Merry Christmas!

AAArrrgggghhh! Merry Christmas.

AAArrrgggghhh! Merry Christmas.

The beginning of Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town is kinda creepy.

The Art of Wrestling – @WWE Christmas Sales

christmas-tree-and-presentsEveryone loves to shop this year so allow me to show you some gifts that the WWEShop.com. They have their usual special page for Christmas but it took me to the children’s page first. Normally, I wouldn’t bite on this category but it’s hard to pass up this toy train, especially since my father has a massive train set.

– The WWE Smackdown Express Holiday Train is the perfect gift for your child. Starting from the caboose, the WWE has pictures of CM Punk (I think), Undertaker, Sheamus and Randy Orton. That is quite a bit of Superstar power to be taking the train. Since this is the WWE and we’re stuck in the 70’s, the train still has what I would call in cartoon terms the “Hobo Car” next. You know the train car that is always empty because trains just go from point to point without transporting anything. The hobos in this instance are are HHH down a on knee posing with a sledge hammer and Big Show who looks like he’s trying to spook you or act as a crane to grab something coming past the train. What a bizarre look this car has. They could be wrestling each other or sitting next to each other, legs dangling out of the hobo car and it would look 100% less strange. We move along to the coal car which on has  the logo for the “Night Before Christmas World Tour” on it. I think an appropriate use of the coal car would be to put everyone’s picture on it who has been “Future Endeavored” this year since they’ll be getting coal for Christmas. The fourth and final car is the engine car. Vince’s ego is so big that he’s the one driving, right? Nope, you are wrong. The engineer of this train is John Cena. So if we’re booking by how this train lays out their cars, Cena is definitely winning at TLC.

– My older niece started collecting snow globes the other year. I didn’t get her one this year but if I had looked at WWEShop.com first, I would have. Look at this fantastic WWE Championship Snow Globe. It features the WWE Championship inside of the globe itself. The mounting for this globe is of course a wrestling ring with ropes included. The ring skirt has the WWE logo on one side and the Raw logo on another. I’d love to say they’re knocking Smackdown but that’s the theme of the train. I’m sure some young lad is thinking of setting up his train set around this wrestling ring snow globe that is sure to get everyone talking during the holidays. (About how much of a rube this child is for shucking out $29.99 for this hunk of garbage.

Continue reading

Kevin’s Blog: @WWE #Raw Review Is Not Happening

christmas_eve

I’m going to enjoy a nice evening with my family and friends. I’m not watching that garbage. It’ll ruin the fun. Merry Christmas. Or whatever heathen holiday you may celebrate. -Kevin

Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #Raw

This kind of looks like my dog. Merry Christmas all over again.

I’m watching Impact Wrestling before starting this blog. I don’t get why the main event is a street fight. These guys don’t have this much built up tension and who cares if three heels don’t like Jeff Hardy? He’s been moved up the card too quickly and Roode still needs to prove himself as champ. Give him someone other than Hardy who is already pretty over. Roode needs to be built up more than Hardy. I doubt they humble Hardy by having him job. That outcome would be ideal though. I have no faith in TNA to do that though. I hope everyone had a good holiday weekend. I got to hang with plenty of friends and family. I missed my dogs but they’re down for the count now. Let’s roll.

Johnny Wooden GM comes out to CM Punk’s music. One of my colleagues said Punk tapped danced to a crappy segment already. Let’s see how this segment plays out. And put your initial on the @Stuntgranny feed you dumby. Johnny gives him the night off then calls it back. The segment was just kind of whatever. We know Punk isn’t going to fight Johnny tonight. Three matches is too much. Cool segment for the mystery person. I’m glad they’ve kept a lid on it and not revealed who it is. Speculation is rare these days.

Booker T takes on Cody Rhodes. This match gets downgraded from PPV too. I still haven’t watched Smackdown as they show a replay from the match between Rhodes & Zack Ryder. Cool trying to be too cool but Lawler finally calls him on it and corrects his history. Rare praise for Lawler. Twitter trend. I’m not drinking. They get a commercial break. That’s surprising but a good way to get them to a PPV. Lawler doing a good job defending the aging wrestler. Cool does the unspeakable and says a Cody win is inevitable. Always a sure sign the aggressor will lose. Booker kicks out at the last second. Cody loses to Booker. They put over Booker as the underdog. It’ll be good to have Rhodes win the war in a PPV match, hopefully. Zack Ryder thanks John Cena for starting his career. Cena tells him it’s Zack being ready for his moment. Cena tells Kane the year is going to end in a bang. The three opponents get a title shot next week. The opponents are Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler & Mark Henry. Is Henry still hurt? Can Punk actually pull this off? Weird Kelly Kelly, Big Show & Scott Armstrong segment.

