R. Thanks WWE.com)

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

I'm_ScrewedSo when you consistently do something like this blog, of course you want some level of fame. We have a decent little pocket of fans but it’d be nice to have more. Example of why we’re not going to have more. Jeremy has been texting me about Raw for at least the last month. Every time he asks me if I’ve seen segment X (which is usually at the 9 PM spot). I’ve told him no, I haven’t started yet. So he hits me up about the second interview I recorded last week to make sure he was editing things correctly. We got that cleared up and he asks me “Oh my god please tell me you are up to date on raw.” My answer was “Do you know what the name of my column? Dog walk then starting.” If I can’t get a fellow contributor to know what and how I run my column, what chance do I have roping in more fans? I’m screwed. Oh well, time to do the column any way. Let’s roll.

CM Punk kicks off the show and gets a bigger pop than I remember in a while for him. Ha, glad he steered away from sounding like Mick Foley and said right here…on Raw. By the way, super awesome to be doing this from my rebuilt Mac. Water is half way across the room. Brad Maddox re-appears. Punk busts him for not having an entrance song. Maddox is trying to hold it together and get off his lines. Big E Langston seems to accept Punk’s challenge. Did he get injured? I didn’t miss him. Langston whacks him with the mic. The match starts next!

Big E has the upper hand. JBL starts blowing Big E. He’s got everything except mic skills. Still haven’t seen enough of him in the ring to go one way or the other. Round house kick gets a two count for Punk. Big elbow drop then Punk sets up the GTS. Punk wins with it. Nice of the announcers to mention the Big E/Ryback similarities. Good spot for Big E. He’ll get a chance down the line.

Oh goody, we get Fandango versus Kofi Kingston. I barely pay attention trying to set up other stuff on the refurbished lap top. Kofi with the Trouble in Paradise. I lost everything except the hard drive. Lots of little things to fix. The Wyatt Family visits Kofi. Bray Wyatt wants everyone to fall down one at a time. Kofi doesn’t get beat down.

Holy crap, my boy Dolph Ziggler is on the pre-PPV match. Thanks Jack Swagger. Randy Orton creeps out the Bella Twins. He wants Brie to get married sooner rather than later because of what he will do to Daniel Bryan. Renee Young interviews Paul Heyman. He won’t be bullied by Punk any more. He stresses the us with him & CM Punk holding the title. Heyman has a plan for tonight and dares Punk to try. I haven’t watched any of these Matador vignettes. It’s ridiculous.

Holy shit. The midget has some serious moves. 3MB in the form of Heath Slater & Jinder Mahal are fighting Epico & Primo. As amazing as the little person was, big down grade from Rosa Mendes. (Next Day Edit: Jeremy & I can’t decide if El Torrito is a midget or a child. He looked too proportional to be a little person, right? I’d still rather see Rosa.) I didn’t expect this match to last this long. This is what Jeremy alerted me too. So ridiculous. They went more over the top than Fandango. Wow. Double Samoan Drop for the win. At least it was a team work finisher which is lacking these days.

It's got to be from WWE.com, right not beautifallwallworld.blogspot.com, right?

It’s got to be from WWE.com, right not beautifulwallworld.blogspot.com, right?

HHH & Big Steph come down to the ring first. HHH calls out the Rhodes family. Old school music hits. Condescending Steph is her best version. Condescending HHH is not as good. They acknowledge Dusty’s job with the WWE, I think for the first time. They need to beat Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns at Battle Ground and they have jobs. They all lose their jobs if they lose. Dusty just wants to be in their corner. Steph implies he’ll be beat up. The Shield beats them down. Captain America Believes In The Shield. All but cementing the Rhodeses return.

R Truth is taking on Curtis Axel for some reason. It’s actually a good match. Axel gets to learn from a vet who has some credibility with the crowd. I liked the modified Stunner from Truth. This crowd has been quite lively tonight. Punk’s music distracts Axel. R Truth hits Pay Dirt for the win. Heyman starts laughing realizing he got caught.

They give us a Total Divas review on Brie Bella & Daniel Bryan. The lady and I watched the mid-season finale last night. Column will be up tomorrow some time. Alicia Fox is taking on Brie with Nikki. The crowd is even behind Brie. Face buster for the win. Were they setting up dissension between the twins earlier? (Next Day Edit: Brie said something about being excited for winning the title then Nikki said something about “us” winning the title. Skinny sister vs Fat sister, I can’t wait!)

Curtis Axel is clutching his Intercontinental Title. Paul Heyman calms him down. Ryback comes in. He’s ready to give Punk what he wants. Heyman has a new outlook on life. Paul’s going to propose to Ryback. It’s too put on for me to ask the obvious. Renee Young gets to ask Big Show about his Smackdown appearance. HHH got to toss him a punk card. Big Show busts out the Damocles Sword reference. Big Show says he’s going to knock HHH out. I’m sure you won’t.

In case you were wondering about Damocles Sword.

In case you were wondering about Damocles Sword.

R Truth is talking to Brad Maddox about the IC Title. Big Show comes in and Truth does the smart thing and bolts. Show picks up Brad by the face. That looked scary. Okay, I understand the breast cancer thing but it’s completely ridiculous when the heels do it. Alberto Del Rio offended me. He gets to beat Zack Ryder. Has he made it on TV for a month straight now? Ryder bites it on a sling shot splash. He’s looked stronger than any of his other matches. I never expected him to be champ but he’s a useable wrestler at a minimum. Double stomp by Del Rio on Ryder. Cross Arm Breaker for the win. That was a quick turn around.

I have never noticed Ryback‘s song is “Meat On The Table.” Hilarious title. Paul Heyman gets to complain about Punk being a bully. They decide to get creepy as Ryback pats his cheek. Heyman has felt liberated since he met Ryback. Heyman wants to make an honest man out of Ryback. Paul drops to a knee and grabs Ryback’s hand. The crowd chanting “No!” is a riot. He asks him if he’ll become a “Paul Heyman guy”. Everyone groans because no one expected a real proposal. Ryback Mountain line by Lawler. Nice work. CM Punk “hurts” himself jumping the barricade. Ryback & Heyman stay in the ring. Punk tries to get in the ring. Punk pulls a kendo stick from under the ring and attacks Heyman & Ryback. Axel gets a beating too. Even steven booking says he loses at the PPV.

Dolph Ziggler waits for his team mates, the Usos. They’re taking on The Shield. Hey, didn’t the Usos just win the #1 Contendership last week? Why did it take me this long to remember this? Shouldn’t they be pissed that the Rhodes Family is swiping their spot. Mitchell Cool gets to explain Dusty Rhodes’s job a little more. Why did the Shield hold on to Jimmy Uso? Dumb bells. Dive over the top rope second week running. If you keep showing the break footage from the app, I will continue to not download it. They only show it for matches which would be the only time I’d pay attention anyway. Reigns over shoots Jimmy. Super kick gets him space. Dolph gets the hot tag. He’s in against Ambrose again. Fame asser but Reigns breaks it up. Reigns with a spear on Ziggler for the win. The ref mentioned the tag before Ziggler got belted. Big Show is still in HHH’s office.

Big Show is still there. Police come. He’s been threatening a WWE employee. Big Steph talks the cops back. Steph also says that Big Show hasn’t been measuring up to his wife’s expectations either. Weird story line. Big Show angry at HHH poster. I hope Big Show knows how to patch drywall. Renee Young interviews RVD. We get more Youtube videos. I agree with the No. 1 pick. He got some killer distance on that. About what you expect RVD in the promo department. (Next Day Note: 3 appearances by the backstage interviewer is a lot, right? Seems like more than normal to me. I guess she’s more camera ready than Josh Matthews.)

I have no idea why this was under "Damocles Sword" search. Enjoy it anyway from bikernet.com

I have no idea why this was under “Damocles Sword” search. Enjoy it anyway from bikernet.com

Santino Marella & The Great Khali are taking on, oh no, it’s a singles match. Santino againts Antonio Cesaro of the Real Americans. They show the great swing. Santino goes for the Cobra. Cesaro does the swing again. He’s found his gimmick for TV time that used to be his gimmick in ROH. Santino Judo rolls him for the win. Zeb Colter’s disappointing face needs to be posted by now. (Next Day Note: I checked Google to no avail.)

Jerry Lawler invites Daniel Bryan and Randy Orton down to the ring. Orton gets to rehash his change in attitude. Bryan wants Orton to know that he’s never needed anyone’s motivation to become the best. He’s made himself the best. Orton ends up beating down Bryan. Brie Bella comes out for the save when Orton goes for the hanging DDT. Orton still drops him. Drama! Orton tears apart the announcers table. RKO as if the table somehow makes that worse. Brie yells at Orton. So Bryan wins the belt then? That makes no sense. – Kevin

Breaking Down AJ Lee Destroying #TotalDivas

From Facebook.com

From Facebook.com

Jeremy:  so watched that AJ segment again. i don;t understand why they did that. They buried a successful show and in process turned the heel champ face

Kevin:  That segment was awesome & bizarre because of the reasons you listed.
Jeremy:  I understand they want to get a feud going and that makes sense but damn. She didn’t say one incorrect thing. Even heels will distort truth but she didn’t.
Kevin:  I do think that’s the odd thing about the show though. For all of its’ vapidness, it’s one of the better reality shows I’ve watched.
That’s not saying a whole lot but it is giving the ladies a personality.
Jeremy:  I am getting a little worn down. Maybe the formula for those shows is set the players, conflict, resolution. They always wrap up their issues instead of long arcs. So it comes off really scripted. They have personalities then go on TV and have completely different ones.
Kevin:  It’s really tough to keep track of the Funkadactyls because they’re the only ones on the show who have different stage names than their real names.
Jeremy:  The thick one is Trinity? The other one is annoying and too skinny.
Kevin:  That is the other funny thing, I know them by their real names but not their stage names. Ariane is the lighter skinned, smaller one. Trinity is the darker skinned, booty having, Uso dating one.
From WWE.com

From WWE.com

Jeremy:  Cameron? Naomi is Trinity? But look, who cares cause, well, Trinity….delicious.
Kevin:  Yes she is.
Jeremy:  Of the women on the show she is about the only one to even consider dating. Natalie would be fine if you liek pushovers.

Kevin:  Nattie would be fine but you’d end up hearing her say “Put it in my Hart Dungeon” and I’d go limp.
Jeremy:  As long as she meant that ass I am fine with it. I do admire how all of the men on the show are doofuses excpet for the main eventers.
Kevin:  Do you consider Jon Uso a main eventer? He seems fairly likeable. Every other guy though is an idiot.
Jeremy:  He has been OK and no chance he is a main eventer, I just meant Cena and Daniel Bryan
Kevin:  I didn’t think he was in that category but had to ask since he’s been fine. Cena has gotten more time or is more vocal than Bryan so he’s turned me more.
Jeremy:  Cena has been the star for me. he steals every scene. Him essentially telling Nikki to slow down was classic.
then he teaches her Chinese as well as giving her essential life lessons that a nine year old could give.
Kevin:  Kind of says something about their parents that they didn’t get a lesson a nine year old should learn
Jeremy:  Part of me hopes this is all a set up and the end of the season she dumps him or he gives bad advice and it all blows up.
Kevin:  She’s not going to break up with him so option 2 is a possibility.
Jeremy:  Yeah I had those backwards. One other important part of the AJ Lee beat down last night and you touched on it in your Raw review is that the Bellas were terrible. I kept commenting how AJ is right there get to walking broads. Instead all they did was screech from ringside. It was embarrassing.
Kevin:  “Come say it to my face.” How fucking dumb. That’s reserved for when they do the promo from satellite or back stage. Hell, even if AJ would have had Big E standing behind her it would have made more sense. But he wasn’t and she was on the damn stage. I about died from laughter when you texted the comment about them skipping after the beat down.

Jeremy:  Yup no Big E
Kevin:  That isn’t even a half assed response. It’s not a response.
Jeremy:  Have to think that was on purpose as well, she’s standing on her own with it. I am not even giving the Bellas a pass even though the other three just stood there.Show some god damn emotion bitches
Kevin:  At least the baby faces looked disgusted and waved their hands at her as in “Get out of here, we’re wrestlers too” so even though it was a weak response, it was a better than the Bellas.
Jeremy:  I am not sure giving the “talk to the hand” motion really qualifies as better. Nattie had somewhat of a smirk on her face but that was about it.

