Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

the-ultimate-warriorSo I have completely forgotten what my introduction was going to be tonight. I had something in mind earlier today and I should have written it. Oh well. Let’s roll.

They start off with a nice Warrior Tribute. It’s tough to see. I loved him as a child. I thought he was walking funny last week while we were at Raw but in no way was I expecting that. It still hurts a little bit. Another bummer from today was the passing of Otto Petersen who was a ventriloquist comedian. I’ll post some of his stuff later. I always got a laughed at his material when he was on Opie & Anthony.

Alberto Del Rio takes on RVD is a tournament to take on Big E Langston for the IC Title. Does someone really want a shot at that title? Nothing much happening before the break. We missed Rolling Thunder but not. Del Rio counters the split legged moonsault. Del Rio only gets a two from a Backstabber. RVD nails a heel kick when Del Rio came off the top rope. Del Rio catches RVD going to the top. An enziguri only gets Del Rio a two count. Thank goodness the scissor pin didn’t work. IT’s worse than a regular roll up. Five Star Frog Splash. I’m expecting him to job to Cesaro after his win later tonight. Enough with the brackets already!

After a nice little video package, Stephanie, HHH, Randy Orton & Batista are talking. I just can’t take JBL seriously. It’s okay for the boss to assault the wrestler but it’s not okay for the wrestler to assault the boss. I remember watching the Ultimate Warrior beating Honky Man. Man, would I bitch about how short that match is now after a nice long build up. Then, I was happy as a clam. Funny what time will do to you.

HHH is coming out of his talk about the World Title situation. Stephanie knows who can stop the Shield. Nobody can stop Evolution if we stay on the same page. Batista & Randy Orton sell HHH down the river. It smells of set up to me. (Next Day Note: I was wrong. Stupid Shield. Granted Evolution did resolve their difference so same end result that I was expecting.) Rybaxel is taking on Goldust & Cody Rhodes. Goldust starts against Curtis Axel. Goldust gets the upper hand and tags in Cody Rhodes. Goldust comes back in to work over Axel. Curtis creates an opening and tags in Ryback. They tag in and out to work over Goldust. Cody gets in and goes to work on Ryback. I love when Mitchell Cool has to say “He just barely got him.” Is that worse than going “Wow, he really blew that spot?” Cody nailed Axel with the Disaster Kick. He went to do it to Ryback who caught him with the Meathook Clothesline for the win.

They did a good job of informing us who don’t watch NXT what Paige is all about. I was thinking it was Sara Del Ray who came out. I could do without the Goth White Face. She is taking on Alicia Fox. I can’t believe she’s only 21. I didn’t think she was old but wow. I was asking if anyone extra young could make it in the WWE these days. Alicia Fox is whooping on Paige for the beginning of the match. A thrust kick to the stomach stops Fox. Paige does a triple clothesline. Paige locks in a modified Scorpion Cross Lock, at least according to Cool. She seems to be getting a lot from Ms Chif’s character.

The Usos are taking on Batista & Randy Orton for some revenge. They get off to a quick start with the double over the rope splash. The new chest tattoo has thrown me and the announce team for a loop on which Uso is which. I don’t remember Cool saying anything on Smackdown either. I know one is larger than the other but I still have a hard time telling them apart. Batista & Orton are beating one of them down. It looks like Batista is wearing soccer shin pads. Orton goes on the attack against the other one. The Shield takes out Orton for the DQ. They surround Batista. Superman punch sends Batista outside where Orton drags him away. I’m not sure why the Shield would do that. Let Batista & Orton stay off of Hunter’s agenda as long as possible. I was so pumped up watching Wrestlemania VI.

HHH greets Batista & Randy Orton then walks away. I think that was well done. It’s officially even more awesome that Paul Heyman gets to gloat about Brock Lesnar breaking the Streak than the Streak continuing. I was a little skeptical of Lesnar being the one but the reason I didn’t want it to happen, mostly he had the credentials already, are also a perfect argument for why he should have won too. Heyman then introduces Cesaro. He is taking on Mark Henry. Cesaro is just going straight at Henry which is having moderate success. Flying Uppercut knocks down Henry finally. Neutralizer for the win. Do they give him the IC Title? They haven’t done much with Big E recently.

