Shahid’s Blog: Cracked Glasses of Nostalgia – An Adult’s Walk Down ECW’s Memory Lane

ecw I remembered being depressed after moving from Philadelphia to Atlantic City during my high school years.  Separated from my family, friend and comfortable surroundings for a dump of a coastal city was a jarring experience.  WWF wasn’t helping either – Friar Ferguson and Beverly Bros/Money Inc main event matches would turn any smile upside down.  On a random Thursday evening, I stumbled upon a new wrestling promotion.  Gritty, small, loud and realistic, it instantly drew me in.  Regardless of the fact that I was watching a plodding match featuring Tully Blanchard, I was enchanted by the promos, violence and music of what was known as Eastern Championship Wrestling.  I can vividly recall talking to like minded individuals about how ECW was actually real, instead of that scripted crap of the WWF.  Seeing Sandman, a fat drunkard with a cigarette with Woman or Missy Hyatt on his arm just seemed authentic on some visceral level.  Hearing adult promos from Cactus Jack, Steve Austin and Shane Douglas made WCW and WWF seem quaint and childish.  State of the art matches from Rey Mysterio, Chris Jericho,  Dean Malenko, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit…..violent brawls from the Public Enemy, the Pitbulls, Terry Funk….Sabu vs Taz…Raven terrorizing Tommy Dreamer and The Sandman…..sexy females with scant clothing and even less decorum.  ECW was a teenager’s dream.  Hearing the Gangstas come out to Natural Born Killers to engage in a blood bath made a Bret Hart match seem boring as can be.  I can remember waking up at 1 am to watch an ECW episode consisting of a pissed off Steve Austin just spitting venom at Eric Bischoff, Dusty Rhodes and WCW.  In a pre screw job, pipe bomb, real name era, it was as if someone had a peephole behind the magic rasslin curtain.  By the time they invaded Monday Night Raw to promote their first PPV, I was a full-fledged ECW acolyte.

Now, I’m sure there are many individuals in my age group that share similar joyous memories of ECW.  Even with One Night Stand and a brief resurgence led by Paul Heyman, it still felt hollow and empty, missing that rebellious fire of the 90s.  So when the WWE Network arrived, ECW was the first area delved into, due to an adolescent fondness. Even though it lacked the music and didn’t have the weekly shows, I was excited to see how well it held up.  So I watched a few ppvs and weekly shows and then watched a few more.  I tried jumping around during various time periods, hoping to shake this nagging sensation.  After a week of watching, I had to admit to myself that ECW, like many teenage passions, didn’t age well.

I won’t use revisionist history and proclaim ECW an overrated vanity project and minor league system.  It was enjoyable and revolutionary, and I will always cherish those teenage memories.  But watching it now is borderline painful.  Seeing the Sandman no longer brings feelings of awe and admiration. Now, I witness a slovenly bum who was a perfect example of smoke and mirrors.  Instead of rooting for the underdog story of Mikey Whipreck, I scoffed at the notion that he could ever beat Steve Austin in a match (side note – him pinning Austin killed any notion that ECW wasn’t predetermined).  I can understand the reasoning and logic behind pushing individuals like Tommy Dreamer and Justin Credible, instead of superior talent such as Chris Benoit and Rob Van Dam.  But as a fan today, I have little tolerance of watching Eddie Guerrero in the midcard, for fear of being snatched away by WCW and WWF.  For all of the wonderful long term angles pulled off by ECW, there were too many instances of inconsistent referees, match stipulations, and haphazard PPV’s.  If WWE tried to pull the ol “Let’s announce two matches, and we’ll work out the rest of the details later” style of booking, they would get crucified. I almost forget, they did try that…it was called December to Dismember, and it was universally panned.

The biggest issue with ECW is the same factor which added to its popularity – the extreme violence.  Seeing someone kick out from a power bomb through a flaming table with thumbtacks, only to get rolled up due to seeing the 34DD’s of Francine seems asinine today.  The constant one-upping of finishing moves led to many negative habits, not only by ECW, but by WCW and WWF. WCW was rightfully mocked for taking the piss out of ECW concepts, featuring hardcore matches with cotton candy used as a weapon.  But as an adult, I prefer that approach more so than WWF, which raised the bar to an extremely dangerous level i.e. Hell in a Cell with Undertaker-Mankind, and the myriad TLC matches.  Classic events, but considering the mark left on many of the individuals, something that is watched with trepidation.  But nothing makes me cringe more than the chair shots to the head.  When I first saw Tommy Dreamer plaster Raven square in his hipster face, I remember screaming like a girl at a Bobby Brown concert.  But after current knowledge of concussions and long term damage, I can’t help but cringe. I won’t even touch upon the menace known as New Jack (that’s a column for another day.)