Kevin:  Anything is better than dancing “ring around the posies” style after getting a verbal beat down. It’s not even a good response but it’s better than dancing.
Jeremy:  That was douche chill inducing. Then it made me think of The Bellas interfering in a match using a duck call or something?
Kevin:  I don’t remember that if it happened. Wasn’t quite sure of the Bellas & Eva Marie’s outfit choices but they did stand out and have some style.
Jeremy:  Well Eva Marie will stand out based on her hair and height. Her heels prevented her from skipping which made that scene just awkward.
Kevin:  I wish I would have re-watched it just to catch that. Eva does look like a stork out there compared to the rest of the lot.

Jeremy:  She looked like a Waterpillar out there with the Bellas dancing all over the place
Kevin:  I may have fallen over laughing from the stupidity of it all if she started doing the sprinkler dance as they danced around her.
Jeremy:  It isn’t exactly her fault but she should have been more prepared. I figure they were having a good life or a healthy cringe during that.,
Kevin:  They all should have been more prepared.
Jeremy:  Isn’t the rule of live entertainment “Always be prepared”? I am still chalking it up to a lack of talent.
Kevin:  Yeah, I’m thinking that’s why the WWE isn’t featuring them. The whole division blows.
Kaitlyn deserves better than the usual scorned woman schtick but I’m pretty sure she’s not the next Trish Stratus.
Jeremy:  I was wondering why AJ and Kaitlin were not on the show. Aksana as well, get the international flavor.
From Fanpop.com

From Fanpop.com

Kevin:  How dare you forget about Rosa! But it makes no sense for them not to use the whole division. Rosa, Tamina & Layla, with a possible late arrival of Summer Rae would have gotten all of the division on the show.
Jeremy:  Oh wow. yeah forgot about her, that cast would have made the show so much better.
Kevin:  Only thing I can think of is that they thought too many “characters” would be on the show if they did the whole division.
 Jeremy:  No I meant excuse the entire first cast outside of Trinity of course. I suppose there is always next season.
Kevin:  The WWE doesn’t like to renew shows that are doing well like NXT so this one will probably get cancelled too.
 Jeremy:  Well the ratings dictate a renewal but it is on E! so may be out of their hands.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

GG-Park-Disc-GolfI didn’t travel to San Francisco to play frisbee golf but that was the hardest thing I did all weekend. The lady & I went on both Saturday and Sunday to separate courses in town. Hopefully I’ll toss a few more rounds this coming weekend. I guess sitting in a theater for Man of Steel strained me about as much. I had no idea Superman’s dad was supposed to sort of a bad ass. I’ve never been able to get behind that particular comic. Having only a weird substance that isn’t found on Earth (I’m guessing) as a weakness always seemed silly to me. Any who. Let’s roll.

The Shield is individually introduced so that HHH can come to the ring. The crowd is still very pro HHH. I’m not surprised this isn’t working. As I type that, the crowd starts to boo after he gets on the stick. We get to see the end of Summerslam on free TV a week later. HHH offers to be the bigger man with Daniel Bryan and tells him they can get into a business relation. HHH makes me go find the ratings from last week because I don’t normally care. Holy crap, if way up means the 3.24 rating then our hits our way up for the site. HHH is giving Randy Orton a hideous & large SUV. Randy Orton barely talks for the second week in a row when Daniel Bryan interrupts. I’m still amazed at how he’s picked up the promos. I’ll mention again that I didn’t see him much in ROH. But he wasn’t that great on NXT. HHH gets to go back to sucking after doing really well last week. Randy Orton is an A player who evidently is so much of an A, he can’t cut his own promos. Oh boy, I wonder if he’s going to beat Rollins & Ambrose then he either valiantly loses to Reigns or they gang up on him and he wins the battle but loses the war. JBL towing the company line with no looks of disgust or barbs from Jerry Lawler or Mitchell Cool is pathetic.

Cody Rhodes comes out to wrestle Summer Rae & Fandango. Damien Sandow is on the headset. Fandango’s music hits and the Miz comes out dancing with, where have you been Rosa Mendes? Brad Maddox gives us a tag match. He kills me when he tells us how obvious the teams are. They get a commercial break. I hope they team Rosa with the Miz for my eyeballs. Fandango sells out his partner. Skull Crushing Finale for the win. Fandango has mic in hand at the top of the ramp. Lawler calls Cody’s trip a good idea. JBL doesn’t call him out. I hope mediocrity isn’t rubbing off on him.

Christian is backstage with Josh Matthews. He tries to talk his way around insulting the McMahons. Randy Orton interrupts so he can still flex his mic skills. Christian is ready for a fight. Standard. Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel are excited about the fan vote after being bummed about it. Okay.

The match up is after the break. Of course “In Ring” is the option. Punk still has the crowd behind him quite well, thank you very much. Punk is a dumb baby face for going after Heyman early. Punk in control for another break. Axel got some offense in but it’s mostly been an extended squash match. GTS for a win after another short spurt of Axel offense. Paul balks at coming to the ring. Someone interferes, right? Heyman runs backstage. Security brings him out. Axel with a low blow. Punk gets handcuffed behind his back. Punk gets in some kicks but takes a beating with weapons. I’m loving these segments. Heyman is gold right now.

JoJo gets to be guest ring announcer. Natalya is out of the chute with the Funkadactyls. Brie Bella is escorted by Nikki & Eva Marie. Brie has an interesting outfit on. Not sure I dig the Taylor Swift like high tights. Brie with a Facebuster for a win. AJ Lee makes an appearance. She runs down Total Divas. This makes her awesome so the crowd cheers. The Bellas tell her to say it to our face. Um, she’s on the ramp, you can go to her. Why is she cutting a baby face promo? Great stuff out of AJ.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Brad-Pitt-fight-club-body

I was a lazy ass for the site for this past week. I’ll home that trend doesn’t continue. I’m bummed that I didn’t get to my Guinness post for St. Patrick’s Day. That still may be coming. I still have to review the 6 beers I had in Nashville that are all brewed in the fine state of Tennessee. I only have one game to attend this week so I’ll hope to get typing more. Let’s roll.

John Cena comes out in black & gold in Pittsburgh to try and get a better crowd reaction. It doesn’t help. His promo doesn’t have Wrestlemania Main Event written anywhere near it. Glad John passed by the Pirates. They have a great history, just not a recent one. This skit is leading to a squash match. Woof. I like the Prime Time Players most of the time. This one was a terrible effort at an inopportune time. This squash match even gets a commercial break. Just wow. Forget what I said two weeks ago about the WWE writers waking up. Five Knuckle Shuffle & AA finishes the match after the break. Recap of Smackdown with Mark Henry, Ryback & the Shield. That was the next break.

David Otunga is fodder for Ryback. The crowd finally gets to the chanting for the clothesline. Shell shock. I’m glad he’s addressing Mark Henry. Vickie makes their match for Wrestlemania. I guess SD has a story line for this week. Granted, everyone knows that the Big Show is going to be the other partner. I was scratching my head watching SD.

Holy cow, another Smackdown recap. They are loving the Fandango. The Great Khali is coming down to the ring for some reason. Fandango wants Natalya to take a crack at his name. He’s going into a Brian Fantana/Ron Burgundy territory hitting on her. I wonder if he’s going to have the parquet by the time they hit Cbus in late April.

I’m kind of digging the R Truth wife beater. The whole outfit is a bit much. Damien Sandow is a good foil for him. I liked both of their promos more than Cena’s. Sandow saves himself by rolling out of the ring and getting counted out. Am I smelling a Rhodes Scholars vs R Truth & Kofi Kingston at Wrestlemania? Kaitlyn interrupts the Bellas who are fawning over Cody‘s mustache. I think I smell a Diva’s Title match too. Rhodes should drop the Bellas. Not even a contest.

Undertaker allows me time to catch up. Undertaker is short and to the point. CM Punk playing with the urn is awesome. I’ve loved his switch in focus away from the title reign length. Good stuff but not much to it.