HHH is talking to Brad Maddox. He is to relay a message to the Shield about their match in the main event. I’m disappointed that Maddox is reduced to this little air time. I think he’s a good character. Lana introduces Alexander Rusev. I asked last week on the Facebook & Twitter why Rusev wasn’t over like some of the other NXT call ups. The one response I got said it’s because he’s not as quick as the others. I can see that angle. I think the whole from another country gimmick isn’t working like it once used to. (Next Day Note: Alberto Del Rio hasn’t exactly gotten over being Mr. Mexico. The Great Khali & Jinder Mahal haven’t gotten heat at different times for being from India. Sheamus isn’t over because he’s from Ireland. Sure, the fighting thing factors into his popularity which has “stemmed” from being Irish but I think people like brawlers in general.) People aren’t viewing him as Commie scum from Bulgaria. Rusev taps out Xavier Woods with a camel clutch.

I loved that blue cage. It took me a while to get used to the cage that I feel hasn’t changed much since I started watching again in 1997. Jack Swagger is taking on Sheamus in the IC Title Tournament.  Swagger gets dumped to the outside. Sheamus is ready to club Swagger when Zeb Colter distracts him. Swagger would make sense as an opponent for Big E. I’m not sure Sheamus loses to Swagger. He could lose to Bad News Barrett. Swagger misses a charge in the corner. Sheamus takes advantage. Sheamus with a new running knee in the corner. (Next Day Note: I mentioned that move because I don’t think I’ve seen that from Sheamus before.) Sheamus gets in the clubbing now. Sheamus sling shots himself into a Patriot Lock. Sheamus powers out of it. Swagger attacks Sheamus’s knee. Brogue Kick out of nowhere for the win. As soon as I saw the brackets, I knew my boy was losing so this result confirmed it.

Damien Sandow is mad because Big Show made his entrance during his speech. It helps make his point. Well played WWE. Big Show ends up KOing him when he gets in his face later. (Next Day Note: Good promo but it goes for naught when Show goes over. It was funny but I’m not sure I want Sandow to be a comedy act.) The Wyatts are next.

Birmingham, we’re here. Bray Wyatt is different. He has never lied to the crowd. John Cena is lying to us all. He is beast. Wyatt calls out Cena. The Wyatts can’t take on the Shield now too, right? This is too long of a segment. John Cena answers the call. He makes his usual jokes about their outfits. He’s getting a mixed reaction to the Roll Tide comment. Oh Jiminy Cricket. It’s Photoshop class. John Cena ends up challenging him to a steel cage match because those always keep people out.  (Eyes rolling.)

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Fandango gets an inset promo where Layla El gets to fawn him. It’s one way to repackage him. He won on Smackdown so I assume the momentum will continue. Layla tags in to save Fandango from the Cobra. Emma locks in “the Dilemma”.  Santino takes out Fandango but it distracts Emma. Layla takes advantage, yanks Emma off the middle rope and pins her. Stephanie gets to berate Kane. He’s quibbled with people lower than him. Stephanie talks up his mean streak. Kane stares at the mask and then uncovers it. Kane is going to send Daniel Bryan to the depths of hell. I’m frightened! (Next Day Note: It does give Bryan something to do while Batista & Orton deal with The Shield and Lesnar enjoys his time off.)

Bad News Barrett is going to beat my boy Dolph Ziggler. Barrett got in the offense early. Ziggler made a brief come back. Ziggler got tossed against a ring post. Commercial. Barrett rams his own shoulder into the ring post. Ziggler cross body blocks him then punches a lot. Waste Land but Ziggler kicks out. Barrett goes for a pump handle slam but Ziggler reverses out and nails a Fame Asser. These people have a low threshold for awesome. Barrett takes too long on the top rope. Facebuster off the top ropes on a second attempt. Ziggler only gets a two count. Even Mitchell Cool isn’t buying what the crowd is selling. Ziggler kicks out of the Winds of Change. Ziggler reverses out of some stuff but ends up catching the Bull Hammer Elbow for the Barrett win. (Next Day Note: It was almost like an ROH match with Ziggler kicking out of 2 old finishers except it’s been made obvious that the Elbow is his finisher. Waste Land was pretty lame as a finisher so I’m good with it.)