As far as the adult content, what seemed risqué as a teenager comes off as misogynistic and trashy today.  Shane Douglas cussing every 3rd word makes him come off as an uncouth doofus. For every great promo from Raven or Cactus jack, there was some nonsense from the Pitbulls, or some foul mouthed diatribe from Rhino. And it wasn’t restricted to the wrestlers – hearing an arena full of angry men chanting crack whore or she has herpes doesn’t seem cool anymore.  I’m definitely not a prude, and I specifically remember the eye candy of ECW very fondly.  Between Beulah, Missy Hyatt, Woman, Francine and Dawn Marie, ECW definitely upped the sex appeal factor from the almost quaint days of Missy Hyatt and Sunny.  Today – well, seeing a skinny broad with some silicone enhancements taking a pile driver just seems unclean.  Any doubts to ECW being a mainstream entertainment vehicle vanished with my wife’s utter look of disgust after hearing a Dudley Boys promo.  My “it was a different era, baby”  didn’t hold much weight.

Regardless of my experience, I’m very grateful for the opportunity to traverse down memory lane with a more mature point of view.  ECW will always have a fond place in my heart, and I am grateful and cognizant of its effect on professional wrestling.  However, next time someone complains about Vince’s asinine booking and longs for the halcyon days of Paul Heyman, gently remind them that Steve Corino and Justin Credible were ECW World Champions, but Rob Van Dam and Stunning Steve Austin weren’t. And then tape their expressions for YouTube. -Shahid

Stunt Granny Audio #187

Oh snap mother truckers, it’s Stunt Granny Audio #187 with mah d*ck in ya mouf, foooooo! Anyway, Dusty and Eric discuss the news of the day, including Big Show, and that’s about it for the news of the day. They also talk about the booming metropolis of St. Cloud, Minn., where Eric was that night and Dusty was a few years back; Bill Cosby, Gene Wilder and “Fat Albert” characters; Mustafa, New Jack and old ECW shows; and whatever else in the world comes to mind. Check it out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #187

Stunt Granny Audio #183

Eric, Kevin and Dusty in action, recording this here audio.

Oh my god, it’s time for another audio! This time it’s a very very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio as Eric, Kevin and Dusty all join forces to navigate through an eventful weekend of wrestling festivities. The trio sets their sights on the Extreme Reunion show and just how sad it was and what an absolute clusterfuck it was. Is Sabu going to die? Is Axl Rotten going to beat him to the punch? Was anybody on the card in actual wrestling shape? Then our heroes turn their attention to WWE’s Extreme Rules PPV. Did the internet spontaneously combust after teh finish to the main event? What in the halibar hell was Ryback doing on that show? Was the show really called Extreme Rules or Over The Legal Blood Alcohol Limit or something else entirely? Then they talk about Raw, which mostly consists of them stalling while Kevin scrolls down the show review in desperate attempt to find something to talk about. Did he find something? You’ll need to listen to find out!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #183

Sabu’s Gonna Be Just Fine

Quoteth:

Sabu checked himself out of the emergency room this morning.  No other updates are available other than he said he was feeling fine.

The story we were told is when Sabu didn’t arrive at the building after missing the fan fest, they called his hotel room and he didn’t answer.  They tried to get him to open the door and he didn’t respond  Mustafa of the Gangstas ended up breaking down the door and they found Sabu unconscious on the floor and had him rushed to the hospital.

So yeah, he looks great. He’s going to be just fine. Everything’s just fine. – Dusty

Sabu’s Gonna Die

Read, weep:

Sabu — a hardcore wrestling icon  — was rushed to the hospital before a scheduled event tonight in Pennsylvania … TMZ has learned. Cops in Travose, PA tell TMZ they were dispatched to a hotel for a medical emergency, but wouldn’t elaborate. The manager at the hotel where Sabu was staying tells TMZ the staff there felt the wrestler was intoxicated when paramedics were called. A source close to Sabu tells TMZ he had been MIA all day and promoters for an ECW reunion event he was scheduled to appear at could not get in touch with him. According to our source, Sabu had an allergic reaction to a medication he had been taking. Sabu is one of the top-billed wrestlers at the Extreme Reunion tonight, but we’re told he’ll be a no-show.A rep for the event tells TMZ, “Sabu was found unresponsive in his hotel room earlier today when event staff went to his room to pick him up for tonight’s show. Management is currently awaiting results from his doctors to find out what actually happened.”The rep continues, “All we know is that he had prior health issues that might have been a contributing factor. We’re pulling for him and are very concerned for his health. We wish him the best of luck in his recovery.”