Big Show needs to explain knocking out David Otunga on Smackdown. Otunga talks big. Show is going to fight him with one arm tied behind his back. What we always need too, more Johnny Wooden GM. Ziggler starts mocking Swagger. Vickie breaks up the bickering. She gets them to screw their heads on straight. Henry is walking thru to complete the dumb segment. The heels ran each other down for no real reason. Eve & Ryder are teaming together.

They take on Natalya & Tyson Kidd after the break. Hot damn, how predictable. Good win for Ryder or Eve, I suppose. July has the 1000th Raw. Good idea to start hyping it now. That’ll be three fun hours of drinking. Rough Ryder for the win. That would have been my choice too. Eve gets to fist pump. May as well use her as a valet.

John Cena comes to the ring. The Miz allows Kane to not answer for another week. Miz admits that his win at Wrestlemania was tainted by the Rock’s interference. Cena accepts the Miz’s challenge. The Miz yells at the crowd for chanting the wrong man’s name. I like it. He still needs a big win which he won’t get unless Kane interferes. The Miz gets counted out and reverses course on having to win. Yuck, he has to go for a Bears reference? Truth comes back and attacks Miz. Hopefully this opponent helps move Miz up the card permanently. Why is Miz getting such a good beating? Truth trying to be good guy crazy. It’s not working.

Continue reading

Merry Christmas!

From all of us here at Stunt Granny, Merry Christmas.

If you don’t celebrate Christmas you are an idiot. You are totally missing out on a wealth of gifts and family guilt. So put down the Menorah. Toss the Koran away and pick up a failing evergreen tree and get in the Christmas mood. You don’t even need to muddy the waters with the whole Jesus thing. Embrace Santa and his crass consumer ways man!

Oh and we’ll be back Monday unless something totally crazy happens.

The Art of Wrestling – Christmas Edition IV

St. Nicholas is a consumer advocate.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. My imaginary love certainly knows my penchant for losing sunglasses, even the perfect pair from Disney World that fit my fat head. It’s a nice stocking stuffer of a gift but I do wonder how well you can see out of the Rhinestone crosses. The dark tint of the lenses helps to offset both the gold frame and the white/clear Rhinestones. They’re decent but the Rhinestones really make them douche-tastic.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. They’ll be perfect for the bad weather to wipe my shoes and my dogs paws on. I do wonder why they used a bulldog considering none of his other merchandise uses a dog. Dogs are loyal, but you’re not likely to see much hustle out of an English bulldog. If it could chew through a chain link fence, I would respect the fact that the dog will probably kill me when it’s loose. The picture does look kind of nice even after my jokes. It’s on clearance for half price so I’m glad my imaginary love is being thrifty during the slow economy. It’s not terrible, but who’s going to buy a floor mat at an event? Or even think to order one online?

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my imaginary love got for me twelve Divas Snow Globes, eleven John Cena Floor Mats, ten pair of John Morrison’s sunglasses, nine TNA Winged Warrior T-shirts, eight Taz Beat-Down T-shirts, seven Official TNA 2010 Wrestling Programs, six Undertaker Deadman Skull Caps, five pair of Degeneration X slippers, four Rey Mysterio Camo Replica Masks, three Abyss Masks, two Sting Teddy Bears and one Sting Mask “Wall Art” in a pear tree. I can’t believe how thoughtful she is! I’m sure glad the Divas got their own ring apron which is quite boring. The ring posts with ropes around the globe crack me up. At least they’re being detailed. There’s nothing more attractive than having some amorphous Diva blobs inside. They are having a pillow fight so there’s a legitimate reason for the “snow” on the inside. The pillow cases and bed sheets are both pink so at least they’re trying to make it a little girly.

I had to end on an epic fail. Too bad those WWE scumbags already took down the DX snuggle because that was going to be my twelfth day gift. Merry Christmas Grandkids! – Kevin

Merry Christmas, Grandkids!

Professional wrestling and Christmas have a long history. I don’t know any of it, but I remember this hunk of garbage. As his Million Dollar Corporation whittled down to nothingness (no offense to the Ringmaster), Ted DiBiase confronted Savio Vega at the December 1995 In Your House to proclaim as he strolled into sight that Santa Claus had sold out! But wait, it wasn’t the real Santa Claus, it was XANTA KLAUS! The future Balls Mahoney was officially saddled with the third-worst holiday-themed gimmick in history (with the Gobbledy Gooker being No. 1, and if you count the jingle bells attached to the Ding Dongs’ outfits, they can be No. 2; and I’d love to hear other people’s terrible holiday/wrestling memories), and Scott Taylor was his first television opponent. Check out the future (and now former) Scotty II Hotty, mullet and all, be taken apart by a man whom Good Ol’ J.R. could only say was “330 pounds” and “unethical.” Blecch. -Eric

P.S. OK, how about some better memories? Three guys that may collectively be the SG staff’s all-time faves: Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper forcing Bobby Heenan to play nice as Santa Claus. God, this was great.

%d bloggers like this: