Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

again fyalbSo I’m one of those dreaded people watching Monday Night Football during Raw thus hurting their average rating that has stayed pretty much steady for the last several years. The picture accurately describes my thoughts of the Steelers offense. Can’t argue about the defense too much. What are you going to do? Too early to panic but it could be another average or below average year if these patterns. It’s half time so I’ll do a little now and finish up after the game. Let’s roll.

Daniel Bryan is introduced as the new WWE Champion. I’m still thinking the other shoe will drop soon enough. I figured this feud was getting drug out with a cheap Randy Orton win. The Cleveland show already showing up with a “Daniel Bryan.” Strange things are afoot already. HHH comes down to ring side. Jeremy told me about the quick count. I glazed over that fact while reading the review. The referee has a name and it’s Scott Armstrong. Video dissection has come to Raw. It’s really annoying me that they’re using my own words against me. Holding people to standards of a regular corporation now using video evidence. Ah, it’s so much better that they “worked” in cahoots. Ugh. HHH strips him of the title. The irony of HHH’s speech is kind of funny. Randy Orton comes to ring side. Shouldn’t HHH have gotten to the bottom of this already? I’d love to have the NFL say “We’re going to wait 24 hours to reivew this positive test.” RKO by Orton as HHH walks away with the belt.

Wow, I mean, just a terrible offensive effort. The defense didn’t help by creating a turnover and taking some bad penalties on Cincinnati’s last drive. Stephanie and HHH are arguing when Randy Orton barges in. Steph threatens to find a new face of the WWE. Interesting turn of events. Dean Ambrose is taking on Dolph Ziggler in a rematch from last night. I’m really glad I didn’t order the PPV. They’ve undone the main event already and now repeat match. JBL is on fire already. Ziggler gets tossed to the outside for our break. Ambrose in control. Jerry Lawler finally makes a valid point in saying that HHH could be in cahoots with Armstrong. JBL took time to recover but responds to Lawler then starts laughing at himself. Dead give away he doesn’t believe what he’s saying. No wonder Jeremy thought he was drunk. Crowd solidly behind Ziggler. Small “Golden Flashes” chant. Zig Zag gets Dolph his win back. Much needed win for my boy. How did he win in kind of his home town? Not exactly excited that he’s in the IC Title hunt unless they decide to put any emphasis on it.

Brad Maddox is talking to HHH & Stephanie. She gets to belittle him again. I’m so blowing thru reviews and entrances tonight. This was all of consequence in that break.

R Truth is taking on Fandango. Holy cow, JBL is now mixing up the points that Lawler is making. Holy cow, allegedly JBL is drunk. JBL rips on Mitchell Cool & Jerry Lawler. I’m not even paying attention to the match. Top rope leg drop for the Fandango win. He needed a win too. Dusty Rhodes is talking to a bunch of people backstage.

Dusty Rhodes is delivering a Dusty promo even though he’s here as Virgil Runnels. Stephanie‘s music is so over the top. It doesn’t really fit her character at all. She gives him a gift card for for Bed, Bath & Beyond. Ha. She makes him decide between rehiring Cody Rhodes and Goldust. After more insults, Dusty Rhodes tells Steph to go to hell. The Shield is summoned. Stephanie asks Big Show to come out. I love the crowd finishing the Big Show’s song. Steph makes him choose between Big Show knocking him out and an attack by the Shield. Big Show cries. He scares off a Shield attack so he can do the honors. He’s sorry. KO punch then he gently puts him down.

Brie Bella is now a baby face. The Funkadactyls are wearing better ring gear. Layla, Alicia Fox & Aksana are the heels. Natalya’s head set was not working and it seems like a work because they are blaming AJ for its’ malfunction. Facebuster by Brie Bella for the win. Natalya yells at AJ and they have a stare down. The Miz & Brad Maddox are talking.