So yeah, not good. – Dusty

Extreme Wrestling Returns?

I thought this mother fucker was gathering carts at Target? Apparently I was wrong? He still wrestles? If you haven’t watched the video here is the quick synopsis. Shane Douglas is sad he missed the final event at ECW Arena, blah blah. But have no fear the revolution is starting again with, wait for it, yet another reunion show for ECW “stars.”

Yup, just in case you haven’t had enough of old timer ECW wrestlers here is your chance to once again feel the excitement, the entertainment and the majesty of ten to fifteen broken down old men pretending it is the late nineties.

How many times is this same, tired old act going to be pushed out? Does anyone remember the train wreck of TNA’s ECW reunion?  Who out there is clamoring for one more Tommy Dreamer versus Raven match? Can we roll out Sabu and have him go one last time against anyone? No seriously? Anyone? Come one there has to be someone out there wanting to probably not get paid as much as they were told.

While there is no talent list up on the site yet you have to figure the same old people will show up. By same old, I mean everyone involved. The guy with the hat, the dude with the log black hair and sunglasses, Joel Gertner, Francine, that one fat guy, the other fat guy, the other fat guy next t him, the dirty guy, the guy who…you get the joke.

Nostalgia acts are sad. Seeing someone in their fifties pretending to be the person they were in their twenties and thirties is sad. I forgot half of the content of this video already due to this creeping sense of sadness. Oh look grampa has a beret on backwards and keeps laughing it should be adorable but it isn’t.  -Jeremy

Stunt Granny Big 11 #2 – We like to number things.

1. Ken Anderson – Dipshit goes out of his way to prove that WWE and especially Triple H, has him nailed. He has become nothing and has done nothing since being let go by WWE yet he bitches about his former employer. Maybe, just maybe if he had listened to the criticism instead of blowing them off he’d be a big deal in front of tens of thousands per week instead of two hundred.  This also applies to Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy and whoever else signs with TNA after WWE dumps them.

2. Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox – These women put on a very good (not great) match on Superstars. I’m not going to claim they’re pushing the women again but it was nice to see.

3. Shawn Michaels – The newest WWE Hall of Famer proved his charisma and connection with the crowd on Monday Night Raw by showing up, saying nothing, landing one superkick and still soaking in a huge reaction from the crowd. It would take 20 DH Smiths and 30 Ted DiBiases to equal one Heartbreak Kid.

4. Monday Night Raw – The latest edition of WWE’s flagship product was their most awkward and ill-conceived in quite some time. CM Punk standing on the TitanTron; Flying in Shawn Michaels for no reason but John Cena phoning in another shitty promo; R-Truth losing yet again to Alberto Delrio but buy count out so he got protected?; CM Punk awkwardly taking reins of Nexus; this show was hard to watch.

5. Ernest Shell  – It’s hard to give the already schysty independent wrestling promoter a bad name, but this guy managed to do it by stiffing his wrestlers *and* be carted out of the building by police. When I put on my one and only poorly attended wrestling show, I at least paid the guys and gave them some food; I didn’t have women wrestlers threatening to kick my ass, too.

6. Hoarders – TNA didn’t have enough Hardy when they hired Jeff Hardy, who allegedly hoards drugs, so they also hired his brother Matt Hardy, who allegedly hoards Twinkies. TNA is definitely hoarding ex-WWE superstars. Immortal was trying to hoard title belts but TNA did something right this week (Trademark to Jeremy) and got it off Jeff Hardy to Ken Anderson, who allegedly hoards injuries.

7. Gabriel & Slater to Smackdown – SD needed some more talent so adding Barrett and this duo will do them a lot of good. It should also allow people like Dolph Ziggler the chance to move up to the main event level while keeping the mid-card intact.

8. Kevin Nash – Like five minutes after announcing his retirement, it was announced that Nash will be returning to TNA at a 20 percent pay cut. Nash continues to be one of the smartest people in wrestling, and I’m sure once TNA goes out of business, McMahon will take him back again as well.

9. Samoa Joe – According to Meltzer, Joe accidentally stabbed himself at his home by sitting on a pocket knife, but was able to use superglue to get the wound closed. So now Joe is exactly Sabu, minus all the stuff that made Sabu awesome.

10. New Best Match Ever – It’s this:

and

11. Only Solitaire – It’s not wrestling related, but who gives a shit. It’s the best resource for music reviews that exists on the internet. Go HERE for all the fun. But then be sure to come back here, because here is more important than there, or everywhere.

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