The Shield are facing Alberto Del Rio, Jack Swagger, Fandango, 3MB, Titus O’Neil, Rybaxel, Alexander Rusev and Wade Barrett. If the team with more men doesn’t use it to their advantage, the Shield can win. Seth Rollins gets to take the beating for the Shield. Reigns takes out Ryback but the rest of the team assaults him. Rollins dives over the rope onto everyone. I know Bryan can’t help but shouldn’t some other people help? Someone else doesn’t like the Authority, right? Evolution comes down and lays waste to the Shield after they’re beaten. You know, this may not have been the WWE’s plan when Batista came back. But I love it a hell of a lot more than any conceivable Batista baby face run. – Kevin

Wrestlemania XXX: Live Version

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Since we attended Wrestlemania XXX, it was a little tough to do an “Almost Live” review so I posted after each match some thoughts over on our Facebook page. Just to get something up, I’ll expand on these points.

Very good opening match. No idea why it was on the pre-show other than time constraints.

We had no idea why this match got bumped to the pre-show but it’s pretty obvious that the segment after this bumped this match down a notch. The match itself was a lot of fun. The Usos weren’t going to lose considering how recently they won the tag titles. It was good to see Cesaro and Jack Swagger break up but it is a little weird that Cesaro is probably the “We the People” guy now despite the fact that Zeb Colter stuck with Swagger after the post match dust up.

I’m pretty sure my voice will be shot by the end of the night.

We all knew that Hulk Hogan was hosting Wrestlemania at the Silver Dome, brother. I had also seen reports that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was in town. I had no idea that “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was in town so I certainly pooped for him the most. It also helps that between the three, he’s my favorite. What a fun moment it was to see the three biggest stars of the WWF/E in the ring to kick off the big show. Having Hogan stumble over the name of the place is hilarious. R Truth was probably celebrating in the back since he is officially off the hook as the last boob to forget where he was.

Good match, won’t be surprised if people thought the pacing was slow. Good reversals.

We saw the stage hands setting up HHH’s entrance as the above segment was going on so we knew HHH vs Daniel Bryan was coming first. I did like HHH’s entrance set up. He has been know to over do it but the slave girls taking off the cape and him removing his helm had a cool look to it. I would be interested to know the last time that HHH wrestled this early on the card. Even though we couldn’t hear the announcers, it was obvious they were selling Bryan as still injured from his attack since he had a wrap on his left shoulder. I was surprised that Stephanie didn’t play a larger role in the match though she did act great at ring side. The match was paced well to me but as noted, I wouldn’t be surprised if people complained about it. A lot of mat wrestling and reversals so it wasn’t as high paced as most matches are now. HHH is not the new variety of athlete. After Daniel Bryan won, he was still popular.

Hands in the air who think the opening segment went long & caused the Shield match to be that short?

Considering that the New Age Outlaws haven’t been a hit in the ring since their return and Kane has barely wrestled since turning in to Corporate Kane, I’m not exactly arguing with the beat down they received from the Shield but I did want to see Ambrose (I’m enjoying his character more again), Reigns and Rollins in the ring more. Oh well, no big loss. It’s their yard for the future. Now will they break up soon like the Real Americans?

My voice is definitely shot after Cesaro winning the Battle Royal.

Battle Royals suck to start with but when they only announce Sheamus & Big Show, you have no idea who all is in the ring. Considering they had “mystery participants” we figured they’d be announced but they weren’t. When you’re seated in a solid but still far away location, they suck even more. It did provide for a “Holy Shit” moment when Cesaro picked up Big Show and made him the last elimination. I popped big time as I was hoping they wouldn’t do the Andre – Big Show comparison for the first win. Cesaro taking the pin in the first match was a small price to pay for the big win. My voice and Jeremy’s are both shot so an audio post Wrestlemania wasn’t happening.

Is that Sister Abigail? and Not a fan of the outcome even if that’s what I thought would happen.