RVD is taking on Damien Sandow. At least he gets to job to a bigger name this week. Five Star Frog Splash as the losing streak continues for Sandow. It is funny having him brag after the losses. Keeps heat on him.

HHH is back stage with Scott Armstrong. How can Cool or Lawler not call JBL on some of his previous shenanigans to hold onto the title belt? Armstrong gets to nod as HHH lets him go. So, now we’re supposed to think of refs as important? I want Mike Chioda! Randy Orton comes out. The Miz gets attacked as he hugs his family. That’s why Dolph was let off the hook. His mom doesn’t live in Cleveland. Miz’s parents should be horrified by their look. Did they know they were going to be on TV?

The Miz decides to fight one armed. The only person to ever be hurt for any span of time by the stairs. Please take them in for a hair cut Miz. At least. This could actually get the Miz back on track. Let him go aggressive again instead of cheese dick huckster host of Summerslam. Hanging DDT off the barracade. Orton drops the knee while Miz has his head in a chair. Miz better be taking some time off even if he’s not really injured.

Paul Heyman comes out in a wheel chair with Ryback & Curtis Axel. Nexus is reforming. When does Wade Barrett join? Heyman pinned CM Punk. Heyman had no back up plan. He isn’t taking credit for his win. Nice little team they have going here for Heyman though. Ryback got his message across. Heyman then kissed him. Weird.

Jack Swagger & Antonio Cesaro are taking on Tons of Funk and the Usos. Each team is getting a crack at it early. Tensai gets to hold up Cesaro for a suplex. Tensai looking unusually good. Because of course they are the first ones eliminated. Cesaro rolled up Tensai. Commercial. Makes sense to have the Usos win since the Shield are champs. Jimmy Uso gets the hot tag. Swagger takes the beating. Cesaro breaks up a pin. Double over the top rop dive by the Usos. Patriot lock. Jimmy kicks out then super kicks Swagger. Jey tags in without Swagger seeing. Top rope splash for the Usos win.

Bray Wyatt gets another video message. He needs to put down some bad animals in his world. Good stuff.

Roman Reigns is in the ring when Daniel Bryan comes down. Randy Orton comes down after. I’m just tuning out the announcers at this point. It’s late and they’re rehashing arguments. There’s not much use in calling the match. Split screen showing the counts. I’m way too awake for the time it is, 1:27 AM. The only thing I can think is “Please call the match so I can rest my eyes” and “watch” the match. Randy Orton belongs on GQ. JBL is definitely, allegedly drunk. Close count after the head count. Rollins takes a brutal spill when Bryan drop kicks him thru the ropes. Randy Orton attacks Bryan when he had the Yes Lock on Reigns. Orton gets locked. The Shield attacks. I dropped water on my lap top. Yep, it’s late. Everyone empties from the locker room and attacks the Shield. Orton takes off. Seth Rollins is the last one in the ring because he’s the best seller. Why is this taking place on free TV? – Kevin

Brad Armstrong dead at 51

Sad news from the world of me watching Southern wrestling in the late ’80s and early ’90s: According to Prowrestling.net, Brad Armstrong (real name Robert James) was found dead in his home Thursday of causes yet to be announced. He had been treated recently for undisclosed medical issues.

Brad, one of the Armstrong family that included father “Bullet” Bob, and brothers Steve (of the Young Pistols), Scott (current WWE referee), and Brian (aka Road Dogg Jesse James), was known in circles as hilarious backstage but bland on camera despite his incredible in-ring work. He never rose far above midcard status in the NWA/WCW but wrestled his share of great matches against the likes of Bobby Eaton and Arn Anderson.

He was also given his share of shitty gimmicks from the “Throw It Against the Wall and See What Sticks Department.” Check out the videos below of Arachniman and Buzzkill for evidence of the genius minds behind WCW all throughout the ’90s.