Daniel Bryan & Kane are taking on Rosa Mendes with Epico & Primo. Mitchell Cool said that the mask hides Kane’s expressions. I guess he’s missed every single skit with these two since they’ve been together. Kane looks like he’s going to finish off Primo when AJ Lee skips around the ring. Epico takes the loss instead. Big E Langston & Ziggler vs these two for the titles at WM? Chris Jericho is proud of his Intercontinental Championship total. He’s interrupted by Fandango. Silly Jericho has been in full effect since his babyface turn. He’s not all that funny in this mode.

My mutt Kia can’t decide where to sleep tonight. She just took my spot on the couch. I skip over Alberto Del Rio‘s introduction. At least he has stopped using the car entrance. Cody Rhodes gets to lose to him.  The old shoulder into the post trick gets Rhodes his save face offense. Scratch on that. We do get a commercial break. The live crowd got to see most of Cody’s offense. Mitchell Cool explaining the Cross Arm Breaker like it was a complicated concept was really weird. A part of the crowd starts chanting “USA!” Cody Rhodes taps out. Jack Swagger ambushes Del Rio again. What a fall by Rodriguez. Looked like he rolled thru fairly well though. Zeb Colter gets to back up so that Swagger can save him. Good sell job by Ricardo too.

Booker T is going into the Hall of Fame. Good for him. I would have expected him to get the nod when they go to Texas again.

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Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

San Jose at CBJ

Time to motor thru an episode of Raw. I’ll fill in the amusing details of the Columbus Blue Jackets experience later.

Paul Heyman gets to pontificate to start the show. After a recap of course. He is doing a great job of selling himself as the victim. CM Punk wants things to go back to normal. Heyman mouthing “Thank you God” is hilarious. My girl disagrees. I thought they both solid the sickening love-fest well.

The Great Khali gets to lose to Mark Henry for the I don’t know how many-eth time. The girl starts the hate on Henry because he has small eyeballs. World’s Strongest Slam. Henry stalks Hornswoggle. The crowd chants “One more time” as Lawler complains.

Booker T & Teddy Long are trying to talk jive when Chris Jericho arrives. Y2J wants in the Chamber. He has to beat someone who is in the Chamber already. He has to beat Daniel Bryan. Booker tries not to laugh at Jericho. We get our GM fill with Vickie Guerrero. Paul Heyman wants time. He gets speaker phone time with Vince. They go with the DQ title change over stipulation. Seems like a good bickering point when Punk loses. I look up this video because of “The Dazzler” signs in the crowd.

Chris Jericho is out after the break. Bryan is starting to look really weird. The wet hair is a special odd ball touch. Fun match until the break. No surprise out of these two. This match has show cased Bryan as much as any recent match. Nice reversal into the No Lock. Sort of. Code Breaker. Jericho is in the Chamber. Fun match. I’d love to see them in a longer match.

Ryback, Sheamus & John Cena get to decimate 3MB. Sometimes it’s hard to believe Drew McIntyre was anointed by Vince about the same time Sheamus broke in. Triple finisher. I want to puke. Triple promo. Double puke. Alex Riley & Yoshi Tatsu get camera time just to get beat up by Big Show. Congrats guys.

The Big Show knocks out Matt Striker to start the interview. Then says nothing. Interesting.

Jack Swagger gets a manager. Zeb Colter is his name. I think. Zack Ryder gets to lose to him. Patriot Act. Snooze. Rinse, repeat. Take your choice. Swagger introduces Colter. He gives the standard “We hate the foreigners” trope. Booker T puts Swagger in the Elimination Chamber. Dolph Ziggler shows off his briefcase. He wants in the Chamber. Big E Langston speaks up. Booker T has an opponent in mind. It’s Kane.

Cody Rhodes gets downgraded already by getting to lose to the Miz while Antonio Cesaro is in the booth. The Miz attacks Cesaro so they won’t sacrifice Cody. Nice choice. The Miz swinging was a nice touch by Cesaro.