These comments were obviously in regards to the John Cena vs Bray Wyatt match. It was a night for victories for the young guys but not in this match. Granted, there’s some obvious differences to me. Bray Wyatt hasn’t been around quite a year. John Cena has more mileage left than Big Show, Kane, NAO and HHH. Wyatt can bounce back and has plenty of time to do so. The story of this match also didn’t seem to fit the action in the ring either. The temptation of Jesus, I mean John Cena, didn’t seem to be in the story telling leading up to the match. This match needed more context and you don’t get that live.  I did dig Wyatt’s entrance or else I wouldn’t have talked about “Sister Abigail.”

To say that was unexpected is an understatement. 21-1.

Brock Lesnar provided the biggest shock of the night against the Undertaker. I still don’t fully understand why this decision was made. Lesnar didn’t need the credibility. Jeremy made a good point that no matter who broke the streak, they were going to be hated. The WWE has done their best to make the Beast hated but it has failed. Part of the problem may be the mostly split crowds no matter what the match up. We heard enough HHH chants during the opener, I was openly saying “Let’s go Cena and Cena sucks” and there were Brock fans. This is the best they could do to bring out hate for someone. I still believe that Taker okay-ed it so maybe there’s something in store for tonight. Maybe a retirement for the Undertaker. Brock now going after the WWE Title. Both are possibilities. Jeremy & I cheered when the ref counted three. I’m geeked that I saw history. 21-1.

This might be the first time I’ve said this, but I feel bad for the Divas.

As our good friend Shahid Abdul-Hadi said “first and last time” that I’ll say anything like that. The Divas have been stuck in this spot for a couple of years now. They know they’re the rest match between the two main events. To make matters worse, people were pissed or still in shock from the Undertaker’s loss. I thought it was a creative loss for Naomi who wasn’t going to have her big win for the Divas Title in a fourteen woman match. AJ Lee gets some heat for cheating which should help their feud unless the WWE feels the need to include all of the Total Divas in matches going forward.

 That was an expected ending. Let’s see how the #YesMovement continues.

Daniel Bryan, by far, got the biggest response of the night. Batista and Randy Orton were just window dressing but they provided plenty of good action. I was disappointed that HHH & Stephanie felt compelled to inject themselves into this match but it was a quick and painless dispatching by Bryan helped to minimize that damage. Their appearance does make sense from a story line perspective though. In a night without any NO DQ or similar stipulation matches, this one provided the “Holy Shit!” action moment of the night with the Batista Bomb into the RKO on the tables which Orton paid for when his back landed square on a monitor. The stretcher moment amped the drama but I wasn’t that big of a fan of it. Let him take an Edge Coffee Break (tm, not really) and have the two former members of Evolution duke it out in the ring. Even though Bryan did get the largest response, I feel like his momentum is starting to slow down a little bit which is inevitable for anyone. It’ll be interesting to see where they take him. Orton can complain about not being pinned. Lesnar wanted a title shot at Wrestlemania. Two choices from my perspective. I guess I’ll find out what it is when we head to Raw in about an hour. – Kevin

WrestleMania XXX Preview: WWE Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match

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Jeremy & Kevin have a special week set up for everyone. After taking a year off of doing match by match previews for Wrestlemania, they’re back at it again this year because they will be attending the event. They start with a match that has already been pushed to the pre-show, the defense of the Tag Team Titles by the Usos against The Real Americans, Rybaxel and Los Matadores. Let’s start with the obvious fault in this show, who predicted that this match would stay on the main card when they recorded over the weekend? What reasoning was given because this match had pre-show written all over it? Don’t worry, Jeremy & Kevin do get around to wondering how the tag team division went from humming along for the first time in years to becoming part of the pre-show especially since the Usos finally got their big win over the New Age Outlaws. Does anyone know how Los Matadores got into this match? For that matter, how did Rybaxel get in it? Who else has noticed that Jack Swagger is winning all of a sudden? Is it just a build up for their break up after Wrestlemania? Your tag team of Jeremy & Kevin end with their predictions for who wins this match. Click on the link below.

Stunt Granny Conversation: The Tag Titles and The Andre the Giant Battle Royal

You are the first Diva ever in Cannes.

You are the first Diva ever in Cannes.