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Wrestlemania

It’s been a crazy weekend. We’ve had lots of good food. We’ve had lots of good beer. Just not enough to be hung over which is a good thing. I’m still running around trying to make my world famous meatballs and tomato sauce. I’m finally ready as Justin Roberts announces, hold on, let’s roll.

Sheamus is the first man out. Glad Jeremy & I called this match. Of course, I think we both picked different guys to win. Mitchell Cool still doing the turn around on Daniel Bryan. We get our first bell 10 minutes into the match. Fucking really? I picked Sheamus but this is ridiculous. That’s not going to be much of a coronation of Sheamus into the main event. Team Johnny skit with the Miz acting like the leader. The rest of them ignore him. Johnny Wooden GM is looking pretty sharp. Why not go with the horn rimmed glasses and look more like Colonel Sanders?

I imagine I’ll get to type more this match. It’s Kane versus Randy Orton. Why did they show that replay? It looked like Kane barely kicked him. Orton gets some offense. I’m starting to realize I need to do more play by play than normal. No real angles will develop for me to riff on. The crowd chants “DDT”. First signs of life since the way too short match. The Best Honeymoon sign is a riot. I hope it’s true. Choke slam and for some reason Kane acts like a bitch after Orton kicks out. Second rope choke slam gets Kane the victory. I’m a big surprised. Pretty sure I picked Orton.

Mick Foley, Santino and Captain Keith. I haven’t watched Deadliest Catch in three or four years. We get a Ron Simmons appearance. Somewhat funny. We get review of Cody Rhodes and the Big Show. At least Rhodes picked a new outfit for Wrestlemania. Rhodes is wearing real knee pads. The Big Show is on offense to start the match. Rhodes doing a good job of going low on Show. Rhodes drops off the top rope to snap Show’s arm. Big show gets in a weak spear to avert a second Disaster kick. WMD for the IC Title change. Whoopee.

Beth Phoenix looks ridiculous with that head dress. Awful choice. Eve looks good. I missed Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos coming in. I don’t care. KK is taking it to Eve but for some reason tags in Maria. Beth finally gets her hands on Maria but only bear hugs her. Isn’t she more pissed at her than to doa bear hug? I know she’s working over the broken ribs but it looks weak. Maria kicks Eve out of the ring after she gloats. Beth backs off of KK’s hot tag. Stupid. That was a gutsy but stupid senton like move by KK. Kelly counters into a bulldog. At least it wasn’t a roll up for the win. Maria gets a the horse shit roll up for a win.

Cool stadium shot when they went outside of it for Taker‘s entrance. His get up looks normal. Glad I got in here for possibly the bald reveal. Is that supposed to be intimidating? A baby mohawk? Stay shaved at least. I missed HHH‘s entrance. Who cares. Ah fuck me. I lost the review of the start of the match. Anyway, Jeremy & I are enjoying this one so far. Taker had the early advantage. HHH is getting in the offense now. Shawn Michaels is getting more involved verbally with Taker. The sledge hammer shot doesn’t do in Taker. Shawn takes the sledge hammer away from HHH before he can squash his head like a grape. Taker locks Hell’s Gate on Michaels. HHH nails Taker with the sledge hammer. Taker low blows HHH. Taker locks in Hell’s Gate on HHH. Michaels is out. HHH slumps over. Charles Robinson comes down to unlock the cage. Chokeslam by Taker, HHH kick out of course. Robinson gets choke slammed. Super kick by Michaels. Pedigree. Kick out. Awesome. HHH pitches Shawn out of the ring. Taker is all over the offense. Tombstone. Shawn makes it back into the ring. Kick out. I like Michaels cowering in the corner. Second pedigree. Wow, that was close. Another kick out. The WWE gets going to shots of people not doing anything. HHH grabs the sledge hammer. Taker nabs a chair. They follow up with a good shot of Taker stepping on the sledge hammer. Shawn is starting to show concern for HHH as Taker assaults him with a chair. Worst cover ever. No one thought it’d end after a conversation. HHH makes us laugh with his pug impersonation. Crotch chop. Sledge hammer shot by Taker. Michaels has his back to proceedings. Tombstone. Three count. Awesome match. I tossed my tomato sauce onto my meatballs during post match happenings. I came back in here just in time to see the group hug on the stage.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Raw

The Rock is going to explode tonight.

No big surprise that we got a nice recap of John Cena running down the Rock. We get a recap of CM Punk vs  Daniel Bryan. Scott Armstrong still looks like the dumbest referee ever. Chris Jericho comes out after Punk hit the ring. Jericho claims that he never needed to say he was the best in the world. Jericho feeding right into Punk’s wheel house because he honed his craft before getting to the WWE. Glad Punk interrupted. Jericho was droning. Punk is destroying him. Jericho with a nice punch back by saying Punk has never faced anyone like him. The only guy I’d put in that category is John Cena. Dozens of Wrestlemania matches? I don’t think he’s been around for twelve. Might have to look that up later. Punk doing a good job here calling Jericho jealous. Punk stealing Cena’s line about wrestling loyalty.Jericho only came back to embarrass Punk. Too bad jobber to the stars is taking the L at Wrestlemania. Punk stumbling has been his only problem. Jericho stepped up but still was weaker. Daniel Bryan came down with AJ, Johnny Wooden GM & David Otunga. Bryan attacks Punk who was jawing from Johnny. Evidently Teddy wasn’t big enough to get an entrance.

Punk is on offense after the break. The bickering GMs get more TV time than the wrestlers. Jerry Lawler as usual can’t counter Mitchell Cool. I need beer. Bryan takes over after AJ blocks a suicide dive attempt. Another commercial. Ugh. Why is Punk hurt after the top rope elbow? Otunga & Santino cancel each other out. Somehow super Johnny Wooden GM disqualifies Punk for Sheamus throwing Bryan back into the ring. The crowd is going bananas for Teddy. Jericho ambushes Punk as the GMs bicker in the ring. Jericho slams him and slaps on the Walls of Jericho. That segment turned into a clusterfuck.

Really? More replay. I suppose this is what happens when participants in a Wrestlemania match wrestle about as often as the Rock. And commercial again. Those last three words were the only ones I typed before hitting the update button. That’s sad. I should be typing.

Kelly Kelly and Nikki Bella get a cold opening. KK thwarts Twin Magic. Another victory for the Diva’s Division. At least Trish Stratus is doing something in a chat room. Do they normally take this many commercials? Did the opening go that much too long?

John Cena hits the ring for what I hope isn’t a squash match. The Miz has a promo first. Fears are being alleviated. The Miz is Wrestlemania. I don’t mind over selling yourself but that’s a big one. By the way, is anyone surprised they’re saving his appearance for the main event? I didn’t think so. The Miz taking control of the match. Fears are being further dismissed. Of course they ignite as a Five Knuckle Shuffle and an Attitude Adjust seconds later. Oh, it really gets rubbed in with an STF. Ouch. Isn’t that what he did to Miz the first time he tried to climb the ladder. The Rock is warming up in the back. So Rock gets to do some cheesy camera tricks. That was stupid for a variety of reasons.

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WWE Releases Charlie Haas and Scott Armstrong

Over the weekend WWE released two more people. Really, it’s a “who cares” type of port but we have played out the “nuff said” or the “ zzzzzzz. So, let’s try the straightforward way of doing this.

Charlie Haas was released and really, who knew he had a job. You may remember him as one half o “The World’s Greatest Tag-Team” with Shelton Benjamin along side Kurt Angle. He was also a tag partner with Rico, um, you remember him right? He is married to Jackie Gayda, remember her? God damn he did nothing the entire time he was in WWE. How did he have a job this long with such a lackluster run? Well, it’s over now so who cares.

Referee Scott Armstrong was released as well and he’s a referee  so does this even matter? -Jeremy

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