Brodus Clay & Tensai are still teaming. Only way to be a good tag team now, odd couple. I wish Rosa Mendes was dancing. Epico & Primo are getting rag dolled. Tensai splash for the win. The Funkettes take out Rosa Mendes. The flip over the top ropes was pretty sweet.

Dean Ambrose starts off the talking for the Shield. They all get their turns. They make a threat. The faces wait it out and turn out the lights. I have no idea how any one of the Shield wins at EC. They’ve had their asses handed to them in any even handed situation for their whole run.

Damien Sandow gets the mic. He runs down country music in a much more high brow manner than anyone ever. I do feel welcome. Alberto Del Rio is his opponent. Wow, Sandow dropped that elbow way too early. This match is ending with a quickness. Cross arm breaker. At least Cody got protected with a DQ. Wade Barrett gets attacked by Bo Dallas as he goes to the ring for a match.

Kofi Kingston is Barrett’s opponent. Barrett uses the old Fit Finlay apron trick. Wow, it knocked out Kingston. Oh, it was the Bull Hammer Elbow. Makes more sense.

I’m finally at Kane versus Dolph Ziggler. It should be the other match worth watching on this ridiculously long show. Snooze city before the break. Big E tries to intimidate Kane. It buys Ziggler time. Kane choke slams Ziggler even after AJ’s distraction. Ziggler is looking like such a tool these days. I just don’t get it.

The Rock starts talking at 11 PM. I only tape until 11:10. I could miss the ending. The Rock goes story time. CM Punk interrupts. The ladies love a shirtless Rock. Heyman trips the Rock. Punk nails the GTS. Hey, a heel got over going into a PPV. They got something right. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

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What a strange start to the evening. I’m not even talking about watching American Horror Story: Asylum. I’ll get into that later. Maybe. I’m being told about the shenanigans at my girl’s office party. That’s going to be a blast on Friday.

The intro reminded me of a problem the WWE has, technology isn’t always your friend. The videos from the Shield are too crisp. A promotion like Prime Wrestling, though less advanced in technology department, lends itself to this type of video. Krimson has been the king of them. They look gritty and real. The Shield’s videos, again, are nicely produced and use the static photoshop function. It’s like a high tech Instagram. Dolph Ziggler gets to start the show. Nice. He cuts a solid promo. Sheamus gets to throw some jabs at him. I like the new shirt but I have a column up my sleeve talking about t shirt differences with other companies. The Big Show gets to warn Sheamus and Dolph Ziggler. Sheamus dumps Ziggler to the outside to end things. About par for the course for my boy. No respect.

Antonio Cesaro & Kofi Kingston are at the announce desk with Wade Barrett when Vince McMahon comes out to cut a promo. What the fuck is going on? Are those three gentlemen supposed to get a rub? My woman is on to Vickie Guerrero’s wardrobe again. She’s pretty sure she only wears one pair of shoes. I think we missed Vickie being given a match against AJ Lee later in the night. R Truth comes out after that frankenpromo. I’m not sure what happened to Kofi’s mic skills. Cesaro isn’t any better behind the headset. Barrett loses to R Truth with a roll up. I want toss my computer. Why are you doing that to Barrett?

AJ Lee is excited backstage. She even hugs Kaitlyn. AJ walks into the men’s locker room. This could be the funniest thing John Cena has ever done. The Prime Time Players, Epico & Primo and the Usos are in the ring while Cody Rhodes comes to the ring with a pedo mustache. The two teams no one cares about start the thing. Mitchell Cool ripping Lawler for the reused jokes. Awesome. Primo gets pinned. No one cares that a commercial is happening.

Jey Uso is working over Damien Sandow. I’ve been surprised, holy shit, they beat the PTP during the commercial break? I was talking about the Usos. They do get an oddly good reaction as I noted in my live report. The third frog splash gets the knees. Cody with the Cross Rhodes. The right team won.

Alicia Fox is wearing a Marines inspired outfit. First time I’ve taken note of her in a while. Eve Torres is her opponent because they’ve got no idea what to do with the Diva’s Division. Why did Eve kick out after faking the injury? Alicia looking awfully strong. Eve with the neck breaker. Snooze. She’s posing over Alicia Fox. OK, kind of funny.

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