Since I am going to be at Detroit Red Wings vs Columbus Bluejackets game tonight, we decided to give you a little sneak peek into planning at Stunt Granny HQ.

Kevin:  So, are you with me that we could preview UT/Brock, the Divas and Shield vs The Old Guys?

Jeremy:  Divas and shield vs old guys for sure. They need to do something with Brock next week. If not, this build up is absolutely terrible. I would pause on recording that one.

Kevin:  That’s fine. Just so we can knock some of them out of the way this week.

Jeremy:  Right. The tag match has to change. I can’t imagine it is just that lackluster garbage
Kevin:  Do you mean the 6 man match or what crap sandwich the Usos are left with?
Jeremy:  Usos. Just thrown together.
Kevin:  What is their match? They taking on the Real Americans? With 3 baby faces in the match, a heel and a heel manager?
Jeremy:  Rybaxel. Yup……Rybaxel.  Just to make sure you understand. Rybaxel.
Kevin:  Good gravy. I just don’t understand building up the division then tearing it down a month later.
Jeremy:  It is going to get changed. Rybaxel got bitched right after.
Kevin:  I must not have been paying attention. Who do you think should be in the tag match to spice it up? I’d stick with the Real Americans simply because you’ll be featured more in a match than a 20-30 man schmooze.
Jeremy: Yeah Real Americans are a no brainer really. They have nothing going on. The inevitable breakup storyline seems to be cooled just like The Shield’s.
Kevin:  Are the Usos or Rybaxel in the Battle Royal now?
Jeremy:  No, they pulled out. They need to make the Battle Royal worth something.
Kevin:  You get an Andre the Giant statue. How dare you insinuate that they need something more!
Jeremy:  Sigh, last time they had that was WM 4 and Bret hart smashed the winners trophy.
Kevin:  Everyone gets a trophy in sports today! Wrestling isn’t for children. What happened to the gold old days when a battle royal meant challenging for the IC Title.

Jeremy:  Not a bad idea really.
Kevin:  It has struck me as odd that the Big E Langston, the IC Champ, is one of the center pieces of that match. It’s a perfect 4 way match in the making if Cesaro had split off the Real Americans and maybe Roman Reigns had the Shield parted ways. Granted, I was expecting a three way match out of them before their present story popped up.

Jeremy:  Yes it felt like Shield was going triple threat route fo the US title. The battle royal is just a way to get everyone on the shwo but tis time it sounds more important
Kevin:  Complete brain fart that I didn’t think that match would be for the US Title.
Jeremy:  They focused on his lack of defenses and then Ambrose and Reigns getting in to a pissing match about who was better. It seemed obvious.
Kevin:  “The Architect of the Shield” Seth Rollins kept trying to keep them together. I got a bit of a kick when Mitchell Cool said that the powers to be should schedule more matches for Ambrose.
Jeremy:  Convenient excuses for their forgetful booking which is really what this Battle Royal is.

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

mistakeI’m fully ready for a mistake ridden post since I’m starting to watch Raw at 10:05 PM EST. I made several mistakes just typing the title. Oh boy. I went to the Columbus Blue Jackets games against the Tampa Bay Lightning. More on those shenanigans when I do clean up duty tomorrow. Let’s roll. (Next Day Note: I did some pictures of my WWE Rumblers to give updates on the game and notice that I wasn’t going to start the review even “on time” for me. Go to @StuntGranny on the Twitter for viewing. More work to come from those little bundles of joy.)

Bray Wyatt gets an opening vignette. The Usos are waiting for Daniel Bryan and Wyatt to come to ringside. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan are with them. Bryan & Wyatt are on the offensive early against Jey. JBL mystifies Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler by asking them to define why Bryan is worse off now. Just too easy of a question for both to not answer. Jimmy gets a hot tag. Flying Usos connects. I was expecting a break. Harper & Rowan attack. The Usos do the smart thing and leave after getting in a couple of shots. I was expecting an eight man match to come from the interference. Bryan still giving submission to Wyatt. I like it. Establish the new character. Not exactly a barn burner of an opener though.

Damien Sandow is waiting in the ring for John Cena. Really? Cena doesn’t need this. Randy Orton is in action later. If he gets an equivalent match up, he’ll be taking on Kofi Kingston. Jerry Lawler makes it sound like Cena is in fear of losing as they come back from break. None of us are buying King. Sandow locks in the Royal Arch, a modified Sharpshooter. Cena is trying to sell Sandow too. You’re not even going to sell me on it. Cena pulls out a tornado DDT but only gets two. Sandow gives Cena a face plant move but only gets two. Cena locks in the STF. Sandow gets the break. Crossface by Sandow. Cena turns it into an AA. Ugh. Sandow slips out of the move twice earlier in the match. He should have seen this one coming and slipped out of it too. (Next Day Edit: I always want this spot to go to a pure jobber but that makes even less sense than having a down on his luck Sandow lose. At least they can try and build a threat instead of say, Heath Slater.)

Kane & Brad Maddox get to talk. They trade barbs on who’s doing a worse job. Maddox makes a cage match for the Usos vs Bryan & Wyatt. Kane is going to hold the key to get in. Big Show comes down to ringside.

Jack Swagger is accompanied by Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro. Choke slam. Squash match. Any other information needed? I didn’t think so. Big Show stalks Zeb. Cesaro gets tossed out of the ring trying to make the save. Big Show threatens him then knocks out Zeb. What a bully. Cesaro’s reaction is priceless. (Next Day Note: I like Antonio Cesaro a lot but it makes more sense for him to be the person who gets knocked out far more than Colter. I suppose this can build up a handicapped match for Show next week for the Real Americans to get “revenge” which we all know they won’t.)

“Road Dogg” Jesse James & Billy Gunn come out first. The kids know this chant. CM Punk gets the intro again. The Shield come out through the crowd. Dean Ambrose starts against Billy Gunn. Seth Rollins going with long sleeves this week for some reason. Gunn goes for the twilt a whirl slam. The kids don’t know the Road Dogg shimmy knee drop as much. Punk makes his first appearance. Ambrose goes after him. Roman Reigns gets the tag. I like Punk getting in the first shot. Punk is pretty young for getting the willy veteran name hung on him by Mitchell.

Punk gets a small opening on Rollins but continues to take the offense of the Shield. I did miss the drop kick on the outside by Reigns earlier. Thanks for a useful replay. Rollins has been called both an architect and a mechanic by Cool within this break. Which one is he? Ambrose gets tossed into the steps. Punk leg lariats Rollins. Reigns plays to NOA. Punk high kicks Reigns. The NOA walk away from the tag. Punk deals with Ambrose & Rollins but gets speared by Reigns for the loss. I’d say this is confirmation that Punk takes on HHH at Wrestlemania? Triple power bomb after the match. I like it. Bray Wyatt gets to do some preaching. I’m really liking this development in his promos. He could have used more of this in the build up vignettes. The speeches weren’t coming through as clearly in my opinion. They’re going to get redemption in the cage tonight. Cool.

From squidoo.com

From squidoo.com

The Funkadactyls are taking on Tamina Snuka & AJ Lee. Cameron starts off against Tamina. Naomi is a bad friend. Cameron is not a good wrestler. She botched running the ropes. AJ knocks Naomi off the apron. Shining Wizard by AJ for the win. Basically a squash match. Naomi comes in and makes the save. Rear View to bounce AJ out of the ring. You should have started the match dummy. Randy Orton is looking for HHH & Stephanie McMahon.

Orton instead gets Kane. The only thing Kane can control is his match tonight. Orton gets Kofi Kingston. Ha. I was right. The Ultimate Warrior is the first inductee for the Hall of Fame. Oh boy, that might be an added expense to the trip to New Orleans. Renee Young gets more camera time with Paul Heyman. He gets a video review of the Lesnar happenings. Heyman runs her down for just being pretty. Outstanding. (Next Day Edit: I like that he didn’t go blunt with her on the air head comment.) Heyman points out the obvious Zeb Colter does not equal Brock Lesnar. Heyman is not intimidated or impressed. I see Lesnar winning. Cena wins the title. We got ourselves a very serious main event at Wrestlemania even if it’s happened before.

Randy Orton is taking on Kofi Kingston. Mitchell Cool (informs us that Kofi) gets to be a spot monkey in the Royal Rumble again. Orton liked the idea of this match because he kicked Kingston down the spiral of his career. Evidently I missed Orton almost walking out of the match. Kofi kicks out of a superplex. Kofi gets to fight back. Kofi tries to get a count out win. What a pansy move. Orton is back in control. Chin lock of doom. Kofi gets tossed into the steps. Mitchell Cool tries to sell this as “Not a walk in the park”  as far as Orton’s control of this match. No wonder judges in the UFC can’t see obvious stuff. Neither can Mitchell. It’s been domination by Orton. Mitchell just said “Every rally is thwarted by Orton.” That makes his match a walk in the park! JBL calls it like it is and points out the domination. Thank you. Kingston nails the SOS for the win. I didn’t see that one coming. They were playing out how Orton was playing with Kofi. So I guess I need to say Mitchell was doing his job, huh? Orton flips out at ringside. Okay, so he’s gone from face of the company to weird flipping out guy? He attacks John Cena’s dad.

They end up loading Mr. Cena into an ambulance. JBL evens gives it the low voice treatment. Cody Rhodes & Goldust are taking on Curtis Axel & Ryback. If the WWE didn’t like Ryback’s weekend Twitter outburst, they’re not winning this match. They could lose it just because they haven’t won much as a team. No reason for them to be at the top of heap. They acknowledge the tweets. Good cover. Axel gets to beat on Goldust. Powerslam on Goldust. That looked like it could hurt. Goldust gets in a bulldog on Ryback to be able to make the tag. Cody kicks Axel in the “stomach”. Disaster Kick on Ryback. Axel rolls up Cody for two. Cross Rhodes. (Next Day Edit: The WWE is in Wrestlemania mode, aka our writers give a shit from January until the beginning of April, but the tag champs don’t have anyone in their sites except other baby face teams. The Real Americans and Rybaxel lose all the time.)

Rey Mysterio is taking on Alberto Del Rio. They use this time to talk even more about the returning Batista. Mysterio nails the 619 but Del Rio catches him trying to Drop the Dime. Del Rio locks on the cross arm breaker for the win. I may not agree with Del Rio chance #475, but if you’re going to go with it, have him beat someone who is respected like Rey Mysterio. Del Rio calls out Batista. I still think he doesn’t deserve to lose to Batista. (Next Day Note: You already said you don’t like him getting chances. No need to pound the point home a sentence later.)

CM Punk tells Kane that HHH doesn’t need to hide from (him). Punk has the chance to headline Wrestlemania by winning the Royal Rumble match. Oh my lord, what a terrible lead in. I was expecting an interview. Not a pre-recorded video that looked kind of silly in a wrestling context. (Next Day Note: Yep, things were going down hill as the night wore on. The Usos promo was a nice try at something different but didn’t come off well.)

Daniel Bryan & Bray Wyatt came down before the break. The Usos come out second. Kane comes out and locks the door. How about these cookies? I didn’t see this main event coming. (Next Day Note: The WWE is putting it’s new talent out there for main events. Congrats to the Usos for making it.) Jimmy Uso took a rough looking spill into the cage on a back drop. Jimmy tries to get out but his brother is down. Terrible strategy. Russian Leg sweep off the ropes. They should be tired early with the action at the top of the show. An Uso did a Whisper in the Wind. Tree of Woe drop kick by Bryan. This is not yet awesome (Crowd chant). Double belly to back suplex on Daniel Bryan from the ropes. Super kick by Jey on Wyatt saves Jimmy from Sister Abigail. The Usos take too long trying to get out. Bryan falls into Wyatt who goes crotch first on the ropes. The Usos drop to the outside to win. Jimmy & Jey get out of ring side after being attacked. Wyatt is saying something to Bryan. He whispers to him again. Bryan looks like he’s going to take Sister Abigail again but pushes off. Wyatt asks him to attack. He doesn’t. Bryan dodges a charge and attacks Wyatt. The crowd goes ape. Daniel Bryan is back? Was he really gone? Running knee to finish of Wyatt. Interesting turn of events. Did the WWE actually cave or was this always a planned short stint? I’m guessing we may never know. – Kevin

Weekend Rewind – Jim Ross is Bruce Arians

im_not_retiredJim Ross was all of the weekend news unless you count Ryback deleting Tweets that joked about his possible retirement. Dolph Ziggler can’t remember if that was a good joke. Part one of the Jim Ross news tour is that he is close to signing a deal with Fox Sports. In his own words

Fox provides an amazing platform for creative work and for the many projects that I am working on during the most unretired time of my life. Fox has some potentially, amazing creative ideas for me of which I hope that we get to collaborate on sooner than later.

Jim Ross saying that he’s unretired makes me think back to when Bruce Arians “retired” from the Pittsburgh Steelers. What really happened was Dan Rooney decided to force Arians to retire because they felt he was too close to Ben Roethlisberger. I’m starting to get the feeling that the WWE had a similar feeling. Maybe Ross had the ear off too many people in the talent pool so the WWE had him “retire”. The positive for Bruce Arians was there was another thirty one teams that he could work for. Jim Ross on the other hand had to convince people he could do something other than talk about sports entertainment.

The next piece of Jim Ross news was the fact that he could be doing his one man show “Ringside” in New Orleans during the weekend of Wrestlemania, possibly at the House of Blues. Jason Powell(Click on the first link) was nice enough to look up the fact that the venue only holds 843 people. Whoever is booking for Good Ole’ JR is an idiot. If Ring of Honor can sell out a couple of thousand during this very same weekend, Ross could do a much larger venue. You’re just leaving money on the table. Now I’ve just got to figure out if reporting on the one man show will get us more hits than me trying every beer from every brewery in New Orleans. Choices, choices.

Even though the WWE forced Jim Ross into early “retirement” they still realize that he is a useful asset to have at your beck and call when it comes to making DVDs. The subject that this new DVD will cover is Paul Heyman, which is awesome. That’s the other difference between Bruce Arians and Jim Ross. Even though Ross doesn’t have another option (TNA and ROH aren’t serious options) he can work as a consultant for the WWE. Bruce Arians wasn’t going to be used as a consultant for the new offensive coordinator. So, you may not like Ross for towing the company line even though they forced him into retirement but he’ll be more than happy to take that check they give him to make up for said forced retirement. Kudos to Jim Ross, make money inside and outside the system. – Kevin

@WWE Blasts The Announcement, TNA Had Twins? & More on @HeelZiggler

Breyers Blasts! Birthday Blast Frozen Dairy Dessert– I had no idea what an email blast was until I watched Brooklyn Nine Nine (If you’re not watching, jump on board. Funny stuff.) I then had to confirm this is an actual term which my buddy Ken was familiar with because of his time in a marketing firm. I thought of that when I read this story on Prowrestling.net (Kind of sad I didn’t get the news from the source of origin at the PWTorch – VIP link warning – since they don’t break news) noting that the WWE blew their own announcement about the fruition of the WWE Network by sending out an email blast confirming it. Hopefully some combination of us will be recording right around their 9:30 PM EST announcement time. It’ll be live so it’ll be Internet Blast worthy.

hannah-holly-blossom

Hannah & Holly Blossom announced on their Facebook page that they are no longer with TNA or Ohio Championship Wrestling. I had no idea they were even on the roster or British Bootcamp which has produced the terrible Brad Maddox rip off known as Rockstar Spud. They realized after four years of being in OVW and nine years of wrestling that they weren’t getting the call up from TNA even though they easily could have ripped off the twin gimmick to get heat like the Bellas. Of course they didn’t admit to it but we can all read between the lines. Hannah & Holly did say they’ve had a fantastic time with both OVW & TNA so that they can keep the door open if TNA gets Spike TV to start airing Complete Knockouts.

– My boy Dolph Ziggler will be headed to the Pittsburgh to have his cranium looked at by a neuropsychologist, more than likely Dr. Maroon. Reports are surfacing that Ryback is getting heat for what he did from this match and working stiff & recklessly in other matches. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’ve found the new Bob Holly. I can’t wait for Ryback to be repackaged as Ryan “Radiator” Reeves. He’ll cool you off! – Kevin

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